Design your own MRE

Hey Veeky Forums, /k/ommando here. Just wondering what you guys would put in an MRE (meal, ready to eat) if you could design one. Items must be:
1) able to be eaten raw or cooked with only water and a heat source
2) non-perishable

The meal should ideally be able to vacuum seal into a volume of 10"x7"x3" and provide a ballpark of 1250 calories (more if able)

Lets see what you guys can come up with. Best one gets a /k/ defense contract.

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Salted lamb shank in a soui vide pouch.
>really any kind of jerkey
>root veggies cut thin
>couscous for carbs (cooks faster than rice and uses less water)
>SPAM

Thank you for your service, have a Corgi.

I would do something like pasties for the entree. Meat, vegetables, etc in a hand held pastry shell. Jerky, or a clif bar type thing to replace the Ranger bar. Maybe peanut butter packets with bread or tortillas. Candy is good too. Skittles or whatever. Powdered sports drink (wish it tasted better), instant coffee. Shot of whisky/vodka. Not enough toilet paper.

>root veggies cut thin
such as? sorry the only thing they teach us in /k/ is how to clean a mosin and use the bolt as a anal massager.

A cold McChicken and fries that I spilled on the floor

fucking root vegetables...carrots, radish, parsnip, potato.

get your shit together.

dried fruit- raisins dates chrerries crayonberries apricots whatever
quinoa
oatmeal
clif bars
sugar packets
hot sauce packets
kool aid
peanut butter
crackers- oyster are my fav
potato crisps
multivitamin

i eat all this stuff anyway. fitting as mre is just a bonus

might need some veggies in there. not sure how that would work.

I've been watching some MRE videos and I'm curious about something. If they can package liquid meals with no problem, why is the bread they package always look so stale and dry?

Jellied fat.
Jellied fish.
Grain.
Tea.
Jellied beef with onions.

Whatever you do put it, make sure to put in packets you get from the fast food joints. Popeye Cajun Sparkle can spice up any tasteless gunk that comes your way.

t. /out/

>I've been watching some MRE videos
Depends on how old they are, but in my experience, non-expired MRE bread is anything but dry

I find crayonberries a bit waxy.

do you mean the crackers? all the MRE's ive had had crackers that actually arent really bad, they just dry out your mouth. Never seen a MRE with actual risen bread before.

kek

mcchickens

Soft boiled eggs
Shrimp
Cottage cheese
Roasted garlic olive oil spread
Avocado

Breakfast:
Pouched dry instant or canned porridge-41 grams, 150 calories
Dried fruit and nuts-1/4 cup, 200 calories
Peanut butter, jelly, or other spread-2 tbsp, 188 calories
Total:538 calories

Canned sardines- 7.5 ounces, 382 calories
Sachet of malt vinegar

Dinner:
Canned Spamlike meat- 7 ounces, 595 calories
Pouch of various vegetables and legumes-1 cup, 213 calories

Crackers for each meal- 750 calories
Total (excluding accessories) 2478 calories

Salt
Pepper
A stick of gum for between each
Strips of meat jerky
Datrex food bar (nigga's like 3600 calories so keep it in reserve or something I guess)
Isotonic drink pouches
Esbit fuel tablets w/ stove
Water purification
Matches
Toilet paper
Moist wipes
Knorks

MRE splittable into three pieces, 'breakfast, snack, lunch'. A single one usually is too to have in a single serving, and you sometimes don't have conditions to heat it up but you need to eat - you unpack the MRE, eat the 'eat cold' stuff and the rest spills all over the backpack. You can eat in one sitting, but you can split it up, no harm.

Hot part (half of the pack volume). Heatable can of
- beef goulash with gnocchi
- chicken risotto
- pot roast with potatoes
...that kind of stuff; semi-moist so it's hard to spill but will distribute heat well. Also,
- heating essentials (dry fuel, foldable stove, matches.)
- a bag of black tea and/or instant coffee
- fork&spoon.
- salt, black pepper, chili and sugar packages
- moisturized hanky.

"Breakfast" part (2/3 of the remainder)
- a pack of hardtack
- a small ramen style soup (edible dry)
- dissolvable (fizzy) vitamin drink tablet
- water disinfectant tablet
- beef jerky or mini salami or similar non-perishable meat/sausage.

Snack part (remainer):
- an energy bar (granola style), various flavors.
- a small chocolate bar (bitter, but with nuts.)
- a small package of jam/honey/nutella
- caffeinated candy
- raisins / mixed nuts / dried cranberry / similar.

Chemical heater MREs would have instant boullion instead of ramen, and instant tea instead of tea bag, due to lower achievable temperature than needed to heat their counterparts.

Dried beans offer a shitload of calories and can be cooked using only water.
Pair that with salted cod, kool-aid, multivitamin and a small portion of methamphetamine.

A normal MRE with laxatives randomly placed in one of the foods

What we currently have is pretty good, all we need is packets and sachets of different spices and sauces.

Nuts have a lot of energy. They're dense. Almonds and shit.

Why are people that browse /k/ always either fucking children or adults with the mental capacity of children.

It's a board about weapons. I'm not sure what you expected.

Because it gets vacuum sealed, a slice of standard bread would be compressed. So the more snack bread is a consistency of a squashed piece of bread. (Do it home, squish a fresh piece of white bread into a cube, then eat it, that's what it's like). It just holds up better.

>chili packet

Why isn't this a thing in MREs I'll never understand

A Chipotle gift card made of hard tack.

Did I win?

/k/, Veeky Forums and former Marine here, can confirm crayonberries are best berries.
source: former Marine with a sense of humor

Fuc/k/ off "/k/ommando" loser. Your kind aint welcome around here. Piss off back to your precious woods you fucking faggot.

>Your kind
what did he mean by this

An MRE I had contained a pouch of mayo and tuna. It was pretty nice.

Dried beans need to be *cooked* to be edible. MREs are to be *heated*.

You'd need a fuckton of Esbit to properly cook dried beans. And way more time than soldiers can afford for preparing a MRE.

Fresh bread, vaccuum sealed or not, will spoil rather soon. Your two options are hardtack/dry bread, or Pumpernickel style, which is... uh, "acquired taste". In other words, many people simply can't stomach it. Although for those, who don't mind the taste, it would be perfect for MRE.

BTW, my current lunch. Hardtack of exactly the same kind that is included in my country army's MREs; available off-the-shelf in some grocery stores. It's pretty good and stays good for years. If I were to choose this or a vacuum-sealed bread, or normal bread two days old, I'd definitely choose the hardtack.

(currently eating it because I got some stomach infection, and it's way easier to digest than normal bread of the same nutritional value.)

>youtube.com/watch?v=u2LhmpDUjKk

It means business.

I want those nuclear survival cookies and some dehydrated milk.

>walnuts
>steel cut oats, preroasted
>chicken in a pouch with Cajun sauce
>rice
>tirimisu

I made protein bars for when I was innawoods with the army.

Mixed protein powder, cacao powder, and syrup, then used it to bind ground nuts and oats together into a bar shape.

I had pretty bad constipation, but I think it was the other stuff we ate.

Tiramisu of over 1.5 years of shelf life.
No, thanks.

Dehydrated milk has lower shelf life than required, unfortunately (around a year - needs to be 1.5 at least.) Cookies would be fine, but no "fun" option will pass through top brass.

Remove milk-based ingredients (replace with vegan nonsense). Preserve it in a pouch with two dl of brandy. Best way to prolong shelf life :)

That doesn't make sense. Why do you think the bread would spoil sooner than anything else?

He's used to real bread, not bleached sugar sponge disguised as bread.

This

>hardtack
>stomach infection
FFS man, move outta the third world

Everything in the MRE is sealed. Why would a pack of bread spoil before, as an example, a pack of beef stew?