He fell for the Chinese buffet 'za meme

It's not a terrible crust.

That looks at least as good as pizza hut or papa Johns.

this doesn't look that bad

pizza is kinda hard to mess up. i'm not sure i've ever had a bad pizza in my life.

I had a pizza so bad, I'm convinced the place was a front for organized crime or some sort of other financial crime.

I don't know, I think the mafia would be good cooks.

It could have been the Russian mafia.

you'd think they'd use a bar as a cover business then

> Having more than 2 Chinese buffets in your town

Ok but who's the real pleb here? Big city fag.

We have 3 in a 20 mile radius

and a population of 50,000

My Chinese buffet is 5 bucks, instant shits lads

The Chinese buffet always seems like a good idea, but after your first plate, you realize how big of a mistake you have made.

Yet you continue to make that mistake once every two months like clockwork.

This is even true for the "nicer" ones, and especially true for the seedy strip mall joints.

yeah you go in thinking man I am going to eat so much fucking shit, get down your first plate and start to feel sick from all the greasy lukewarm bullshit you just put in your body
them sneaky asians are smart though

I fucking love buffet pizza. It's soft, weirdly sweet, and beautifully cheesy. I don't fucking give a shit if it's low quality trash, this kind of pizza is the star of buffet restaurants.

8 bucks is great for the amount you can eat, especially if you stick to the better things there

Things I eat at Chinese Buffet:

Mongolian Beef (this one is prob the best)
Cold Shrimp in shell (they're big and plain cooked)
Salmon (usually okay)
Sushi (a few pieces of the pickled shrimp/eel ones)
Sweet Sour Pork (when fried crispy and hot)
General Tso (a few pieces, very sweet and greasy)
Lo-mein / Fried rice (as the side)

For dessert:

Some crispy wonton with sweet cream filling thing
These coconut ball things
Pistachio or chocolate ice cream
Fortune cookie at the end.

Usually comes out to about 3 plates, 4 including dessert. Thats my absolute limit.

What is it that Americans find tasty about breaded chicken (80% breading, 10% air, 10% chicken) in sticky, cloying sauce?

it's not that I even particularly like the chicken I'd just feel weird going there solely to eat fried cream cheese

How fat are you? Height/weight?

6' 220

was 270 at the beginning of the year. Still not at my goal weight though, I haven't eaten out in months

What about those fried doughball things, those are godly

I wore a James Brown T shirt to a Chinese Buffet. A black man named James Brown was my waiter at the Chinese Buffet. He like my shirt and said it was nice to meet me.

you mean those sweet doughnut things that they roll in sugar?

I wish Veeky Forums had spoilers because I almost don't want to tell you that they're just deep fried biscuits from a can rolled in sugar

These godly things

That doesn't sound all that bad

>implying there's anything wrong with that

i work at a Mongolian BBQ. It's a chineese owned build your own stir fry. ask me anything

Do you beat your kids

I swear there used to be a few "good" chinese buffets in my town, but currently they're all terrifying and disgusting places. Someone convinces me to try one out every 6 months or so and I say I'll never do it again afterwards.

any za is good za

these men are correct
it's a "aww man I could go for sum china buffet"
and then its an "aww man my fucking insides"

>2-3 plates loaded to the brim with crab rangoons
fucking how

do you weight 500lbs?

>Have Mom join us for vacation
>When it comes to meal time, she always demands to eat at a china buffet
>Explain to her that we don't travel to just end up at a buffet we can eat at home
>She's so stubborn about not eating at a china buffet that she chooses to starve
>She gets her way
>Always end up at the same shitty china buffet, never being able to taste the local food
I love my Mom, but damn it makes me think twice on inviting her on my next trip.

this right here, love these.

Not crab rangoon or that user, but I've seen really obese people at Chinese buffets carry 2 - 3 plates of crab legs or crawfish to their table.

I don't even eat those if I go to a buffet but dayum son, leave some for the others.

i would beat em if I had em
i beat me meat, don't i?

wtf man
I can barely eat at a china buffet once every 6 months, much less every vacation.

Chinese buffets have pizza, french fries, chicken nuggets and other regular stuff because it's for people and kids that don't like Chinese food.

I just get the usual chinese fare (fried rice, general tso) it's no different than takeout.

crab rangoon is fried dough and cheese, though. it's extremely filling and greasy.

You guys ever get spicy chicken like pic related? How does it taste so good? I notice it has a different taste, almost a spongy texture.... Is that because of how they cook it or the meat they use? How can obtain similar?

Batter and deep fry twice and then coat in a sugar based sauce

the batter is cake mix (with corn starch). They fry it twice then fry it again with the sauce

Good looking out lads ill give it a try this weekend

Having tried Pizza Hut as an adult, the buffet pizza is actually better.

I'm going to eat, not to waste my money

>friend wants to try "asian cuisine"
>agree to stick around but he has to pick the place
>we end up going to a chinese buffet

>Not eating typical "Chinese" food at a Chinese Buffet.

Might as well go to pic related or wherever picky eaters in your town go to escape their monotony of fast food.

would be pretty good if they didn't charge $25

Guys, how is the 7-11 cheeseburger? Tastes good.

Yeah but if you go to a chinese buffet for pizza you deserve to be disappointed.

I got the pizza from a Chinese buffet once.
They used ketchup instead of tomato sauce.
Ketchup, cheese, bread. Never again.

Also got mac and cheese once. It looked insanely cheesy and delicious. It wasn't cheese, it was mayo. Macaroni and mayo. Like macaroni pasta salad except it was steaming hot. Disgusting.

What is that? looks good whats in it?.

Yeah man fried bread, chicken, and sweet sauces are universally hated outside the U.S. Yup. Those things are basically Hitler when you think about it.

I hope you are catching my sarcasm.

went to an event at some buffet last night, $28 a person, Chinese food was bland as fuck, all the meat was dry as a bone and the rest of the food was just hot chips and nuggets

do you live on a mountain?

>big city fag
Hello Cleetus, how is your mom-sister doing?

you know what's rarely disappointing, in america?

indian buffets. why? because all their shit is curry and rice, so it can hold in warm baths without losing quality, unlike noodles and crab rangoon.

and that fucking endless garlic naan. fuck me. i had the best goat curry i've ever had from a buffet; my dick was a 3-carat diamond that day

Its a weird chocolate coffee cake thing.

Tbh if you go to a Chinese buffet and don't like Chinese food you're a retard
And you should leave your shitty rat kids at home as well, there's just no excuse

5 bucks to clear out your system? sounds fantastic.

>what is it that americans
O B S E S S E D

I live in the mountain state, but no, in a relatively flat area near a river.

I hate that the people voluntarily occupying these places vote is equal to mine.

damn that's a small dick.

Chinese buffets have always been a hit or miss for me, one time working at a security firm I was at a job site and we went and ate at a seedy buffet, I ended up projectile vomiting into their landscaping later that afternoon lol.

initially read this as "really disappointing", got triggered as fuck.

you're right user, indian buffets are usually good as fuck.

My local Indian buffet place is great. Not the biggest selection because their vegetarian buffet items tend to be meh at best; but the rest is great. Lamb kofta, chicken in some mild, creamy, orange sauce, tandoori chicken bits, fucking chicken saag... others I can't recall the names of. But they do a great job, and the free naan is a nice touch.

that is disappointing.... my favorites, beside the lamb vindaloo and goat curries, are the veg dishes: cauliflower pakora, saag daal, random vegetable curries, etc.

considering that—in india—vegetarian cuisine is the cornerstone of their diet, it would make me suspicious in the least.

just went to a godly one earlier today
got stuffed on the usual curry, rice, and naan then finished off with some gulab jamun

i rarely like sweets, but goddamn i ate about 8 of those things

>he doesn't know that its for the children

Went to an indian buffet near me, a week ago, for $12.

A lady serves you food. Best goat curry Ive ever had. I was fucking stuffed. I spoke to her and she was even impressed I was brave enough to go for anything that wasnt chicken. Because of that, i got a goat curry and rice take home bag for free.

are you me? i almost never eat dessert, but something about that floral and sickly sweet syrup gets my loins girdled. probably a reaction to the face-melting heat of dinner.

man, i really wish goat curry would take off in the states. nothing like that greasy, chewy meat imo.

Its utterly absurd how good goat is, but its still completely ignored. Its better tasting than pork, and the meat is easier to work with than beef.

Gatdamn you're right.

I didn't realize you hated tasty food

Should have tried their Holodets then

>tfw we've got a Flammkuchen all-you-can-eat in my city
hnng, went there with 10 other people and we ate the whole menu together (about 40 different Flammkuchen)

It's a combination of being Asian (she refuses to eat anything that doesn't come with a bowl of rice) and being stingier than a banker jew.
And it's not just that one time I invited her on vacation, but it's rather on any occasion on when the siblings and I decide to go eat out. She always demands to go to a Chinese buffet because it's cheap. Even if it's an Asian restaurant that we've chosen that we'd think she might like and when she's not paying, she gets her way with the buffet.

Grease + loads of sugar + loads of salt pretty much sums up american food culture

why the fuck is it necessary to make 3 plates of them just for yourself

Like some sort of knock off tiramisu?

more like this without effort or budget

Who goes to chinese buffet for pizza? Why is there pizza at a chinese buffet?

Kids and picky eaters who don't wanna be there.

They usually have fries, chicken nuggets, various puddings, cookies, and cake slices too.

At least they're usually better than golden corral. I mean gc isn't even all that cheap and it's shit.

Why not just tell your kids to shut the fuck up and eat sweet and sour chicken?

Its fried chicken, even comes with a sweet sauce.

That's what my parents did.

Parents these days prefer to let kids bitch themselves to exhaustion instead of laying down the law.

Not judging or anything, that's just what I've seen.

>BU-UT MO-OM IT'S GROOOO-SSSSSS. BAWWW.