Culinary confession thread

I don't want to cook anymore.

Scrambled? They were alright with salt and black pepper. Hard to fuck up eggs, I'm just an idiot and hazard in the kitchen.

I confess that my intention to shower my gal pal in 18 liters of greek olive oil is just around the corner

I will fuck her in the ass cause she enjoys it

Fuck you bastards who arnt getting any

When I was young I once poured myself a bowl of coca crispies, as I sat to enjoy my morning cartoons a took a spoonful and realized the milk had expired.

I spat it out, but the damage was done, I'm now deathly afraid of spoiled food, almost to a point of being neurotic, but I don't even trust my ability to detect if something is turned or not so odds are I've thrown out perfectly fine food because I didn't want to risk it.

You didn't swallow any though, right?

Usually averse reactions occur because of the aftermath, not the close call.

what anime opie

Restaurants are disgusting.
Avoid them if they're so busy that the dishes pile up. Odds are they'll use an unclean dish or just spray water over it if the dishwasher can't keep up.
Long as the meat ain't raw it'll be cut with the same knife or chopper used for vegetables. No one gives a shit about your vegetarian or vegan meme unless one of the coworkers are vegan. Vegans and vegetarians should eat at vegan only restaurants if they're a pussy.
Nothing is fresh, they cut off the rotten bits if possible.
Things fall into the salt bin and get mummified.

I once got a poo stuck in my anus while I was on the toilet eating dinner and my mummy had to come and use a fork to pull it out.

>Fuck you bastards who arnt getting any

I do not know how to cook rice
I make steak, curry, creams, everything except unburned/well-made rice
Which is a shame because I love rice

I worked at an Olive Garden and we used the same trays to cook the sausages on as the breadsticks. I would not clean them during service. A lot of jews lived in that area so I think its safe to say I got at least one

Show by Rock!!

It's good if you like a certain type of comedy.

...

I only eat once a day because once I let myself start, I can't stop. There is nothing more fulfilling than getting really hungry, then eating whatever you want until you're truly full. It's usually ~2 hour process wherein I cook and eat ~1,400 kcal.

>I once got a poo stuck in my anus while I was on the toilet eating dinner and my mummy had to come and use a fork to pull it out.

Everyone has to start somewhere. At least you're not a daily drive thru eater

I really fucking like to destroy everything I'm eating, mix it all up, then eat it. And I tailor my diet to mostly include things that are easier to do that.

There's a big pot sitting in my fridge with about six meals worth of rice, beans, mashed potato, tomato, lettuce, pork chops, sausages, all just smashed and cut to bits, then simmered with stock.

All I ever learned from cooking was from sunday lunch at grandma. No talking, just watching.

Even if it weren't for the lactose fucking up my stomach I would still hate milk!

FUCK MILK

>gal pal
Chris-chan?

>Things fall into the salt bin and get mummified.
Depending on what it is I'd eat it. I love jerky.

I only shop for groceries at 3 in the morning because I'm embarrassed about myself

I eat mostly raw produce and protein shakes. Sometimes beans.

I think Tasty has some nice recipes. As long as you tweak it and stay away from cream cheese, then you're golden. Just made Penne Alla Vodka and their Cajun Chicken Alfredo from their penne 4 ways video. It's pretty simple stuff and it can give you a nice base to start from.
youtu.be/Qo4M34ih0Uo

I will say that a the vids that have a bunch of pre made being thrown together are pretty shit.

>be me, first food service job
>room service at a hotel
>only non Mexican and only person who didn't province it "roon sourbees" when the phone rang
>since I was white, they always sent me on deliveries to famous clientele
>some famous retired athlete is staying in the penthouse
>orders a clam chowder
>plate, tray, ready to run.
>get to penthouse about to knock
>look at tray. Realize I forgot soup spoon
>fuck
>go to bus room by the back of house elevator. About 9 dirty trays the Mexicans haven't brought down yet
>used soup spoon in a half full crock of French onion
>dried cheese and onion on spoon
>scrape it off with a used knife
>get some ice out of machine
>rub ice cube on spoon to get it wet
>dry it on pants
>knock knock
>Room service!
>thank you for the 120% tip, sir.

I try and cook occasionally but most of the time I just eat plates of chicken breast or Bolognese

I like putting bacon on a Frozen Flatbread pizza as it cooks, just so the grease drains to the crust.

Then I cut the shit in half and eat it like a sandwich.

>fuck her in the ass
Translation: you want to try getting pegged

OCD/10

Lol yep

>mummy

Trader Joe's microwave bag rice comes out perfect every time. Or jsur get a Ching Chong rice cooker

At least you will die at 70 and be relieved of your torturous existence

Huh? TL;dr

Who first looked at the back end of a cow and was like mmm I wanna drink what comes out of that

Why subject the poor nightstaff? Order deliver and never leave the house again

It's rawwwwwwwwww

No idea what this is.

I almost cut myself on the edgyness

That actually sounds kind of good