Tfw will never make it higher than senior manager because I don't like shitting at work

>tfw will never make it higher than senior manager because I don't like shitting at work

Anyone else know this feel? What other menial everyday bullshit gets in the way of your work?

no one likes shitting at work friend. i actually left work early because i had to shit. fortunately i was able to acquire my position prior to them finding out about my shitting at home ONLY policy.

Wow get the fuck over your fear of public shitting. You’d actually let that stop you from achieving a better position? You will regret it some day.
Petty bullshit doesn’t get in the way unless you let it. Someone might have to hear you plop. Your ass might have to touch a toilet seat. Big deal, literally no one cares, and if they do they’re the asshole for listening to you shit.

Just shoot some H bro thats how I deal with 2

Shitting isn't petty bullshit to me, I pretty much base my life around it.

I've had serious germaphobe OCD since I hit age ten, but that's only part of it. These days I drink coffee purely because it allows me to control the flow of my excrement. I typically wake up at 3am, hit a double coffee (cheap ebay shit, I don't throw money away), maybe go back to bed if I'm super tired, maybe stay awake if not, get up at 4:30am, take a shit, spend like half an hour on the toilet making sure I'm fully shitted out, take a big bundle of toilet paper and put it on the floor, squat over it as a pee catcher and try to shit again while rubbing wet wipes on my butthole (you'd seriously be surprised how much shit remains if you don't do this), if I'm happy I got it all I finish up wiping and go in the shower. I typically make it to work by 7-7:30am.

If I'm not able to do this I either just spend the whole day at work feeling ill as fuck or I drink way too much coffee and run behind my shit schedule and turn up at like 11am and work till like 9pm.

>life revolves pushing excrement out of your ass
You have bigger problems

Lol i burn 2 hours a day on the shitter at work

I drink coffee in the morning to shit too

Also take lots of fiber pills to make the shit come out easier

I am supposed to be a salesman but I couldn't sell water to a dune coon

I'm a NEET, can someone please explain the shitting at work meme? Why would this matter?

Like what?

Yeah but I know some people who spend like 5-10 minutes on the shitter. Smartphones didn't exist when I was a kid, there was no way I spent like an hour on the toilet when I was 15.

Yeah but coffee doesn't always work, sometimes it just makes me produce fart gas that feels like shit, then I sit down to shit and nothing but fart gas comes out. This is a death sentence to me because it means I've touched a toilet seat and I have to go in the shower again, it's probably an hour and a half out of my day every time I commit to a shit.

I used to eat cereal but stopped like two years ago and traded that shit in for crumpets and scones and shit, is cereal the answer to my problem? I hear its high in fiber.

I also noticed that when I drink beer that's high in alcohol it makes me shit a lot. A few nights ago I didn't shit for a day, I drank four cans of special brew, then a coffee in the morning, I literally blocked the toilet I shit so much shit. I had to wrap my arm in a bin bag and punch out the blockage.

I only ever shit at work. Ain't gonna waste money on tp at home.

Like maintaining an obsessive shit routine that interferes with your responsibilities

I love shitting at work. 7:30 on the dot I'm generally the first one of the day on the can so it's nice and clean. I spend a good 15-20 min on the can, usually on my phone shitposting or checking coins. Great feeling knowing my company pays for me everyday for my daily shit. Sometimes I take another in the afternoon if the boss heads home early

It doesnt hes just autistic

Half fear of judgement for plop sounds, half fear of contamination.

Love the filename btw

Cereal might work, I take these, usually about 8 a day and have very little issues with shit not coming out


at first i thought you should just wear a diaper but now i think you should be euthanized.

what's the polite thing to do when taking a shit at work and you have bad gas? Asking for a friend,

I go to the toilet at work to shit once a day.
The other 2 times I go I sit on the toilet and PRETEND to shit.
Literally getting paid to shit brehs

It's not because you don't like to shit at work op its because you are just a beta virgin

I also squat on the toilet, not sitting down. Squatting posture apparently straightens the intestine to make it easier for shit to get out. Definitely works for me

Fart really loudly

This lol
Sometimes I laugh when there’s a loud plop to lighten the mood

Are you guys braindead? Nothing beats shitting at work. I shit for 15minuttes every day at work. I work 5 days a week that's 75m. That's about 40usd extra each week. And now I haven't even calculated in the obvious coffee and siggarette break after the poopoo which should also take up at least 10minutes.

If you do not have control over your b.m. you are magnesium depleted.

Take the oxide form is garbage except for staying regular. Get the superior liquid form, or natural calm.

>lunch break
>go home
>eat on the toilet
>drive back to work

It's surprising how little public shitting facilities have changed in the last 100 years. Surely we have the technology at this point to make public shitting more discreet & safe

Fuck being a middle manager. I've known plenty of them and some are awesome but I would never want ot do he job. I have a some responsibilies but getting shat on from above and keeping the business running while still feeling like decent human mst be hell.

>eat on the toilet
Sounds appetizing.

+1 reddit gold kys retard

Egyptian here. It amazes me that the west hasn't adopted bidets yet. You make fun of indians all the time but you are not much different.

i barely get a break at work so i have no time to do a dump

fuck off sandnigger no one asked for your shitty opinion

What the actual fuck is wrong with you
Dumping at work is the fucking best, you are literally getting paid to do shit

>me and the boys send regular work dump pics to each other, lads lads lads

This guys gets it
Nothing on this board has triggered me as much as this post has

checkYou should seriously look into a squatty potty. Best shits of my life.

got him