It's morning in England

I gotta ask all my British bros this question, it's been nagging me, and my non-Veeky Forums chums have not been able to answer.

What do you call cookie bars? You guys call cookies biscuits, so surely you don't call them biscuit bars. that sounds terrible. But at the same time I refuse to believe that nobody in the british isles has ever mixed up some cookie dough and said "Fuckit, dropping things by spoonful is a goddamn annoyance, i'm spraying down a dish and just baking this as one mass, cutting it into squares later" brownie-style.

I know there are some popular snack cakes that there was some controversy about vis-a-vis their status as either cake or biscuit, so surely rectangular-prism biscuits must exist.

I myself regularly mix up a batch of oatmeal cookie dough, stir in a fuckton of walnuts and/or pecans (and as much coconut as I can add without compromising integrity), add a bit of almond extract, and bake that shit up as bars. I feel like it makes then more moist and consistently soft.

Other urls found in this thread:

omnihotels.com/blog/whiskey-and-biscuits-nashville-southern-comforts/
twitter.com/NSFWRedditVideo

What do you call this ass whooping I'm bout to give you boy?
Pull up

bro, we can talk about steaks later and the best way to grill 'em in texas, but right now i'm talking to the brits okay?

I'm not a Brit, but I think they call them a "slice". But I'm probably wrong, so you Britbongs please correct me if you must.

what just, a slice of biscuit? surely not "i baked up a pan of slices"

it just occurs to me the most likely answer is biscuit squares, that would sound relatively sane

>the English
>having sane names for food

They're probably called chocolate willies or something.

I mean I've tried to do my own research, all i can really ascertain is that things baked in trays IN GENERAL are called 'traybakes', which is a term we don't have an equivalent for.. it'd be useful to be able to say 'brownies are a type of X' in our lexicon.
There is also such a thing as flapjacks, which is an old type of oatcake, but they're only a bit closer to cookie bars than cornbread is

>>chocolate willies

Kek

>confusing coco winkies for chocolate willies

Fucking Americans.

>Cookie bar
>not Square-and-corner-Little-Jack-Horner
>Brownie
>not chocolate-nutty-chewy-muddy
>Pancake
>not sticky stack plenty mack

>it just occurs to me the most likely answer is biscuit squares, that would sound relatively sane
The dish is called a slice.
"i baked a slice, i ate some slice or a piece of slice"

England doesn't have cookie bars

As a Brit, this is the first time I've come across the concept of a cookie bar.

We don't call cookies biscuits by the way. We call cookies cookies. We don't have an equivalent for American biscuits and when I've been to the USA, I haven't seen an equivalent to British biscuits.

Closest thing sounds like flapjacks.

What is the difference between a british biscuit and a british cookie then?

cookies are the name for one specific type of biscuit that the cookie monster would eat
the rest of biscuits are really a wide variety of things since you've got digestives, chocolate digestives, rich tea, custard creams, bourbons, jammy dodgers, nice biscuits and lots more

I know the american biscuit is a thing but that's like a scone but savory I think

American biscuits are much fluffier than scones. I also find them less buttery and more buttermilky, i.e. lighter with a hint of sourness.

Yes, we call them "biscuit bars".

Interesting question - the closest thing I could think of was a traybake, and I looked on the BBC Good Food website where they had various traybakes (some more cakey, some more biscuity) called squares, slices and bars, so I don't think we really have a consistent name, beyond it all falling under the traybake umbrella. It all means something sweet you cook in a single pan and slice up, varying from more biscuity to more cakey in texture.

We don't have cookie bars, but I guess we'd call it a tray bake, a brownie or a slice.

Gud 1 fgt

A cookie is usually 2-3" diameter and is soft and chewy.

>be brit on holiday in usa
>go to biscuit bar
>they're serving scones
WTF???

what god would allow this!

Needless to say, our terry smashed the place up until the police shot him in the face.

You don't come between our terry and his jammy dodgers my m8.

>Americans eat scones with gravy

What a world!

To be fair not every scone is a dessert style one that you have with cream and jam. You can have savoury buttermilk scones with pumpkin or cheeses/herbs in the dough too.

>I myself regularly mix up a batch of oatmeal cookie dough, stir in a fuckton of walnuts and/or pecans (and as much coconut as I can add without compromising integrity), add a bit of almond extract, and bake that shit up as bars. I feel like it makes then more moist and consistently soft.
That would be a flapjack.
Dense, flat chocolate cake is called a brownie, just as in the US. Both are a type of traybake. Kiwis and Aussies call the same concept 'slice' which only makes slightly less sense than calling a bullfrog a chazwazzer.
I think the difference between a biscuit/cookie, a traybake and a cake is the amount of moisture in the recipe, biscuits having the least, cakes having the most and traybakes somewhere in between. A cake, for example, can have as much as 1:1 ratio by weight of flour and eggs while traybakes will have about 1:2 or so. Many biscuits are made with no eggs at all.

Hey, I actually was right! Amazing.

>be me
>go to Great England for trip
>order biscuits and gravy at "pub"
>get this
>why are Brits so mixed up?

>scones are biscuits

What did you mean by this?

This.

Hey, that's in a hotel in nashville right? I've eaten there. They only had 3 types of biscuits

In Northern Ireland we call them a traybake, not sure about the rest of the UK

Yeah the filename mentioned Nashville before I changed it. It actually looks cosy as hell, I'd eat there.

omnihotels.com/blog/whiskey-and-biscuits-nashville-southern-comforts/
I found the "blog" it came from. The hotel looks pretty awesome, did you stay there? I reckon I'd live there quite comfortably for a week or two.

It's really just an advertisement of course, but at least the guy declares his interest and posts it on the corporation's site instead of pretending he just happened to wander in and presenting his advert as an impartial review.

If you just read that and you're a shill on this (or any) site, I hope that made you feel ashamed. What you do is not okay.

I'm English and have no idea what you're taking about. Do you mean a brownie? A flapjack?

wow. That's... a fucking bizarre and terrible name
so only hard cookies then, in the biscotti style? that makes sense. but i've heard that contradicted many times. then again your meaning of pudding got almost as lost as ours did, so
our biscuits are nothing like scones, hell they're closer to crumpets which they are also nothing like. they're more like croissants
A brownie isn't a dense cake though, and what are you talking about? cakes have the least moisture. i guess that backs up the 'biscuit only refers to hard cookie' idea.
see hard cookies here are discount trash. they keep longer but everyone wants the soft kind if they can get 'em. I guess because the hard ones are for dipping in tea and shit.

>the hard ones are for dipping in tea and shit

>
>wow. That's... a fucking bizarre and terrible name
Why?

you don't see anything wrong with 'some slice' or 'a piece of slice' ?

How about
Would you like a slice?

Ok, but of what?

There's different types of slice m8. You might ask for some vanilla slice, lemon slice, or a bit of hedgehog for example. Of all the weirdly named things in the world to be bemused by it seems strange to me that you'd pick up on something so innocuous.

... those are not flavors of cookie, friend.

Not everything has a 1:1 analogue across cultures, and it seems there's a number of popular slice recipes that are biscuit adaptations at least going by recipe aggregation sites.

yeah okay but that would still make cookie bars only a TYPE of slice
which wouldn't necessarily surprise me, sometimes different cultures don't have the same names for the same levels of specificness.

>brownies aren't cakes
>cakes have the least moisture
>everyone wants soft biscuits
Literally all of that is wrong. Quit talking bollocks.

A brownie is a rich, fudgy cake and a type of traybake.

Cakes, as said, have the most moisture, many being made with as much as a 1:1 ratio flour:eggs. Biscuits/cookies and traybakes never get anywhere near that figure.

The five most popular biscuits in the UK are all hard ones: digestives, hobnobs, custard creams, shortbread and ginger nuts.

cakes are more moist than hardtack cookies yeah but nearly everything else has significantly more moisture. for god's sake a 9x9 tray of cookies has an entire stick of butter in it

Nobody puts a fraction that many eggs into a cake, you knob. You put in one or two. You put in multiple cups of flour. The ratio is basically the same, the difference is how much air there is. More air = drier, obviously.

>something that's 80% anhydrous has more moisture than something that's 88% water
You're both halves of a whole idiot, ain't ya fella?
Butter is only 20% water. Eggs are 88% water. Cakes have more eggs than biscuits ∴ cakes have more moisture.

just because you put water in the batter doesn't mean the final product has more water, you goon. it evaporates. all of it. fat is what makes a dish moist. once those eggs evaporate what you have left is protein. protein makes things tougher and drier. this is baking 101.

>no one puts that many eggs
Are you completely retarded?
Two eggs are the equivalent /weight/ as one cup of flour. Victoria sponge, the most common cake in the UK, has four eggs and 225g of flour, literally a 1:1 ratio. Pound cake, too. For fuck's sake, chocolate gateau has EIGHT EGGS for 120g of flour (because sugar and cocoa powder are hydroscopic).

>all the moisture evaporates out, really!!
lol
If all of it evaporates, then tell me: why does a cake go hard as it goes stale? And why does a biscuit go soft as it does? I'll wait for you to think about that for a minute.

No we call cookies "cookies", which is a type of biscuit.

pound cake is the driest thing i've ever eaten.

First of all, it's hyGroscopic.
>why does a cake go hard as it goes stale?
because the proteins denature. Did you actually think it was from drying out? That's like thinking blood clots by drying out.
A related phenomenon is rice going hard, which happens because the proteins straight up crystallize. In both cases it can be reversed by heat, but in the case of the stale bread it re-stales again very quickly and becomes even harder.

This is the first I'm hearing this (well second, but the first was also in this thread)
Shoudln't surprise me, seems like every time we're told "they call it __ in ___" it's more complicated than that. Like referring to moo shu as pancakes. or crepes as pancakes.

Why do you lie to the internet?

this isn't the literal strata of lies called geology, we're talking basic chemistry knowledge here

Personally, I'd call them cookie bars. It's not as if Brits are completely unfamiliar with the term cookie or other American-sorta terms.

...

Just so you know, biscuits are harder/soft but sort of dense and usually small so you can dunk them in your tea and (hopefully) not have them crumble on you. Cookies are usually too soft for this, so you wouldn't dunk them.

Crepes are pancakes. Your pancakes are thicker hence the name but we don't tend to differentiate between the two because they're not as popular. Go to France and they're obviously called crepes but you can call a crepe a pancake here and nobody would give a shit.

But if it isn't made from cookie stuff it isn't a cookie.

>can call a crepe a pancake here and nobody would give a shit.

I would. They're very different in thickness and in texture when you bite into them. They also tend to be served differently. Crepes are typically rolled up with a filling inside (could be sweet or savory), whereas pancakes are typically eaten flat, often (but not neceissarily) with a sweet topping. With crepes the filling is the main part of the dish. It's the opposite for pancakes.

Except cookies are a type of biscuit.

It's all yanks being special snowflakes as usual. They used to speak properly but then one day went full retard and changed half of their names.

For example they used to call biscuits biscuits and a holdover of this is dog biscuits. Just like how they used to use the correct date format and not the m/d/y stupidity and the 4th of July is another holdover of that.

'Pancakes' by default in the UK means crepes so if you give a shit here, something's up. I'll be damned if you get pissed on Pancake Day that everybody's eating crepes instead of American pancakes.

Are you trying to make the most American post in this thread?

Because it's unamerican you pinko

So americans only have one type of biscuit that they call a cookie? What a terrible country.

>went full retard

>says the people that use the following words

>tonne
>shoppe
>tyre

Hahha
Good one friend
I'll just be over here with my tea and biscuits enjoying the metric system while leaving the EU

>No such thing as lemon cookie or vanilla cookie

Please stop representing Americans.

Those are some God awful cookies. Looks homemade and nothing like a pub environment. Gravy =/= milk in England.

3/10 cause I replied.

I'm from the UK. What the fuck is that ahahahaha cookie bars? Ahahahahaha whatt