Veeky Forums secret weapons

>hey user, how do you always get the meat so tender?

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en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cube_steak
finecooking.com/articles/how-to-grill-burgers.aspx
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I brush it on both sides with a sanitised hair brush for 16 hours before I cook it.

wow i bet that is really great for poking holes in meat

You should see what it does to potatoes.

My dick is really great for poking the holes in your mom's meat

poking holes in them?

spilled my milk all over the keyboard

Yeah, essentially.

Don't cry over it

Fukn rekt

What's the purpose of this? The holes do what for a steak?

Make it go faster

Ensures you never have to worry about accidently cooking a medium rare steak. All your meat is cooked well and evenly because of metaphysical heat distribution brought upon by stabbing beef.

I am a scientist.

A broscientist?

>poking holes in your steak for all the juices to escape

kek, are you sure you're not hearing:
>hey user, how is the meat always so dry?

Affirmitive.

Live long and porpoise.

>you gotta sear in da flavor
>he doesn't know this meme idea was debunked a decade ago

Anyways, the jaccard is used to cut up the connective tissue in meat.

Steakhouses use this to obtain 'cut it with a fork' tenderness but ofc this is a trade secret.

severing fibers will lead to less shrinkage leading to less liquid being squeezed out of the meat

i use a hammer on cheap cuts

like the kind for nails

that makes them wider and thinner. The pokers are better for cubing meat.

>>hey user, how do you always get the meat so tender?

jfc that own is yooge

I know this isn't an but are owls actually good pets?

No way me too

Nice.

>metaphysical heat distribution

In a row?

I don't give a fuck about what some hipsters here will say.

If you do this to your meat, it's ruined.

You've been eating it all your life without a second thought, beavis.

I don't think so, faggot. I'm french, graduated whatever "degree" i need to become a cook, and i'm still taking classes about meat right now.

You don't poke holes in your meat.

French "cuisine" is literally the worst. Everything just tastes like butter.

>move the goalpost
As expected. Never change Veeky Forums

NO.
Not at all.

They rip the fuck out of everything with their talons, purposefully or not.
They have a habit of hiding decaying carcasses "for later".
Like cats, they really don't give a fuck about their owners. Unlike cats, they have big ass talons and the power of flight to snap at you if you randomly piss them off by trying to pet them.

They are not a domesticated species at all.

>You don't poke holes in your meat.
It's literally called cubing.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cube_steak

Also, good luck legally obtaining one outside of Japan. It costs a lot of money.

When Harry Potter got big there was an outbreak of abandoned 'pet' owls because people got them thinking they'd be like any other bird but LOL THEY'RE PREDATORS!

>I'm [nationality] so I'm automatically an infallible authority on [nation's] cuisine.
This is truly the highest form of deluded pretentiousness

Makes it more tender.

I remember coming across a list of "worst possible pets" and owls were the #1 worst. Aside from all this they also apparently have to eat whole mice and rats like snakes do and crap the bones and indigestible stuff into a nasty ball you have to clean up every day.

About an hour a day
On each side

I let it sit in Coke a Cola for a night.

why not?

i'm the sous chef at a top 5 restaurant in one of the biggest cities on the american west coast and i can't think of any specific reason why you shouldn't. it looks like it breaks up connective tissue/sinew/strands of muscle tissue in the protein.

maybe you can teach me something i don't know, though?

...

You literally didn't need to use the word literally there. Words are meant to be taken literally by default.

oh, fuck..

i take my previous comment back; i'm just misguided, i guess.

What if it were metaphorically called cubing?

Biscuits
Cookies
Fries
Chips

Get out of my language

HEY AN, HOW DO YOU MAKE COFFEE???

>r/food
you have to go back.

>You don't poke holes in your meat.
WHILE IT'S COOKING

You can tenderize it before hand, nard.

So just to get this straight MY country had to save your stupid asses in the war just for you guys to elect a government that censors your internet porn and NOW you want to tell me fries are "chips"? The fuck out of here dude.

all good except the bottom ones are chips too

silly poms

makes the meat more tender
thats it

AHAHAHAHAHA
NICE DEGREE user
MONEY WELL SPENT
YOU SURE KNOW WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT

you would take classes on meat just to get that perfect dick suck down, faggot

>'Merican English is the dominant and most widely spoken english and the majority of international media is in english
But No! We have to give credence to that Isle of inbred Anglo Fucks 'twonce called Angle-Land because they "invented" the bloody language!
>Kinda Like how Scottish Alexander Graham Bell invented the Telephone, but the General public gave no fuck till American Thomas Alva Edison came about and made it better and more accessible

But those biscuits are actually chocolate cookies.

figuratively?

>'Merican English

English is the language spoken by English people who live in England.

If you want to give things different names in American English that is fine, but specify that you mean American English and not English.

No that doesn't apply anymore since when people around the world study English they all want to speak the variety of English spoken in America not the variety of English spoken in England.

You think a single person out there studying Portuguese is doing it because of how badly they want to learn about Portugal. They're doing it because they want to learn about Brazil.

Russia saved europe, idiot

what the hell is this shit, those are fries and THEN chips

Germany saved Europe from Russia

>doesn't know the name of his degree
>claims to have graduated

I blend some papaya and depending if its for BBQ I mix it with beer

Its probably wrong but I like leaving it marinating longer to make the steak get an almost melting texture. Shits great.

I wouldn't mangle a steak with that but I have used mine for many other meats. You can buy the random chunks of "stew beef" at the grocery store for real cheap, since they are just steak trimmings. Attack them with that thing, then cut them smaller. Now they can be tender without slow cooking, or still tender if you accidentally cooked them too long. Great for stir fry. Also great for elk or deer meat. Just not on steak. Also don't hold it like the pic. That pic hurts my wrist.

I have a Jaccard machine. They're not all that shit hot. If you know you have shit steak its a go, but basically it's just taking up space in my kitchen.

Well, if he's French like me, it may be a diplôme d'études collègiales, of which there isn't an exact translation (college is not the same thing as a french college/CÉGEP)

Kekd


This thread is insane!

>metaphysical heat distribution

Everyone knows the best way to make juicy and tender meat; webm related

>I like Youtube "celebrities".
I bet you've got Rebecca Black albums as well.

You seem angry. Maybe youd like some fresh cut watermelon

*you'd

This thread is now a Ja/ck/ cooking tutorial thread

This one is brought to you buy Jacks entire family properly demonstrating how to use forks

How can you watch these on Apple devices?

Please somebody tell me why he adds iced water to the burger mince.

Download and open with PlayerXtreme

It's a technique used in sausage making.
Don't know about burgers tho'.

Who cares what some fuckwit does with their food? What's the point in watching it at all?

Don't you dare try to derail a perfectly good ja/ck/ thread

I was asking an honest question.

So what does it do for sausages?

Well he must have a reason. Not only to add water, but ICED water. I want to understand him.

>I want to understand him.

It's the same logic to used to cook corn dogs in cold oil

Understanding his brilliance must come naturally, it can not be taught

>Well he must have a reason.
>I want to understand him.

He's a retard.

It's a legit technique apparently.

The moisture that comes out of beef isn't water, it's fat you idiot. Fuck off Jack

Incorrect retard.
Try learning to cook sometime.

>finecooking.com/articles/how-to-grill-burgers.aspx
Educate yourself, dipshit.

Fuck off Jack and Jack's wife. It's a myth spread by retards.

You probably think searing meat seals in moisture also

You need to be 18+ to post here.

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jesus fuck

Baked apples, onions & sauerkraut?

That's the one he put blueberries in because he couldn't find juniper berries and though they were close enough.

>That's the one he put blueberries in because he couldn't find juniper berries and though they were close enough.

for fucks sake, you can't be serious.....fuck, it's jack though so I already know it's true

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I ___________, faggot. I'm french, ___________________________________________, and i'm ___ taking ___________ meat right now.

all I could see in your post

Delet this.