How the fuck do I get a job?

How the fuck do I get a job?
Its well passed the time from when I should have faced reality. How do I go from basically a NEET to moving out of parents house. I need help

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why would you ever sell yourself to the system like that
just get on welfare like anyone with a brain
today is the age of welfare, why anyone would want to work is beyond me

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I didn't work until I were 20 years old. You kind have to lie on your resume and use fake referances. Fortunately I had a friend who made a startup and he provided reference as to how amazing I were during my internship.

Window washing. Look it up on Jewtube.

Volunteer, helps add basic skills and references to your resume. Gives some meaning to your life.

Start setting up interviews with staffing agencies. If you show up well dressed and act like a non retard they will find work for you. Most companies don't want to go through the trouble of finding someone themselves so they just use an agency to find a temp and eventually hire them if they don't fuck up.

I/he/she was, they/we/you were

Do American unemployed just do as they please all damn week?
In my country you must visit a job center 3 days a week and kiss an old ladys ass for 1 month of welfare and im not even including everything.

go work for a gas station for 6 months, save money up, clean your room, car, house, get rid of/sell all the shit you don't need, go outside for an hour a day, after that 6 months apply at a better job, do that for a year, find a better job and do that one. Eventually take Nursing or Police classes and get to feel like a hero.

SSA is always hiring if you have a college degree.

Case processing will make you wamt to kys though but it is better than being a TSA or VA cuck so you can't complain too much.

Buy LiNK

It's false, Amerifats can't get welfare that easily unless they are extremely fucked up (severe autism + mental illness or deformities) or they have 5+ kids as a single mom. If you are autistic enough to game the system it MIGHT work, but you have to make sure you do this from the start and never get a job. The moment you get one, you start a precedent that you are actually able to be employed and it's a lot harder to get those NEETbux.

I would actually love to move back in to my parents' house. Home-cooked meals everyday, clean sheets every week, can ask mom for stuff like groceries, feels good man.

Join an agency. They will find you work. There is allways work to be done even if you have no skills. You could pot wash in a restaurant or wait tables. They make money off you working so they are keen to find you work. Good luck user.

yeah that's easy for most of them. going to a doctors office with any list of complaints makes their pockets sing praises. they can send a patient for tests and treatments and therapies.

the system is not hard to work and its done every day

and they are surely autistic enough to quality

I had to go back to uni at 27 to get an accounting degree just to get an office admin job, and I was lucky as fuck to get even that.

Spend 40h a week looking for an Job.

You will find an job.

Work at said job.

Move out

I actually have my AAS in Comp Sci, 22. I have absolutely no self confidence and a lot of anxiety. I am so fucking lost. I am trying to get up the nerve to apply to some dead end jobs. I know and am very aware of how retarded this all is.

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How about you put some clothes on, walk to the nearest store and ask if they’re looking for people?

Sorry english is my 3rd language...

fucking boomer this is not how you apply to jobs in 2018.

the answer you get is "try online"

I'm OCD as all hell and I cant get shit for it.

Most are legal pimps, especially if you're a poor skilled desperate neet.

They will whore you to their client list for a fat bonus and you get minimum.

Don't be a hoe, always go in and talk to these leeches, always negotiate wages/placements. You will get better offers from them, they want that fat paycheck.

It's hard bro
and the longer your unemployed the more you cbf looking cause noone ever calls back.

Are you from australia?
Governments hired old nanny's to make sure everyones up to date on there reporting

Kek australian here. They even made it hard for disability - I have actually got a lung disease, and despite getting a letter from the specialists and multiple gps Centrelink turned me down "because I can sometimes work when I'm not having a full blown attack of COPD"...which I have every few weeks at most (from working in a 2 pack paint factory). Since when the fuck do those dried up old nannies decide more than doctors? Worst part is I've worked for 10 years (30 now), paid taxes etc. Yet the junkie trash get disability for "illiteracy" and such. Oh yeah, and apparently even though I got it from a job - that doesn't matter, I'm just junkie scum looking for a hand out or something.

So now I have 0 income beyond whatever random crap I can find to do (online freelancing these days, thank fuck for the Internet), constantly lose jobs (and fair enough, I wouldn't hire me with my condition). I could easily get by with a casual or part time job and just disability to top it up - instead I get nothing. Fucking scum - fortunately I've stashed a bit in cryptos (and am still up from 2017) and one more good bullrun will be enough to never worry about this shit again. Then I'm leaving this piece of shit country forever.

yer, I just got on it.
It's not worth the fuck around really

Man did you get that from smoking weed?

I've had a cough for months now but i put it down to the amount of weed I smoke. Really been worying about my lungs lately. I started spinning my weed with tabaco 6 months back aswell..

it’s the tobacco dumb fuck