Has your cooking ever gotten you laid, Veeky Forums?

I agree, that isn't a real thing. If you aren't OK with being friends with some girl, then don't hang out with her, or just keep trying to fuck her and she will either have sex with you, or get sick of your shit and not be around you....I really dont get why "friendzone" is a real thing. I only have one actual friend thats a girl and I dont wanna fuck her. I dont get it why someone cant choose to be friends with a girl or not.

Also, no, cooking has never gotten me sex. I cook for the girls I have sex with and they seem to not care that much.
>oh this is good user, thanks...
meanwhile her dumbass can't even make a tortilla without fucking everything up

A woman's cooking has gotten me to get laid with said woman. She was cute, but kinda tubby. I hope she's ok.

As for my cooking, it has gotten me offering to become a house-husband, but not laid.

My nachos got me laid and married...lol

it has definitely helped

Yes.
Also have came on gf's food.

story pls

2nd'd for story

I want your nachos.

No.
I only come here when I'm hungry/feel like rating pizza.

Nachos supreme w/carne asada

You want nachos spiked with date rape drugs and laxatives?

/Pol/ would like a word with you...

my tinder profile says 'i teach guitar and i cook real good'. so probably, yes.

my cooking not but I did broke up a few times if the bitch couldn't cook.

The bitch was already into me but I have two stories related to her.
>making carne on my shitty grill
>chop jalepenos, bell peppers, onions
>don't wash hands
>probably burnt that shit I don't remember
>fingerbang this girl with jalepeno fingers
>she is in immense pain and doesn't know why
>I Immediately realize how fucking stupid I am
>still never told her to this day lmao

>Same chick
>bouta get my freak on
>even after jalepeno pussy poppin' cock blockin'
>dick won't get hard
>go make some burgers and smoke some
>cum back and serve burger
>proceed to fuck that bitch to schleep

these are not interesting or impressive stories and you sound like you just want to tell people you've had sex.

nu male detected

you are friends with girl
you want to have sex with girl
she does not want to have sex with you

the friend zone

You miss the thread title?

I made a chicken pot pie from scratch, got head later on. Tried to stick it in her butt in the living room but her dad was outside cutting grass.

that filename is so angry, OP.

and no. cooking is an attractive trait, but not one that makes women want to sleep with you.

>cooking is an attractive trait, but not one that makes women want to sleep with you.

because all people are the same

>she does not want to have sex with you
>you continue to be her emotional tampon with hopes that someday she'll change her mind

that's the "friend"zone that YOU put YOURSELF in.

if you want to fuck her and not doing so is negatively impacting your "friendship" then drop her. women do this ALL THE FUCKING TIME. they are stone cold and will drop a guy in an instant if she wants the D but he doesn't act like he's trying to fuck her. any claims by women that it's somehow a bad thing to end a "friendship" because she won't sleep with you is extremely hypocritical.

I got laid one night and she fell asleep so the next morning I cooked a steak on my foreman grill and made eggs. I told her "You don't have to tell me what happened, but you do have to eat this"

because most people are the same. the amount of women who will become physically or emotionally aroused just because a guy can heat food is so small as to be a non-issue.

no woman is going to be like "well I wasn't really feeling it at all, but as soon as he took that caserole out of the oven my panties slid down my thighs from how instantly wet they were"

like i said, it's an attractive trait in general, but it does not make people want to fuck you.

But most women just don't get aroused, period

A few do, but they'll get aroused at literally anything, the more disgusting the better

Women who enjoy sex are basically sluts from their first period and no matter what you do, the juices start dripping down their thighs, spreading HPV everywhere and stinking up the room

If anything displaying "domesticated" traits is not a turn on for these women, but rather, the opposite. Because the last thing they want is to be limited to just one man's semen

Basically you are either a pure virgin or a depraved whore, and a pure virgin doesn't want you because you are a bad person. The whore doesn't want *you* per se, but she'll have sex with you because she is mentally ill

tl;dr cooking doesn't "get you laid" but it is a useful life skill, like knowing how to change the oil in your car, or finding the abortion pill in that short window of time when you still have her attention before she runs off and anonymously has your hellspawn

> the amount of women who will become physically or emotionally aroused just because a guy can heat food is so small as to be a non-issue.

oh fuck off. being a good cook can demonstrate a variety of attractive skills or traits and it can make people feel comfortable, stimulated or whatever. it's not about 'heating food'.

>well I wasn't really feeling it at all, but as soon as he took that caserole out of the oven my panties slid down my thighs from how instantly wet they were

no one said that. when people say something 'gets you laid' it doesn't mean it defies all other aspects of your being that are otherwise repulsive and snatches victory back from the jaws of fucking defeat. it just means there was some causative relationship between you doing something and someone wanting to fuck you.

As someone who's primary way of getting laid is cooking for girls, lemme break it down for you:

Step 1 is to make the girl comfortable enough for them to come to your place for you to cook. There are a lot of creeps out there and girls will be rightfully wary of a stranger being like "come back to my place", so if you If you're meeting them via the internet or via an acquaintence. that means cooking for them is not viable until the second date. On your first date (over coffee or a drink, no meal, 45 minutes tops), you casually mention that you have a passion for cooking. Subtly talk up how good you are at it at some point--don't outright brag, but talk about how you finally nailed a recipe you've been trying to get right for a while or something like that. Your only goal is to establish enough rapport that you're not a creep (if you're not a creep, this should be relatively easy).

Step 2: Tell them via text that you were hoping you could regale them with your cooking skills and were wondering when they were free. Set up the date earlier in the evening so she'd have time to get home from your place. Act like you're earnestly interested in cooking for her--ask her any dietary restrictions or cuisine preferences or favorite foods (but only do this once, don't grill her). If you sign up for a farm share (which you should, because they're awesome) say "i've been really hoping to use this great X that I just got". Basically, make it so that you don't expect her to fuck you for cooking for her/make it seem like it's not a ploy to get into her pants. Tell her to bring wine and specify what type of wine. She'll probably bring shitty wine so have a good bottle on hand.

(continued)

Step 3: Cook something good. A protein (with pan sauce) + starch + vegetable is a good, safe combination. Make it aesthetically pleasing, and easily palatable. Use plenty of butter without making it greasy. Put a tablecloth on your dining room table, break out nicer plates. Try and get everything done before she gets there (pre-cook and reheat the sides if you have to), but even if she gets there early offer her a glass of wine while you finish (bring a chair to the kitchen so she's not standing around awkwardly). Also, try not to get things so smoky that the fire alarm goes off.

Step 4: Before she gets there, make your place not a shithole--clean up and take out the trash, make your bed, etc. Your roommate can be there (it'll make it seem less like a booty call) but make sure he or she knows what's up so they can duck out once things get a little more intimate. Keep the lighting low and light a few good-smelling candles to absorb any strange odors. Put Drake's Nothing Was the Same, Frank Ocean's Channel Orange or Beyonce's Self-titled on your stereo. Don't put on anything that will have ads because it will kill the mood.

Step 5: Eat the delicious food you made, accept compliments to your food graciously and don't be self deprecating--in fact, feel free to ask her "what do you think?" if she doesn't complement your food. Drink wine to loosen up. Talk, laugh. Ask her if she wants the "grand tour" and go for the kiss when she's in your bedroom. You're on your own from there.

> On your first date (over coffee or a drink, no meal, 45 minutes tops)

why

>Sour grapes permavirgin: The Post

cooking no.....I got a handjob once as a thanks for buying a girl some nuggets from BK

What do you think "virgin" means, whore?

Protip: look in the mirror. It's the opposite of you

your first date isn't even a real date. it's a "feel each other out" type of experience. You don't want to overstay your welcome and you don't want to be stuck in a shitty date if she sucks.

>your first date isn't even a real date. it's a "feel each other out" type of experience. You don't want to overstay your welcome

what does that mean

restricting it to 45 fucking minutes sounds a bit insecure to me

just go get a drink see what happens

I fuck on the first date. soooo......

>getting shitfaced is the only way to meet women after college
Fuck my life

Yes...It's the only way I can get laid....

did i say anything about getting shitfaced

christ dude it is just painfully obvious you have very little dating experience

you can do that. I've never found extending a first date beyond the initial meet/feel each other out did much to improve my chances on the second date.

I actually found somewhat of an inverse relationship--the more I left them wanting more the more they were likely to want to see me again. YMMV i guess vOv

Who the fuck dates anymore? You have casual sex or try out a relationship, dating is archaic where I'm from.

>it's not shitfaced unless there's memory loss and acts of violence
>5 drinks is "just buzzed"
This is why I hate hookup culture

you're trying too hard you straightedge little faggot

everyone still dates, stop reading clickbait articles

I am not sure if cooking has pushed anyone over the edge, but i'd like to think so.

if i had a fucking penny everytime a chick asked me "you are a chef??? when will you cook for me?" i'd be fucking rich.

for me personally my job(chef) always helped me somehow but personally it pisses me off because i'm bombarded with stupid questions every time and most of the time those questions get repeated from different people............ UUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH.............

Do dirtbags think "straightedge" means something different than what it means?

it means you're a sanctimonious and belligerent anti-intoxicant missionary who thinks they're worthy but is actually just relentlessly judgmental

do you wear a hat

No, boozie. There's a middle ground between being a shithead alcoholic, and a mormon.

Trouble with people like you is, you're hardwired to completely lose it as soon as alcohol touches your lips. One drink = flash forward to 7am waking up still drunk and anyone who thinks that's not so good is a preachy prude trying to take away all alcohol ever

Seek help

what?

You betcha.
Especially if it was someone who grew up eating shitty food (i.e. their parents couldn't cook either), and have never had properly made dishes.

you're extrapolating this from the fact that i said 'go for a drink'. i am not the one doing the overblowing.

It's a euphemism and you know it

No one interprets "a drink" as "a single drink then done"

When it's literally "a drink" it's usually a restaurant or something

>No one interprets "a drink" as "a single drink then done"

Who wouldn't do that? that's why it's *A* drink as opposed to drinkS, "going drinking", or some other phrase. "A drink" is a standard measure for one unit of alcohol: One beer, one glass of wine, or one short of liquor.

Are you from a non-Anglophone background?

In English, it's common to say things and mean something other than the most literal possible meaning of the sentence

Like, when someone says how are you doing, do you answer literally?

i mean going to a bar or pub or something. the first drink is the only (semi-)necessary one. yes, lots of alcohol is a big part of many first dates, but i only meant it as a formality.

I only ever cook for my gymbros and they feed me their sausages afterwards.

>But most women just don't get aroused, period

ahahaaahhahahaha what

Well I made some shitty tacos while drunk at a party I was hosting.

Gave some to a girl I had been snapchatting with for a while. Got laid then dated her for about 6 months.

College was good times.

Heavily underrated

good slut

Praise me more user

You're a swell guy and doing great things with your life

Yes. I'm a borderline-normie and on the 2nd or 3rd date with a girl I'll cook for her to show off a bit. They love it and put out that night if they hadn't previously.

More times than I can count. Its more about the ambiance and being charming though.

>On your first date (over coffee or a drink, no meal, 45 minutes tops)
>Put Drake's Nothing Was the Same, Frank Ocean's Channel Orange or Beyonce's Self-titled on your stereo.

Holy shit, you have this down to a science. I have no idea why this is so specific, but I'll probably put this to use.

This. Girls will want to keep you around, it doesnt soak their panties when you cook well but they feel more comfy when you knuw how to cook. Granted my ex was pretty ungrateful, she wanted everything just how she liked it, ate well done steak and boiled chicken. It is universally respected though; its not a panty dropper but it helps give good impression.

I cook because I want to bitch

Th-thanks dad

>having to think this much about getting laid

I am sorry for people like you.

I think you're confusing cooked with cucked.

This user has really good advice and the main thing here is to precook. Seriously. If you actually try to cook for the girl, you either will bore her or will be in a situation where she wants to drag you away from the meal halfway in and shit don't fly like that.

>girl wants me to teach her how to cook a bit
>she's never had lamb before
>start up a risotto and get her to chop shit since it'll be slow and drag on time
>she wants me to fuck her when risotto is halfway finished
>is in visible agony when I make her wait until the food is done and I can cut everything off before fucking her

I learned my lesson.

...

This is what happens when you get your knowledge from the internet and miss out on experiences, kids.

This nigger knows what's up. Although you can extend the drinks for like three hours tops, if you feel you can't get laid straight away go for the second step indeed.

Veeky Forums used to cook

I wrote this in 2014 back when i was still single. I'd update the music suggestions to Carly Rae Jepsen's E*MO*TION, Blood Orange's New record, or Gallant's Oology. or Majid Jordan's self titled.

Nope! just reflecting on what worked in the past.

Lol what a fucking virgin

Found the filthy patronizing sluts

News alert guys: women moan in bed because they think we're stupid. Women tell us our dicks are huge because they think we're stupid

Find a chick who doesn't lie - one who goes stiff as a cadaver when you're going at her, and then starts shaking and sobbing silently, and that's when you found an honest, pure girl

Marry her or you'll regret it for the rest of your life

troll post but I would hate to live the life that has crushed you down into the broken husk of a man that you are.

I don't think a girl has ever said "user this dinner was so good I want you to fuck me" to me so I guess not. I've gotten plenty of compliments and my girlfriend brags to a lot of people so I guess that counts.

Why are you autists actually here

If you and everyone like you left this board would improve by 95%

I was naïve once, like you
I of course had my suspicions, about all of them
Little by little I connected the dots
The lucky few will find the pure virtuous one early, and lock her in
Most of us are condemned to fucking the mentally ill, if you think she isn't that's your dick talking. She is. You can learn the easy way or the hard way, but you'll learn

who is this hohlaytau ohmaydau?

or you could be valuable enough to attract the women you want and smart enough to stay away from the ones you don't.

I guess being "valuable" comes easier to some than others though

So, did your mom not hug you, or did she hug you too much?

No. People have always told me that my cooking skills would make girls interested in me, but not a single one seems to give a shit.

Yeah, a few times.

Thai green curry with jasmine rice and a bottle of off-dry riesling

no but jack did teach me how to please a woman

FUCKING L M A O DUDE

that poor thing jesus christ

have you ever gotten real chili on your dick?

i crushed birdeyes once and touched the D after peeing, it hurt for twenty fucking hours dude.

i feel for her, that's utmost suffering.

so if you don't believe in the friend zone you're a nu male?

what? how the fuck does that even make sense? i'm legitimately baffled.

wouldn't you be a nu male IF YOU WERE BEING FRIENDZONED? WHAT?

>and no. cooking is an attractive trait, but not one that makes women want to sleep with you.

I have plenty of friends that got laid after cooking a really good desert. of course you never know. they might've gotten laid regardless, but I don't think so.

I never had the chance, been in two long time relationships so I guess if I cook something amazing and then get laid it doesn't count, huh?