I just got my turkey for today...how the HELL do I get the thing thawed in time for dinner?!?!?

I just got my turkey for today...how the HELL do I get the thing thawed in time for dinner?!?!?

Microwave it

By not buying a massive frozen solid chunk of meat the same day you intend to cook it.

But since you are a fuck up, try submerging the turkey in hot water for a while.

get a large container or bucket and drop it in tepid water with salt. don't take it out of the packet unless you want extra salty turkey.

Break it into pieces with a hammer.

Leave it on your roof

You got a car? bike? You tape that sucker to the roof and go for a drive my friend

Mom used to do this every thanks giving, works a charm

Use a welder's blowtorch.

nigga you're fucked unless you have dinner at eight.

>8 posts
>no "stick it up your ass"
Slow as fuck.

Stick it up your ass.

>put rag in sink
>put turkey in sink
>run cold water with enough flow that it doesn't overflow the sink
fast CONVECTION warming!

all posts are hilarious except don't do that you will get food poisoning
if i gotta click a street sign again i'm boycotting google

>Take turkey.
>Place in bucket.
>Gently introduce near boiling water into bucket until turkey is submerged.
>Throw eggs at the bucket while screaming incoherently.
>Smash bucket with rocks or sink.
>Shoot the turkey.
>Light everything on fire while laughing manically.
>Done.

user you put that turkey in a garbage back and get into bed with it. Your bodies natural heat will warm the turkey and your lower genitals will provide further arousal for the Turkeys defrosting systems

yeah do this

stuff it full of hot chilies, that should warm it right up

Just deep fry while it's still frozen, works every time.

Quick and easy, try it.

kind of like coooking an egg by shooting it?
like, this would take a cannon or so

This is the only realistic answer, and even then it's unlikely you can thaw a frozen turkey and have time left to cook it.

break it apart, leave it in the sun overnight, tie it back up, and cook

wtf I did this and it made pretty decorative crystals

Why the fuck is this woman naked?

Why the fuck are you have Turkey on the Friday after Thanksgiving you have it on THURSDAY THANKSGIVING fucking idiot probably Chinese it's still Wednesday there

Wow. You're a special kind of retard.