Help Me For 1 ETH

The person who posts the best advice for me in this thread gets 1 ETH.

>18 years old
>$5M+ in BTC/ETH
>Obtained BTC by stealing wallets in 2017
>Bought a Lambo
>Over $250,000 in clothing and jewelry

Given my circumstances, how do I go about filing taxes on this stuff? I don't want the IRS coming after me. I paid for the car in BTC and I bought the clothing and jewelry with cash.

Serious responses only.

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Now we've got your IP. Thank you.

You put 10 ETH in and email us

If you actually have $5M then hire an accountant. At that number you'll lose a ton of money if you file taxes yourself. An accountant will save you a ton of money.

I would actually help you OP if you weren't lying.

First off you should think of something to say other than you stole it

The fact you stole wallet instead of transfering into another wallet qualifies as computer crime, your best bet is money laundering and forking half to the IRS after. Or move to ukraine.

Nah mate get fucked, you’re a cunt and deserve to get the irs fucking you raw dog for being a scumbag


For real user, you could do this: take a trip to Thailand for as long as this takes. Move all you btc to a localbitcoins address. Open a bank account in Thailand with just a passport (no ssn connection). Sell your BTC at the REAL btc listed price. All the other greedy faggots sell btc at 12k+. Asia fags trip over themselves to do cash transactions with you via local bitcoins. You come away with an extended vacation in the tropics, the clap from Thai hookers, and a fat stack of cash. You're welcome.


helping you would give me bad karma
you should seek redemption op

Simply don't pay taxes. You're already a criminal (stealing wallets), so you might as well just double-down and go all-in! But, seriously; think about it: until such time as you actually *answer* whatever potential claim the IRS may eventually make through official channels to the effect that they believe you owe them money, you honestly owe them zero according to the law and every colour of law there is.

Wait until they decide to audit you. Don't acknowledge any of their attempts at communication. Never reply. Never respond. It is constitutionally illegal to issue a warrant for the arrest of an American citizen on the grounds that they have "thusfar failed" to pay their taxes -- which is a distant echo but far cry from the original idea, seeing as we started this country to get out of paying taxes to the Crown.

Fuck 'em; what're they gonna do? You should just cash out your five million and buy a boat, sail to another country, and live the life of a luxury playboy with your home at anchor just off a gorgeous high-end resort beach.

How would getting an accountant save me money, exactly? Do they have some kind of discount code or something? (sarcasm)
Why couldn't I just file it myself?

Funny thing is that I'm not.

Couldn't I just say I bought it when it was pennies/dollars? I already have an excuse, but would they look into it or just believe me?

I have already laundered it through exchanges and tumblers

Sounds risky

It's too late for that. Also, the people I stole from were drug dealers

Then he gets robbed and probably killed on the way to the airport.

Become citizen of Monaco, you can apply for a citizenship with a bank deposit of 500K Eur.



Holy shit the larping on this board get out of hard.
anyone with a single brain cell can tell you are a child without anything else meaning to do in your life.
If I would be your father, I would be embarrassed.

good accountant and maybe lawyer

anything else is insane

I do owe them money. I have sold $300,000 worth of coins for cash. I don't want to have bad ties. My friends and family are here in the US. I am too young to just leave, but I know there is a way to cash out legally.

What does having an accountant do for me?

>Do they have some kind of discount code or something?
Yes, they do. Are ypu actually fucking retarded? Its their job to make you pay the government as little as possible. If by some miracle this isnt a larp you will 1000% save money by spending money on a good high end accountant. Jesus fucking christ

Accountants will have knowledge you don't? At least if you can find a good one with a reputation maybe. More knowledge than anyone in this thread who'd do it for free anyway.

How did you steal it op? please help

OP is larping, obviously.


You need a tax lawyer. Because you have a huge mountain of undocumented income, the IRS will be asking why you didn't pay your quarterly taxes and other disclosures. A tax lawyer will develop a strategy to get you current and keep you out of jail. Don't be Wesley Snipes.

Buy Masternode coins I like XZC and DASH. Live off of the node rewards. sell node rewards and pay taxes on the node rewards. the coin rewards you would just be taxed like mining is which i believe is just revenue. you only run into problems if they figure out which masternode is yours but if you do a privacy coin like XZC that shouldnt be much of a problem

just tell them that youre a sovereign citizen and a freeman on the land under common law and that they cant touch you or do shit to you. seems to work

Say something like you mined it or something?

you can't open thai bank accounts on tourist visas anymore, he could buy a Thai Elite visa for like 12k usd and then open an account.

but would you trust a country that has had the most millitary coups in the world and recently had a huge stock market crash which whipped 90 percent of the value from it? it's also very corrupt.


Here, this will help. The site will do the taxes for you for free to a certain extent, you can pay extra for more features but they're cheap so it's good overall.

Eth: 0x4be0623a81eec79f80cf8fef538715ce84f777c9

1. First file for a tax extension, to give yourself more time. This way you're not looking at a hard wall of April to find a CPA, file a return and pay. The process can sometimes take a while, so giving yourself some room to maneuver is helpful.

2. Secondly, find a CPA that deals with crypto. is actually legit, they will help you file necessary returns, likely can put you in touch with a wealth manager who can help oversee your fiat side of the equation (e.g. how you create liquidity to pay any tax liabilities, which banks are most crypto friendly, helping establish lines of credit without prior credit history or current employment).

3. Pay your taxes. The last thing you want is to give the IRS a reason to come after you. Do what your CPA says. Crypto is under a federal microscope.

ETH: 0x977d44d6DD69894e500cD01AcfA4Fec4DEc620bF

Good luck, OP.

>stealing wallets
what the fuck does that even mean?

It means he's a LARPer

Give me a million and I'll find out for you and then tell you.

Since Cryptocurrencies are non-insured securities by default the US law doesn't technically differentiate them from gambling.

Gambling taxes are a flat 25%, state you invested in online gambling and have been playing cryptocurrency poker.

Enjoy your sweet loophole user.


My best plans for this situation would be:
1.Start small charity, or contact one, make a deal with them to give You back 80% of the money. I guess You live in USA, in Europe, charities have low taxes, or non existent.

2. Same as #1 but do it with scientology/church.

3. Find people to donate money, so they can fill taxes as money would be their own, pay smaller taxes.

4. There are some countries in Europe that You pay almost ZERO taxes from crypto. You can easily do a trip and come back in 3-6 months, and make an additional deal that someone gave You this money/ You win it by gambling if You pay them off. I'm not going to post details about it here. We can chat somewhere else.

My BTC # - 14ipaxQg9tCUcJ1ZYM5SF1F64Xtpj2MqQG

BTW i literally saved you something like 500k in taxes, you better be thankful. Just read up on gambling laws and consider your winnings as such.

No lambo dealer currently accepts bitcoin. Sorry. Nice try.

It's pretty amazing how desperate the average poster is in here.

Just say you mined it in 2010 and the computer you used crashed so you don't have any record of it. Or just move to a damn tax haven you have 5 mil..

1. setup an offshore company in one of the offshores that are big on privacy, not all offshores are the same. Some offer good tax rates, others better protection of the identity of business owners. I'd with belize
2. setup a company in your country, with this much money you can have a startup with legit devs, even if it's a couple of devs.
3. your company is hired by your offshore company for consultancy/software development.
4. pump out literally anything and charge offshore company
5. even if it's paid in crypto you declare every satoshi and cash out

there are no easy ways to cash out

here is my eth address

If this is somehow tied to your name there are lawyers on the darknet markets that can help you change your identity. Poof, IRS thinks you up and disappeared.

Give everyone in this thread 1 BTC

BTC - 1N851P7YqdSiQyJbj8V6YYyWEiPk56onrV


Time to open a lambo dealership.

>Give everyone in this thread 1 BTC
he only has 5M, way too small time to be casually handing out 30-40BTC.

Honestly dude, you should start a business. Doesn't matter what kind of business, just anything. Franchise something and fund it. Then slowly pay yourself that money that you acquired. This is called money laundering .

>Put your money in a privacy coin (XMR/ZCL)
>Move to germany, where Bitcoin-type transactions are not taxed
>live off your day to day expenses in bitcoin
>get a decent job to provide cover for the rest of your expenses
>Order a lot of shit off the internet
>continually look up best countries for crypto and be prepared to move
>buy a woman that is down with that kind of lifestyle.

call it the Clinton Foundation

Assuming this is not a larp, you are a criminal under US law, and will be prosecuted as an adult.

"I have lot of coin, when is next pizza party?"

btw, 'only' stealing from drug dealers doesnt make it really better, do some community related stuff with 1/2 of the money and pay taxes for the rest. MAGA