What does Veeky Forums cook up when a girl comes over?

Nothing. The girl is already at my place. She is here to fuck. Why would I feed her?

Real casanova we got here, lads.

The only time I had a girl in my apartment was when I asked my neighbour about the broken heating.

Why would I cook for a girl? I'm not gay.

Girl never come over
I'm forever alone

Butternut sqash ravioli with a bacon becheml sauce and red wine...its delicious and heavy makes the girl just want to watch a movie and drink more wine. I call it my panty dropper pasta.

>I call it my panty dropper pasta.
Not in front of people I hope...

I cook well in general so I don't have to specifically plan out dishes to impress girls.

My girlfriend loved the clammy pasta with shallots and white wine butter sauce I made her recently so we've done that a couple times since

>white sauce
>red wine

try

uterus parts with a little garlic and some wine

Probably a 5 course diner involving subtle and light flavours. Probably some sea food start with a feather light bisque then scallops with almond oil and a cauliflower puree with a hint of rocket. Maybe a lobster with a saffron mayonaise. Obviously a citrus desert (bergamot and buddha's hand) which is luscious with chocolate. And to finish an Irish coffee laced with rohyphnol so I'm sure I'm getting laid.

Spaghetti with a simple tomato sauce or pasta with steak and creme sauce. Both are light meals that take only a few minuets to make and are virtually impossible to fuck up.

Yup white sauce red wine and i still get laid....actually now married and with two kids. I made it on our second date....soooo have fun masterbating in your own tears after you get off your deep fryer tonight

depends on the girl.

The first few dates i take her out. So i know what she likes.

And then i can cook a meal i think she would like.

Red wine is an aphrodisiac. If you are trying to get a woman into bed with you, why use anything else?

I only ever managed to get one date with a girl, a 44 year old single mother from work when I was 22
I tried to impress her by making Lasagna for us both but I didn't think it went far enough
Her son was 19 at the time and still lived at home, so I found his picture on Facebook. I put it into a picture frame and halfway through dinner bought it into the room, put it on the table with a bowl of Kraft Mac and Cheese and said 'haha, my new step-son is a picky eater!'.
She got really fucking offended and ended up telling people I tried to rape her.

Don't think I've ever offered anything but a bottle of wine to a chick I'm getting to know. Gets them in the mood for all kinds of unimaginably nasty shit they wouldn't do sober like having sex with me.

holy fucking shit user this cant be real

Include me in the reddit screencap.

This isn't real. This can't be real

>when a girl comes over
What the fuck are you talking about

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>getting a girl to look at a maintenance problem for you
Wew lad

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Pls be real. It's almost as cringe as the time I made stir fry for a girl and told her I had included her dog in the dish (whom I had hid in the basement closet). She cried all throughout dinner thinking it was true, but kept eating it anyways. Not sure why I didn't tell her sooner, but at least I got to 69 before getting kicked out of her house.

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I'll take things that didn't happen for 500

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i offer her left overs from the dinner my mom made

Crawfish etouffee and fried frog legs. Gotta hit up them fresh local ingredients, man. And bitches love seafood.

Well i plan to make my specialty for breakfast if the night goes well. Bahemian Tuna + Grits.

For dinner i'll cook something easy and fun, like old el paso roasted red pepper vegitas.

I wont do what i did last time, and make the two girls who came over a sadwich which was a towering mass of branston pickle with too much vinegar in it. So much that she couldnt even eat it all and only took two bites.

oh yeah?

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have my Mom make 2 boxes of macky cheese and chop up an extra hot dog or two into it

tbqh i usually drop a roofie in a mixed drink and offer it to her

then i dump her lifeless body into the dumpster at my apartment complex

Poe's law all over again. Are you one of the legendary rusemasters or a true autist? I will never find out.

Very basic stuff for a first home meal

>hey femanon,let's keep it simple tonight
>wait for her to arrive and have all ingredients for simple meal ready
>prep ground chuck for burgers
>have her handle mac and cheese
>but user,I've never made it from scratch
>that's okay,here,let me show you
>place firm grip on her waist,point and ask her to grab ingredients one by one while maintaining firm grip, and instruct her on how to made a basic cheese sauce
>go back to ground chuck and ask her how she likes her burger
>"well done please"
>not today gorgeous
>pull out some pre made dough from previous day for buns
>here you go sugar,place these in the oven for me,would ya?
>toss nice summer salad regardless of season,spinach,bean sprouts,tomatoes,twist of lemon and lime

total cook time about 30 minutes including buns,prep time 24 hours for dough,+10minutes prior to femanon coming over

impresses every bitch ever

[spoiler]Have a simple meal,have some sex,and if she already knew what she was doing with the cheese sauce,then consider future dates[/spoiler]

[spoiler]so far bitches continue to be basic and not worthy of raising my children,maybe someday Veeky Forums[/spoiler]

So obese AND white trash

>/r/edpill

my fucking sides

>could such an autist exist?
>research says yes

things that never happened for 100

Why the fuck would you have wings cooked in a sauce, and THEN have dipping sauces on top...

Completely ruined

so suave, im already wet

found this picture of you by the way

cringe as fuck desu senpai

I dont have to cook any thing as my Guy Fuaeri frosted tips and stacked wallet makes woman gush in there panties.

we're either the same person, or you're a troll and I'm the worthless piece of shit human you described.

All the eggs.

Alton Brown's Pork Wellington, sauteed snap peas with garlic, some random side dish, and a good white/red wine, depending on her preference
super easy and it impresses the bitches

>Her son was 19 at the time and still lived at home, so I found his picture on Facebook. I put it into a picture frame and halfway through dinner bought it into the room, put it on the table with a bowl of Kraft Mac and Cheese and said 'haha, my new step-son is a picky eater!'.

Most girls appreciate the effort user. Its not about being cheap or not, its the effort required. A girl would know you gave a shit outside of throwing money at things to impress her.

Get out of here, 9gag

Who fucking cares. Don't let the truth get in the way of a good story.

>when a girl comes over

yeah....yeah

nigga you don't feed the hoe, da fuq is you doin bruh?

Only part that sounded worthwhile was the salad tossing

Steamed salmon with lemon and dill, with a bit of rive pilaf, a light salad dressed with simple herbs and olive oil, all served with a Riesling or fruity Piersporter wine.

Dessert of an Affogato coffee

Women don't fuck on a full stomach of a heavy meal.
Gotta keep it light.

Jesus christ you faggots are making this way too hard. Grilled chicken with a salad and nice wine, or a steak and baked potato with a dark beer.

underrated post.

Make this for me and Ill suck your dick

Homemade pizza,
Nice, fruity italian wine (valpolicella)
tiramisu
rohypnol

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don't let them know where you live because if you stick your dick in crazy there's no escape

Holy sweet mother of keks

Kek

You're the reason why I always come back to Veeky Forums, user.

Breakfast.

>actually now married and with two kids
>>soooo have fun masterbating in your own tears

you are the one that went and ruined your life by getting married and having 2 kids.

>She is here to fuck.
Making great assumptions there. She's only visiting you to see if she'll get any free food out of it.

Kinda depends on the mood, but I usually make something we previously agree in, as not to risk any allergy. I also like to get her involved to create a fun activity instead of me "showing off".
If it's dinner, I always make desert.

Last time, I made some creamy scrambled eggs with toasted croissants and orange juice for breakfast.

>fucking on a really full stomach

gross

Specially for a woman
You've filled her stomach with fatty heavy foods
Then you expect she'll want you shoving your "sausage" in her?
Nope, doesn't happen.

If a woman feels too full, it's either no loving, or a quick BJ

A light meal, a simple protein (fish or chicken) some veg (no beans), a starch like rice, no bread or carbs, some fruity wine and a tiny little dessert that is not too cloyingly sweet.
Great Success.

>having a family is ruining your life

this is your brain on autism

Took ya long enough to get triggered

Three whole pizzas, split between the twixt of us. All three are Meat Lovers. Then we become the meat lovers.

We run our greasy sausage scented fingers over eachother's bodies and for 2 whole hours fill our bedspread with farts and our toilet with big, hefty shits. The night ends when we and our 2 2-liter bottles of Dr Pepper are exhausted.

I've made just about everything for dinner-at-home dates; Oysters Rockefeller for this one random trust fund bitch all the way down to personalized juicy lucys with the girl I'm currently with.

Here's the real deal, and you guys can take it or leave it: honestly, when you make something for a girl, it's either because you want to show off, or you want to cook with her. And which one it is depends on your read: if she's prissy, or likes food but is domestically clueless, go with the former; if she's more down-to-earth, or likes to cook herself, then go with the latter, cook with her and be playful in the kitchen to get her laughing.

Hey, maybe you learn that she's actually a better cook than you and it's a nice little bonding moment. Or she's not at all appreciative of the effort you put in and you dump her ass to the curb next chance you get because that's one of the biggest possible red flags. But either way you find out how to move forward.

Jesus christ

Why would I cook for my roommates girlfriend?

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God job user

Cheeseburger Gnocchi

Women are easy to impress. Just name off some easy to cook french shit and roll around in all the pussy you get.

Don't even need to do that, just give them some bread. They're basically ducks.

>They're basically ducks.

Ok that made me laugh.

>when a girl comes over
>girl

Well done.

>1449507946700.jpg

You're in big trouble, son.

>when a girl comes over

For my current gf I Made Burritos. Like 10 fucking bowls of toppings so you can make them yourself. Relationship is still going very strong after 3 years. Take from that what You Want.