Roomate/SO Fuckery

>two days later
If you left a dirty pan at my house for two days, I'd throw it away

>boyfriend
>short attention span and doesn't listen anyway
>throws out kombucha because something's growing in it
>throws out sauerkraut because it's been in there 2 weeks
>throws out roquefort because it's moldy

sounds good but I aint wanna spend more money to fix her stupid. seriously consideeing that ham potato casserole doe.
ahahaha he's adorable

Wow, you've got a dumb one!

She's a woman. What do you expect? I don't know where the myth started that women are neat, clean, and orderly, but they're not.

Yeah, the thing about it is: not only does he argue with me about it at the time, he does it *again* after the explanation.
He's 42, and we've been doing this for 14 years.

Uuggghh what are you complaining about, I bought you ham.
If ham isn't good enough for you maybe you can join me for a vegan meal like my yoga instructor agrees makes me more elastic in bed, I mean in class

holy fuck an old person! do you do anal? most older wimmen give up the butt

Just fry it up and eat it like bacon with your breakfast for the next week or so.

I don't eat breakfast and it says 8/17 m8

I'm older than that, and like I said you got a dumb one. Here's hoping his looks, charm and dick more than make up for it. My sister married a complete idiot who happens to be charming, good looking and huge. He's basically a moron, but he makes decent money. She's happy as fuck.

I had a roommate that dried his fucking auto parts in the oven after cleaning
>bonus
>he was a cripple
>we lived on the second floor
watching him hump up and down with parts for his 90's Camaro was awesome

Just throw it away, OP. Start cooking your own meals just for yourself.

I'd never live with a cripple. I'd be afraid to catch something.

well you wouldn't catch his legs lolololol

...

>caring a out best by or sell by dates
You fucking dummy.

>throws out kombucha
Seems like an OK person to me.

>Wife tried to repair dishwashers moving part with gorilla glue
>Wife claims to be massively allergic to fish and fish products
>Have cooked with them the last five years of marriage, never had a problem
>Always asks for changes or substitutions to her order in restaurants, no onions, no mushrooms, peppers and shit
>Tell her to rinse stuff if she leaves it in the sink
>Never does
>Tell her not to wash her hands in the kitchen sink when having done very unhygenic stuff, IE cat litter
>When I cook I stay in the kitchen and try not (Not opposed) to use packet mixes or ready made sauces
>When she cooks she browns meat, walks away, comes back to find meat scorched a bit, pours in sauce, walks away, comes back later
>Aggressively boils water for twenty minutes
>Comes back later and throws pasta
>Pasta faling part
>Dumps it all on plate
>Expects me to enjoy this shit

Been married 5 years, no kids yet, tip of the fucking iceberg with her. What do?

marry a girl that is not an highschool dropout

Forgot to add
>Puts leftovers of her awful food in the fridge and expects me to take them to work
>Work with hispanics and shit who's wives make them amazing food
>Stop taking them to work, refuse to eat them
>They start piling up
>Tell her to take them instead
>She cries that she can't eat them at work

>She loves cheese
>Encourage her to try others, have family owned shop down the road, loads to try at reasonable prices
>Go in
>Says it smells funny and bad
>I try a few new things and leave with a few things
>She tries nothing and looks around dead-eyed
>Asks to go to Kroger on the way home
>Buys velveeta cheese
>Why even fucking bother?

She's a college graduate.

tell her you don't like her habits and it's really ruining the relationship with her, even if they're just small things. she's your wife and apparently loves you, so she should love you enough to work on these menial lazy habits if it means staying with you. fix it before you have kids

Is this a room mate or your SO? If you are fucking this person then I advise GTFO. Why live in a house of trash... as is this lazy woman

Tried, not worth the effort any more. Unless she changes on her own, I'm looking for a way out. Not banging her incase she tries to trap me with a kid.

Get some fucking balls and lay down some rules. fucking millennial.

>starts a garbage on the floor

throw her away, quickly

SO. she's not bad overall but maddening as fuck about housework.
examples
>bought $550 extra quiet vac bc she hated the noise
>she sweeps
>refuses let anyone else do laundry
>washes a gorrilion clothes, leaves them on the couch forever
>bag up s bunch.of crap to get rid of=great!!
>refuses to let me take them to charity for months while she tries to get her facebook friends to take tbe old crap= wtf
>drinks 10 cans of soda a day
>"oh Ill take them back for the deposit"
>bitch when, it looks lke a hobo camp in the back hall
>"I'm sorting the books in th attic right now"
>that we never unpacked holy fucking shit why
>clothes on the bathroom floor after showering.
Every.Single.Time

the most maddening thing is that she starts these massive organization projects and stops before she was done, then complains everything is out of control, jfc no shit!! I was raised to finish every job, section out projects into small bites, and get results. ive squared away every part of the house shes not endlessly revamping and just sit around with my thumb up my ass despite all the shit that needs to be done

OP here
I fried up like 3/4 of it with a lot of pepper and ate it rolled up in two big tortillas and some leftover refritos and cheese, it was basically prison food but whatever, it was my main meal and didn't crossfuck my macros so we're good, I guess

my boyfriend is bad at cooking and tends to leave his milk and food out to rot and leaves his clothes around too, I've just learned to deal with it and clean it up before it gets gross but if he refused to let me help clean of do the laundry I'd be pissed. your SO sounds weird why is she so anal about menial chores?

She has control issues I think. When we moved, she brought like 4 garbage bags of soda cans with us, in the rented truck, and returned them after we'd lived there for about 3 months.

Honestly it's not that bad, we do basic hygiene fairly well
>I do most of it bitch you know it
and we're definitely nowhere near hoarders territory, but it's just irritating to be stuck in neutral all the time :?

yeah I understand, especially when you do have clutter building up. I can take clothes and rotting food but junk with no where to go is annoying. you should tell her if it really bothers you, hopefully she isn't the kind to freak out or cry over it, just don't say "if you don't do this I'm breaking up with you" cause nobody wants to hear that. maybe pull some psyops and have her watch hoarders buried alive with you

So what is still enjoyable about your relationship? I am just exiting college and never really been in a serious relationship, and when all I hear about them is shit like this thread, it just makes me want to steer clear of other human beings as anything more than friends.

Why do you do it?

> roomate thinks he can just fry chicken
> puts oil in pot
> worries about oil splash so puts lid on pot
> with heat on hot as fuck he wonders what the weird smell is
>lifts lid
> combustion.png
> I see this and run to get a fire extinguisher
> upon my return the flames are licking the ceiling
> roomate is taking photos of fire with his camera

This guy seriously wonders why I don't trust him with anything remotely dangerous

atleast he didnt throw water on the fire

Mine leaves milk out and doesn't wrap up the cheddar before putting it back in fridge. Not that bad i guess but wasting shit out of laziness annoys me

>Roomates are bf/gf
>both are fat
>decide they want to lose weight
>All they do is watch tv and eat
>decide to go on a low carb diet
>the first day of their "diet" Instead of cutting out cookies and junk food, they decide to make low carb chocolate chip cookies and muffins
>All they drink is soda, but "its diet Soda user, its healthy for you"
>He refuses to drink water, in the 4 years that I've known the guy, I have never seen him drink straight water, its always Propel or diet Rootbeer.
They could actually lose weight if they got off their fat asses instead of watching tv all the damn time.

Get high, spread some cream cheese on one side of ham, wrap around a whole pickle. Use 2 layers of ham for each pickle to get rid of it quicker

1. Put it in the microwave until the ham is nicely warm and sloppy
2. Drill a hole in it roughly the size und girth of your erect dick
3. Fuck it

I recently had my two fat bf/gf room mates finally move out, same scenario almost.

>Decide to diet and get gym memberships
>Diet was pretty much cut out some junk food, however still drank soda.
>Returning home from a 20 minute gym session with McDonalds as they're too tired to cook.
>Refuses to drink water because of taste.
>Surprised at the end of the month they've gained weight.

Fucking glad they have moved out, when they had the energy to cook, they'd destroy the kitchen and leave shit everywhere and have piles of rubbish built up from all their snack foods and soda cans.

fat girl head without the fat girl part and she does all the weird stuff in bed. generally shes excellent just the house stuff makes me nuts

My roommate never cleans out the old shit he has in the fridge so it just starts smelling like a billion farts.
Milk that's half a month old, eggs that are over two months old, vegetables that are god knows how old.
I don't wanna tell him either, because I don't wanna act like a mum. He should be able to take that responsibility on his own; he's a grown man.
He also never takes out the trash, leaves mountains of dishes for up to weeks, and leaves socks in the corners of the couches.
Luckily I'm moving to live alone in a month.
I like him but I'm so fucking happy he decided we should get our own places.

my roommate threw out half a bottle of milk

I asked him why and he said the best before date was that day. I tried to explain to him what "best before" means and that it was still good and you need to smell it to tell if it's off and he looked at me like I was a fucking animal

also he fucked up the nonstick pan because he constantly blasted it on full heat because he needed to sear all his fucking meat because that's what they said to do on TV

he also puts all his clothes on the silk/delicates cycle in the washing machine despite the fact it's hooked up to cold water only and so it just takes longer and uses more water

I could write a novel, he is fucking retarded

I told my roommate to freeze the bananas that were going off so I could make banana bread when I got home the following week. I came home to a whole, unpeeled bunch of blackened bananas cowering in a corner of the freezer.

Fucking THIS. Sounds awful but is actually amazing.

I love him lol. picking up clothes or doing dishes takes about 10 minutes out of my day. he's lazy but he isn't an asshole normally if he sees me cleaning up after him he feels guilty and will help. plus the 10 minutes I spend cleaning up means nothing to me really, I'm happy as fuck with my relationship

Can you use a fire extinguisher on a grease fire? Thought you had to use like salt or something so it doesn't go splash-crazy.

you can use a class B dry fire extinguisher or baking soda.

Good to know

>google velveeta cheese
>it comes in a goddamn box
i-is that normal?

i cant have roomm8s cuz of threads like these

>SO
>life partner

Holy fucking shit, I wish people would stop saying this. Why say it? Why did it catch on? You sound like yelper mom or an absolute beta-male letting this horrible phrase escape your lips.

Please just explain to me in simple words why you would not say "wife" or "girlfriend". Explain.

>roommate anal about cleaning stuff up RIGHT AWAY
>sometimes I'd leave a pan soaking in the sink and there will be knocking on my door not even 5 min later
>one day finds some lone bug in the pantry
>freaks out and cleans and desinfects the whole kitchen and common areas
thanks bugbro

You have a good roommate, be happy.

leave her immediately

>new polish housemates
>they buy a lot of food but do not eat it
>had to to throw out rotten food time after time
>get sick of it
>bag of beansprouts is no longer sprouts but liquid
>smells horrible
>leaks down to the plank of another roommate in the fridge
>place it on front on their plank with a nice big note, the second one (previously asked if people could check the expiration dates and throw out rotten food)
>3 days of nothing
>see them in the kitchen prepping food
>tell them about it
>oh oh.. and they throw it out
>a week ago I had to throw out an entire box of strawberries which had turned into liquid and fungus as well
>these people will never learn...

It might be someone of the same sex and people sperg out, or it might imply the poster is a female and people sperg out harder.

Sounds like basically every girl I ever dated. The problem is they come from homes where everything is done for them, so once they are on their own their only way to survive is finding someone to provide for them.
I'm kinda glad I have such a shitty family, because that way I had to learn how to do shit myself and actually have some skills.

For example there was one girl I dated that was like this
>Doesn't clean anything and plays sims while I cook
>Always buys expensive junkfood like 3€ chocolate
>leaves plates everywhere
>once asked me if she should boil the water before putting in the pasta
>actually burned instant soup
>always drank coke, like exclusively, was skinny af however
>wanted to make pancakes once, cracked an egg in a pan, poured some milk in it and walked away until it was burned
>always left the stove on after "cooking" fucking reeeeee
>forgot to flush multiple times and never rinsed the sink with water after brushing her teeth so there was always disgusting dried toothpaste shit
Sex was great tho

Also this other girl was pretty bad on her own ways
>Left stuff lying around everywhere
>could cook and bake pretty good but barely did and always left ingredients and dishes out, even stuff that goes bad
>loved to put parmesan on pasta but when she did she would grade it over her plate and leave cheese snowflakes all over the table around it
>never emptied bottles, only drank about 2/3 of them so there where half empty bottles EVERYWHERE
>always left stuff in my fridge until it got bad
>left tobacco everywhere, on the sofa, in the bed, everywhere
>contantly slept til 3pm and once complained that I was too loud while doing the dishes
But fuck I miss her

Roommates just love putting unwrapped, unwashed, leaky packages of uncooked chicken into the freezer. Directly on top of the ice cube trays.

Also, they can't clean a dish to save their lives, and try to use my dishes/tableware when they run out of their own, and don't clean those either.

And don't even get me fucking started on the cat piss and cat shit.

Holy fuck I'm crying f.am

My old roommate kept bags of frozen taquitos under his bed. Unrefrigerated, just in the bag.

For velveeta it is. It also bounces if you throw it on the ground user.

agreed

I fucking hate this.
>house mate complains about a pan I left soaking WHILE I'M STILL EATING
Meaning I've literally had 0 chance to clean up if I like my dinner warm. At least fucking wait to see if I'm going to do it.

Honestly that's what you get for marrying 3dpd, you should have married your waifu instead

>aggressively boils water for 20 minutes

Im fucking dying

>Been married 5 years
I would say she's past the "Best before date" if she haven't changed in this time.

When as the last time you cheated on him? You just seem like the type. Old miserable twat, fed up with her cuckold husband as finds some thrill with some coworker or former ex.

>>lifts lid
>> combustion.png
>> I see this and run to get a fire extinguisher
Why not just put the lid back on?

kinda funny, my girlfriend did the same thing . I'm not too sure why shoving a ripe banana in the freezer seems okay when literally everything else we put in the freezer is either in a ziplock or sealed somehow

>Have uncle who was in the navy as a chef
>Was so good at what he did that he would cook for the Admirals at his base
>One time where multiple high ranking officials are visiting the base
>He is put in charge of the dinner/dessert
>he is given a crew that consists almost entirely of non-english speakers, and those that can speak english speak it very poorly.
>Decides to have them make the desserts, since it was just going to be simple shit
>One of the dessert items were Doughnuts
>He takes care of the dinner prep and checks on the dessert crew
>Somehow these idiots thought that instead of making two and a half inch doughnuts they were supposed to make Two and a half foot doughnuts.
>His face when

He managed to salvage it by sculpting them as best he could, dumping frosting on it, and calling them Bundt cakes.

sounds sorta bullshitty, user

>how the fuck do you fry a two and a half foot donut

murder

I'd join the Navy if they served 2.5' doughnuts

He caught them in the middle of the process so he was able to finagle it a bit.

I honestly don't know everything about the story since I haven't heard him tell it in forever. I'll have to ask him again about the specifics.

A donut fryer is 3-4 feet across. A 30 inch donut is doable.

the fuck. Either we know the same person or there really are that many lazy bitches in this world. I'm going with the latter of course.

Do it.
I'm all ears.

Both wouldn't surprise me honestly, the newer generations are pretty much all like this. It's what happens when you are raised by two parents that make decent money, you never learn how to survive on your own. With no poverty, no fathers in a war, no parents that lived in times of crysis and war and learned not to be wasteful, those traits are lost in time. That's how you raise a generation of lazy, priviledged idiots that expect the world to work out for them. I include myself in this, I'm just not as fucked as some other people, but I'm on Veeky Forums, so let that speak for itself.
Just out of curiosity, does her name start with a C?

i am boiling with hate

top fucking kek

sounds just like my ex

I know the whole 'american cheese is not actually cheese' joke is going around recently, but most cheeses here adhere to the FDA's standards of cheese and are still made primarily out of dairy products.

On the other hand, the FDA does not have a definition for what velveeta calls itself, so it rea`lly could be anything.

>>Aggressively boils water for twenty minutes

>roomie is a waiter at a five-star restaurant
>ends shift after midnight, often stops by McD's
>McD's bags piling up in the living room, kitchen, half of his room's floor is covered by those brown paper bags
>leaves leftovers inside
Also
>makes giant cereal bowls
>doesn't finish them
>doesn't throw them out
>ecosystems developing in various corners of the apartment
>i sometimes feel bad for them when throwing them in the toilet because I can feel they've become sentient

life partner is dumb but signifigant other or partner is just another word for girlfriend or boyfriend that sounds less juvenile.

That's a point, I always feel weird when I say "my girlfriend"

>been together for twelve years
I sometimes try to cheat it and go with "fiancee".

dude get married already, why are you waiting so long?

No reason either way. It changes nothing for us in the short term. We don't want kids as well.
Also, money. If we were to marry (which we'll do at some point) I'd like it to be memorable. Not necessarily cheesy or expensive, but something you needn't constrain yourself.
The legal stuff is easier for married couples, that's a given though.