Government knocks your door

Y-yeah p-profits

YOURE NOT GETTING 1 SAT
HYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH

>asks you for my *unknown amount of* crypto profits

1. Scratching my face.
2. Take my clothes off.
3. Start crying.

It works on bailiffs...

You guys are alright. Make sure you're all-in on XRP by Tuesday, 5PM Eastern time.

xrpchat.com/topic/20486-brad-garlinghouse-presidentcoo-of-coinbase-on-cnbc-3618-5pm-est/

Show my capital loss carryover worksheet from all the shit stocks I traded in 2016

sorry sir, I lost my private keys, guns, and hard drives in a tragic boating accident.

now git

i would unironically escape to asia

I lost my private keys. Money's gone. You never know what might turn up a year from now though, I'll keep you posted if I find them again.

>a series of randomly generated hashes can land you in prison for life

I'm so happy you're here. I'm down $35k in a month. That's 75%! I think you owe me money for capital losses!

Play dumb and make them explain to me in detail what crypto is, how it works and why it has any value at all.

And while you're here can you sign me up for some gib me dats? I haven't had a boneless ribeye in weeks.

kek fpbp

>would you accept The Billion Coin? Before you say no, let me tell you how it works.

Teleport behind them
>Nothing personal pig

No problem since i've lost everything

Show him my funfair losses

dont bring /g/ memes here thanks

Greet in Yiddish, offer a knish.

Print out a bunch of Etherkittie and Etherpepe contracts. Laminate them. Have them handy. Show them to the agents. Say you'd be more than happy to liquidate them and pay taxes on them.

Tax evasion is a crime. Burgers love their country even though their country loves fucking them in the ass with a sandpaper dildo

...

Tell them to turn 360 degrees and walk away. If that fails then i'll tell them i'm 12 and i don't know what this is.