The death of bon ape tit

It is every year, around this time, that BA comes out with their "best new restaurants" issue. And I always take a long heavy sigh when I see those words... First off, I dont care what the best restaurants are in 8 cities I won't travel to in the next half decade. Secondly, the articles are never about the food... But some bullshit sob story about how the owner had this or that cancer this year, but the kitchen still makes great food. The articles then just gush about the ambiance of the restaurants more than the food.. Or they focus on ingredients more than new technique, or new flavors. There are the ever-running, inescapable memes of community love, farm to table, molecular bullshit gastronomy without actually talking specifics, this or that months meme dish like ramen or pho (that no one would EVER travel to a distant city for... blah blah blah...

I fucking hate this issue every year. Not only is it total shit, but it signals that in just a short few months I will be regaled by all media outlets on this years best way to cook a fucking turkey.

Dark times are upon us ck... Dark times indeed. The fall will be here soon, our fresh tomatoes and other summer garden yeilds will stop producing. We'll be forced to revert back to all the traditional meals of the coming holidays.

At least fall chili cook offs will be fun. Dump 8 cans of tomato and beans and a couple pounds of ground beef in a big ol pot and salt with your own tears. Football will soon be the only thing on tv again. If I ever kill myself it will be in August or September when I have nothing to look forward to for several months.

I'll post a couple choice highlights of this issue in a bit so you can all be blown away by how amazing this rag has become.

In the past they would only advertise ingredients, or make up creams, or cars. They have started allowing fast food brands to get into the advertising though.

About half the mag is advertising. I haven't paid for my subscription in 2 years but they keep sending them to me. You can't get advertising money if your subscription and distribution numbers are in the shitter

I'm so glad this article touched my life for the better. I now understand food.

I'll post more later when I have time.

The writers at ba are all retarded millenials that only care about the latest hot thing. You could predict the topics covered by using tweet analysis from 3 months ago.

I just wish they'd do something new on their own... I wish people wanted to tweet about ba instead of ba just publishing the latest meme tweets about everything else

This is a plating picture from the number 7 restaurant of the year. I call it "mac n cheese pls!"

BA, are you even trying?

No. 9 "they say BBQ never changes - they're wrong."

Complete with picture depicting the exact opposite. That BBQ looks precisely like the bbq that you coil get at any of the 10,000 other "hip" BBQ joints across the us that have all started serving the same BBQ and sides as everyone else, but on wooden boards, or butcher paper lined metal trays.

BA, I will write your editors directly when I give a half fuck.

I'm liking this thread, keep it coming OP

>flyover rage, the thread

>Fucking wooden board
Hahahaha

The number 1 rated restaurant is in Atlanta, where I live. Atlanta is a destination, not a flyover. How many Olympic games have been hosted where you live?

Pic related, more proof that ba is meme tier. Limes.. Fucking hipster trash.

This is exactly what the first post of a shitty ck thread would look like if timblerfags were behind the post and board moderation. (one of those things may be a reality already)

I don't know if it's ironic or not at this point

The year in food, number 21, since all these people died - my millenial, liberal arts degreed, entitled, daddies little girl ass got to listen to some good music while dining out. Win for me!

Classy way to pay tribute BA.

What does this even have to do with food, ffs

are you saying this looks good or bad?

i think it looks good.

This issue is so fucking bad, in the same way that ck is bad, that there is actually a tipping article!!! Just when I thought it couldn't get worse!

There are 2 whole pages dedicated to discussing the latest trends in what restaurant staff wear.

Shit... I'm disgusted, but at the same time... Worrying about this sort of thing speaks to my patrician sensibilities.

Mostly in just left wondering why this topic is included...

>30% fucking tips
>jumpsuit
Urge to vomit rising

>boh at high-end cafe, on sautee at the time
>waitstaff complains when they take home under 300 a night
>the stewards overhear this and plainly state the servers are taking home what they make in a week every night
>three stewards walk right out the back door, never to be seen again
>next day new policy: no discussion of take-home pay at work
>they make the prep cooks do steward work instead of the servers

this is what happens when a restaurant is run from the front, rather than the back

Are waiters the most entitled wagecucks?

People with good looking hands and faces will be allowed to get away with murder throughout their entire lives.

The sooner you uggos get used to the idea, the less struggle and conflict you will have in your life from trying to make the world "fair"

>The sooner you uggos get used to the idea, the less struggle and conflict you will have in your life from trying to make the world "fair"
I'm not the one constantly sobbing about how I deserve more more more despite having zero real skills. I'd rather be ugly and content with my socio-economic class than a good looking wagecuck living beyond their means paycheck to paycheck.

>trying to make the world "fair"

This makes me unreasonably angry. It's just fucking STUPID. I've been drinking La Croix for years and years, and I'm as far from a millenial or hipster Tumblr trash as you could possibly get. And I'm pissed that the little dipshit writers at BA can't find anything better to talk about than cheap sparkling water. (I'm also a freelance writer, so things like this make me rage on so many levels ).

are you wearing your tard helmet today OP?

etc.

Thank you for doing this, OP. Quality food-related content is always appreciated.

Bon Appetit has been shit since changing editor-in-chiefs

Bon appetite writing trash, but iare you surprised? It's a food mag designed to sell advertising space to brands looking to attract an upscale millenial consumer. That being said, it's design is top notch. Read it with a grain of salt when you're on the train or something, but don't get your panties in a twist about it.


Pic related, the only good food magazine.

...

Lucky Peach used to be good. I quit my subscription when it just became stories about shit DC's friends were doing and was no longer about food.

>wagecucks
they aren't wagecucks that's the problem. also if your restaurant has to cut benefits to the ground to run instead of increasing its customers then you should just sell it and go back to school or something.

Hahahahhah! That's exactly where I'm at! Except I cancelled my subscription and they keep sending it to me. My guess is that they can't accept their distribution numbers dropping.

I don't know why or how Gwyneth Paltrow started to have a "domestic goddess" rep. Bitch can't cook. The only thing she can teach ordinary housewives is how to waste money on 7 limes.

>trends
I don't understand. Management tells them what to wear. It's a uniform

I am loving your embittered, harsh tone as you rip into this magazine I didn't even know about, OP. It makes me smile.

Monitoring thread

this is possibly the most pretentious review i have ever seen

I never started a subscription, it just ended up in my house and then never stopped coming. Sad thing is, most of the recipes are perfectly good and so are the techniques not to mention the production quality. Problem is its sandwiched between stupid shit.

I dont know, I'm really struggling to find the redeeming qualities in this issue... Prep school can be enlightening, and the recipes are usually good. Here is a prep school bit...

More prep school.

It might also be that I've just grown past this magazine..

They claimed onigiri was the number 5 food trend of the year. I didn't see it on any menus outside of Japanese restaurants, nor did I feel any trndy pressure to make some myself or host an onigiri party with friends. I haven't seen onigiri fusion cooking... But ok ba. Onigiri is a thing in 2016...

Man do y'all get Cooks Illustrated? Different format, no human interest. Purely about cooking technique and tools.

>hitting something along its weak spot for massive damage
Fucking christ, this is shit that I learned playing vidya at 12 years old. Hitting something armored with a blunt object along the weaker sections should be common fucking sense.

This

BA (and the rest of Conde Nast's shit) just wants to chase dank memes. If it weren't for the recipes I would've dropped them already

>Made-up excuses to use on your parents so you don't have visit them on Thanksgiving
>The pros and cons of macarons vs. whoopie pies
>YASSSS IT'S GRILLING SEASON!!
>The Special Instagram Issue
>Why American cheese is the only cheese allowed on burgers
>One feature legit praised KRAFT SINGLES
>Comedy Central stars and how they take their dude weed lol
>Why we need to quit olive oil

>>The Special Instagram Issue

This was spectacularly awful.

I need to find that issue and save it. It was so bad that it may actually be worth something as a museum item denoting where American print media truly jumped the shark.

I read a few of Cook's Illustrated, and really liked it. But I've been hearing rumors that the Boston Globe took over American Test Kitchen and the people who do Cook Illustrated and shafted some of the leadership including Christopher Kimball.

I'm pretty sure Japan has sandwiches

>tfw Saveur subscriber
>tfw cool recipes from around the globe I'll never make but look cool anyway

That's exactly how I used to feel about Saveur when I had a subscription. Nice pictures, almost no recipes I'd ever make.