"What are you getting, user?"

>elevated cheesecake

>liquid nitrogen ice cream

Where thefuck is this memestraunt

"hmmm can I get a Pure Bliss with some Ionic Magnesium and maybe a Nori Wrap too."

I bet you faggots never even had mylk before.

>lists 'crystal attunements' for their menu items
>sprouted almond mylk
>'protection' and 'universal truth' are listed alongside things like 'prebiotic' and 'healthy skin'
What is going on here

My ass out of that place is what I'm getting.

I'll have the Aryan Yoga Vipassanā shake for 14.88 $, Cindy.

Liquid nitrogen is great for ice cream. Faster freezing = smaller ice crystals = smoother, creamier texture. Same reason liquid nitrogen is used in IQF (Individually Quick Frozen) foods like frozen peas and corn. The faster you freeze vegetables, the less damage you do to their cellular structure.

This is why I make my smoothies at home. $4 of leafy greens and frozen berries plus the various powdered shit I add into it would probably cost over $10 at one of these places.

>mfw the fruit in these $8.88 smoothies isn't even organic like mine

Shit, have I become some kind of elitist hippie?

>"What are you getting, user?"
cancer

looks... edible

"oh well I suggest the Green gaia with a double shot of living silica"

>Useless unactivated almonds
>No mention of the evil that is gluten

At least the basil pesto is Holy, I mean one time a place served me basil pesto that I'm pretty sure literally hadn't even been literally looked at by a non-denominational organic food cleric and of course I was stupid enough to literally eat it. Chakra imbalance literally immediately, of course, svadhishthana just TOTALLY literally started stealing all anahata's spiritual energy! Ugh, I literally had to call off of work, my boss at the natural food's co-op totally understood about chakric balance of course. He's not so bad for someone who literally has a penis.

>gratitude
>bliss
>natural high

This is discriminatory, there's no "cis privledge" on the menu

>ill have the macunte honey, for my strong sonny

>mylk

1000% triggered

>en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ocimum_tenuiflorum
>Ocimum tenuiflorum, also known as Ocimum sanctum, holy basil, or tulasi or tulsi, is an aromatic plant in the family Lamiaceae which is native to the Indian subcontinent and widespread as a cultivated plant throughout the Southeast Asian tropics.

Out of here

>elevated cheesecake
>$6.66

That place looks GAY AS FUCK.....

BUT I'D STILL EAT THERE. (there, I said it.)

Anyway, I'll have the Zen and a Rainbow Magic salad, and take a Natural High to go for teh sex later.

Kek

>"What are you getting, user?"
an uber to a better restaurant

Ill take a large 'buch please

I get that food service has low profit margins and you need to differentiate yourself. But Jesus fucking Christ this is the faggiest shit I've ever seen. And I'm a vegetarian.

>uber
You're no better.

>I'd rather pay an idiot paki cab driver twice as much for the same "service"

enjoy throwing around buzzwords, I'll be saving money and not having to smell shitskins

Cabs are more expensive, give worse service, are driven by people who are more curry than human, and you have to argue with them for 20 minutes to make them take your credit card and give you a receipt.
If I wanted low cost and to waste my time I would take the train or walk.

>banana
>banana
>banana
>banana

Yeah no, fuck you.

Slightly more edible food on this side. I'll just take a cheesecake. So long as it's not vegan, of course.

Soy free is good because people shouldn't be eating soy due to phyto-oestrogen

user...

Read that menu again then take a wild guess

NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERD

No, you're just economical and health wise. I wouldn't spend the money at this place either, but I make a cleansing juice every morning at home and eat salad for lunch every day, and use only organic stuff for mine as well. But, I'm also an omnivore and eat meat as well at dinner, but my meat is also always free range or game meats. So.....

I'll have the golden spiral with ionic magnesium and don't hold the crystal coconuts

this is satire menu... right

Lavendar Lucuma smoothie with summa dat holy pesto

>coconut crystals

ENOUGH

i want coconut to go back to being just a weird exotic fruit that you MAYBE baked a cake with. it doesn't even taste that good, it usually overpowers everything else too

>8.88 for a fucking salad
That shit better come in a popcorn bowl.

Coconut was never exotic you retarded fly over fuck.

Also they're delicious. The jelly like flesh of a green coconut is amazing...

Sucks to be poor, poorfaggot.

>all of the prices are trips

Seems like they're just calling them "sprouted almonds" in

A glass of water thank you

Out.

Never talk to me again.

second that.

It's pretentious as fuck, but 9 dollars for a salad as an entree isnt bad.

Eat a veggie you fat fucks.

Honestly I'd eat the fuck out of this place.

Like I'd legit drop 20$

In terms of smoothies I'd get the Lavender Lacuma, and then just nuke it with superfood ad ins.

I didn't even know you could eat baobab! It's a fucking tree!

I just got back from a place that's similar to this, a juice/smoothie bar that serves vegan salads and desserts and cold pressed coffee and shit like that. I just go for the juices and smoothies. Had their Toxin Flush, really perks you up. I'm an omnivore, but I have no objections at all to eating all veg meals sometimes. I'll always eat meat, though, I have chronic anemia, and when I need a steak, or duck liver pate, or a braunschweiger sandwich, I fucking NEED it.

I wouldn't mind eating there. Your all fags.

Diarrhea

holy pesto sounds baller

make me an acai bowl puto

>>>CRYSTAL ATTUNEMENT

>dessert bar credits
What the fuck? What's with the $X.XX prices? It's really fucking stupid.

Baobab has fruit

>tfw drinking mylk straight from the tiddy

They also flash freeze fish.

I'm gettin' the fuck outta this dump is what I'm gettin'.

>chlorella
>read as cholera

You'll probably get a good dose of cholera from those dirty hippies.

nori wrap sounds good

yeah, I get it, it's some bullshit health fad, but it's not like everything on the meny is terrible

also liquid nitrogen ice cream? that's fucking baller

>He doesn't ionize his magnesium

But the nori wrap has
>magnesium mayo
I mean, what the fuck is that?

The magnesium you eat is usually ionized, dangus. Unless you're eating shavings from a block of elemental magnesium.

you're a fucking retard

holy basil is a thing and has been for centuries

fuck

Probably mayo mixed with milk of magnesium.

>>>/sudoku/

I bet you don't even activate your magnesium blocks.

The guy starts off with >useless unactivated almonds, you're the fucking retard for taking him seriously.

cleansing is literally a fad invented for marketing

smoothies are healthy because they provide micronutrients, especially all kinds of vitamins

don't buy into this bullshit

>milk of magnesium
It's milk of magnesia, which is actually a manganese solution. It's probably magnesium oil (which isn't actually an oil, just a thick magnesium chloride solution).

>needing to activate it
I pump chlorine gas into my special reaction chamber that I fill with magnesium scraps (among other things) to produce my own salts....

>tfw central european
>tfw eat coconut milk once a week in my thai curry
>tfw this nigga tells me coconut is overpowering and exotic

lmao

the salads are huge, but they dont look good imo. op pasted a pic.

I'm not "cleansing". Their Toxin Flush IS a smoothie.
Fucking hell......

Smoothies are unhealthy because they're loaded to fuck with sugar with no fiber from the fruits since they're deskinned and crushed. It is the exact same as drinking a cup of sugar water.

>the third American that has made this joke itt

and they call themselves a superpower. really makes you think.

here in gookland they sell milk with added magnesia

i suppose thats what they add, brother

>coconut in everything

Fuck you.

>I pump chlorine gas into my special reaction chamber that I fill with magnesium scraps (among other things) to produce my own salts....

different user

I want to hear more, please

it turns me on as a cook and .. as a.. man

magnesia != magnesium. Magnesia is manganese, which is a completely different element.

>It's milk of magnesia, which is actually a manganese solution.
I feel dumb now.

What if it's the same person, and they have Alzheimer's?

>I make a cleansing juice every morning

isn't that exactly what you said?

>It is the exact same as drinking a cup of sugar water.

are you retarded? do you think coca cola is THE EXACT SAME as a glass of orange juice? fuck outta here you retard

>what are vitamins
>what is calcium
>what is potassium
>what is manganese
>what is copper

..and so on

dw, I got it wrong, too:

Goddamned hippies.

I bet the fucking Green Party had their national convention in this "restaurant".

Jesus Fucking Christ.

>The Nori Wrap is a great snack for in between classes, on your way to yoga, or whenever you need a quick bite to eat. It's filled with spicy magnesium mayo, carrots, cucumbers, mixed greens, and kimchi.

Well, it's a specialized airtight and nonreactive chamber with ports for gas intake. You load it in with scraps and dust of whatever metal you want to use (potassium, sodium, magnesium, etc) and then pump in the gaseous elemental form of a halogen (usually chlorine). I make everything, and I mean everything, homemade if I'm going to cook with it.

You're a massive carnivore shitlord who doesn't activate his almonds or take his coconut crystals.

>I make everything, and I mean everything, homemade if I'm going to cook with it.

do you make your own flour? grow your own veg?

(i'm not being sarcastic, I do grow my own crops)

what else do you do by yourself? ever considered making a thread about it?

are you greg easter?

>tfw doing a line of coconut crystals
This habit is going to kill me, but it just makes me feel so alive!

>do you make your own flour? grow your own veg?
Of course. I also specially formulate the soil for the optimum nitrogen balance, make my own compost, and make my own mulch. Hell, all of my produce is made up of unique cultivars that I've refined through my many years. I even ship in ocean water to make my own sea salt (which I make in the traditional salt evaporation pond method).

>Of course. I also specially formulate the soil for the optimum nitrogen balance, make my own compost, and make my own mulch. Hell, all of my produce is made up of unique cultivars that I've refined through my many years. I even ship in ocean water to make my own sea salt (which I make in the traditional salt evaporation pond method).

you mind if I get in contact with you via E-Mail? I have a feeling this thread will be derailed, but I have so many questions I still want to ask you

Why are you worried about a derail? My posts are still here and you can still respond to me. I'll give you my email once this thread reaches its bump limit. Ask away while you can.

interestingly enough they seem to observe the power of doubles and triples, praise kek.

I would honestly order a random mylk smoothie, suggest I pick the place next time, laughing it off saying it's not really my thing (washing it down with a couple swigs of vodka from the hip flask), and literally eat a bullet before ever referring to a food or drink as a meme, because you are honestly worse than anyone who actually leaves the house and actually tries things, unless they eat cold fast food, and actually consider that a step up from their usual fare.

That would give me the dankest farts, holy shit.

sure enough my friend. where did you get your information from, regarding planting crops, soil, ideal watering and so forth? mostly scientific journals?

what is your work? it seems you invest a lot of time into this, as do I.

what are some things I can grow inside? I've successfully grown physalis, maracuja, all kinds of herbs and I have a few flowers that I keep making offshoots off, but I want to enter the next step.

right now it is only possible for me to grow fruit and veg in my parents garden since I'm much too young to buy a house.

any fruit or veg you can think of that can be grown insides? I have had success with mushrooms.

That coconut cream pie looks horrid.

You would fart all the way to yoga class, and then you would smoke a massive blunt with the superfood smoothie you had for lunch and pass out due to nourishment.

Namaste, user

>vitamins mattering when you're the kind of person that drinks 60g of sugar in a "healthy" fruit smoothie

Please be fat somewhere else.