Whats the science behind wanting affection from other humans?

You eliminate the desire by stopping being a whiny bitch.

This is borderline /r9k material... but something close to my heart.

I've been wondering the same since I was 8 years old or so, and started getting bullied in school. In my pre-30's, I was hypersocial. I always felt bad being alone, and always felt energized being with other people. But I was effectively ostracized from all kinds of love, relationships, etc, my entire life.

So I desperately needed to be close to other people, while at the same time even trying would get me hurt every single time, so I hated them for it. This remained exactly the same throughout my entire life until a little under my 30's. At which point I got burned several times real bad... and over the course of a few years, experienced a complete change in personality and preferences.

I don't know how to reproduce this, or help someone else do it. All I know is that a lifetime of bullshit, with a few traumatic experiences on top can change your instincts, even those that you typically have no intellectual, conscious control over. Now I want nothing more than to spend my time alone, away from people. I'm not consumed by hatred either, I simply recognize that no matter how nice, pretty or comfortable people might seem, the only truth is that every single time you give them your trust and the opportunity to cause harm by betraying you, they will do it. It's not their fault, it's just what people are.

I believe your desire stems from hope, no matter how small, that things will get better. That someone will come along who is better. That there's a reward waiting for you at the end of the path. When you have no such hope, when you have 100% certainty even on an instinctual level that even in a billion lifetimes and alternate realities, it would always be nothing but a waste of time... then there's nothing left for your desires to fuel themselves on.

So, focus on that. And maybe you can find this too.

I'm exactly the same user.

>things will get better.
Nope. The inveronment and people are the same wherever you go. The variable is you.
>That someone will come along who is better
KEK
The "person" is already there. Maybe there are many of them.

>When you have no such hope, when you have 100% certainty even on an instinctual level that even in a billion lifetimes and alternate realities, it would always be nothing but a waste of time... then there's nothing left for your desires to fuel themselves on.
That's why instead of bewail constantly, try another POV. Get out of your comfort zone and go for it. There will be pain. There will be desperation. You will fail 1000 times. But you will have success.

I'm currently doing it for the 300th time and I have enhanced myself a lot.

PS: Get rid of your addictions.

I don't get where people like you come from, really:
Business 101, you don't invest in shit. I have a literal lifetime of experience in the fact that not a one, single woman and most people in general can be trusted at the level of intimacy I would like them to. Naturally, the only variable I can change is me, but 30 years is enough time to change a whole fucking lot. It's enough to see that no change has made any difference whatsoever. But of course, there will always be a shill who has no idea what they're talking about, coming in with their completely different subjective experiences in life to give these dime in a dozen BS advice on how to get better.

A turtle cannot fly, doesn't matter how fucking much that dumb seagull tries to teach him, it just isn't going to happen. Not in a million years. It's not about comfort zones, it's not about laziness or giving up, it's about the MUCH harder choice of facing up to reality, growing the fuck up and recognizing the cards you were dealt with, and playing with them. Good and bad.

I've come from almost nowhere. From factory worker parents with barely elementary school education, and with my own hands, debts and hard core effort worked up to a University degree, worked several jobs even through a depression to be where I am today: one of the top people in my branch of technology in my country, with a great wage and the respect of my peers. I KNOW what it's like to step outside of a comfort zone, probably a lot better than you do. I know what it's like to work your fucking ass off and literally show dozens of people who believed you would amount to nothing, that they couldn't possibly have been more wrong.

And I also know that all this personal effort, all this work... all of it is useless in earning me the kind of intimacy that I want. Because I'm ugly, and I have a weird - even if gentle - personality. And I accept it. You can't change the things that aren't yours *to* change.

Humans operate better cooperatively than as completely independent organisms, hence the desire to be with other people has been evolutionarily selected for.

>All that butthurt.
I'm sorry. My post wasn't aimed to you. I know oldhags can't change. I don't know why.

>That argumental construction
>My post wasn't aimed to you
I meant, my advice.
I'm also ugly. But I saw ugly motherfuckers who learnt for years with seduction books. They get laid regularly. They have aims and projects.

I'm brown, short, ugly and I didn't know how to talk to people in general. I had some friends from HS who made me check what seduction is.

You become a sociopath.

>humans are social animals
doesn't really explain anything
the reason is that humans procreate sexually

I already am though, but even as a sociopath you aren't immune to the need for real human contact, some days the urge is so strong.

>When you have 100% certainty
Fuck man thats the thing, I don't know for certainty that its a waste of time, after all nothing is 100% certain I always *Hope* that some miracle might happen, y'know?

But it does? When's the last time you saw lizards going out on dates?

faggot

Well ok, granted, you don't know anything with 100% certainty. But when the empirical evidence of a lifetime of experiences finally convinces you that the idea of unconditional love, care and acceptance is about as likely as you waking up a real-life Superman, shooting laser out of your face, then you'll probably stop putting any more eggs in that basket of delusional faith.

But as said, the journey there isn't something I believe can simply be taught. I would even argue that you NEED to be traumatized. A state of feeling no desire, no natural sex drive (as in no desire to engage in sex with another person), no longing for love, it's not natural. It's not normal. We're programmed to want that, for obvious reasons. It's one of our core reasons for being, a fundamental basic instinct.

The only way to get there, is to be damaged so badly that an even more powerful fundamental basic instinct - the instinct of self-preservation - raises psychological defenses of such enormous magnitude, that they override any thoughts of closeness and procreation. For an otherwise healthy mind, who wasn't born with neurological damage, I believe no amount of reason or logic in the world can override the desire to belong, to feel loved. Other than the damage described above. But with the defenses in place, it's not a sad existence really. Not a happy one either. It just... is. And it definitely makes focusing on yourself a lot easier. Who can compete with your work, your skill, or your motivation, when you think of no-one else but yourself in all your actions? I'm not talking about narcissism either, it's not about selfishness. It's just that the only responsibility you owe others are those of a decent human being, none of it is motivated by love, family, or blood.

Makoto Shinkai movies are awful

Here's your answer. Are all threads on Veeky Forums like this? One correct answer, appearing as a speck of fly shit amongst a pile of superfluous pepper? Seems like it. Maybe I'll do a study...

'Ive given up': The Post

Not exactly the sharpest pencil in the drawer, are you? Yes, obviously, I've given up. It's what grown up people do: they give up childish dreams and focus on the real world.

>get treated like shit your entire life
>don't bother talking to anyone anymore
>"lmao you're just a pussy faggot who gave up!"

Yeah, ain't that how it usually goes though? These shills and trolls here, not unlike your average attention hungry normies IRL. You know, rich people saying you don't need money, pretty people saying you don't need looks, normies thinking they know something about problems, because they had it hard one night... without a single clue of what it's like to live your entire life ostracized, alone, different.

An average woman has to do nothing but walk down a street, on her way to work, and dozens of men and women will notice her, want to be with her, just for the way she looks. She literally has to turn down obvious suitors, and deflect veiled flirtations several times an average day, because so many people want to be with her. How could someone like that have a clue of what it's like to live an entire lifetime, without a single person ever displaying that level of interest?

The difference in amount of attention and love in a lonely, ostracized person's life compared to that completely normal, average woman isn't a hundred-fold, not even a thousand, it should be measured somewhere in the millions. How could either one possibly even begin to comprehend how different the other one's life is compared to their own? Islam and Christianity are related religions, they're practically cousins, and even there, in a conceptual world thousands of times closer than the lives of those two people described before, there's been a history filled with war, anger, and misunderstandings.

And then amongst all that, we have people come here spouting one liners about giving up, about comfort zones, about how the person apparently just didn't even try. It's too bad the ignorant never realize their own character.

you're always going to have idiots pushing their limited ideas on you whenever they're allowed in the conversation. the fucked up part is when people who should know better make attempts to silence you with shame because "you sound like you're complaining".

the problem with talking about deviant topics is there are few people with the knowledge to talk reasonably about them. even the people suffering in similar situations lack awareness or are unwilling to talk about it (in addition to the uncommonness).