Militant vegan challenge

>>Challenge to militant vegans:
If you can figure out what I can eat as a vegan, I will both go vegan and write a vegan cookbook so people no longer have any excuse to not be vegan. I have ten years of experience cooking delicious food, working in foodservice etc. specialty in desserts and chocolate.

Caveats:
>Allergic to gluten and soy
>Potent/large quantities of phytoestrogens are off-limits
>Issues absorbing B12 and iron; tendency to anemia
>Must not lack even supposedly useless nutrients animal foods contain, or precursors thereof, such as l-carnitine and saturated fat for cholesterol synthesis
>Food must give sustained energy for martial arts training

nah dude u eat cum

Cum?

Haha what is that, ortolin?

well, not fake meats for you. they have a lot of almond cheese though, plus you can always make your own. also a lot of vegans eat gluten free anyways cause theyre retarded and dont have celliacs, but since you claim to ill believe it. i would eat beans and potatoes, lots of corn and a wide variety of vegetables im afraid. tamari sauce instead of soy. oil for your saturated fats, also plants are good sources of carnitine surprisingly (artichokes). also for your b12 i would just supplement it, meat isnt a great source from it either. but almond milk is fortified with it as is nutritional yeast, which tastes like cheese, kind of like the white cheddar coating on popcorn. black strap molasses for iron. and tons of carbs from corn/beans will give you a complete protein and those carbs will go straight to your mussels op. personally youd have to make a lot of things at home and that sucks, i eat really processed vegan foods and im not even a real vegan according to the militants cause ill have a slice of cheese pizza like twice a year despite eating vegan for 99% of the time. you dont have to go 100 percent vegan and vegans who tell you are retards. its easier to get people to listen to your points and eliminate some but not all animal products. eating 70-90 percent vegan, especially whole foods is great for you and the environment and gets a whole lot more than animal products 3x a day.

oh man i should have proof read this, sorry for the typos and shit grammar op.

I have a long list of answers, but I see no reason to actually let someone with your list of caveats eat and even hypothetically procreate.

You should be snuffed out like a candle, for your own good and the good of your hypothetical progeny.

You're the best man, thanks. Are you sure about the high carbs though? I mean, wouldn't that cause a candida overgrowth and perhaps muscle loss? Frankly I've had the best luck from ayurvedic Indian food but that always seems to have a fuck ton of weird shit I can't find at home

Ya know man, if I find out my health issues are genetic I'll probably adopt. But given that they probably aren't (long history there), you're being a douche.

I refuse to owe a degenerate even a (You), so;

iirc L-carnitine is found in watermelon rind.

candida caused by whole carbs is such bs. if youre eating brown rice pasta or corn pasta youre fine, people only get candida from sodas and twinkies. also they have a lot of almond based ice cream, ben and jerrys made a few and those rock, i dont know if theyre totally soy or gluten free though. also the brand Enjoy Life is made for people who are allergic to essentially everything so id look them up and see if a store near you sells their stuff, i love their chocolate bars. i eat a lot of steamed wontons, i dont know how well gluten free flour would work but i stuff them with a lot of vegetables and tvp (traditionally made with soy but they may have a few soy free varieties) and eat those all day and they freeze well.

>and write a vegan cookbook so people no longer have any excuse to not be vegan.

Adults don't need an excuse to eat what they want.

Those wontons sound good

i make wonton sandwiches with leaves of cabbage as bread and them garlic chili sauce and pickled carrots and daikon or bean sprouts, literally the best fucking thing.

rice flour and garbanzo flour make a lot of things plausible. Tbqhf I could probably live off of dosas if I had to.

glad we got this all settled guys, a vegan thread without any arguments should be marked as a fine achievement

>there are people in this world with such mundane lives that they begin to feel guilty about what they eat

What's going on in this thread)
Oh no
But probably soylent or another super processed food

geologist here, i went 99% vegan for the environment, but sometimes i watch slaughter videos and get sad.

I'm picturing the dead pig slowly levitating itself out, dripping oil, crisp skin still crackling as it emerges, undead light gleaming from its soulless eyes as the light from its eyes expands until it fills the room and then it explodes, and the room fills with demonic cackling and boiling-hot crispy pig bits and uncooked pig offal flying at ultrasonic speeds

bump

I'm vegan, gluten free, and nut free (have celiac's and nuts make me constipated) for four years.

Take methylcobalamin instead of cyanocobalamin for B12

Just eat traditional indian food like kitchari and sambar with idlis. You get your fuckin protein, fat, carbs, micronutrients. Sambar has drumsticks which have a ton of iron. Just replace the ghee with earth balance or coconut oil or something).

Best thing I ever did for my health was eat tons of Indian food. Food needs to be easily absorbed. Raw veggies are great but only if you can digest them properly which a lot of people can't so you need some fucking well cooked-curry.

dude what

Why though?

Serious question I've never understood why anyone would be a vegan if they didn't have to for some reason.

Please explain it without mentioning morality, regardless of your opinions on the morality of eating animal products, it's simply a fact that you can be a moral person and still eat them.

>believing the phytoestrogen meme

I know what you mean. That happened to me last night.

THAT FUCKING METAL MAN

I hate when that happens.

Pigeon as I recall.

>Allergic to gluten and soy
beans and other grains for protein, soy and seitan meat substitutes are for pussies.

>b12
just take b12, plenty of carnivores need to do the same.
>iron
beans again, plus green vegetables. vegan iron supplements exist.

>saturated fat
tropical trinity, coconut cacao and palm.

>Must not lack even supposedly useless nutrients animal foods contain
oh, well you're fucked without supplements. yeah there are a few animals only compounds, but the body can synthesize them. vegan carnitine supplements exist. algal DHA too.

do your own research, you lazy piece of crap.