Lock me up

>Recipe say to preheat the oven to 350 F
>I don't
What are some crazy things you do, Veeky Forums?

>"Enjoy!"
>I don't

Whenever I drink milk I put some cereal in the glass first for added flavor and texture

Devilish!

>told not cellar beer
>do it anyway
TRY AND STOP ME!

>recipe calls for dry cups
>I use liquid cup measure

>shake well
>I shake it poorly

>Butter on only the inside of a grilled cheese

I'm calling the police, Veeky Forums!

>recipe says to chill for thirty minutes
>I contemplate all of my past cringe and have an anxiety attack instead
I BLEED IT OUT DIG IT DEEPER JUST TO THROW IT AWAY

Why so Blue user. Is not October yet...

>recipe says to sieve flour
>I don't
ABSOLUTE MADMAN

>Do not put in Microwave
>Put it in anyway
HONKA HONKA

that's not funny, my brother died that way

DID MOM FREAK?!

>let stand 5 minutes before serving
>fuck that I got places to be

>test it to see if finished
>don't test it and say it's finished anyway

>Purchase Truss Tomatoes
>Put them through the self serve checkout as Field Tomatoes

AHAHAHAHAHA YOUR STOCK LEVELS ARE GOING TO BE INCORRECT BY A SLIGHT AND INSIGNIFICANT MARGIN

>Cut into pieces, serve, and enjoy! :)
>dont do any of that
LIGHTS
CAMERA
LONELINESS

>Rice-a-Roni box tells me to cover the pan and let it simmer for 15 minutes
>don't cover the pan and put it on medium low for 18 minutes

>microwave ice cream before eating it

>recipe calls for white onion
>use purple instead

>get subpar service at restaurant
>tip anyway

Here's one I did earlier
>get to bottom of Jerky bag
>small packet inside says "Do not consume"
>eat it anywggggvcbgfffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff

M A D D N E S S
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S

>Melt chocolate gently over double boiler
>I just nuke it until melted

>refrigerate leftovers
>just throw it out instead

I've lost count the times I've had to do that when working at a fondue restaurant. .

Are you me?

So do you just throw whatever you made in a cold oven and expect it to somehow cook?

can't believe this meme is on here aswell.
top keek

>use a heavy base pot
>use what I have which isn't heavy
don't know how i managed to pull through

>memes are muh funny internet pictures.
Fetal Alcohol Syndrome?

Yes

Does this even make a difference in the chocolate? More evenly heated if boiled?

>10 servings in one package
>Eat everything in a single serving, leave nothing
>10 servings

Best one in the thread.

>never leave the kitchen with oil on the stove
>make peepee while it heats up

>Ramen says to add one package of flavor after boiling
>I add two
Somebody try to stop me

...

>Mom asks me to start eating healthier
>Go to McDonalds and ask for a salad with grilled chicken and only one package of dressing instead
Fuck you mom

but where do you get the second packet?

I went berserk and left egg salad out on the counter.

>parents tell me to wash the dishes
>just put them all in the trash

MOM'S GONNA FREAK

Did you died?

I had it with me all along

>been an advent /v/ browser for 8 years
>go to Veeky Forums cuz all the Cooking with Jack threads on /v/
>go to /tv/ and all the Joker threads on /v/
>realize Veeky Forums and /tv/ have better memes than /v/
>spent all night in Veeky Forums and /tv/ rather than /v/

AM I EVEN SANE ANYMORE??

/v/ is just for futafags. Veeky Forums and /tv/ are for patricians.

>conventional way is listed as the oven
>use microwave

That sounds like a very painful way to drink Honey Bunches of Oats.

I don't completely separate my ground beef. It's usually pretty clumpy.

I use a spatula to firmly press down on my steak in hopes of searing it faster.

I put seafood and chicken in the same grocery bag.

My life is falling to shit and I don't know how to stop it. I've contemplated suicide, but I don't have the balls to go through with it.

I hate this meme. I can tell it's a /tv/ meme just because of how shitty it is

>put noodles in the pot before bringing to a boil

>saucepan
>use it to boil pasta

>instant gravy "just add boiling water"
>add granules to juices left over from roasting the chicken

>"gas mark 6 for 30 minutes"
>gas mark 4 for an hour

>grate over parmesan cheese
>use cheddar

>instant noodles
>spend 20 minutes in the kitchen

>grind coffee beans for a drip machine
>use grounds in the aeropress

I'M JUST AHEAD OF THE CURVE

What, am I supposed to wait for the fucking water to have bubbles?

I put my finger in it and it was pretty hot. The noodles will soften eventually.

Nice blog, faglord

sometimes if I feel like a madman, I cook fish sticks and biscuits at the same time. EVEN THOUGH THE TEMPERATURES AND TIMES DON'T MATCH.

Sorry, I didn't mean to ruin this top quality thread for you

anarchy, anarchy.

Nice apology, sorrylord

Thanks!

REEEEEE! That's going too far, user!

Supposedly, the texture from boil heat makes the texture better than microwaved.

>"place on the middle shelf of a pre-heated oven"
>place 2/3rds up in a pre-heated oven

SOMETIMES I GIVE MYSELF THE CREEPS, SOMETIMES MY MIND PLAYS TRICKS ON ME

>surprised that /tv/-lite also partakes in reddit memes

You havin a laugh m8?

>recipe calls for measurement
>i just guess

yeah but to be fair those things are bullshit like a 200gram bag of chips is "six servings" or some shit where i live. fuck outta here

>find container with broken seal
>says not to consume if seal broken
>consume anyway

>recipe calls for 2 teaspoons
>just put in 1 extra-large teaspoon instead

Gee, user, 10 servings?

/tv/-lite is /co/.

MOOOODDDDSSSS

>recipe calls for tablespoon
>take the spoon from the cupboard

Ahoo a ha a hee a ha ha ha ha

>eat happy meal
>still dead inside

Fucking badass

>Package says it serves 2
>eat the whole thing anyway

D A R V L I S H

>recipe says to cook on medium for 30 minutes
>only cook it for 29 minutes

LOCK ME UP AND THROW AWAY THE KEY

Homeless children could have that, you monster!

>Share this recipe with your friends and family!
>Print recipe off, hide under the mattress

>microwaving corn dog
>says to turn corndog over halfway through microwaving
>don't
>leave the corndog til it's done in the same position

D A M A G E D
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E
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>only buy grana padano 'cause I find it better than parmiggiano reggiano
>call it "parmesan" cause it's shorter
SORRY ITALIA

Itt absolute madmen

>What are some crazy things you do, Veeky Forums?

Decrease the amount of sugar in a pastry recipe.

>Stir halfway through
>I dont
INCREASE MY MEDS DOCTOR

They recently done tests on this and it doesn't make any difference other than shorten the cooking time. Only autistic Italians give a shit.

So feel free to throw your pasta in cold water all you like.

You can only do this a little bit with pastry because the sugar has an alchemy component like most baking and fucking up the ratio can ruin the end result for reasons other than sweetness.

I know.

MADMAN
A
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Chocolate carelessly nuked in the microwave tends to become burned because of hot spots that are different for every microwave. You could carefully attempt to nuke and stir the chocolate for a few seconds at a time, but I know you're not going to do that, you impatient bastard. 30-and-burn.

If you gradually heat chocolate indirectly in a double boiler, and stir it for even application, it stays glossy and doesn't become ruined from a pervasive burned flavor.

Also, microwaves function through heating and evaporating water. That's why you need to cover bread in a wet paper towel if you don't want the microwave to completely ruin it. With the chocolate, it just gets sad and clumpy.

Why would i microwave bread?

Sicko!

Sandwich. Pizza.

Close however a tablespoon is approx 3 tsp
You only needed 1

>add boiling water to fill level
>add boiling water beyond fill level

ANARCHY FOR THE UK

>Wait until completely cool before slicing
>Cut it while still warm

>microwaving ice cream
Now that's a risky move

>Directions say to bake for 30 minutes
>Bake it for 31 minutes
OVER THE LINE

>common etiquette dictates I taste before salting
>I fucking salt before tasting

>% Daily intakes are based on an average adult diet of 8700kJ
>i'm a big guy so my needs are greater than average
man, i love bulking

>don't mix too hard
>lumps are okay

FUCK YOU I'M WHISKING THIS BITCH

>i'm a big guy
FOR ME

>"add 1tbsp of oil to pan"
>just dump a little bit in without measuring

I NEED HELP