Be me

You are probably ugly. Noone wants to work with uggos.

Unironically this

what website is that?

bump

I'm an antisocial NEET unemployed for 4 years. Is convenience store clerk above my skillset?

idk are you short? are you ugly?

Any degrees? Which skills? What jobs are you applying to?

Can't relate, I updated my linkedin profile when I graduated and people called me to give me a job 15 minutes later.

That's a great story OP, but cheer up bro, the only way now for you is up :^)

Is linkedin worth making a profile for?
I usually get email requests but tend to ignore them, always assumed they were spam or some shit

characteristics determine success quite heavily

yes

I got a handful of job offers every week on linkedin, I say it can be useful.

Ok real-talk. The problem is you're probably too honest.

See being successful in life is all about mastering the art of lying.

This means embellishing your resume & accomplishments, telling people what they want to hear, etc. Fake it till you make it isn't a meme.

ANSWER ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

God damn it, the thought of trying to dress up and embellish my NEET life, or uttering those job interview stock phrases like "dynamic motivated team player", is fucking harrowing to me.

Don't worry man. I'm a loser because I can't lie about myself. I feel physically sick or start laughing if I have to. Feel the same way doing it as I would tongue kissing my best friend. It's not so bad. I've only had pretty shitty jobs but I don't bit shit so it's fine. Sucks to be you if you want a family or even a gf however.

Don't buy useless shit I mean.

Odds are you're an ugly manlet

>>struggle doing odd freelance jobs for shit pay for the past 6 years

how is that possible? in 6 years of rentless living i could build an empire that pulls 200k a year through freelance. all you need is time, a pc and internet.

you're fucking retarded m8, just face reality.

you're probably just an antisocial autistic retard

Cheers I'll look into it

pic related is my cv. go ahead and laugh at it Veeky Forums being the heartless sociopaths you lot are...im going to kms eventually

my friend doesn't even use linkedin and he became partner.

No portfolio? Been coding for 4 years and have nothing to show for it?
Simple screenshots of programs you've coded, showing basic usage?
Pictures of any sample projects you've worked on?

This is a really shitty CV. It shows nothing about what you've done and what you can do.
Sell yourself harder man.

Curriculum isn't awful but the CV is. Use "deep tech" instead of "cryptocurrencies" if you apply for generic tech jobs. Tell more about your accomplishements and less about the day-to-day work.

what do you mean by portfolio? I have never built anything beyond a few hundred lines of code. I do most of my work on sites like fiverr and upwork. Most of my coding normally involves doing homework assignments for rich kids. But the competition is intense because every pajeet wants to do it aswell at half the price. If I'm lucky I can earn about £600 - £1000 a month. I do get to save most of it though because I still live with parents. Last year I managed to save £5000 though sadly I got into crypto quite late this year right at the top....

>wants to work

Fuck that. I have a job and it's terrible. I get paid well too. No amount of money is worth your time unless the time spent is doing what you want. If you can find a way to monetize your interests, you will make money doing what you love.

I know it sounds cliche. But it's worth a shot, especially if you're already on bottom. Like I said, I have a job, it's a shitty office job. I recently discovered how much I love metalworking, specifically blacksmithing. I've found I can earn up to 30k/year shaping metal, and that's just part time! If I become successful in doing what I love and go full time, i can make up to 70-80k, just heating and shaping metal!

So find put what you love to do and monetize it. If you don't know, get put their and learn some skills until you find one that works for you. Become your own boss, I'm about too.

Wait wait, you are a programmer, your friend is a lawyer? You can't compare apples and oranges.

My friend got married and had kids when he was 19. Made 80k straight out of college. I couldn't get a tax paying job until I was 27 and only made six figure income at 29.I'm a millionaire in crypto at 33 and my friend is divorces and out of a job. Tables turn.

There's a high probability that your attitude sucks. If you're a pessimistic type, or someone that airs too heavily on the side of caution people won't like you. If you're the kind of person to offer your two cents on how something CAN'T be done vs how it CAN be done, you won't be pleasant to be around. If you're shy, a know it all, or not smiling/laughing enough, you need to change all of that.

you don't have to lie if you believe the shit you saying

You're still lying then, only that you're lying to yourself. Most normies unironically believe they're the best thing ever which is why they come across as more genuine.

>Japanese
>Cryptocurrencies, politics and business
>on your CV

if this is not a larp honestly think suicide would be the best possible option for you now

holy shit you need to exaggerate way more

> never built anything beyond a few hundred lines of code.
> Most of coding involves doing homework assignments for rich kids.

> £600 - £1000 a month
> doing only Python homework coding gigs

if you think you will find answers in this board than you are a fool! but i will tell you this there is no answer . things are what they are deal with and stop looking at what others life look like. if you cant then experience quantum suicide

it's pretty clear you're completely out of the loop on the meta of data jobs. You need your GitHub profile link on there, some AWS work, etc. But cmon man, your resume feels like you didn't even try..

...

50 applications in 6 years? Lol, try 300 in 1.5 years.

holyshit, is that resume? no wonder no one call you for interview. literal garbage resume, i would have thrown that it in dustbin. improve skills dude, google is u r best frnd

OP is fuccking retard, by looking at resume he does not even try or improve. OP, u fuccking idiot, u r resume should improve alot, remove crap that is not needed for job. also add more description. if u r 6 yrs not working, no one give a fuck so add what ever u do, put it in resume and make it impressive. be marketer man, its u r failure than fate or some other bulshit

>developed interpersonal skills
>aka tried to cure my autism, but failed miserably

This is cringe worthy.

>working in team of 6

got 5th place

fuck, who will give u a job with that level for retarded resume. be good marketer, otherwise eevn in nxt decade u cant get job

no dumbfuck they worked in teams of 5, and their team of 5 got 5th place of all teams.

t. pajeet

>improve your skills
>bullshit more

improve with what exactly? i dont even have any relevant experience other than coding random homework assignments. even my past internships were shit tier no matter how much I sugar coat it with bullshit.

garbage in = garbage out.

>volunteer more
tried but didn't get selected in the places I applied to. if you mean volunteer to clean my uncle's car on the weekends, sure I've done that. but literally everyone is trying to volunteer to "get experience" these days that the competition is absolutely insane just to work for free

there were roughly 60 students left in my final year so 12 teams.

haha holy shit
i quit uni because i already had a programming job while i was just wasting time with it

just look at you, your entire education is pointless

your resume probably sucks user

learn how to make your skillset sound better and more confident

>just look at you, your entire education is pointless

it was. i barely remember any calculus or topology now. good thing my student loans will be written off after 30 years. if i was american I probably would shot up my university by now

bro get your math phd hear you get a free 300k a year then

OP it’s very possible that your friend is just way better at life than you. Some people have passion and drive that others without it will just never understand. They view it as luck. Everybody wants to be the champion on the podium with their hand raised, but nobody wants to put in the work.

>freelancer
Shows you have no real job skills and will settle for any small task that walks your way.

>intern whore
You've interned so much, you show you lack the backbone to ask for more. Seeing all those internships tells me you don't mind working for nothing as well as showing little desire or demand for anything more.

>part-time stockboy
Everyone has to start somewhere. In this case however, it's not relevant. Keep it off your resume unless you're applying for a position that requires you to stock shelves of ring items up all day. Customer service in the stockboy/cashier field is minimal.

This resume needs serious work. Research resumes and what employers look for in applicants. Generalizing all your experiences makes for a boring, uninteresting resume. Resumes are to be tailored for each position you apply for. I remember while job hunting, having 5 different resumes. Each one with different skills and life experiences relevant for the specific position. Employers don't want to know EVERYTHING you can do, just that you have the skills to do the job they want you to do.

jesus just pay $5 on fiverr.com for someone to create a normal CV for you lmao

Same situation. Up 481 resumes as of last week over a year. March 2018...car less. Jobless. Homeless. Got nothing to my name. Haven't been able to afford seeing my kids for around 2 years.

Started around 2013..so far 2018 is looking like a pile of shit full of the same sketchy business as the past 4 years

read Seneca

>held one job for 6 months
>25
>live at home
>won't finish uni until 28
Just fuck me up.

You need to sell yourself more with the descriptions of your past jobs. You sound like a depressed person with this CV.

Continue doing freelancing work and build your portfolio. In the meantime, look for areas of the industry which need people, jobs are plentiful, and standards are lowered. Look at the postings and look at what they're searching for in candidates. Do everything listed. Get certifications, doing continuing education, make yourself just 10% better than what they want.

Just get a foot in the door somewhere and don't be an autistic weirdo. The work may not be appealing but honestly the hardest part is getting the first step in. Once inside the system you'll have more opportunity for vertical or horizontal movement.

You should have made connections while in college but there's no going back on that now. Connections I made 5 years ago have paid off many times over for me in regards to opportunities I've had as a result. The next best thing you can do is find an area you're guaranteed to get work and dive in. Get your connections that way.

I don't like CV's. It's for normies who pretend to be something the work market wants.

That being said this thread is interesting for the questions you ask.

Life is not easy or hard, everyone has problems, try to have a positive perspective, at least no one broke your heart yet.
Go on a trip backpacking around the world. Find what really makes you happy and stop trying to be "normal"

For a job, the best is to have contacts. For example you could find work at your mom or dad's workplace ? Friend's workplace?

Consider doing something actually hard, easy and fun like working on a farm or pocking fruits. It makes you happy.
Consider volunteering.
Join a community, for exemple start using drugs and make a lot of new friends on the drug scene, or find a music genre you like and attend all the local events featuring this kind of music, you will get to know all the guys from this scene.
Chess club, anything-club

Read books. philosophy, spirituality, psychoanalysis

Life is like a movie that you are watching in cinema, stop complaining about how it is and enjoy it as it is instead.

Very important lifehacks:
go outside
walk
dance
do yoga and exercise

karma exists, but you got the definition wrong. Karma is what you do, and what happens to you. The concept of karma implies that there is no difference between this two things. Understand this. There is no difference between what you do and what happens to you. There is balance in the universe, good and bad, happiness and sadness, pleasure and pain, left and right, black and white everything balances in the end.

> I have never built anything beyond a few hundred lines of code.
> Most of my coding normally involves doing homework assignments for rich kids.

Code something, ANYTHING, just to build a portfolio.
Learn to code a mobile app, make a simple pong game, take screenshots and a screenshot of the appstore page of your game.
Make another simple game like minesweeper, do it again. Make a flappy bird clone, etc.

Soon you'll have a portfolio, you might even have a small passive income stream (from ads, or even in-app purchases if you add unlockables like skins). If you have a recognizable brand like "Ketchapp" people might even be on the lookout for your next app.

Do projects that other people will see as "SOMETHING WORTHWHILE", something you can BRAG about in your CV.
Doing homework for rich kids for 4 years is NOT "something worthwhile".

Then maybe you can get a job as a mobile game developer (which is like $100,000 per year), or just live off of the passive income provided by your creations.

You need to put at least 5 bullet points of description for each job. Use action words like: enhanced, improved, implemented, etc.

What jobs are you applying for? A math degree is kinda worthless, honestly without a PhD. Companies will look for pure comp sci degrees for coding jobs, not math. Maybe go back to school and get a comp sci degree if that's what you want.

Otherwise you will need to aggressively build up your coding portfolio. Work on open source projects and build up your work resume so it eclipses your math degree.

No. Just means it's time to quit and stop bothering to struggle. There is no point to education or career development. There simply just is no longer any need to strive or help anymore.

There is no carrot anymore and the horse and cart starve to death in all people's lives.

Math degrees are worthless now. All science and engineering degrees are worthless. Education is worthless.

Might makes right is the only way now.

eh this is a pretty lazy resume. put some more work into it, exaggerate some shit and lie if you have to.

The "freelancer since 2014" thing kind of sounds like you've just been sitting around at home doing nothing for the past few years except a few odd jobs on fivarr. Pretend that you've held some shitty low pay factory or fast food job during that time, because it looks like a huge gap in employment. Hiring managers can see through a lot of bullshit, so most will raise their eyebrows at "freelancer since 2014."

Are you me? I should have never taken chemistry....

>Japanese (basic proficiency)

>is it just some sick twisted AI simulation we are living in and my suffering is just pleasure for the sadistic fuck who is playing this game?
You'll know if you ever get stuck in a pool.

I didn't sit around and do nothing. I did a lot of online courses and certifications. But then I found out employers don't really consider online courses so I left them out of my cv.

well now that you mention it, when i was learning programming i did make all sorts of applications. do examples from codeacademy and treehouse count in my github portfolio?

>What jobs are you applying for?

Just entry level coding jobs. But the requirements are always so ridiculous that I don't even stand a chance.

>You need to put at least 5 bullet points of description for each job. Use action words like: enhanced, improved, implemented, etc.
Just give me abour 1 hour, I'll try to redo my cv.

I have the feeling that web design / web development is an easy way to earn a decent amount of money. Learning webdev languages isn't hard and normie customers still don't know how easily a website can be made. My first job was in web development and I had almost no experience

coin.fyi

Law of attraction, confidence, and karma dawg. I've been living by this my whole life and good shit just keeps coming my way.

>Hey where'd the door go?
>I'm hungry...
>I gotta pee...
>ugh, where's the door?! Hello!
> I'm starving.
>fuck, I just pissed myself..
>I'm lonely
>WHERE'S THE DOOR!
>I'm exhausted.
>SOMEBODY TALK TO MEEEE!
>I'm just... gonna... collapse over... here...

>freelance since 2013
>nothing more to put on resumes besides "meet strict deadline"

I have a friend that says he's trying his hardest to find a job and blamed the job market

His resume looked like yours and I yelled at him and all I got in return was friends telling me to"let him live his life"

Bro from one Veeky Forumstard to another please make a Resume like this

...

>You sound like a depressed person with this CV.

This is so true.

What you put:
Interest: Cryptocurrencies

What you should put:
Interest: Blockchain applications, cryptography, emerging financial technologies

BUZZWORDS MAN. Buzzwords.

This looks really boring, but it can be fixed.
Spice it up with more aesthetic formatting, and have juicier descriptions in the relevant work.

Just quit looking OP. There's nothing out there. Don't bother retooling for education either. There's nothing waiting for you after the degree and energy.

Just go on welfare and quit trying so hard. There is no point to contributing into the system since there is nothing functional in terms of an economy.

:(

please tell me this is an improvement. i followed your advice and tried to bullshit as much as i can with whatever shitty experience i have. honestly dont know what else to improve other than actually getting a full time job to include more experience.

>You should have made connections while in college

theres just that one guy i know which I mentioned in my OP, and maybe a few others. though I honestly dont have any friends in the sense that can help me out desu. i found it difficult to make friends at university and often just stuck around in the library or common room by myself.

this is a bad CV
this is a decent CV

lots of good advice ITT, you need to play the game a little not just throw vague things like this
a half-decent CV takes 2 hours and it's the first thing most recruiters will see about you. put yourself in their shoes, if it looks like the candidate can't even put 2 hours of effort why should they think he's going to be a valuable asset?

good news is this is completely fixable, if you have a degree, programming experience and follow the tips ITT you can land a job in a few days

The biggest improvement you can make to this is actually having a portfolio.
What kind of freelance work did you do? Is any of it public? Do you have any screenshots final products?

It is way better. The project thing where you scored 5th is shit tho. Reword it, remove the ranking since it's nothing to be proud of and focus on what you delivered.

I have never been jealous of a man that I knew well. If you envy your friend then their is a good chance you don't see everything in his life. The grass is always greener yadda yadda.

this is an improvement over your previous CV
thoughts:
do not say "dozens of satisfied clients", makes you sound vague. better to put an actual number (if you think it's two dozens just say "over 20", for example), and better to put that number on accomplishments rather than people ("delivered over 20 projects" > "delivered projects to more than 20 clients")
scrap that "developed strong interpersonal skills" line entirely, it makes you sound like an autist
ditto with "gained the ability to work", you're not trying to project the image of you learning, but of you having already learned. "worked in a fast paced business environment" would already be better, but obviously this needs better wording
5th place for best presentation is not something worth saying either, best not to mention it
if you can put any number anywhere, especially dollars, that's always good. you had an internship in a company? then "worked in a fast paced business environment" becomes "worked in a fast paced business environment handling $8M+ in yearly sales"

either way you've already improved upon your original, good going

Honestly man, lie. I put on my resume I worked at this company for 2 years (something relevant to your position) just made up a name, if they say you they cant find it just say some small company 10-15 people, went bankrupt last year. Everyone is a crook a lie and a cheat, level the playingfield. Everything you need to learn in on youtube.

ur momism

>f they say you they cant find it just say some small company 10-15 people, went bankrupt last year.

I would do this but sadly in the UK the government keeps a record of all bankruptcies gov.uk/search-bankruptcy-insolvency-register

Nearly impossible to fake your work history unless you have friends who are willing to set up a private limited company in their name and then answer the phone when the interviewer does a background check. I think some people actually do that but they've become popular over the years that employers blacklist them now.

Much much better. Keep following advice ITT you'll be gucci in the coochi.

I like that you followed my layout from , try to do what I did with putting bullet points one indent away from the category, Italicize your company name (you cant see it here but like right under my "financial analyst intern" its italicized, try putting location and date on right side to balance out the page.

Also dont be afraid to use a smaller font i used Calibri size 10/

I've reviewed tons of resumes. Very first thing that I see here is from 2014 to 2018 you have basically done nothing according to your resume. You need to take at least 1/3 of the page to explain what the fuck you have been doing those years. Do bullet points for all the different projects and what they were for. Do not go into too much technical bs, no one cares. Don't list ur part time high school job. I've never seen anyone care what your individual grades were user, don't list that.

What said
> Very first thing that I see here is from 2014 to 2018 you have basically done nothing according to your resume

Sound busy. Sell yourself.
Drop ACTUAL numbers.
Something like:

2014-2018
Freelancer
- Successful projects for xxx clients
- Programming tasks (short modules and libraries) written using Python, Excel macros
- Virtual assistant tasks (creating presentations in Powerpoint, Excel formula maintenance, editor/proofreading tasks)
- XX/10 star rating on my freelancer profile here by XX clients
Reviews by xx clients available on my freelancer profiles:
- Upwork page link: xxxxx
- Fiverr page link: xxxxx