Recipe calls for 1 tsp salt

>recipe asks I stare at it for 10 seconds
>I stare at it all night and day

>recipe calls for two tsp paprika
>International Space Station crashes on my kittens

>recipe calls for pinch of baking powder
>accidentally add pinch of plutonium

dude fuck that thread

>recipe says to fold in three beaten egg whites
>accidentally fold in three wife beaters

>Gordon always says let the knife do the work
>sit and stare at knife laying on counter

>recipe calls to fold in three beaten egg whites
>accidentally fold in spacetime and end up in another galaxy

>recipe calls for whole onion quartered
>starve to death two weeks later still pondering

Kek

>recipe calls for a splash of vanilla

>accidentally add chemical X

>recipe says to roughly chop 2 onions
>police arrest me for domestic violence

>recipe calls for tomato
>tomato answers my phone

>recipe says to use a toothpick to check cake for doneness
>accidentally use water pik

>Recipe calls for a pinch of cumin
>Cum in the bowl

>recipe says to let meat rest
>make it run a marathon

>recipe calls for thumb of ginger
>accidentally finger my step-daughter named Ginger

>receipe calls for allspice
>accidentally extend life
>accidentally expand consciousness
>accidentally travel without moving

youtu.be/jnhQcSIKrL8

>recipe calls to order pizza
>doesn't tip the pizza guy

>receipe calls for making from scratch
>begins by creating the universe

>boss' mom's kimchi recipe calls for one tablespoon of gochujang and one tablespoon of paprika
>accidently use a quarter cup of gochujang, no paprika and add fish sauce

be sure to include me in the epic screencap

>recipe calls for boiled egg in ramen
>get laughed at by the Japanese

>recipe calls for a 4 hour slow smoke
>can't light the ribs no matter how hard I pull

>recipe calls for head of a cauliflower
>accidentally add hand of Nod

>recipe calls for slicing greens
>accidentally splice genes and mutate

>recipe says to remove membrane
>remove own brain

kekked hard

>recipe calls for 2 shots
>mfw I'm going to jail

>recipe calls for 1 chile in adobo
>use the whole can
Flavor was great but the dish was almost unbearably hot

>recipe says to bake for 18 minutes
>accidentally split an atom in my oven
The cupcakes were alright, just a little burnt. My head hurts, though.

a liter and a quart are pretty much the same, unless that was the joke

>recipe calls for neapolitan ice cream
>misread "neapolitan" as "napoleon"
>end up getting stuck in russia in the middle of winter and freezing to death

>recipe calls for pot of water
>gets high and order dominos

...

>Recipe calls for 1/4th cup apple cider vinegar
>Use 1 cup

Muh green beans were ruined.

>recipe calls for any spices
>just use allspice

...

>Recipe calls for star anise
>Throw dish into the Sun

>recipe says it serves 8
>eat the whole thing yourself because it's not like anybody would have loved you if you were thin anyway

>toss in black licorice

>recipe calls for a splash of red wine

>drink all of it and abandon your food to get more.

>recipe calls for ridiculously small amounts of dozens of ingredients and spices that you wouldn't need for anything else
>buying them would cost like twenty bucks for a food that's nowhere near worth that
>don't know which ingredients are actually important and which ones are just memes
>get panic attack
>buy a frozen pizza

what recipe senpai?

Not xim (unsure which pronouns xhey prefer) but I'd guess Indian

>recipe calls for 2 1/4 cups of flour
>use two quarter-cups of flour

>recipe says to add a pinch of salt
>take a massive dump in the bowl

>recipe calls for ghostbusters
>only 4 retarded feminists appear

Stacie?

>recipe calls for 2 eggs, separated
>put eggs on opposite ends of counter

>recipe calls for Black Russian
>book a plane to Vladivostok

>recipe calls for cream of mushrooms
>empty the bottle of my stored cum from several wank sessions

>recipe calls for 2 tsp of ground pepper
>put in one tsp of peppercorns and 1 tsp of dirt instead

>I hate fun

>recipe calls for spices and shit I dont have
>only buy a few of them because im poor
>fuck everything up
>accidently an entire shaker of salt because the lid was loose.

>have hamburger helper with cut up hot dogs instead of beef

>stare at a computer screen while sitting next to a gun all night

>store cum in a gatorade bottle for 3 months
>its almost a whole quart by now
>pour it all over neighbors car in the middle of the night

true story