/Coffee/ General: Autism Station Edition

Ikea sells whole bean coffee for $6/lb.
I don't know how they do it, but it's surprisingly good and it beats out everyone else in the same price range.

i tried mixing my tim hortons beans with my starbucks house blend since i was running out of the latter, holy shit it was actually very good.

Favorite coffee making method? I have a small espresso machine, my coffee doesn't seem to come out that strong which is annoying. I'm pressing powder into a doubleshot.

nonsense. You havent had good beans

oh yeah, i forgot to pay the $15 for 8 oz of real genuine local roasted™ artisan beans

how could i possibly know real coffee? silly me~

Could someone reccomend me a coffee vendor online? I want to get into coffee autism like I'm into tea autism. Also moka pot or french press?

Look for local places first. The fresher the coffee the better it tastes

very tricky stuff

Error: Ban evasion.
Your original ban was for violating Global 8 - Complaining About Veeky Forums,
and expires on February 3rd, 2017 at 03:48 ET.

That was the message I saw almost 4 days ago in this thread: /COWFEE/
boards.Veeky Forums.org/ck/thread/8510063#top
I'm hoping that this ban is over because I can not check it like normally you can send request to see if you are OK to post
reason is that original window is not there any more because next day after that ban was shown to me my internet connection was
Off for few hours during day time, so when come home I pressed "Connect to internet" tab & I got the internet connection back
but also my IP changed (I guess it does that automatically when internet is turned-Off), and I don't know why sometimes
my internet connection get's disconnected on it's own, no particular rhythm to it, it happens random every few (8-12) days.

So practically after that I could post again but I decided to respect the ban & wait till the appointed date: Feb 3rd, 2017 at 03:48 ET, specially knowing
that that was a legit ban because yes I was complaining (bitching I would describe more precisely) about Janitors&Mods,
so it was deserved ban but I needed to state my case & that was the only way for me to do it by posting.
But it was also a blessing to be banned for those few days because it give me chance to do other fun things instead being on Veeky Forums.
So BIG THANK YOU TO MODS FOR THOSE FEW DAYS OF HOLIDAY :)
I'M glad that we found common ground & you Janitors & Mods allowed few of my posts to stay on that thread THANKS!

BTW, last 2 days I was up to two cups of coffee per day, normally my plan is to keep to 1 cup a day.
But since I'm drinking this coffee now, Organic (beans) locally roasted: ETHIOPIA YIRGACHEFFE BANKO DHADHATO.
Varietal: Heirloom.Processing: Sun-dried Natural.Roasted: light medium
I'm not that concerned about ingesting toxins from drinking the "wrong" coffee, especially not that asphalt from Starbucks.

What the fuck is your problem?

what do you have in mind?
what problem?

you're using preground on a shit machine which doesn't make real espresso anyway (pressurized portafilter, brewhead that doesn't get nearly hot enough and pump that doesn't deliver enough pressure). not really much of a mystery why your coffee sucks.

This... cheaper espresso option would be this.

I wouldnt even attempt espresso unless i had a good grinder.

Cheap espresso grinder that is comparable with the mid/high tier: Lido, Pharos, Conmandante.

All are hand cranked but use steel burrs and are stepless

Just made this: Brewed cascara tea and use the tea in a pourover on coffee.

Cascara is simply the dried coffee cherries that can be steeped like tea.

youtu.be/OryaLu0L2vU

I would only made coffee tea from dried coffee cherries if I knew 100% that the coffee was grown Organic.
Can you imagine steeping coffee cherries for 3 or 5 minutes in hot water if they were grown using toxic fertilizers and pesticides
sprayed on them.
All those chemicals will be in the skin of the dried coffee cherrie and in your tea.
No thanks.

If anyone here is in the Bay Area and likes Ritual Coffee, they're offering tours of their roastery. I went on one three weeks ago and it was awesome. All the employees are really nice and intelligent, and it covered a lot of unusual stuff.

>How roasters come up with the flavor profiles printed on a bag of coffee.
>The pragmatic reasons why their coffee is more expensive than Starbucks, without factoring in the company making a profit.
>How political unrest can make beans rarer.
>Why you always see Third Wave cafes using older roasting machines. It's not just for looks.
>How to convince a machete and pistol wielding coffee farmer to use extremely intensive harvesting techniques when he's already barely making a profit.
>A bunch of the usual stuff about how coffee is graded, etc.

How DO you convince a machete and pistol wielding coffee farmer to use intensive harvesting techniques?

happymug.com

Not necessarily. Ideally you want to wait at least 3 days after roasting to use your beans so as long as you are ordering from somewhere who roasts to order your beans will be perfect when they get to you. You also have the advantage of getting to try lots of roasters and not everyone has a bunch of roasters local to them. You can shop for specific types in all different price ranges. There is also nothing special about a local roaster and many are not up to par with many of the big name roasters. Its not just about freshness but also having a roaster who know what bean needs what roast profile.

now if you can only learn how to properly post pictures that would be smart move on your part
also make it even bigger, hell why not, 2.02 MB, 4032x3024 is too small.
>moron
>10 years old know how to post picture straight up.

Generally speaking, coffee beans from Developing Nations are sold at a loss. The market cap/buying price for coffee beans is almost always below the cost of growing and harvesting them, and companies like Nescafe don't give a shit about how much the coffee farmer makes because there isn't a reason for them to. They also don't always care about the quality of the beans they're getting, because they're going to roast them to hell.

It's been a while since I took the tour, so I could be slightly wrong. What companies like Ritual do is say "We have a way you can make more money" rather than "Hey asshole, we know how to farm better than you." They're able to pay double or more what companies like Nescafe do, and offer a lot of benefits that other companies don't. They stay in constant contact with everyone selling to them, they name their blends after the farmers or co-ops that produce the beans, send baristas to the farms to pick coffee with the farmers, and lots of other small things that create and sustain a relationship. Paying them enough for them to make a profit is the big one, though.

The only way this works is if the beans Ritual sells meet the strict guidelines to be considered "Specialty Grade Coffee." This is a formal classification, not some informal hipster term for anything better than Starbucks. Only the best beans without defects can be sold, meaning coffee farmers have to throw out a lot of what they grow.

If you walked up to a coffee farmer and told them to throw out more than half of their harvest without building a relationship, you'd be laughed out of the country.

I'm a lazy piece of shit so I just fill up my press with coffee I don't even check if it's moldy or not anymore since the taste difference is so marginal, in fact the slight mold there is probably adds to the taste, a unique flavour

>There is also nothing special about
happymug.com

>Ideally you want to wait at least 3 days after roasting to use your beans
that is total bullshit fabricated by online coffee vendors to do exactly what you are doing here
trying to discredit local roasting houses

>big name roasters.
yes big name roasters are the best
same as big name commercial coffee plantations are the best especially if they are using toxic chemical fertilizers & pesticides
made by big names chemical factories.

The way you are shitting on local roasters and promoting some crap online vendor is disgusting.
Might as well promote Starbucks.

>my 20 year old Packard Bell toaster on AOL dialup can't handle anything other than 100x100 jpgs

why to post picture of an ugly homo in green
>makes me puking

is this worth buying?

amazon.com/Breville-BES870XL-Barista-Express-Espresso/dp/B00CH9QWOU/ref=s9_simh_gw_g79_i3_r?_encoding=UTF8&fpl=fresh&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=&pf_rd_r=BGQ993Q5SR26RX2Q1AV3&pf_rd_t=36701&pf_rd_p=b13ec477-194d-4f63-971b-ca6229de96a2&pf_rd_i=desktop

Seconding happymug.

astroturfers pls go
failing "local roaster" pls go

there exists a reasonable middle ground between some "local" hand-to-mouth dweeb who quit his "corporate job MAAAN" and bought a fancy roasting machine to live the dream and can't maintain consistency, and a starbucks-scale behemoth.

micro-roasters are shit because they're learning on the job, learning on the same inventory they need to turn a profit, unloading their experiments on you and they're overcharging because of economies of scale. just scour the forums and you'll see shit like "oh man XXXX micro-roaster is the best, the last two batches tasted like shit but they made up for it by sending me a coupon for free coffee".

the best roasters are medium sized joints like intelligentsia, counterculture, george howell, blue bottle, etc

if you want to be a martyr and "support the little guy" then that's very noble of you but I've been burned enough times, it's not for me anymore

How do I unfuck my shit taste?

I've been drinking pic related for about a year now and I'm too used to it.

Recently I went to a supposedly good cafe (they roast their own beans) and had a cup of long black but it was way too sour for me.

Is coffee helping me with my hangover or is that just a placebo effect?

The water is.

Eh I was already drinking a ton of water

Drinking coffee while you're on the brink of puking?
That sounds like a finishing blow.

nah I wasn't nauseous, just a headache

I had a headache from eating like an ounce of kratom last night and the coffee perked me right up.

>astroturfer

Nah, mate.

>the best roasters are counter culture, blue bottle
you couldnt be any more wrong, 2/10 for making me reply.

It's a solid machine if those are the drinks you like.
Placebo
This isn't an espresso machine. Doesn't create enough pressure.

peace coffee and get only the whole bean bags.
And get both the pot and press. They make different drinks and are fun to play with. Make sure you get a good grinder. I can make some grinder recommendations if need be.

Are you the one who made a thread about it on /b/?

Isn't Intelligentsia owned by Peet's now?

Nope I stopped using /b/ after it became 95% porn. Not that there wasn't a lot of porn before but it's gratuitous now.

Time to move on from my Gaggia Classic.

What color, Veeky Forums?

why are you posting this stupid shit
are you too stupid to post intelligent questions
I guess you are

Yes I am.

What color do you like more, user?

fuckOff idiot

...

jealous poorfag rage detected

my coffee grinder costs more than your junk espresso machine so relax now

Doctors are expressing concern that drinking coffee contributes to male impotence.
Problems with achieving full erection in males linked to coffee.
Erectile disfunction caused by coffee consumption.

Previous studies suggesting positive effects of coffee on male erections found to be bogus sponsored by international coffee giants.

you mean your employer's grinder

and I'm not the one buying the luxury espresso machine that triggered your poorfag rage

i was gonna quit anyway
do you think i am safe with green tea?

>you mean your employer's grinder
I'm the employer you Antichrist 666.

>and I'm not the one buying the luxury espresso machine
Of course you are not buying it because you are too poor to buy it, you poorfag.

Your coffee autism level is directly proportional to the total cost of your current coffee setup.

Stove top master race

So between pouring beans into a manual grinder and drying out my french press from cleaning, coffee takes me 14 minutes to make. Is this taking longer than it should?

30 second bloom + four minute brew time by the way.

I take 15 minutes.
It doesn't really matter though.

Also, why do you dry out the french press if you're gonna use it right away?

I meant after the coffee is made, like pouring the beans is the first step and drying is the last.

I just rinse out the wet grounds and refill with water so I can wash it later

I just like to get the coffee smell out as quickly as possible; I also use the press for tea anyway. When I say washing I just mean multiple rinses, no soap or anything

those coffee oils are going to build up and go rancid if you keep doing that

what

you said you're rinsing out your fp without even using soap

And. How much oil could even be remaining if there's no smell by the time I'm done

the oil is still there

Eh, I'll clean it out with vinegar or baking soda once a week or so then

hey shithead learn how to post pictures properly or stop fucking posting them if you are so retarded.

Also for what it's worth, even if I only use water I still scrub each part of the plunger mechanism every time I make coffee.

i spent $50 what does that make me

1 fucking %

lucky bustard you

Do French presses fuck the flavour and burn the coffee?

no

gods gift to coffee drank

no the French hate to take a bath or shower, so they stink a lot.
man and women equally

So I can just boil the kettle and put it straight in?

no fucker, according to some homos here you have to first to weight your water then to measure the mineral content
you know how soft or how hard your water is and then you have to insert thermometer into your gay boiling water
and after reading approving signals you can start inseminating your coffee with this perfectly boiling evil concussion
that will brew you a cup of most disgusting rotten gay coffee.
and after that you can demand equal rights and consistent brew or otherwise you will demand sex change surgery on tax payers expense.

That's how twisted coffee making could be.

Okay I'll just let it settle before putting it in thanks for clearing it all up for me your a real hero and a human being

Any time friend.
We have lot's of hate available.

>General

What type of flavor/note and roast level suit best the espresso shots?
I went to get an Ethiopian single origin and the lady told me to get pic related instead because its better for espresso.
Admittedly the shot was great from the first pull I made (a bit dry, I'll go courser a tiny bit next time) but I never went too deep into separating beans into pour overs, french/aeropress and espresso beans.

Before that I had a different Ethiopian single original, natural processed and it had all the acidity and flavor of the fruits, was pretty insane actually. Didn't get to try it on my presses since my hand grinder died and I'm waiting on a new one.

Basically what type of roast level and notes do you prefer for espresso?

...

sorry for the late reply... it's a KRUPS GVX2, probably pedestrian by your standards!

never!

Medium - Light roast
This is a Ethiopian single origin Ambela.

...

This is what came out.
Shot pulled a bit to slow and blonded quite much. I'll get down 0,5g with the grind for the next shot.

Here is my medium-light Ethiopian Moplaco shot from last week. A bit thin I must admit, 17.5g in - 37g out.
Too fruity, IMO.

nice charcoal briquettes

what's the price:performance king of espresso machines?

What kind of fire are people lighting under their moka pots that burns their bottoms like in pic related?

I've had my moka pot for three years and it's still as clean as the day i got it.

With all that carbon, I'd assume that's been used on wood burning fires. That thing would clean up in twenty minutes.

Ahhh ok, so that's just solidified CO2. Makes sense.