Hey guys please help me cook this

Hey guys please help me cook this

I've got 2 pans, huge ass Wok pan and and a non-sticky pan that has a lid

Ingredients:
Garlic(not pictured)
White/red onion (not pictured)
Pepper, oregano, paprika (not pic)
Pesto (a bit stale, have to remove the mold)
Quail eggs
Bay leaf
Capere (don't know how to translate this)
Wine
Olive oil
Butter
Parmezano cheese
Shrimp
Spaghetti
Tomatoes
Tomato sauce
Parsley
Dill
Hot pepper
Lemon
Salmon caviar

A few other spices

So how do I proceed?

So what should I put away for starters?

Capere would be 'Capers'

Get working on those shrimp, faggot. Keep that moldy ass pine nut sauce away from the kitchen because you have the perfect ingredients to make some kind of shrimp alfredo kind of shit or maybe an aioli- yeah fuck it's let go aioli

get some water boiling because that spaghetti aint gunna cook itself

If you've got enough garlic, grab a mortar and pestle and mash together a nice aioli with that olive oil.

We're talking like 4 cloves of garlic and more than half a cup of olive oil. Mash that shit into a nice paste. Introduce the oil slowly, and add two of those quail eggs, too, because why the fuck not.

Start pan-searing those shrimps in the butter with some diced garlic, because why the fuck not. don't burn that shit or you might as well not cook.

fuck me if i knew how to use capers I'd say throw them in but let's not mess with success

Back to your aioli, squeeze that lemon in there, add some parsley and keep mashing that shit. it should be a fairly thick yellowy sauce once you're done

you should have cooked spaghetti at some point, an aioli sauce you just finished and some nicely cooked shrimps

put the spaghetti in a plate, put the shrimps on top, drizzle your aioli

i guess it's food, eat it

For people actually interested in cooking.

Aioli :

2 quail eggs
4 cloves garlic
2/3 cup of olive oil
1 tbsp lemon juice
some parsley, if it's fresh, don't overdo it

Shrimps:

Literally just cook them in melted butter, make sure you remove the shells and tails before you serve this shit, you actual retard.

Spaghetti

It goes in the pot with hot water. Shouldn't take any longer than 5 minutes if you live in Siberia.

triple-post so you don't fuck it up;

Make sure you combine all the ingredients in the aioli before you add the oil, otherwise you'll end up with a nasty mess you can't really eat. Mortar and pestle is preferred but if you're a lazy shitter, you can use a food processor.

Post results when you either make something better than what I suggested or fuck the entire recipe up.

Or post success. Any of those are fine.

This board is very hit-or-miss and I wont pretend I didn't notice that spaghetti is squid ink.

>mortar and pestle
Don't have this, I should improvise...
About the eggs, shouldn't I add just the yelow stuff?
What pan should I use?

sepia spaghetti
Don't have food processor

Yeah, just the yolk if you want it extra creamy, which is how most people want it in this shitty country.

No food processor? No mortar&pestle? Shit. Okay, we might have an issue, here.

If you've got a good masher + a stoneware bowl that could cut it, but you need something to grind the garlic to make an aioli. Let me think about this a little more.

You could make make 'shrimp francaise', in theory. Typically a chicken dish, but then we can use those capers.

Alright fuck it we're going to make Shrimp Scampi. This is a modified recipe I use, so if you find a better one, do that instead.

Ingredients:

Spaghetti, Wine, Butter, Capers, Shrimp, Garlic, Olive Oil

Put everything else away.

Peel and de-vein the shrimp if they're fresh. If not, suffer knowing they could have been.

Chop 2-3 cloves of garlic. Need this later.

Cook pasta for 4-5min, depending on preference. Melt 1/2 cup of butter into a saucepan or a high-edged skillet. Add 3 tbsp olive oil and let mixture heat up. Reduce heat once all butter is melted, down to low.

Take chopped garlic and saute it in the oil/butter until soft. Don't fucking burn it.

Add shrimps in the butter + oil until they're bright-red and smell like food. Should only take 8 minutes unless Siberia. Remember to pre-heat pans before cooking.

Once shrimp change color, add 1/2 cup of that nice white wine you have there. I think it's white. Better not be rose.

Add 1/8 to 1/4 cup of capers once you cook the wine down. Cooking it down should take the longest since it's coming from room temperature. Once it cooks down, add pasta. Mix gently, let cook for about a minute longer on the stove.

Should be done. Serve.