I'm going to prison for a long time

Have you gone to court yet? spoken to a lawyer? Was a gun involved is any way?
Attempted second degree is very defendable, you see a lot of cases reduced to misdemeanor assault or battery. Unless there was a gun involved, then you're fucked.

if you can get some tobasco, that's how service men have been making shit food tolerable for decades

it's like shitty school cafeteria food like said. here's a vid for you

youtube.com/watch?v=ooGLzqDGd0w

everything is mushy because it's made to be eaten with a rubber spoon. everything is bland and underseasoned. "meat" is suspiciously nothing like you would expect meat to be. canned fruit and vegetables is the best you'll get.

>tfw you're not in prison but feel a compulsion to eat corned beef hash from a can where the beef has been pureed into paste at least twice a week

It's got two day's worth of salt, please send help

former inmate, i served at military prison tho, and not in america

hotdogs,really dry burger,mash potatoes,rice and water

I nearly killed some people while drunk driving.

They have special prisons for people in the military?

yes. since you are no longer a citizen in the army. you have special prison mainly for people who deserted. usually the food is pretty dry and stale but people that work in the kitchen and have connections can get good meals

That's pretty silly. If you're tired of the army life, are you not allowed to quit?

no, in some countries the army is mandatory
you can quit but it usually involves being a troublemaker or having disability

Nope

There's a reason people have crippled themselves to get out of service

What a nightmare. Why do people live in these countries.

Kill yourself you degenerate fuck. Hope you get raped in prison.

it changes depending on the threat
in some countries you don't even have an army, just a border control type of thing

Im sure not having a ps4 is considered cruel and unusual for prisoners in your country as well

People willingly ingest soylent. I don't see how this is cruel or unusual. If it tasted -bad- maybe, but you're in a bland place doing in bland things, why give them fancy food.

It's not as bad as it sounds. We used to hav mandatory conscription in Germany until a few years ago. My father served 18 months but for me it was only 8 months.

It was really easy to get out of though, wasnt it? All my friends did social service instead and when it was time for me conscription was already abolished.

The countries where you can actually get conscripted for a longer time and have no easy way of getting out of it are usually the countries you cant just run from.
And if youre generally asking why people would want to live in a shit country the answer is: millions of people are doing everything they can so they dont have to.

bologna sandwiches.

I had that for lunch the other day and I'm not in prison.

>mentally damaged people willingly ingest soylent

fixed that for you

Yea seeing this makes me happy i dont have to commit crime to survive.

OP, If you ever get out, do me a favor. There's this big hayfield up near Buxton. You know where Buxton is? One in particular. Got a long rock wall with a big oak at the north end. Like something out of a Robert Frost poem. It's where I asked my wife to marry me. We'd gone for a picnic. We made love under that tree. I asked and she said yes. Promise me. If you ever get out, find that spot. In the base of that wall you'll find a rock that has no earthly business in a Maine hayfield. A piece of black volcanic glass.

You'll find something buried under it I want you to have.

What country?
I work in the jail system in Brazil and inmates food looks like pic related.

Breakfast: 2 breads rolls with margerine + 1 cup of tea or coffee
For lunch and dinner: Rice + beans + some cheap meat (hot dog, chicken, chicken nuggets, ground beef, soy "meat", sometimes an egg, etc) + salad (no dressing);

On Sundays they get a little piece of candy (usually peanut brittle or duce de leche bar)

Everything is cheap and bland, but decent enough and nutritious.

Three meals a day. Free bed. No utility bills or house payments. (Although if you have house payments and bills before you go in, expect them to be vultures when you get out and your house will be gone as well) So will most your family and friends. Plus every one who read the story of you almost killing a few people will bother you for years when it's re-posted every where over and over saying look what drunk driving can do. Don't expect a job after because nobody wants to hire someone with a criminal record when there's 500 others applying to the same job without one. Good luck finding a place to live without a job, car or money. All for one night of fun. On the other side, wake up. Use that as determination to make your life better. Go to Jesus. Ask for forgiveness. Right your wrongs. Bust your ass and do a 180. But if I were you, I would find an outsider who will reliably send you cash for your commissary account and eat ramen.

You sign a contract

Kek'd and check'd

>mfw didn't have to serve because of the 2 older brothers rule in germany

>Get money from outside, buy ramen
You will need the sodium and extra meals. Do this.

Look online for your jail's food service provider, you'll get a good idea of what to expect. Some food providers are miles ahead of others.

>these rich upperclass assholes throwing a huge tantrum over bad tasting food are the same people who tell you to check your privilege.

Let that sink in for a minute.

>Go to Jesus. Ask for forgiveness.

That's actually great advice. Even though it's obviously bullshit, professing to have "found jesus" is a very good thing if you're up for parole or have a new hearing. The sheeple love to hear that someone turned around and "found jesus".

exactly

America from what I'm guessing. Only place you're worried about the shittiest food as opposed to worrying about being starved.

Fair enough

>ramen
>mayo
>mustard
>honey
>relish
>tuna
>canned oysters

>degenerate fuck
Don't use that word on Veeky Forums, you degenerate fuck. Stop roleplaying that you are a /pol/tard.

smoke weed, it makes shitty food tolerable.

t. NEET of 28 years with no passport

>mfw watching this in a comfy white suburb
>mfw I now know the rules of the streets

Yes you can get into it, what happened?

First hand knowledge?

Oh nevermind fuck you. Enjoy prison. I hope you learn from it you selfish fuck.

That's what they want you to believe. Accidents happen, coincidentally people were where you were drunk driving. It's not really your fault. Try drunk driving again, I promise you there won't be any people standing in your way.

Which is your prefer condiment? Mustard for my sad sandwiches.

I don't get the reference.

www.imdb.com/title/tt0111161/

alright i got time..

it aint that bad bruh. depends on where you at and if you get money on the books. if you got family that has a little money it helps a lot when you down. I had money stashed after I got hit up and i trusted my girls mom to call it in, she took some "for the baby" but she did me good for 8 years. you get out on OR? pay a bond? how come you aint in co right now?
bruh if you out now you should just start flipping some real fast, you going to prison anyway fuck it, come up on some money and give it to somebody you trust like senpai to put it on the books every other month it aint like you can do it yourself and that 150 go fast bruh. everything cost inside.
the food is easy, either you got money or you dont. prison food is weak, sometimes you get something special like when they get donated shit for holidays or a some factories freezer go out but they always fuck it up and make it taste like some retirement home charly brown kinda food, bland as fuck. the food you can make in the cell is tolerable at best but you can make it spicy at least. I pieced money up every month with my celly cuz we was the same set and we was cool. no homo. some fools get robbed so be careful. you can get wrapped up quick inside even when you didnt do nothing so dont go telling fools you got money. if you poor then fuck it you dont have a choice anyway just make the best of it, you can always trade up food just make sure you know what they are saying when you trade up.

(pic) tapatio packs bruh, my life saver locked up. put that shit on everything.

First: stay alive.
Rice and noodles get you long way, spice it up with ground beed
Last advice: behave, and stay out

Eat it every day for lunch for the next 5 years and report back.

Thanks my nigga

Mad love

what did you get locked up for?

Have fun in prison, Beecher.

>tfw beans so expensive we can't eat it anymore, but criminals can
Also viva Dilmae porra

TIL black people have access to Veeky Forums

This is great. But doesn't really help if you got radicalized by Islam in prison.

You're supposed to precede that sentence with "I allegedly".

...

You're an absolute shit. Have those people recovered? Did you do any permanent damage?

I've always wondered what this could be? Offal perhaps?

hey, someone else actually watched that show.

God I hate these fucking people.

They're dead you double baka.

Get swole while you're there

>Nigga got killed for a pack of top ramen

youtube.com/watch?v=ooGLzqDGd0w

Man I fucking loved that show. Beecher is the best character after his flip out

yes, public libraries exist.

The food will taste delicious considering all the dick you'll also be eating.

holy shit this is the blackest writing I have ever seen

He said "nearly". Can you not read?

I think it's a mcdonalds burger patty.

hamburger cooked via steaming

Unless you sound like a desperate nutcase who has been brainwashed.

I'm probably wrong but to me it looks like chocolate cereals on melted Kraft singles over some kind of bread.

buy tons of dorritos and m&ms there, make sure someone deposits money in your account

How long are you going in for, OP?

He said long time. Who cares, he's there for a reason, right?
Prisoner: buy a cooking ook. Even talk to the chefs

>not too much mayo
>im lactose intolerant

Nice bento box

>buy a bunch of chips, honey buns and candy
>get robbed by a nigger

Why on earth are you suppossed to make it better?
Youre a friggin prisoner. You should die.

>beans
>expensive

You must live in a really remote and desolate place. beans are the cheapest food aside from rice.

>You must live in a really remote and desolate place. beans are the cheapest food aside from rice.

You know prices are different in Brazil from where you live, you likely american.

yeah, no beans and rice last I checked was a pretty universal poor food.

hows that olympics prep going for you? enjoying the slum raids? think another ref will be beheaded in these games?

>yeah, no beans and rice last I checked was a pretty universal poor food

Maybe you should check again since the price of beans has increased over 66% in the last year and are approaching the price of fish.

But dont let facts change your ignorant opinion retard.

I'm sorry your shit hole of a "country" is the exception that makes the rule.

Just for you user, I looked at the top bean producers:

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bean

Brazil is #3. So either your economy is so fucked other 3rd world countries can beat you to it or your government is so corrupt you cannot feed yourselves.

In either case, it is only your fault.

Ha ha man Brazil is a fucking dump

Going to jail doesnt bode for intelliigence, though

>I nearly killed some people while drunk driving.

so how many times have you been arrested for dui you degenerate, since they went right to attempted murder?

I know nothing of prison food, but I think you should tell us which prison you are going to, as I imagine it varies a lot. Or at least tell us the country. This is of course assuming that this thread has legitimate grounds.