You are invited for a job interview at very successful financial firm

>you are invited for a job interview at very successful financial firm
>this guy sits in front of you waiting for the same interview
>he is your competition

What do you do Veeky Forums

I say hi to him and wish him the best. May the better man win

talk to him
lie about my work history and accomplishments to intimidate him

suck is cock

but he will obviously get the job, doesnt matter if he knows shit about the job. His charm and looks will win anyone over.
How do you overcome him

just shoot the breeze with him if he's cool, i'm a chill guy it's nothing personal

nothing
he looks like a spoiled rich kid
if he's got a friend in the company and this interview is just a show for legal concerns, he's going to get hired no matter what i do
otherwise, being more competent and more likeable i'll get the job

Leave and not waste any more time with pointless interview.

the only right answer

Dox him and tell him something happened to his family by relaying to the company

You assume he looks better than me. I have come to know that my silence is charming.

That guy's dressed like shit
Also
>Job interview

I talk to him in a pleasant manner like I would a potential future colleague or business partner.

I piss his pants. That'll show him

Tell my future boss how he touched some womans ass passing by

what a nice way of saying you're an asshole.

Why are you so insecure

Look him straight in the eye and start masturbating. The Sunny Lu method.

I get the job hopefully lol obviously they're probably going to interview other people

kneepads

People assume that, due to my demeanor yet they always approach me and say u seemed like such an arrogant bla bla bla, but you not.

>hey you know that guy who was sitting in the waiting area before me?
>he kept telling me how his friend's dad's company is way better
>he said he's only trying to get this position so he can ruin the competition

unironically this. his dick is massive and his cum like nectar.

>interview
>dog bowl on floor
what kind of turbo-wank job am I even applying for?

Honestly I'm fitter and my suit actually suits me. Plus I have beautiful blue eyes. Got my chances.

>feel uncomfortable bc my shitty clothes
>make guy into asshole in my head
>convince myself didn't really want job anyway
>go home masturbate to cuck porn
>shitpost Veeky Forums till feel better

hi doppelganger

When he goes to the CR, rape him then rub it in his face that he can't even defend his manhood. This will erode his confidence and he won't be able to do the interview securing your employment.

This other guy is a fucking pussy. I am the baddest motherfucker this office will ever see and will get this job. Zero doubt.

in that case you might want to retract your prior statement.

invest in a nice suit. people will treat you better.

Small head user
Small head never wins

hill him ethpyramid

ask him if he's heard of chainlink

fuck off chad

then suck his dick because he is a cutie

No. I've been on Veeky Forums for 8 years, can't get out anymore.

also teach him to tie his laces properly, seriously how the fuck do you fuck up it shit bad

Pull out my Letter opener of death and go all toshiro mifune on his pasty ass.

say h-hi and walk out the door

sleep dart him so he can't attend his interview and win because no competition

>Yeah I made 35% last year trading stocks
>Yeah I made 10k% last year trading crypto

>dat nose

You stretch the truth to your employer obviously.

As my resume says, i am very adept at analyzing trends that are following systemic shifts in our society. In a peer review group, I tested one of my algorthymic patterns against a standard that was given, and it managed to perform 67 percent better than the others. If you hire me on, I would be more than happy to find places to apply my findings to increase the overall efficiency and cohesion of your business.

Look of He wears a Brown belt, If Not, i'd recommend him: Brown Shoes, Brown Belt

and it looks like he has nice bubble butt as well, fuck i want him to ravage my ass so bad

>pull down pants
>3 inch baby dick but ripped

or

>fat, hairy daddy
>10 inch monster cock

Which?

>His charm and looks will win anyone over.
All companies want to be like google, so they might hire the awkward nerd.

tell that insecure faggot to go home before he makes a clown of himself

He clearly won't get the job simply because of his looks. This is not a sales job, they want the sweaty autists. While he's making babies, I'm making money

UNHHHH ME user ME WANT YOUR JOB

>bisuness and finance
both are bad, 10 inch is stupidly too big, won't let him anywhere near my ass
3 inch is just too small for anything, fuck even i have a bigger dick lmao
i mean i can lick 10 incher but its not going anywhere so there is no fun in that
don't really care if he's hairy or not down there, clean shaved would be better though because hair in mouth is just not a good thing

>heavily polished shoes that have clearly just been bought for this occasion
>no identifiable club tie, signet ring, or emblem identifying him as part of any organization that would advantage him here
>in the process of retying his tie

I wish the kid the best of luck and shoot the breeze with him a bit, but I don't think that this is going to go his way.

>not dedicating your life to pleasing him

>not knowing your limits
i'd say 6.5 is absolutely perfect, 5 is good enough, 7-8 is literally on the limit, anything bigger than that is just painful and pointless

I don't know my limits. I just want to make people happy.

you can't make people happy if you're not happy yourself

Try to use my life long experience as class clown to entertain the manager into giving me the job over that wagecuck chad.

I don't know how to do that. I just exhaust myself making them happy and then they leave me.

Faggot

>waiting for the same interview

where is this normal behavior?
who doesn't stagger their interviews in a way to avoid precisely this sort of situation?

just stop being a slut(larper in this case) stable relationship with one guy is much better than jumping from one cock to another

This.

>Implying that my charm and looks are below him.

Fart in his general direction

This

Tell him I’ve got a 12 inch shaft with a straight face and then wink at him

wtf is this shitty building? so im attending an interview as pajeet?

>he is your competition
I grapple him and pin him face down on the ground, then to establish dominance I rape his asshole repeatedly. Once he is throughly mindbroken I withdraw my member from his puckering asshole and tell him he is my new cock slave. I then rape the guy conducting the interview, regardless of whether I got the job or not.

I look like Nosferatu from vampire the Masquerade. Either 1: he will get the job because boss thinks I'm a mutant. 2: I try to charm him and he leaves because he thinks I'm going to eat him.

>Job interview
>fashion show
>just give up

OP is likely a neckbeard that didn't get a job because a non-obese candidate applied near the same time as him and didn't stare at the interviewers crotch the whole time while leaving a sweaty ass print on the chair.
Give up at everything, OP and never leave your house.

Im larping, I'm too old to worry about this shit, I'm a contractor, moneys good, suits unnecessary, I wouldn't be comfortable in it anyway, comfort in your own skin, there is no better feeling

Whats hilarious about this is that I actually had this EXACT scenario in real life. inb4 I'm lying, I couldn't make this shit up if my life depended on it.

>be me, 21, junior in college
>worked shitty pleb jobs like waiter, bartender, and construction all through college to afford cost of school and living. my parents were divorced and poor so they didn't pay for any of my shit.
>through all this work I learned how to interact with adults in a workplace, specifically how to be chill and handle all the insane personalities (waitresses on coke, anger-management chefs, etc.)
>summer comes, somehow manage to get a gig interning at a firm on wall street. not as prestigious as Goldman Sach's, JP Morgan, etc., but still making hundreds of millions annually
>i'm the only intern out of around 50 who's not from a top 50 school, I was probably the last kid to make the cut.
>all the interns look just like pic related, brand new custom tailored $1000+ suit, rollex or some other fancy watch, some faggy patterned socks, slicked back hair.
>i have a #3 buzzcut, a $50 suit from H&M, and one of my dads old ties. their socks probably cost more than my whole outfit.
>first day on the internship, we're all brought out to the trade desk to see where we'll be sitting. it was like a scene from wolf of wall street.
>traders are screaming at the top of their lungs, cursing, throwing phones, PC's are going off like crazy with different custom sound effects every time a trade goes through
>start smiling. this feels like home to me, just like another day at work. my past coworkers were twice as insane as this, they would literally do lines of coke in the middle of the kitchen mid-shift.
>look to my left and right, 90% of the ivy-league coddled kiddies who have never worked a day in their life look like deer in headlights. one kids jaw actually dropped and his mouth was just hanging open.

CONTINUED IN NEXT COMMENT

>look to my left and right, 90% of the ivy-league coddled kiddies who have never worked a day in their life look like deer in headlights. one kids jaw actually dropped and his mouth was just hanging open.
>we're seperated and shown to our seats. i'm in a corner with 3 other interns, and about 20 traders.
>sit down, start reading the paper on my keyboard about how to log in, use the phone, submit my timesheet, etc.
>trader across from me, who I later learned refers to himself as "big ticket" is on a call, but puts it on mute for a second, pulls out his wallet, looks to me and says this exact quote that I will never forget, "hey fucko, get us some coffee," and literally takes out a wad of 20's and throws it in my face.
>having worked plenty of jobs, I realize this is typical hazing. they probably do this every year to try and scare off the unworthy interns.
>i honestly feel like shit that this guy just threw money in my face, but in the back of my mind i'm laughing uncontrollably at how crazy this place is.
>pick up the cash, it added up to $240. not sure what the fuck to do with all of it, so I grab the only other intern I saw who didn't look like he was paralyzed in fear, and head to dunkin donuts.
>get $60 worth of coffee and munchkins to be shared by everyone in our corner, and pocket the rest of the cash.
>when people see the munchkins they stampede over to my desk like animals. these people are literally millionaires, but a couple of shitty little doughnuts make them act like they're starved african children.
>"big ticket," sees that I've handled this task without panicking or reporting him to HR like a bitch and nods in approval. puts his call on mute again, "alright munchkin, hop on 4228. if i hear a fucking peep out of you you're gone." (4228 was his phone line)
>to this day i don't think he knows my real name, he and the rest of the office only knew me as "munchkin," but that summer he taught me invaluable knowledge about trading and markets.

>fast forward to my final semester of senior year, waiting in the hallway with a friend for class to start.
>phone rings, it's the HR bitch from the firm. >"Hi user, hope all has been well, just calling to let you know we'd like to make you an offer to be a full-time employee. base salary is 200k before bonus, commission, and overtime."
>i assumed that my intern experience would be my only time on wall street, and that after graduation i would likely work some shitty $40k/year job. I hadn't even gotten any other job offers yet, and graduation was 2 months away.
>remain completely calm and professional on the phone, "okay thanks for the information, i'll have to compare to some other offers, weigh my options and get back to you."
>hang up the phone, throw backpack and books in the air and start running up and down hallway jumping around and laughing like a maniac screaming "I'M RICH BITCH!"
>friend: "dude, what the fuck is going on?
>"200k mothafuckaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"
>tfw i was one of 3 kids from the internship program who got hired
>tfw i finally beat the pampered ivy league faggots, and all those years of grinding and barely scraping by to pay bills finally payed off
>tfw im "working from home" today because I've been at the firm more than 10 years and can basically do whatever I want.

Moral of the story Veeky Forums, FUCK those little pampered ivy league pussies. They're all flash and no substance, and 90% of them peak in high school or college. I'm just writing this to let you guys know, if you're an autistic fuck like me who has no confidence in themselves and thinks others are better than them because they can afford a fancy suit and a full ride to a nice school, just know that couldn't be further from the truth.


Also, I can already assume people will ask what my portfolio is. In this market, unless you're trying to turn $100 into $10,000, there's no reason to stray from the essentials in my opinion. 60% BTC, 20% ETH, 10% NEO, 10% OMG.

>To be honest, you're less qualified than our previous candidate
>and he's a guy that spends 80% of his free time shitposting on Veeky Forums.
>Tell me, what other skills can you bring to the table?
I'm sure YOU will get that cushy office job next to the director's office, user.

You sat here are typed all that shit out.
FUCKING KEK"D
Oh the life you need.

so now you shitpost on Veeky Forums
shit story 3/10

user, a $5,000 hamburger doesn't taste any better than a $50 hamburger.

What is this "life" you speak of user?

Fucking lots of beautiful women? Done that.
Making shitloads of money, owning nice propery, and going on expensive vacations? Done.
Doing different drugs and alcohol, partying like a maniac? Done.

After living many years and doing lots of crazy shit in this life, I realized that my favorite things to do are not the things society tells you you're supposed to want. The same things I used to do in college are what make me the happiest. Smoke some weed, play some vidya, chill on Veeky Forums, and just relax.

Fuck i actually read your story and imagined it in my mind like it was a movie. Beautiful.
So you actually still work there? How much you make per year? Whats your position?

>invaluable knowledge about trading and markets.

tell us about this!

Lol thanks brah, thinking of writing a book about all the crazy shit I've experienced one day. Wall Street is nothing like that anymore, it's become a total PC feminazi HR-regulated safe space.

Yeah I still work there, I'm a "Managing Director," which is just some generic corporate title. Basically I overlook and manage a small team of traders and analysts. Salary is $1,200,000 before bonus, end of the year after taxes and bonus I make about $1,500,000 give or take.

im better looking and have more muscle why would i care?

You're so full of shit, it's oozing from between every line of your posts. You did drugs? wow, man I'm like in awe of your amazing #YOLO life, you filthy rich wall street trader

well most of it is common knowledge nowadays, but at the time it was invaluable to me. One thing that was unique and can maybe actually be valuable for you: I work a lot with Asian companies, or companies who do lots of business there, as did "big ticket" when he was mentoring me. The most important thing I learned in regards to that was how much more intelligent than westerners they are in terms of planning.

Companies in the US almost always have a "5 year plan," but you'll never hear them thinking longer than 5 years ahead. Even then, their 5 year plan is usually just a broad guideline of goals that are there for employee morale, and to have a selling point when talking to clients. Usually they look something like: Earn 5% market share, raise profits by 500k, expand business to Canada, or some other basic shit like that. This is the downfall of places like Blockbuster, Toys R' Us, etc.

In Asia, Japan for example, companies have entire departments dedicated to determining what will be happening in their market, and how they can profit off it, in a 20 year timeframe MINIMUM. These peoples entire jobs are dedicated to ensuring that their company is future-proof. They're willing to pay these people very good money, even though at the current time, and even for the next 20 years, those people will not make any profit for the company.

Basically the moral of the story there is that you should apply these principles to your life. The more you invest now in your long-term goals, the easier it will be when the time comes to execute them. To relate it back to crypto and Veeky Forums, really think to yourself: in 20 years, will all these shitcoins still exist, or will companies like Amazon and Google enter the space and exterminate 99% of the alts? If that's the case, are you holding alts in an attempt to flip them, or do you think you're enough of a chart-reading genius to determine exactly when the giant sell-offs will happen? Just food for thought.

feel free to believe that. i'm not bragging about doing drugs, or trying to sound cool. I was just trying to let that guy know that whatever he considers "having a life," i've already done and honestly didn't enjoy that much.

browse blockfolio in eye range of the interviewer and let him see my balance

I do feel free thanks :)

Tell the interviewers "other guy applying just told me he has 3k XRB, that guy fucks"

ask him if he is here to interview for the senior cum receptacle job opening, then show him my gaping anus

lol you larping faggot. after fucking beautiful women and visiting beautiful places i decided to instead post on Veeky Forums. you are so full of shit and i really do hate you for it

>In Asia, Japan for example, companies have entire departments dedicated to determining what will be happening in their market, and how they can profit off it, in a 20 year timeframe MINIMUM. These peoples entire jobs are dedicated to ensuring that their company is future-proof. They're willing to pay these people very good money, even though at the current time, and even for the next 20 years, those people will not make any profit for the company.

oh yeah Japan? The country thats population is shrinking because they didn't 'plan' to continue having babies? god damn you

Never said their government was intelligent, just their fortune 500 companies.

Again, believe what you wish. If you ever do wind up making a bit of money though, I bet you 100% of it you'll do the exact same thing I did: do everything society tells you you're supposed to enjoy, then go back to doing what you actually enjoy.

do some old wall street pissing money antics like grab a trip and drop everybody in this thread 1 eth

ok, post a picture of your bank account. u can edit personal details but i want to see deposits and a post it note that says "i am a cum drinking faggot"

fuck off back to puahate faggot

alright sounds good to me. to make it ture "old wall street" like you said, whoever gets trips decides where I donate 10 ETH. You can choose yourself and be selfish, or choose everyone in this thread and I'll distribute it evenly among every ETH address posted.

>believe what you wish xd
#1 sign of a larping faggot