Hemmorhoids

Guy, I need help. Recently,I got this hemmorhoids and it's the biggest pain in the ass of all time.

Do you guys have any tips on how to stop this constaNT PAIN?

ass cream + stop eating shit food + eat ground flax seed + take warm water baths

no sodomy

drink more water
apply ice
don't sit so much if possible

The surgery is relatively simple, if you have steady hands, buy a sex swing and a full length mirror and go for it, just cut that fucker open, scoop out the clot and suture it shut.

I got a hemorrhoid once, didn't feel a thing. To be honest I didn't even know what a hemorrhoid was until it happened to me
>sitting on the toilet on the phone after a good shit in the middle of the night
>hear a loud dripping sound
>assume there's something wrong with the toilet
>wipe
>all blood
>*heavy breathing*
>look under
>literally a stream of blood coming out of my ass
>toilet looks like someone slaughtered a pig in it
>shitshitshit
>wipe the rest of the blood and run to the computer
>google "shitting blood"
>"prostate cancer"
>fuckfuckfuck
>I'm not ready to die
>pace back and forth evaluating my options
>after about 10 minutes of near crying I decide I don't really want to live anyways and I'm going to reject chemo and die with dignity
>but wait, let's google some more
>red blood means it's just a hemorrhoid
And that's the story of how I learned what a hemorrhoid is

Fiber, fiber, more fiber. Also preparation H or whatever to lube up your ass hole so your shits dont irritate the the roid.

Really all you can do is wait it out until it resorbs.

I remember I had a super bad one that thrombosed and I bleed like crazy then for about a week my asshole was leaking mucus because it was irritated and exceptionally painful.

I did this when I was 20
that was a long night
many years ago

You're a big guy

warm bath with epsom salt helps in the short term.

Everything you'r reading here is right, hydrate and gets lots of fiber.

for you

why do people keep saying "warm bath"?
if anything, that shit would make the hemorroid bigger by increasing your blood pressure.
Am I missing something?

which food is good for taking an enjoyable shit?

For me, the actual answer turned out to be "Ate way too many red velvet cookies in one sitting."

Wouldn't a warm bath lower blood pressure from vasodilation in the skin?

I can 100% say this is not true. I can't stay in a hot shower for too long specifically because it feels like my artheries will blow up and my heart starts pounding a lot more.

>And that's the story of how
Yes, nothing wakes you up so thoroughly as a shock like this.

>enjoyable
Prunes. Lots of prunes.
If you go all the way in your, errr, enjoyment, please remember to bring a large bottle of water and some salt. You are about to spend some quality time.

>warm bath with epsom
W-what? As in rectal injection of epsom? I juts got some images in my mind I would really like to get rid of thank you very much.

>asspain
>fuckin hemorrhoid
>excrutiating pain at all times
>oh god its like the size of a grape
>feels rock hard
>not inside the butthole though, kinda next to it, weird
>every shit is torture
>cleaning my ass is torture
>had enough one day
>take long hot shower
>get a good grip on it
>dig my nails in and rip
>literally black out from pain for a second
>wake up still settling to the floor of the shower
>look at my hand
>the fuck it looks like nasty bloody pus
>ass stings but feels so much better
>shower is a slaughterhouse, but there's a gooey trail of nasty pus still washing down
>carefully explore anus
>gaping hole next to O-ring
>nearly get a finger in it, hurts so bad
>not really bleeding much any more
>clean up, go to bed with dry washcloth between cheeks
>next morning
>washcloth kinda bloody, some crusty yellow fluid
>eating breakfast
>hold back a fart
>it squeezes out anyway
>kinda hurts and feels really, really wrong
>oh jesus
>it wasn't a hemorrhoid
And that's how I got an anal fistula

Actual cringe: the post.

Fiber the shit out of your diet. You'll be defecating like a champion.

Awful, but the relief was palpable. You are a talented writer, user.

Go to see the doctor
I had once cuz constipation, fixed that and now I am fine, took days too
pomade might work

wew

so you popped a rectal abscess nice

>tfw for some reason fiber and starch gives you massive cramps
I've went to a few doctors and no one could explain this to me.