You ever had any accident while cooking, Veeky Forums?

I can't. I've done that same clean up routine and the idea of that getting in my eyes is terrifying.

My worst accident was when I was working at a quick serve mexican place and I was opening and closing. We were a 5 person mom and pop establishment with no more that 2 people working together at a time. I was hungover as hell, and derped out removing the attachment blade from the food processor and sliced my index finger nearly to the bone. I was solo that day, so I just wrapped some gauze around it and taped it so much it was difficult to remove and rode it out. In hindsight I probably should have gone to get medical attention, but I was kind of destitute, and I wore gloves when I was handling food anyway, so it seemed like the best idea.

It actually never got infected, or affected the feeling in the finger and no customer commented on it, but in hindsight I probably should have gotten stitches. I'm pretty lucky about not having hurt myself too badly or witnessing anyone else.

I cut my finger chopping stuff recently. I was so upset that I woke up on the floor - I actually passed out. My head and body hit the floor so hard I was sore for more than a week.

I've never passed out before. If you cut yourself, and it's bleeding, and you are upset, sit down or lie down, because you might pass out.

Did you not know what would happen if you poured water on hot oil?

LLLLLAFFFFFIN

cut off the end of my fingertip to the nailbed (shame because I was young, so the scar is tiny)

learned the difference between normal glassware and pyrex (hot glass shatters and cuts your finger open from palm to tip)

Are you Canadian or something?

youtu.be/8eR5-HCHIZE

I invited friends over dinner, I was making my special roasted chicken, had been basting that motherfucker in home made stock with onions and potatoes and shit

I dropped it on the floor when I took it out of the oven, chicken parts went flying everywhere, one of the onions went rolling under the fridge
and my friends girlfriend felt really bad and insisted we eat it anyway as she rinses the pube off of a potato and puts it back in the dish

I've never really injured myself that badly, just the odd hand burn from a hot pan or a grated knuckle or a small slip cut

The most painful though are steam burns, I have a bad habit of doing stupid shit like lifting the lid halfway and shoving a spoon in to taste only to get insta-burned by the blast of steam shooting past the lid

I pretty much cut the tip of my thumb when I was using a knife to peel potatoes instead of a peeler (was a stupid mistake and when I was learning how to cook).

Fortunately, a little bit of skin was still there and it just healed normally, but the feeling around the area that got cut is drastically different then my right thumb, almost like it is numb.

I should have gone to the ER and had it checked out, but eh.

I set fire to the Char Broil one of my first nights working the hot side of the line. Needed the fire extinguisher and shit. I forgot to put ice in the carbon catcher trays and the fucking thing hadn't been scraped in months so flames moved fast and got high. Almost set off the ansul system.
Needless to say I scraped those trays every single close I did from that day forward.

Cut off an eighth of my thumbnail, grew back fine but was gross to look at for sure.

Would've been dry as fuck anyway. When you baste meat in stock it drys the meat out. You baste meats in fat.

>cut open pad of finger fairly deeply while cleaning my camping knife with turpentine and a cloth
>it seals up and I forget about it
>one day cooking food, need an onion
>they're in a plastic mesh bag
>grab the bag and rip as hard as I can like an ape like I normally do
>as the mesh begins to break suddenly it parts my old cut and slides right into my finger full force with a sawing motion

I've never felt so much pain in my hand, I literally would have taken a kick in the nuts or a hammer to a fingernail instead. I must have hit bone or a nerve or something because my hand was all screwy and sore for a day afterwards like I had arthritis or something

Naw, it simmers in a shallow pool of the stock while it cooks and gets turned and basted the whole time

Oven is set at 500

It should be against the law how moist and juicy it is. Couldn't even eat it off the bone if you tried, just pulls away from the meat

>working in local american joint
>fairly new cook in larger, better kitchen
>fellow chefs are competent and assist me with knowing the kitchen
>first week goes amazingly, no screw ups
>second week, barely any customers
>late night only has six dining
>boss allows some people off early if they prepare marinades and vegetables for tomorrow
>i dont do this since im poor and need overtime
>only me and other 7/10 young cook by 1am
>mad crush on her
>talk to her often and she's good company
>decide this vacant night to make move on her
>'hey, you hungry?'
>'yeah, why?'
>'i'll make you something on me'
>'user thats too kind but i--'
>'i insist'
>she accepts and thanks me
>feel alpha as fuck
>i want it to be amazing so i can get her digits
>'what do you want'
>'idk surprise me'
>holy shit
>she trusts me to make good shit
>decides to go fancy, take maine-lobster out fridge
>she's surprised
>pussyaquired.jpg
>decide to make lobster paella
>slather the lobster tail with paprika, white pepper, salt and some lime juice
>we only had backup limes whenever we ran out of lemons
>sprinkle some parsley and magic garlic dust
>grill the son of the bitch and rush to rice
>as im making the garlic-parmesan rice, i smell burning
>check grill
>lobster is fine and take it off, it looks decadent
>chop it up and add it the rice
>still smell burning
>maybe the missing cooks left something on
>check oven, special dutch oven and even the slow cooker
>nothing seems wrong
>at this point, i put it off my mind
>paella looks like anime food
>going to impress the panties off this bitch
>we have a great time eating and drinking and talking about each other
>suddenly, a flash and crackling noise happens in kitchen
>'ill check it out babe'
>in my head, i freak out
>think she's gonna be awkward bout it
>'haha, be safe :)'
>relief washes over me
>bravely dash to kitchen
>abysmal nightmare
>obscure toaster in corner is smoking and crackling
>drunkedly approach it

I'll continue

Yeah, but how did it taste?

>it bursts into flames and i shout
>'user are you good??'
>'just slipped, its nothing'
>panic mode activate
>grab wooden ladle and try to pull plug
>unplugged
>but still flaming and now the ladle is on fire
>panic mode hyper-drive
>go to fire extinguisher
>try to pull pin but cant due to noodle arms
>throw extinguisher in anger
>it punctures and releases powder
>completely mess kitchen and fire is still raging
>cutie comes in
>'user what's going on'
>sees me, a depraved man trying to fill a bowl with water as a fire spreads
>she gasps and rushes to the bosses' office
>holy shit is she going to snitch on
>paranoid and even angrier
>i toss water at toaster
>bad decision
>toaster fire out, electrical fire in
>girl comes back with boss and new extinguisher
>as she runs to fire, she slips on water on floor
>she lands head first
>unconscious
>grab extinguisher and get boss to pull pin
>annihilate the fire for once
>at least hundreds in burn damage
>boss is as a red as the fire
>get fired that night and fined a hefty $2500
>more than my montly rent
>forced to move back to parents over the next few days
>sell most of my stuff
>only earned $400 from it
>week later, charged cutie's hospitalization bill
>apparently she was unconscious for two whole days with broken nose
>she texts me and calls me a fucking creep and screw up
>i never wanted death more before that moment
>proceed to live as a neet for six years until i move up and take up tech as a new profession
>still a kissless virgin

i want to die more than anything to this day

>this amount of greentext

Dont

>my friends girlfriend felt really bad and insisted we eat it anyway as she rinses the pube off of a potato
the fuck out of here, tell me you told her you were all gonna go out to eat instead. Shit, someone should've offered to buy you dinner.

fake as shit
why would that even be your fault?

I read it all and it could be real, but knowing this place, I doubt it.

>not using your cooking pot lid as a shield and spatuli as a sword to prodect your skin from cooked bull Benis on your bowl of bull desdical beer hahahahhahaha

long story short, didn't quite understand pressure cookers at 14, it exploded on me. had to go to the hospital for second degree burns on my arms.

I remember I was steaming some cheap hotdogs when I was real young with my brother. I had covered the pan completely with a glass lid, what ensued next, and I don't even know how this happened or how to recreate it, the fucking lid pops off like a foot in the air and fucking shatters in midair. the way my brother instantly yelled "TURN IT OFF" will forever be etched into my skull

I stabbed myself right through the palm trying to pry the center out of an avocado.
The doctor could barely keep his face straight.

I said it's not a big deal, we can just order something.
she insisted we don't because she's from a 3rd world country, and we ate chicken off the floor

>pube
There are pubes on your kitchen floor?

>doing what someone from a 3rd world country insists on
Holy shit, are you just a human doormat? No, you tell her "hey listen, you aren't even from here, we go out to eat when this shit happens"

fucking grow a pair.

POST YOUR TITS WE KNOW YOU HAVE THEM

you don't shave yours in the kitchen sink?

holy shit i'm figuratively
dying

Have drained a fryer without turning it off first. Twice.

Always a fun ride.

See

Nothing huge, just the occasional small knife cuts on my fingers (when I let my knives get too dull like a lazy ass), one oil fire, and it was small and easily contained, and I've accidentally set 2 dishtowels on fire using them as a makeshift pot holder. Oh, and I set my t-shirt on fire once by leaning too far over the gas cooktop while cooking to reach a pan. That one was pretty funny.

>carrot soup
>need to blend them to creamy
> put boiling carrots and water in blender
>hit start
>lid fucked up
>boiling water all over my face, arms and torso
cold water did nothing, and I got secondary burns all over the place.

I almost cut my thumb off once. I was so proud of my knife, I didn't feel a thing and the blade was completely clean. I only knew when I heard it crunching into my bone.

Burned mi hand with hoy oil last month.

I couldn't suppress my lulz

I drew the line when we were having icecream after, and she reached into my slop sink and starts rinsing off dirty bowls and spoons that have been soaking there

I have plastic spoons NONONO THIS IS BETTER LESS WASTEFUL

no, see, I'm not eating with anything from that sink before it goes through the washer. We use plastic or we don't have icecream

Cut deep into the tip of my finger while peeling potatoes when I was teenager. Big chunk of flesh was was barely hanging on with the outer layer of skin keeping it attached. Probably should have gotten stitches or something, but I just wrapped it up in a bandage and after a while it reattached. Don't get much sensation from it anymore, though.

Was completely hammered, wanted to make fries. "No user, deep frying is dangerous while drunk, use the oven"
So i have a large cookie sheet only at this time, pour some oil on it, and all my cut up seasoned fries. Start cooking in the oven...lookinggood.jpg.
A while passes, 3 more rum and cokes in. "Better check on those fuckers"
Cookie sheet so huge, barely fit in the oven. Try to slide it out just a tiny bit so i can stir them/flip easier (oh yeah, everyone is waiting to go to the beach at this point "bring the fries with us!")
cookie sheet goes partly sideways and gets stuck a bit, grease all pools into one corner and about a tablespoon + splashes out, landing directly on top of my barefoot (think i had sandals, but they didn't shield me).
Essentially deep fried the top of my foot near my big toe, entire leg felt ice cold and in difficult to describe pain.

Deep fryer would have been less dangerous really