>*A portly fellow in a flame shirt waddles to the counter of a Starbucks*
>"What would you like sir?"
>*The atheist squints around the coffee bar, his hands at the sides of his khaki shorts like he had two holsters. With one hand he expertly pulls out his wallet and with the other, he brings the tip of his hat down before placing his order*
>"Coffee. Black."
>*A hush falls over the patrons and staff. Women gush in their panties as whispers from men can't believe what's transpiring. The barista looks like he's about to faint, his grip on the cup furiously shaking as he slides it over the counter to our hero*
>*The cheetoh avenger slaps down a sticky five and a quarter with his hamhock fist before mumbling to no one that they should "keep the change", knowing he's a far more euphoric human being than people that put sugar or milk in their coffee*
What a Fedora Imagines When He Orders Black Coffee
I like black coffee
>2017
>didn't even tip with a rip
Kek what a new fag
>a hush falls over the coffee shop
I usually just make it at home
fuck that shit half and half is the best.
>"I'll have a lungo, please :)"
>"Coffee. Black."
An Americano?
>tfw drink black coffee because I gradually cut things out to save time making coffee.
When I go to fancy dinners for work or get a date. I always order scotch neat and get a filet mignon cooked blue rare. I also needlessly wear a suit every single day w/ cuff links and french cut shirts.
I hate scotch, I hate beef that isn't well done and I hate "dressing up".....but god damn, I love being a tool
..I'm not joking at all
You're a fucking idiot. Tons of people drink black coffee. Its not special or surprising in any way what so ever unless you're literally 12 and think its super "strong" or something. Its coffee, its slightly bitter, unless its over brewed, has some contaminate, or just stale as fuck, its easy to drink black.
Pretty much all black coffee tastes like shitty bitter water and nothing more. I've tried dozens and asked plenty of others who have tried them as well. There is no secret taste bud only some people have. You've conditioned your body to tolerate something (like beer too) because it has a social benefit.
You've conditioned yourself to think everyone else is pretending because you're too retarded to comprehend the idea of someone having different taste to yours.
No, you just don't like coffee. You might as well just put sugar in milk and drink it.
Show me a picture of a person in their daily attire, and I will be able to tell you which ones drink black coffee w/ 100% accuracy
No you won't. Your fixation on the idea of a "pretentious hipster" leads me to believe you're a retarded teenager who thinks he has everyone else figured out. Fuck off
Imagine being unable to enjoy something without dumping sugar on/in it, and thinking that everyone who doesn't are the ones with the problem
One of the best threads kek
Nah, im not the original guy you were talking to.
For the past 15 years, my job has had me meet with 3-10 people a day at coffee places (STEM Head Hunter)....can pick the people ordering Black the second they walk in the door
$5.25 for a cup of plain black coffee? Jesus, there really is no God...
>a hush falls over your wife and her son
memes haha
Looks like this guy checkmated all the black coffee faggots
>Jesus and God in one sentence
Athist 0 Religeon 1
You Need Help
>You Need Help
Why do I need help?
Eh I don't like all the added sugar. I don't drink coffee for the taste just for the caffeine. I usually just take an espresso shot but if coffee I like it black with a vanilla bean in it. Creamer tastes like trash.
I take that back I usually add either a drop or two of honey or agave syrup.
I usually say "long black". But I'm sn Australian and therefore fucking retarded.
What do your usual gooks, chinks, and nips order?
>What do your usual gooks, chinks, and nips order?
Gooks (Vietnamese/Korean) and nips always are very nice and basically force you to order for them out of politeness and respect.
Chinks have no concept of respect or integrity and sometimes I think are worst than blacks....Chinks will always order the most expensive coffee and expensive pastry(s) they see....it could be dog shit coffee with cat shit pastry, but if it costs the most, that's what they will get.
fuck off back to r.eddit autist