What a Fedora Imagines When He Orders Black Coffee

>*A portly fellow in a flame shirt waddles to the counter of a Starbucks*
>"What would you like sir?"
>*The atheist squints around the coffee bar, his hands at the sides of his khaki shorts like he had two holsters. With one hand he expertly pulls out his wallet and with the other, he brings the tip of his hat down before placing his order*
>"Coffee. Black."
>*A hush falls over the patrons and staff. Women gush in their panties as whispers from men can't believe what's transpiring. The barista looks like he's about to faint, his grip on the cup furiously shaking as he slides it over the counter to our hero*
>*The cheetoh avenger slaps down a sticky five and a quarter with his hamhock fist before mumbling to no one that they should "keep the change", knowing he's a far more euphoric human being than people that put sugar or milk in their coffee*

why does it offend you so, that I like my coffee plain?

>being so insecure that you extensively over analyze mundane things into being "pretentious"

Veeky Forums doesn't deserve posts like these.

Why do you do this?

Oh fuck off. This is what Veeky Forums was built for.
>inb4 banned by the cuck janny for triggering him too hard

someone once said "milk and sugar are for babies" and he took it so personally that it assaults his ego to the very core. Every time he utters "sugar" to the coffee store employee he winces inside, and quickly glances around to make sure no one is judging him, even though no one gives a shit in reality. He does this to overcompensate.

are you 12?

See that alien man in your OP? Go back there, they miss you.

No, it's what /b/ was made for. Its a containment board for newfucks like you.
Veeky Forums is a place of both productive insight and scathing banter, much like a busy restaurant's kitchen.
Take your fedoralord bullshit back to /r9k/ or /v/ or wherever the hell you came from, your stench is bringing flies to the kitchen.

Thank you

>This is what Veeky Forums was built for.
No. No it's not.

You have completely missed the entire point of this website.
Being shitty and obnoxious is a consequence of what we are, NOT the objective.

Why on earth did you think that we would celebrate you for posting like this?

classic pasta, you really baited them good this time

>b-b-but Veeky Forums is meant to be taken seriously!!
>b-b-but I need muh serious discussion :(
Reddit is probably more your speed. Hell, even Funnyjunk or the Gaia forums would welcome your kind.

Trips confirm. Based.

trips don't lie

Can someone people explain to me why is this memespewing fuckwad telling other people to fuck off to reddit?

Someone wrote this

You have to be 18 to post here.

You're even worse than he is honestly. Fuck yourself.

>fedoras are so triggered by an accurate portrayal of their behavior that they cry and shit themselves while waiting for mods to save them

I drink my coffee black and my water unmolested.

I'M A PEOPLE PERSON, I TAKE THE GODDAMN REPORTS TO THE ENGINEERS FROM THE CUSTOMERS. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!?

>You're even worse than he is honestly
Nope.

No, but I can explain why you need to be gassed.

>bawwwww he hurt muh feels save me reddit :'^(

What, do you want an apology for not recognizing how great this thread is?

I want you to stop posting.

Reddit is so much better than this shithole.

I love my coffee French-pressed and a fifth of it being creamer.

I want so much creamer in there that I am simply incapable of tasting the bitter.

Reply to this post with "thanks doc" or your mother will die in her sleep tonight

Calling OP a faggot and telling him to fuck off is the least offensive thing in this thread.

Take your autism and put it into something constructive.

You are so rectumragnarocked that you're attempting to nuke this thread from orbit. Absolutely phenomenal.

Just walk away.

Thanks doc

You've never worked a kitchen in your life faggot.

Serious question, are you even saging right now?

>saging
Literally what?

please stay there cucklord

Yes. Taking away the ability to see when a post is Saging is the worst thing to happen to Veeky Forums. There was nothing like seeing a shit thread get Sage bombed.

>MUH oldfaggery

Read the FAQ for once in your life.

Fuck.

Alright, good.

I can walk away happily as long as I know that.

Kill yourself faggot

>tfw too intelligent to drink coffee

You'll need to be angrier and edgier than that if you want to fit in with the cool kids.

C'mon. You wanna be like us oldfags, don'tcha?

I'm really craving Fazoli's.

Thanks doc

Fuck you yes I have, 4/5 upper-middle class bar and grill specializing in modern spins on comfort food, St Louis Missouri.
I served and bussed tables, I've been in a kitchen during a dinner rush before you presumptuous shit.

Thanks doc

You've eaten at those places but you've never actually worked in the kitchen. Top lel, busboy.

go back to fucking reddit, you insufferable autist

nobody finds these over exaggerated "le cringy XDDD" scenarios funny anymore

Huh?

[triggered]

I don't see the point. If I put cold milk and sugar in the coffee, it doesn't improve the coffee, it just adds fucking milk and sweetness. But I can still taste the coffee, it's just diluted. So I solved this problem by getting better coffee.

>ordering actual coffee at Starbucks

You fucked up, son.

I don't even give you the benefit of considering you're just pretending to be stupid. Go back to /v/.

Thanks doc

Thanks doc

thanks doc

fuck you

thanks doc just in case

Thanks doc