Lifehacks

Post food tips and tricks please

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ultimatehistoryproject.com/arsenic-eaters.html
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is that coffee for your contacts so your eyes stay awake?

Yeah it gets into your body and keeps you up

I DID THIS ONCE AND I COULDNT SLEEP FOR FIVE DAYS

Bill shut. There's not enough caffeine in that much coffee.

DO NOT DO THIS
It makes everything brown and your eyes go too fast so you see things before you see them

>Bill shut

Did Jill open?

>you see things before you see them
You see the future???!!!?

If you put eggs in boiling water they become solid inside.

:o

If you kill yourself, you die

prove it

>you see things before you see them

holy kek

I dont think this actually happens

I have done it before.
I once did this to an egg...OUT OF THE SHELL.

Well that makes sense since the water content is likely to evaporate then

Wow quality joke mock my disability why don't you

Its not coffee, its soy sauce

Correct. The pic in the OP is an Asian with poor eyesight using a natural remedy passed down through his family.

If you put eggs in boiling urine they will cure heat stroke.

It's an ancient chinese secret!

A few 'dines will cureceive the same time as a whole bunch of people who are not going to the public domain. Of course you'd have to be a good idea to have a good idea mister Franklin.

There's a reason eyedrops and contact solution is saline.
Anything salt can do, soy can do better. Its the glutimates, aminos, and nucleotides.
Do not be so quick to dismiss Asian wisdom, just because you dont understand it doesn't mean its not valuable.

>you see things before you see them
wtf

Chinks fed their emperors mercury for headaches.
Fuck them and their fake "medicine"

You'll lose weight if you eat less food.

drinking a glass of bleach before you put a 22 round through your brain ensures that no part of your life is left living :^)

White people would never fall for something like that amirite

Bullshit I left mine overnight and the egg absorbed all the water

I mean Christ you'd have to be really fucking stupid to put an obvious poison into your body. Westerners would never be that dumb.

>22
Please, everyone. Use a larger caliber. Using a .22 in a suicide is just unsafe

There's a difference between feeding your most important figurehead mercury for centuries and snake oil salesmen conning the average man for 20 years.

Why bleach? Just take a bunch of nodoz, caffeine has an LD50 close to arsenic.

Please explain this difference.

All you can get in the U.K. M8

No.

figurehead smart
average man dumb

If you make a gravy that turns out too greasy (like say, using the juice from a chicken as part of the stock) throw a slice of bread in there. let it soak the grease (which will sit on top) for a bit and then remove.

>let it soak the grease...and then remove.

...and you eat it, right?

Shotguns are a thing.

You can do if you are so inclined.

Another tip: if you have a cast iron pan and are making an omlette rather than flipping the omelette over to ensure its gooded through throw it under the grill to cook the topside.

Note to Americans: Grill means broiler

>Note to Americans: I like to make words up

Huh?

When roasting a joint (especially a chicken) turn it over halfway through cooking - it will effectively self baste.

Huh?

you might say it masturbastes

That works better when spoken rather than typed.

Brush a small amount of baking soda solution onto anything savory that you bake or fry, in order to get it to brown faster.

Two shots of expresso in some gravy is lush.

shit man you get a sharingan from this?

you mean like all the times we used acidic bases in clothing dyes and burned tons of people

or the times that we used asbestos in everything

or the times that cocaine and opium were common place medical treatments

..haha those were some dumb chinks amiright

You can recover things like stale biscuits and hamburger buns by wrapping them in a damp, wrung out paper towel and microwaving it on medium power for no longer than 20-30 seconds.

>tried this with a tortilla once
>was nice and soft for 5 seconds before turning into a tortilla chip
??? dark magic

That is the only downside, you have to eat it right away. The more stale, the less time you have.

It's better for softer fluffier breads, corn tortillas are almost completely exposed to air throughout.

Works well if you also put a cup of water in a toaster oven and create a makeshift sauna for your breads.

It's not that serious mate.

...

and if your enemies kill you, you win

Don't do this it creates mustard gas.

just use a fork dumas

Quality kek

But forks don't melt ice cream

Arsenic that does not poison you enough that you notice immediately is fine, mercury isn't

Lucky fucking 19th century douchebags, coke and heroin for sale at the local drugstore. Weed was legal, all over Texas, and peyote markets were a booming in Laredo. Even fucking coca-cola had blow in it! I'll take some tuberculosis and illiteracy for that life. Everything tastes good when your grayed out. Fucking puritans, ruin everything

...

the only thing stopping you from getting coke and heroin is yourself buddy. The government and local authorities will hinder you, but if you really want it, you can get it.

Nah left that life and got out of town. New friend group is not about that shit. Not about to fuck around with spics and niggers to try and cop a buzz

Let me tell you, this guy is correct, been there, it hurt like crazy, but when I came back to life it was wonderfuls except my pants were soiled.

>Note to Americans: Grill means broiler

Too late, tried to shove it under my oven, damaged the draw down there, bent it in half life, but it almost gave way when one of the legs bent, my mom is going to kill me and I smell gas for a reason, oh well.

>you might say it masturbastes
i thought you choked a chicken, you guys I bet it blows up when you turn in and its baking hot, thanks for nothing.
Wow, thanks smart ass, the heat will turn it into washing soda and probably make my tummy hurt.
I'll try this for sure next time I'm constipated! THANK YOU!
I had 3 week old muffins on my counter that I was too lazy to throw out, I tried this and they imploded and the microwave was smoking. My mom is really going to kill me now.
I'd try this but my microwave just broke listening to someone here.

You can actually build a tolerance to arsenic through regular consumption. The Styrians used to do it to help with altitude sickness and for beauty and it make doctors tear their hair out wondering how they didn't die.
ultimatehistoryproject.com/arsenic-eaters.html

Funny story. The FDA got most of its authority by winning a case against some people who had basically been feeding antifreeze to folks as a health elixer. They didn't actually win because it was antifreeze, they only won because they had mislabeled it as an "elixer" despite containing no alcohol. Close one.

This is the best thread on ck right now

just like how jack has the best sauce

Veeky Forums is about comedy, not cooking

>satan hai
Is Food Network an anime?

they're implying they were taking down their figurehead. where as in murrica, your fellow man will try to take you down, just because.

life hack

lyfe hack

life hkac

life hacked

You've just changed my life

Why haven't you granted yourself future sight yet, Veeky Forums?

Some people rather remain ignorant and in the dark, they do not embrace future sight. Maybe they're not ready for it.

>acidic bases

Figureheads are just average men with different desires in life.

>you see things before you see them
okay karl

is this the same artist behind "saddest thanksgiving ever?"

the only thing stopping me is that coke is as expensive as fucking diamond dust you moron

It's only $60-80 a G

Put me on the screenshot.

ebay.com/bhp/diamond-powder

this is how i reheat rice

kek, would kek again

we literally used to eat gold as a treatment in medieval times chinks we as stupid but not more than us

you've got jealous bones

if you put too much salt into a meal, just add some sugar, it evens out

At least gold is inert. I think the people who ate toxic metals are easily more stupid than those who ate literally harmless ones.

The romans used to boil wine in lead dishes to give it a sweeter taste.
The stupidity is old.

I'm going to do this now