Workplace Drug Testing

Just learned about Paruresis (shy bladder, stage fright). Anyone had any success using this excuse to avoid a drug test in the workplace? Tired of this bullshit, especially when I could smoke meth on the friday and piss clean on the monday (weed stays in the system way longer).

Other urls found in this thread:

canorml.org/healthfacts/drugtestguide/drugtestdetection.html
jgllaw.com/blog/coverage-shy-bladder-syndrome-shows-how-much-ada’s-coverage-has-expanded
twitter.com/SFWRedditGifs

Lol just don't do drugs

It's that ez

Just start smoking meth

>letting an organization control what you do outside of work time

They'll find how much coke I do just to make their deadlines

They don't control me dumdum I don't do drugs because it's ez

Think of all that effort you put into getting high. You just have to do nothing instead

But doing nothing is more fun high faggot, and some of us don't put loads of effort into getting high. If you have downtime in the evening, no responsibilities, it's the shit to get buzzed and watch some tv or play vidya.

also pareuesis here cant even piss in front of gf and have to go to stalls in public ama

they'll just laugh at you and make you drink a coke or something
>t. this is exactly what happened to me

What if they decided to swab your mouth for semen? It's not their business what you do outside of work.

Fake piss dumbass

They do drug tests to keep people like you out, OP.

>random drug test
>expensive fake piss you have to heat in microwave

This

It is easy.

Its not if your a drug addict.
You put so much effort into getting high and still you freak out about shit, boy that weed ain't working on you , so much for relaxing.
Either quit or fail the test like a man,
Maybe you'll grow up

You can buy Clean Urine for $5 fairly easily. Do your own Research faggot.

smoke eth

Don't they make you drive to a clinic?

THIS
I live in Texas and everyone does THIS, including the Regional Loss Prevention Manager of my well-known company.
$20 to avoid losing your job is not a bad trade in my state. Everyone is doing drugs because they hate their lives.
Except me. I'm addicted to caffeine and nicotine, but otherwise, I'm getting enough pussy that the desire to kms has turned into background noise and I'll finally do it when my dick stops working.

>tl;dr always keep a bottle of fake piss nearby if you wanna do drugs in the USA

get a job in tech, half the CEOs here get their ideas during LSD trips

Not where I'm from. A mobile testing truck comes into work and tells you to piss then and there.

I've used fake pissed to get a job.

Yeah i almost got fucked once for it being too hot from the fattest nurse i have ever seen luckily i also drank a detox as a last resort and passed

nope, a failure to produce will be considered a positive. Furthermore, don't believe any of that detox bullshit that people peddle. That shit doesn't work, the only reason those people passed (assuming it was for weed) is because there's some serious misinformation out there on drug test timetables. That is if they didn't use fake piss. Here's a good resource for actual timetables for weed: canorml.org/healthfacts/drugtestguide/drugtestdetection.html

bottom line user is that if you do drugs with random piss tests in the future you're playing with a loaded gun. I know it sucks but that's the way it is. good luck

>inb4 degenerates only use drugs

fuck off faggets, you can do drugs/drink and still make a fuck ton of money.

>WAGESLAVES ARE NOT ALLOWED TO ENJOY STIMULANTS, EVER. THAT IS FOR THE BIG BOYS.

Yeah, at this point if I was to smoke weed knowing that there are random drug tests, I surely would be playing with a loaded gun.

jgllaw.com/blog/coverage-shy-bladder-syndrome-shows-how-much-ada’s-coverage-has-expanded

If I understand correctly, if you have a certificate from the doctors, they have to provide alternative means of testing i.e. mouth swab (which determines if you are high at that moment in time).

Thanks for the link.

Or just don't be a degenerate who is dependent on drugs to function.

Ok, thanks.

Brainlet kys

It should be legal to systematically eliminate you from the population.

no worries dude, if that's the case (per the link) then that's fucking awesome, you hit that meth pipe till your fingers burn off friendo. god bless

Maybe try it before you start shooting drugs. Probably won't work, especially if you've already done a bunch of piss tests.

You don't heat it in a microwave and it's not expensive. Smokeshops sell kits for 15-20$ and it comes with a heaterpack (like those hand warmer things).

Why do Americans allow companies to drug test them - Imagine if they did this shit in the first world (Europe).

Is this a common thing in USA? I wouldn't want to work without my weed