Hey Veeky Forums

Hey Veeky Forums,
I'm hosting thanksgiving for my family at my house tomorrow. People are bringing their own side dishes but I'm in charge of the main stuff, including the turkey.
The thing is I'm vegan and I'm not going to serve any animal products. I don't care if other people bring non-vegan food, but I'm not going to be preparing any.
My question is, how can i make a tofu turkey look/taste more like real turkey? I've made it before and it was fantastic, but you can tell the difference. I don't want any of my guests to know it's not real turkey. Any help is appreciated.
Pic somewhat related, but I'd like for it to look better than that

There is NO FUCKING WAY you'll be able to pass off a fake turkey as the real thing. You can't duplicate the texture, flavor, and juiciness of real turkey. Deal with it, faggot.

>I volunteered to host a holiday whose main food item is not vegan for my family that I know is not vegan. How do I make shitty vegan items taste like non-vegan items?
Go be fucking gross somewhere else.

>vegan
>in charge of the turkey
Is your family literally retarded or something?

I'm VEGAN!!!

Do they know you're not planning on serving an actual turkey? If they don't, just cancel the whole thing

'Oi say, guv'nor, just serve up a wee bit o' pasta.

No, I kind of wanted it to be a surprise. Like after the meal I was planning on making an announcement to everyone and telling them that the turkey they just ate was vegan. I wanted to prove a point that vegan food can be just as good

We're in a troll thread lads, clear out.

Hey guys, I'm giving my kid a cat when he asked for a dog. What can I do to make a cat look just like a dog? I want to prove that cats are just as friendly as dogs

I dearly hope OP is trolling, if not, his family is going to be fucking pissed.

It's actually a pretty good idea. Guaranteed OP never gets asked to host a family meal ever again.

Don't do this. Either straight up tell them it's vegan or serve an actual turkey.

What you think will happen:
>"Wow user this turkey is really great"
>"Surprise, bloodmouths, it's 100% organic, fair trade, and vegan"
>"I had no idea vegan food could be so delicious user, I'll refrain from eating meat from now on!"

What will actually happen:
>your guests don't want to lie, but they don't want to come off as rude either, so they'll tell you it seems like you put in your best effort
>you'll then spring your trap card, thinking you've fooled them
>they now know why the turkey didn't taste like turkey
>you've just ruined your family's holiday
>later your father will go home and wonder where it all went wrong

checking reddit to see how many people did this

>My family is coming to my house this year for Thanksgiving and I've planned a delicious all-vegan menu, including "meat"loaf and a celebration roast. Some of my family members are wondering if we're also serving turkey for non-vegans. Um, no? I also don't want them to bring any meat to eat themselves while they're here. You seriously can't go without meat for one meal? Am I being unreasonable?

>If you're the only vegan, cooking Christmas dinner for your entire family of omnis (of which turkey is VERY important to on xmas day). What do you do? I don't want any part in cooking turkey...

>I go to my families for Thanksgiving. They have a turkey but I only eat the vegan food and my mom makes special dairy free mashed potatoes for me. (Trying to convince her just to make all her potatoes dairy free to save time and animals but she won't) Anyways, after the turkey was carved they just had to set it aside on the counter. I happened looked at what was left of it and wanted to throw up. The site was horrible and looked like something out of a horror movie. I just looked at its poor mangled body and imagined a happy turkey walking around in a field. I've never been affected like that while looking at meat!

>None of my friends and family are vegan, so whenever we eat out I try to ignore what's on their plates and have a good time, but I think bringing a turkey to my house and carving it in the middle of the dining table would really tarnish my Christmas. I feel that my home should be the one place I have any control.

Those people are all rude, ungrateful and wasteful, but they were at least not stupid enough to believe people would be tricked by bean paste wrapped around PVC bones.

Blend it all together with some nasty tasting shit the only way I would ever believe that shit is turkey is if I don't expect it to taste or look like turkey

>After my family went vegan, we obviously found it hard to eat in the presence of a carcass at my Grandma's traditional Thanksgiving dinner. Last year we decided, sadly, to leave the larger family dinner for our own, smaller one for ourselves. I am sad about this, but it's also so much easier to eat in a fully vegan household on Thanksgiving. We only had dinner at my Grandma's once after going vegan, after that it was too much. It was just unbearable to sit and eat our (quite delicious) Field Roast while trying to avoid looking at the mutilated Turkey Carcass sitting in the middle of the table like an omen. Has anyone had to give up special family dinners because of their unwillingness to at least hide the turkey?

These are the same people that get mad when their special snowflake diet isn't accommodated. They probably don't see the irony either.

>Then I asked mom if there was anything I could eat and she said "Well, we have turkey ..." and named all the stuff, none of which was vegan and I was like mom I'm concerned about meat, eggs, and dairy. And she thought for a sec (this all made me wonder what exactly she had planned for an alternative or if that was just the nice thing to say) and said no. I told her it would "make me feel gross". She said just eat a little of each thing. Can't expect her to get it since I never had a conversation about being vegan with her. I said ok. No excuses here, no explanation either because I don't know.
>So ok ok I'm sitting at the dinner table with a fork held to my lips and I can't quite take that first bite. It felt weird/wrong and I was thinking of the animals. Somewhere in my head I think, within the context of this one meal it makes no difference. So I eat it. I eat the meal sans turkey or gravy, have pumpkin pie, and cheesecake (not all at once).
>The stuff with a lot of dairy left this awful afterfeel in my mouth and throat the way some things have after taste. Even after I ate something vegan to try to get rid of it. Despite this, I didn't learn my lesson and saw cheesecake and went for it.

>This happened about 2 months ago. She was preparing dinner for the family and knew about my recent lifestyle change, but she decided to show me a spread of chicken legs ready to be cooked. I kindly told her to not show me such things as it angers me. She retorted with the fact that I'm going to be around it for my whole life, so "get used to it." Thinking that my mom just didn't understand my ways, and being too far from home to make a positive impact on her feelings toward veganism, I let it go.
>It's Canadian thanksgiving this weekend, and I called to say hi. My mom was getting ready to dress the ham and showed it to me. I told her to please not show me "dead animal flesh." This sent her into a frenzy and she told me to stop being "preachy." We changed the subject and just before I got off Skype with her, she asked me if I wanted to see the ham that was ready to be put in the oven. I told her once again that I'm not keen to see a piece of "dead animal flesh." Again, she reacted and told me that I would have to deal with it, it's everywhere, etc. She told me that she doesn't appreciate when I say that it's "dead animal" and I told her that by calling it a ham, she's ultimately taking the face and personality of an animal that was once alive and putting the idea that it was ever alive out of her mind. She flipped on me again and told me that she hates how I've become so preachy. This makes me very, very sad.

So does this person never go to any non vegan restaurant or near non vegan food like the supermarket or the mall?
I get vegans now, the way they live their lives they are surrounded 24/7 only by vegans, that's how Nazism spread

>I am still a somewhat baby vegan. I have been vegan for 15 months, but I am very dedicated and passionate about it for ethical reasons. I have always been very tolerant of other people's tastes and have been dating an omnivore for over 13 months. He has changed his eating habits very much since we've been together. We share about 80% of our food when we are together, and when we do, it's always vegan (obviously) and that makes me really happy. However, lately, especially in the last month or so, I have been getting more and more sick to my stomach every time I see him eat meat and other animal products. But I can usually push past it because I love him to death and I don't want to push my beliefs on him. This isn't a simple relationship issue, however. It's not just my boyfriend that I feel this way about. It's family, friends, coworkers, etc. All of it is starting to get to me. But he is the person who is most dear in my life, so it is especially disturbing when he does it.

>Anyways, last night I had a night to myself and decided to wind down and watch Earthlings. And I just kindof snapped. I was reminded why I became vegan and I became completely unhappy at all omnivores, including my boyfriend. We had a conversation about him becoming vegan and it wasn't very promising. It made me become incredibly bitter, irritable, and heartbroken. I've been fairly distant and rude to my boyfriend and haven't wanted to talk to anybody today because I am surrounded by omnivores and the thought that they carelessly partake in a system that they know is fucked up just makes me feel physically sick to my stomach. It's just complete disregard for anybody other than the human race.

It sounds like a lot of these people just push away anything non-vegan out of their lives.

OP here. I feel like it's not an unreasonable request to ask them to hide the turkey if it's making people uncomfortable. It wouldn't be hard to leave it in the kitchen and let people serve themselves in there and bring it back out to the table, rather than having the whole turkey out in plain sight

I have a theory
Vegan bodys never stop craving meat ever
So whenever they get near meat they get this strong painful gut feeling that's actually their bodies demanding meat
And then they think they feel that because seeing meat is just too disgusting
I once didn't eat anything beyond water for over a week and I got that exact feeling when I was near food

user here. I feel like it's not an unreasonable request to ask vegans to eat at seperate table in a seperate room. It wouldn't be hard for them to leave their table and walk to the kitchen to get their food.

It's not making people uncomfortable, it's making vegans uncomfortable.

Going into somebody's house as a guest and demanding they hide their delicious food they spent all day making because you think is disgusting is incredibly disrespectful I'm thankful I'm not your family not I have a vegan family members

Hey OP,
It's great that you're a vegan. That's an awesome life choice, and I stand behind that. I'm not a vegan, but I think you're doing it for all the right reasons.

If you want to serve a tofu turkey, do it! But please, please, please, please, serve your family what they want. Some might be really pleased with the vegan option, and be forever enlightened, but everyone wants turkey. Shit, like half of this country just calls it turkey day. Doing a turkey proper is OK. Make that little personal sacrifice for your family, please. They've no doubt been dickheaded at least once about you being a vegan, I get it, but don't try and trick them. If you really can't stomach the preparation of a turkey, you could at least order a decent carved turkey from a good grocery store, or even a place like Bob Evan's. Nobody here is actually trying to shit on you or your beliefs. But please, don't attempt to fool your family. They're just going to say mean shit in the car ride home, or worse, be unpleased and mean in your presence. Have a great Thanksgiving!

>trying to convince her mom to make only vegan mash potatoes to save time

that entitlement

If somebody pulled this shit on me I would just leave
Get up
Go to car
And leave
And that person better not contact me for a couple of years

>I don't want any of my guests to know it's not real turkey. Any help is appreciated.
Flat-out impossible. I love tofu but what you're asking for can't be done.

Would you fly a Confederate flag outside your house just because you had guests over who were racist? Just to make them happy?

...

Lol, I never really thought about how tilted vegans get during thanksgiving, or the entire holiday season for that matter.

It reminds them nobody really loves them

did you tell people

cause if you didn't and they show up with a level of expectation you didn't provide, you are a literal piece of dogshit

Why did you agree to host/make the turkey if you weren't going to make the turkey?
That's like saying you're going to drive people then make them ride bikes.

Dog it's a thanksgiving day turkey, not a Johnny Rebel record. Make the fucking turkey. It's not a lynching.

And it was 2016 the year (OP) ruined Thanksgiving

>just like you're going to drive them and then make them take bikes

topkek

Lol this reminds me of when I dated a vegan. I made necessary accommodations when picking restaurants, but she relentlessly tried to convert me.
I don't care what you believe in and support almost anything someone wants to do, but it pisses me off when they try to push their shit on people.

WHY DID YOU VOLUNTEER!?

WHY!?

The whole. fucking. holiday. is about the goddamn turkey. I get that you're vegan, that's ok I suppose, as long as you're not hurting anyone... but if you have ethical concerns with eating meat, why involve yourself in the holiday that revolves around eating meat?

What you did is like offering to host christmas for your family, and then when they get there you tell them there will be no presents, no decorations, no talking, and everyone has to sit on a couch in an empty room and watch Transformers.

And then people in this thread are like "wtf yo?" and you say "yeah but christmas is evil and I didn't want my family to celebrate it so I ruined it ON PURPOSE."

What a fucking asshole.

>host christmas for your family, and then when they get there you tell them there will be no presents, no decorations, no talking, and everyone has to sit on a couch in an empty room

A perfect description of an evangelical Christmas, but everyone has to have a Bible in their lap.

vegans need to be gassed

I may be a staunch anarchist, disgusted with the moral implications of capitalism;

But at least I'm not a fucking turkey hugging vegan.

This.

It's almost impressive how insufferable vegans can be.

Thanks for your input, Noam Chomsky. Btw, I wrote you in for president. That one vote in Mississippi? It was mine.

False equivalency m8
Its more like "I don't care about the NFL nor do I really condone the way they treat their players who are almost guaranteed to get CTE, but since most of my family is lions fans I'll put the game on my TV"
You dipshit

Can this just be a vegan hate thread?

>I don't want any of my guests to know it's not real turkey.

That reads like an avalanche of bullshit.

Make a turkey-shaped pile of mini-marshmallows. It'll look and taste exactly like turkey.

I feel sorry for your family.

Have fun with your vain attempt to make not-meat have the taste and texture of meat, retard.

You're perhaps, among all the inconsiderate edgy assholes on Veeky Forums, the absolute worst, not only because you're so inconsiderate, but moreso that you don't even recognize it.

Just try to look in a mirror without puking, you selfish little bitch.

OP here. All of you saying I should "just" cook a turkey should save your breath. I volunteered because that way one less turkey, one less living breathing feeling being, has to be sacrificed so that unfortunately or purposefully ignorant people such as yourselves can absentmindedly feast on a corpse. I have my convictions, and no offense, but you have no right nor do you have any chance in Hell of changing them. There will be no meat in my house, and my family will not be eating meat this Thanksgiving. Seriously, a decade from now eating meat in developed countries is going to be illegal (maybe two decades since fucking Trump somehow just became president), so they'll thank me in the end for giving them a headstart on their transition to a peaceful existence. Please offer actual help or kindly refrain from posting.

I'm vegan, I'm not insane. I'm having a vegan thanksgiving with my dad and girlfriend who are both also vegan. I am 22 and have been vegan since 16 (I took year 19 off and went vegan again when I turned 20)

These people have emotional problems / anxiety disorders, and they had these same disorders before they were vegan.

These posts being shared show both low verbal IQ and high disgust tendencies (the "ew meat no get it away!!!" attitude isn't normal for adults, but it can be a sign of OCD or childlike regression).

These are SJW type vegans, they suck. I'm a health vegan. Please remember normal vegans exist, and remind crazy vegans like these anons and redditors to take their b-12. Look into b-12's role in the brain if you wanna understand what goes wrong with vegans.

BTW I think a lot of people with mental disorders become vegan as a form of food controlling. Thsee people are usually emotionally vegan because of "teh animals" and are the loud mean ones harassing you. I'm in it for the health benefits, check out NutritionFacts on youtube for peer reviewed studies that aren't quackery or emotional bullshit.

So close, but you came on a bit strong.

Hey do you watch Dr. Greger? He's the best vegan

Real OP here, if you're going to impersonate me please be more subtle with your trolling so this thread will last longer and trigger more people. We're on the same team here

...

eat more pork you pile of shit

cheesecake is vegan?

after your party all your guest will Meet up and have Nice good turkey and laugh at your stupid tofu bird. Way ruin a holiday and not invite them over another day?

People like you should be hung
God I hate vegans

>Hang a vegan.
>They are so full of hot air they just flap about uselessly and complain the rope wasn't made with hemp.

>no how to screen cap

I'm dissapointed

>The thing is I'm vegan and I'm not going to serve any animal products
Wew, stopped reading.
Can someone who read it all tell me if it's a troll? I don't think I can handle reading on and realizing it's real

Hey guys I am going to buy a ps4 for my nephew, I promised to do it and his parents have already told him and hyped him up. The thing is, I think video games are bad for kids, how do I make a football look and behave exactly like a ps4?

approved

This isn't about you faggot it's about op not cooking a turkey

Vegan's cant even handle other vegans getting more attention than them

so what was your real reason for going vegan. You call yourself a health vegan but we kind of need more to go on then just that. I mean vegans lose me when they say you can't eat honey because "it traumatized the bees".

Hey guys, I'm going to get a hooker for my cousin. I told him I was gonna help him get laid and he's looking forward to it. The thing is, I believe in abstinence before marriage. How do I make this chastity cage feel like a vagina?

I can vouch for this when I say this actually happens. I love my mom but of course of all times she was a crazy Christian was when I was a kid. Childhood ruined.

Hot

Hey guys, I promised an orphan that I would donate one of my kidneys so he doesn't die. The children's hospital says I'm an angel for doing this but recently I changed my mind. How can I fashion a fully functional kidney out of silly putty?

I've been vegetarian for like a year and a half. Everyone knows.
I'm not the kind of person to go around boasting, "MEAT IS MURDER, YOU'RE A MURDERER, YOU SUCK". People only find out that I'm a vegetarian when we sit down for a meal and I've gotten everything but the meat. I don't complain. I don't request other people change to suit me. I'm perfectly happy with an order of fries at a burger place.
I guess my point is I'm quiet about my choice. I don't step on toes about it.
Anyways. Happy Thanksgiving. My husband and I just got back from dinner at the in laws.
We get there and when we go get dinner I realize that pretty much everything has bacon in it or on it. Except the potatoes. I'm shocked and really offended. They know I don't eat meat. They give me shit for it.
I just took my spot without any food, because something told me they put something in there too. My husband asks what's wrong and I just say I'm not hungry. Then I sat through four hours of watching everyone else eat. I felt so alone.
Sometime in between my MIL asks how we liked the potatoes. My husband said they were good. I didn't say anything. Then she starts telling us about how she put chicken broth in it.
I. fucking. Knew. It.
They put meat in everything. What the fuck? What did I do? I didn't say anything the whole time we were there. I let them feel smug for, what, tricking me? Making me not eat? What was the end goal?
My husband asked again an hour in why I wasn't eating. I told him it was because there was bacon in everything. He said I was being rude.
Fuck me, right?

Have we really reached the point where a TLDR is necessary for 7 short sentances?

>I don't complain. I don't request other people change to suit me.

Oops.

>didnt ask if there was any vegan food
>didnt get told there was any vegan food
ohmygod theytriedtopoisonmewithbroth

>They put meat in everything. What the fuck? What did I do? I didn't say anything the whole time we were there. I let them feel smug for, what, tricking me? Making me not eat? What was the end goal?
this is a glimpse into the mind of a professional victim

I bet that lady was an angel but the chick who wrote that story is a 20-something entitled whore who can't have fun ever.

they know she is a vegetarian. invite her to a dinner
dont tell her to bring food of her own
put bacon in every vegetable dish
add melted chicken carcass into only thing that doesnt have bacon
do you seriously not think the host is being a bit of a cunt there?

>professional victim
she didnt even make a big deal out of it, she kept her mouth shut until the issue was directly addressed

>fun is putting salted pig carcass into vegetables because ewwwww we dont like vegetables without grease in murica

jesus christ you fucking people

Mommm, somebody made a dinner they like and didn't cook anything special for me! Waaahh! You always told me I was a special little snowflake Princess! It huuurts, Mom! Make it stop! Everybody's bullying me, Mom!

>meat eater turns up to vegan household after being invited to family dinner
>meat eater expects some form of meat becayuse muh protein
>meat eater is disgusted that there is no meat, and is not satisfied with meal and will surely develop protein deficiency soon
>"n....n..no babe everything is fine, the food is g...g.g..great, it would just be nice if there was a dead body on the table"
>"user thats really rude"
>user comes home and bitches on Veeky Forums and plebbit about how horrible vegans are because they forced their beliefs onto them

That's literally what the vegan did

Just pick the bacon out... It's not like you are allergic or anything. Just pick out the bits you don't eat.

>Meat eater expects to eat delicious, traditional holiday meal, is gracious to be invited
>OP wants to pull the wool over their eyes, ruin an expected meal that is traditionally only made once a year
>Then wants to lord over them with moral superiority

What happened to equally sucks, but the vegan OP should have been forthcoming in the first place and said "we won't be having meat products, but I'd still like to host everyone for a nice meal."

Neither side is going to get their way with "I tricked you ha ha" tactics. It's just going to build resentment.

OP here with an update:
Dinner went great, no one had any idea it was tofu. For those of you who said it was impossible to pass off tofu as real turkey, I think you just need to work on your spices/seasonings and the way you cook it (for texture). It's definitely doable if you know what you're doing in the kitchen.
When I announced that the turkey was vegan, no one could believe it and they actually applauded. It wasn't enough to convince everyone (older people mainly), but quite a few of my family members decided to switch to veganism. Pretty proud.
Thanks to everyone who gave actual advice instead of trolling. Hope you all had a great Thanksgiving

Don't believe a single bit of this. No one would applaud your bullshit. If anything they were being nice to your face while cursing you on the ride home.

>she didn't even make a big deal of it

Oh so that page long crying rant of hers didn't happen in your tiny mind.