My girlfriend is going to be here in 15 minutes. What the hell do I do?!?

My girlfriend is going to be here in 15 minutes. What the hell do I do?!?

shut the fuck up

if she's a decent person she'll be touched that you tried

Roll it up then cut into cute little bite sized pizza rolls.

Ejaculate on it

Looks like you might be able to cut 4 or so modestly sized slices from the intact portions of the pizza. Put two on each of two plates, and tell her it's the first course. Then phone Domino's for a delivery pizza for the rest of the meal.

Or mix it in a blender for about 20 seconds, and serve it as a "reconstructed pizza", the post-post-modernist successor to deconstructing dishes.

you kneed to work your dough some more. get it?

If she's with (you) she doesn't have taste anyway

FUCKING GET IT?

Insert the anal beads to start with

...

Insert the wires and attempt a resurrection

Calzone

She dumped me #bummer

show her that retarded pizza for a good laugh. If you guys can't share a laugh over it then you aren't in a relationship.

Should have ejaculated on it like I told you dummy

ARE WE REALLY NOT GONNA FUCKING ADDRESS THE ANAL BEADS!?!

what are you, twelve?

...

burn it and order out. when she gets there and asks what happened, tell her you got distracted because you wanted everything to be perfect when she got here and hope she doesn't mind. then give her a gentle kiss

even after she saw the sex beads? bummer indeed

This guy could of saved you.