What's the most shameful things you've ever done in a kitchen, Veeky Forums?

Was given a bottle of gutter-tier bourbon
Mixed it with cola cordial

This was about 15 years ago and I still get the bad feels about it

1 cheese Totino's pizza
1 pepperoni Totino's pizza
Pizza sandwich

Food wise? I couldn't tell you all the abominations I make and then make myself eat. Luckily I don't eat much animals anymore so I'm not eating rotten meat or anything. But the last bad thing I did was try and make vegetable stock out of almost only cabbage. Then I tried to use it to make egg noodles. Shit was really bad and no amount of seasoning could save it. Maybe the cabbage had gone off. Idk I really need to start following recipes, 'winging it' really isn't doing me much good when I don't know shit about cooking...

One time I hot-knifed some weed in the kitchen with my bud/roommate and ended up touching the knife to the plastic bottle-top-funnel I was inhaling through, melting the plastic of course, and felt really nauseous afterwards.

This just reminded me of a time me and another pal drank a whole bottle of the high proof smirnoff between us and the only mixer/chaser we had was a small carton of funfetti cake topping. Despite how gross that is we had fun playing diablo 2 and talking about d and d that night.

I would not be offended by this at all, provided all the ingredients were okay to eat.

Made out with my mother. I wish someone had just knocked me out before I reached that level of intoxication.

For food-related I probably ate nutella and peanut butter straight from the jar. With the same spoon.

What's so bad about that?
At least you appreciated the gift and put it to its intended use.

I dont think youre supposed to make stock from cabbage.

And my friends and I were smoking meth out of emptied out light bulbs and our lighters ran out, so we were just rotating them over the burners. It's been about 10 years now but the smell of melted plastic actually always reminds me of those times because meth has a very similar taste. Real glad that shit isn't actually addictive.

Oh, and as a teenager I smoked weed out of a fucking aluminum foil pipe.. pretty sure I'm going to regret that some day when I end up a drooling old man with Alzheimer's.

>Made out with my mother
story time please

during my university days I wanted to make spaghetti with beef mince and some kind of sauce.
Since I lacked jar of red sauce I used a jar of creamy sauce meant for chicken.
It was very bad.

Creamy sauce can be used with beef, I don't see the problem unless.... what exactly was in this 'creamy' sauce?

For an entire month I had been really fucking lazy about cleaning my cookware, to the point where I'd left a pot of rice just soaking in water on the counter the whole time.

One day my bitch aunt came over with my bitch cousins for new year's. I was in the middle of cleaning up when I remember that pot.

I lifted the lad, and nearly threw up upon smelling the moldy rice water. After stewing for a whole month unmolested, this shit was it's own ecosystem.

Anyway, wanting to fuck with my relatives, I strained out the liquid from the pot, chilled it, and served it in traditional japanese shot glasses I'd picked up on holiday the year prior.

Told them it was expensive Okinawan sake I'd broken out for the occasion. To this day can't tell if they were being polite or if they genuinely enjoyed my moldy rice water.

>mfw evil genius

Wew lad, more like autistic butthead than evil genius. Ever considered they believed you because they're your family and thus take your word at face value?

This seems like something you'd see in a /r9k/ tendies thread.

I mean, it was probably at least slightly alcoholic. After a whole month wild yeasts would have more than enough time to set in and do their thing.

I sucked dick for some paprika once.

yeesh, i had "one of those" dreams about my mom once and wanted to kill myself afterwards.

also this

Both of those seem like perfectly reasonable ideas and I'm almost surprised they didn't work out for you

I've done some pretty fucked up things in a kitchen that I really regret and wouldn't share on any cooking board that had my name tied to it. All of this was years ago but I still feel bad about it sometimes. I'm sure there is a lot more I just can't think of right now.

>fucked up a 20k smoker

>left out a ton of meat when I first started closing at my first job

>all the shit we used to make the new guys do

>Put a hole in a commis' bike tire because he was a piece of shit

>Fired a kid on the spot because he broke the tip off of one of my knives.

>generally berating and unnecessarily being a dick to greenhorns fresh out of culinary school

>fucked a pregnant girl at work only because I knew she was getting fired after that shift and I wouldn't have to see her again.

My old chef used to make me fire everyone because he said it was "good practice" and sometimes it got pretty rough. The worst was a guy who was actually a really decent dude and he was in tears begging to stay, talking about his kids and shit. My chef was at the other end of the kitchen behind him, looking at me, and just shaking his head.

She sounds like a roasty

Spying out the kitchen window at my sister tanning topless outside and fapping to her

I guess I'm getting old but I don't have a clue what that means.

Here's another I just thought of:

I told the new guy to change the fryer oil. I assumed he knew how to do it and he didn't say anything. He ended up throwing it open and spewing hot oil all over the place and himself. It was the end of a crazy Saturday night and I couldn't be bothered to deal with it and it really pissed me off. I ended up having the FOH manager drive him to the hospital while I drank at the bar. He never came back.

Then there was the guy who caught himself on fire at the wok station. That one wasn't my fault but it seemed semi-related. He was a champ though and came back to work a couple of hours later to finish his shift.

What was the high like?

*roastie
Lurk moar, newfag.

Tasted like trash

No buzz?

Not from the nutmeg, no.

Heat it up with sugar and water, making a chocolate sauce.
Apply chocolate sauce to milk, stir.

>made out with my mother

STORY TIME NOW

Damn if that guy didn't die he probably could've sued the shit outta you.

Probably the vast amounts of food I've appropriated and had blamed on others.
Nicked a set of Globals from a shitstain I nearly got fired over.
At my first job on the line, left fake reviews to look better.
Nearly killed the owner by fucking up the gas oven, which admittedly was a cheap POS that didn't belong anywhere near a professional kitchen.
Fucked the waitstaff
Did lines of allsorts off the counter
When working dishes (good riddance), asking for various drinks, either for dishes or chefs
Some of the things I've pulled out of my ass for 'specials' have been deplorable.
Most of the really bad stuff was working FOH, like topping up a pint with a different ale when a cask ran out, or getting away with serving mouldy, pickled pimms fruit. Hurlingham club man.

Once, when really drunk, I defrosted some beef, cut it up, and battered + fried the pieces as steak nuggets, dipped in ketchup, with a side of chocolate milk.

eaten food out of a bin

what are you talking about that sounds godly

put nutella and salami on a slice of toast
same goes for aged cheese and jam.

I put milk in an already creamy tomato soup yesterday and it just ended up tasting like milk with tomato in it. Wasted milk and a can of tomato soup.

>tfw miss Diablo 2 and raping randoms

Your mother's supposed to teach you how to make out, so you're not shit at it when it's time to look for partners.
Did you wipe the spoon?

I accidentally grabbed the jar of vanilla instead of the jar of soy sauce when I was making lo mein for this girl and served it anyway

Also this kind of shit. When I first got my deep fryer I fried entirely too much shit.

I severely under cooked some chicken and sickened 4

when i was really drunk once i bought 6 of those dollar tree steaks and fastened them all together with a strip of packing tape in the middle, then threw it on my skillet

the middle was definitely not cooked but i ate it anyways

I am going to text this to a girl tomorrow.. just to see how she responds.

why is the soy sauce thing shameful? I often use soy sauce like liquid salt

Put my good knives in the dishwasher.

Did you end up gettign a handful of blade?

What server

>poisoning your relatives

Fuck em

Reading /mlp/ porn on a slow shift. Accidentally putting weed in the stilton/broccoli soup, thank fuck no one noticed. Using an oxidised steak for a well-done rather than throwing it out. Forgetting to put vital shit on the order list.

I burned butter once.
And set a piece of bread on fire.

My friend once burned cereal though.

microwave a chocolate bar trying to melt it. Burned chocolate is not so good.

Was it hot cereal, like oatmeal, or cold cereal, like frosted flakes?

xD like homer

once we were on a vacation at some resort in scottsdale, and I stayed up late past when everyone else went to bed, and snuck into the kitchenette (furthest from parents' bedroom) and started fingering my butt while jerking off

I can't figure out what's wrong with seasoning meatloaf with soy sauce.

D E V I L I S H

Made a tuna melt substituting the normal bread and cheese with a cheese quesadilla

>>meatloaf needed to be saltier, used soy sauce.
Why is this bad?

Different user here, I ground up 2 grams of fresh whole nutmeg once and downed it with some oj. This led to me lying in bed for 36 hours, the first 12 of which were very surreal and dream like, the next 24 were sluggish and dull but not boring, just kind of tiring.
All in all its worth doing once but make sure to go off body weight as far as dosage goes can be dangerous to your kidneys. You won't regret doing it but you also probably won't do it again either.
P.S. it's also a STRONG aphrodisiac

urinated in the sink a few times. not proud of it but had to go...

Nope. Got dulled knives instead.

so just a tuna quesadilla? doesn't sound too bad

But #Veeky Forums is owned by a pedo faggot who never cooks.
I left that shit hole a long time ago and I bet nobody has posted an actual photo of their own cooking since I did.

Aged cheese and jam isn't weird depending on what it is.

rizon

Eggs with honey and peanut butter.
Still do it.

Coconut oil on everything

Apple and pineapple slices in some soups

Wine is a necessary ingredient in soup, and guacamole always has tequila. I even got confused that my sister didn't pour wine into our family's menudo dinner on Christmas.

>Accidentally putting weed in the stilton/broccoli soup
Unless the fat or oil amount in the soup were high, no effect would take place. The smell of other food or the soup itself would cover up whatever weed smell there is (practically none, or sometimes a hay-like smell).
That or the people who ate it just didn't notice they got high or were already high from the beginning.

I'm bulimic and vomit food in sinks, garbages, toilets, lawns, ditches, etc.

I feel guilty about food and sometimes throw half away and vomit on top of it to stop myself from eating more. I have once though took my bile coated food out of the trash and continue eating it before.

>Eggs with honey and peanut butter.

Sounds like a pretty standard breakfast time. With pancakes and eggs on the same plate it's an inevitability.

I used to live in a quad that had a sink in every room. I pissed in the sink 90% of the time just out of pure laziness.