Lets have a toilet clogger thread

I want to start pranking some local ladies boutique stores with my massive brown load.

Please post your stories, recipes, and overall advice for how I can succeed most in this endeavor.

Thank you and hail trump.

Try an upper decker.

Wots that.

You're going to want something that massively increases stool bulk.

My suggestion is psyllium husk. If you have two heaped teaspoons of this, three to four times a day, washed down with plenty of water, you'll notice that you start dropping no-wipers the size of a baby's leg.

Some people place the husk powder in a glass, add some water to make a paste, then slowly mix it. More expensive but much easier is to get some large empty gel-caps from a chemist or drugstore and fill them with the husk. If you do this, be very sure to drink a big glass of water with the pills.

You may need to build up to this as if you are used to a low fibre diet, going all-out right away is going to scour out your insides. You'll be farting like a carthorse and shitting like an elephant.

If you're looking to add stench to the mix, try to add items to your diet that add sulphur compounds. Brassicas are good for this, especially broccoli, cabbage, brussels sprouts and cauliflower. Eggs are another fine choice. Onions, leeks and garlic are also fine choices.
If you like offal, liver and kidneys will get your rump thumping.

A word of warning though. If you start taking large amounts of fibre, cruciferous vegetables, garlic and mineral-rich offal, you may also lose weight and start feeling healthy. Especially when you drop a no-wiper that Kelly Slater could ride to victory in the Ripcurl Pro.

I love adding fiber supplements to OJ. I can just pretend it's extra pulpy instead of struggling to swallow chunky water.

Amazing info.

Psyllium husk, garlic and broccoli. That shouldn't break the bank.

What about shit that adds colors? What do you recommend? I want this to be large, smelly and impressive.

Well, crap is brown because of heme (a byproduct of old, dead blood). So there's not much that you can do.

However, there are many nontoxic inks that are not necessarily food-approved. I vividly remember taking a bright green shit once as a kid after eating bubblegum flavoured ice cream made with a faulty batch of dye. Other good choices might include blue (unnatural, freaky) or red (someone call the CDC, we have an ebola log in the bathroom).

You could also drink a lot of spinach/kale juice and eat nothing else (green), a lot of beets (red/purple) or just take so much food colouring that your body can't absorb it or break it down. Aim for darker colours as bright ones (yellow, pink etc) won't dye-out the dead heme.

You could also try studding your turds by eating a lot of corn kernels and peanuts without swallowing, presenting a unique texture. Do this cautiously though as you don't want to cause digestive blockages.

Remember also that the colon will naturally remove excess moisture from stool, so having a high fibre diet and not taking a shit for a day or two will produce large, gnarly logs if you're taking psyllium. My personal record was 4 days (military service, no time to shit on the go in the field) and I crapped out an oak tree.

I'm really not sure I have much further advice, but I wish you great fortune in your noble quest. Go forth, you magnificent creature, and know that you are one of God's most beloved creations.

Oh and take photos you glorious visionary.

Crapping in the cistern so that every flush delivers fouled water. It's a bit of a rubbish way to go. What you want to do is lay a cable that makes the cleaning staff wonder who snuck in the rhino.

>I want to start pranking some local ladies boutique stores with my massive brown load.

Why on earth are you so mad at this store?

Eat an entire watermelon. It'll look like you shit out blood.

Thank you, Dr. Shit.

Another option not yet mentioned would be to save up your turds in a sealed container over time (i.e. ziploc bag) and sneak a whole shitload into the store at once and take a real mother of a dump.

I'm not mad. I want the ladies to experience my excremental prowess.

Seems like an easier way to get the shock value but stinkier and messier for me too.

No I rather like the challenge of stuffing down food and holding in my enhanced brown load and waiting for the perfect time to drop my fecal Hadouken upon the pristine throne of these beautiful upscale shopping ladies.

Wish me well. Heil Trump.

Dr Shit here.
>pinch nice firm loaf onto saran wrap
>roll and freeze in a ziplock bag (hygiene is important)
>Repeat until satisfied, say every day for a week
>Go to shopping mall with ~15lb of frozen ziplocked turds
>Empty all into toilet
>Good luck flushing frozen turds, mr janitor
>If you're lucky and it's a warm moist day, they'll steam too

You are loved, my son. Blessed art thou, who seeks to drop the loaf of knowledge upon the toilet seats of the privileged.

Oh, and I forgot- unwrap the saran wrap. If you do it right you can tip them in without touching them. If you like.

Indeed, this is what I meant for OP to do. Didn't really elaborate; 10 pounds of his uber-fiber-enhanced shit is sure to ruin someone's day.

Dr Shit is absolutely right about how eating a ton of green veggies will turn your turds green, btw. Eat multiple pounds of broccoli/spinach/etc every day and for the love of god, drink as much water as possible unless you want your rectum to bleed.

Are they Hillary supporters? Tell us what's really going on, dammit!

Just pour a bag of manure in the shitter

Just upscale women. Yeah they probably support Hillary but there is beside the point. They need to be reminded of the grit and the grime of others everyday life in the midst of their gluten free, fresh, local, global, children in africa, mimosas at noon, 4 star dinner restauranting, pristine existence.

So you're just jealous that they live a better life than you?

Lol.
What I do is drink massive amounts of coffee and energy drinks on top of my usual awful diet. I'm never trying to be stinky but it works.

You have to eat MREs
All of them.

YOU ARE A MASTER OF SHITTING. BRAVO MY MAIN MAN. I AM GOING TO PURCHASE PSYLLIUM HUSK ASAP.

It is not the material aspect so much as the bullshit worldview they have.

I'm off today and thought the highlight of my day would be waking up without an alarm.

I was wrong.

God bless all of you, and best of luck OP.

Genius

Burger Kings onion rings man.

Actually the worst night ever.

bring a nice hot cup of water in a coffee cup to warm the turdcicles. Or you can do what my buddy used to do and shit in the baby changing stations and shut it., no massive shits required. Bane of all annoying spawners.

I am not a political man, but I support this endeavor. I have never liked the insular, privileged worldview many wealthy people of any stripe hold. Perhaps you could be the start of a new social movement that exposes the gritty reality of life to the sheltered elite by dropping deuces in upscale bathrooms. The Bowel Movement, or BM. Godspeed.

Go for it. And remember to write "fucking normies reee" with shit on the wall

You people are.disgusting monsters! Who would think this is a good idea and even worse who could actually encourage this behavior?

mine are kinda whimpy. But dad, he could ruin a septic system. Not even sure he was human after seeing that.

>>reddit
user is doing God's work

>The Bowel Movement
Damn, now I want to see this catching on.
Occupied. Like Occupy but even more shit.

If you had a friend you could both shit one in top of the other. The first layer could be the massive shit prescribed by Dr. Shit, and the top could be more of a diarrhea.

>Global Rule #3

MODS!!!

You could also eat a bunch of haribo gummy bears, or any super laxative, and leave a really awful mess for them once you're done with the colon purging.

If you don't manage to get a no-wiper, remember to discard the used tp in the garbage bin or other toilet so the turd isn't obscured.

Now we're talking

Why don't you try eating your own poo for a few days? It will make it more concentrated and potent.

Make sure you get up from the toilet once your friend starts shitting

if you eat a lot of beet root you can turn it red/purple and if left unflushed the red colour will seep out into the water, looking like blood

or if you want a pitch black one eat like a pound of blueberries

i find drinking red wine gives a greenish hue to my shits but i haven't heard of this happening with anyone else
also speaking of alcohol i find drinking a lot of beer or dark liquor makes my shits smell like burning plastic

maybe take a little imodium to help back yourself up and then on the day take a shitload of caffeine and magnesium supplements to fire it all out

Whenever I eat Manwich and add an extra onion into it my shits smell like sweet bbq sauce.
If you're lactose intolerant op I suggest you drink a lot of milk if you're aiming for explosive diarrhea. I'll warn you if you drink too much your shit will become liquid and your stool won't have any of the small chunks + brown water consistency.
If you're not lactose intolerant I suggest you find an asian buddy to help in your quest.
Godspeed op

My record was 2 weeks

dont forget to take a pic

When I was eating oatz everyday, I had shits as long as my arm. It was truly amazing, I wish I took pictures. Eat plenty of oatmeal I would suggest.

To add to this, as someone who takes psyllium husk on a regular basis -- make sure you also eat yoghurt or something that maintains gut flora health. You'll just have brown toothpaste coming out unless your gut is more or less healthy.

what the fuck is wrong with you people

you must be new

I think your onto something. We could counter the anti trump protests and highway blockings by blocking up the pipes of the toilets of smug liberal establishments. It would work, because hipsters love to run businesses out of old run down buildings that they renovate.

We can call it a Ha dooooooook ken.

I seem to remember that the Walmart brand Crystal Light packets can turn your shit a blue-green hue if you drink a few of them.

Why would you want to defrost them? Frozen turds will maintain rigidity and be extremely difficult to flush.

Actually guys I haven't been able to shit since I got this stomach virus, I shat everything out at like 2am and it's been 5 days since then and I've been eating like crazy to shit but nothing yet, I've drank cranberry juice idk if that helps any suggestions? I saw oatmeal but I find that gross..

Prune juice.
Apple juice works too, but you need to drink more of it to make you regular.

I drank some apple juice Saturday and just made my stomach hurt so I stopped. I'll try prune juice tomorrow thanks user.

grape soda turns your shit green

I'm not talking about some, I'm talking about lots. As in +3 glasses of apple juice in one sitting, possibly 2 or more times a day.

Ohh...will do

are you 16? lmao

I'm fucking crying

Godspeed user.
Tells us how your experience is when shit happens.

Be sure to take pics for us op

You don't know how long Ive needed to I can feel it build up eat time I have a meal, I just ate 20 chicken nuggets and a large fry from McDonalds with an Oreo mcflurry. I want it out of me.

do what dr. shit said in
and then right before you take off to go deliver little boy and fat man, stop by any truck stop and get some strong-ass coffee and some sugar-free candy, the more different kinds the better. you want that caffeine to start kicking it into high gear while you chow down on that candy and let those sugar alcohols pull extra water into your bowel. by the time you walk past the $25-per-pair panties (which fall apart after like 5 uses, wtf) to get to the bathroom, you will be primed to deliver the entire extended family of mr. hanky with the greatest of ease.

mind you, this could backfire (lol) and cause your ass to become a high-powered paint gun instead of delivering railroad-tie-sized logs. in this case, you can still achieve clogging easily with large quantities of toilet paper. nobody will question a person who has the shits using extra paper.

a couple things I should add from my own experience:
>raw spinach leaves little chunks of bright green leaf in the stool
>malt-o-meal brand froot loops always seem to give me turquoise spots in my shit

don't be too disappointed if the reaction isn't what you hoped for though. I've seen some ladies' rooms that are perfectly horrid. and some of these women may have kids, which is an adventure in poop all on its own.

good luck OP.