Why is chocolate cake so gross?

Why is chocolate cake so gross?

Other urls found in this thread:

blog.kingarthurflour.com/2014/01/10/the-a-b-cs-of-cocoa/
food52.com/recipes/23134-chocolate-depression-cake
gretchensbakery.com/chocolate-buttermilk-cake-recipe/
tasteofhome.com/recipes/sour-cream-chocolate-cake
joyofbaking.com/RedVelvetCake.html
gretchensbakery.com/what-is-cake/
youtube.com/watch?v=P90aPa_9Ozc
twitter.com/NSFWRedditGif

It's not, but you probably aren't fat so I won't complain about your stupid opinion.

I've never been a fan of chocolate

I'm kinda chubby.

Gross cake is gross and some of it happens to be chocolate.

I remember having some pretty good cake with at least one chocolate layer at a vegan place in Barcelona.

A for honestly

Well if you liked chocolate cake you might be fatter, so I'm still not upset by your opinion.

Because you may as well eat brownies instead of some dry crap with a half-inch layer of paste on it.

You might never have had a good chocolate cake before. If you want to spend $50 + shipping you can get one from Caroline's. Some people (non Americans) find them too sweet.

probably because you're a faggot who prefers something shitty like apple pie and also pretends it's "healthier" because of the fruit

it resembles poop

most cake sucks.
except ice cream cake.

That's why a temporarily stopped eating burgers as a kid, after taking a bite of one and looking at it. Then I stopped permanently a few years later.

The thing I don't like about most cakes is they're too rich. I mean I like something that is more light, isn't going to bog me down. They usually put too much icing as well. Taste like a sugary, dense, butter piece of shit.

most pie sucks whereas most cake is good
unless it's fruit or carrot or black forest

this

I hate chocolate on chocolate, chocolate on yellow is so much better if you catch my drift

blasian porno?

That's because you're eating cake with icing (just sugar paste with food coloring). Try cakes with cream.

Dense and buttery what I look for in a cake but I'm rarely in the mood for cake.

I'm surprised with how cheap cake mixes are. I bought a marble cake mix, put some chocolate spread on top, and it was the goddamn best sweet I had in such a long time. I basically ate that shit for like a week as a treat after dinner and that entire thing probably ran me like $5 max.

Hot apple pie topped with vanilla ice cream is the GOAT dessert

what a waste of perfectly good ice cream...

because they don't have enough chocolate.

if the cake isn't NIGGEST BLACK, then doesn't have enough chocolate.

basically if it looks brown, it's gonna taste bad.

see also: why people love oreos

I love chocolate cake, i'm not fat either but I rarely eat it, it's like one of those things I have as a treat on a special occasion

joke's on you, I use shit-tier ice cream as well as canned filling and premade crust.
enhances it considerably

I can eat it but I'll always end up feeling unsatisfied and guilty that I wasted all of those Calories when I could have had a slice of cheese cake, pie or a dozen other pastries that would leave me feeling satisfied and very happy.
Same reason why I stopped drinking soda desu, not sure if this is common though.

You can make it yourself even cheaper. Most sweets became unappealing to me when I learned how easy they are to make from shelf stable ingredients. I'd rather have sports candy any day.

This is probably the best comment in this thread.

Cakes made with natural cocoa powder have a stronger and more punchy/astringent chocolate flavor owning to the acidic nature of unprocessed cocoa solids. If you aren't in love with bittersweet dark chocolate or don't enjoy it's deeper/more raw flavor, the resulting light-brown dessert will not be as pleasant as it could be.

Cake recipes made with dutch-process cocoa powder which is treated with an alkaline bath mellows out the chocolate flavor creating a more balanced profile and a darker color. Then there is ultra-dutch processed cocoa, sometimes called Onyx Cocoa, which is what they use in the cookie part of Oreos that takes it a step further. Because the batter's Ph gets modified as a result, they will call for Baking POWDER as the chemical leavener as opposed to ones that use acidic natural powder that will call for Baking SODA. The two SHOULD NOT be substituted and any recipe that only calls for a combo of natural/powder or dutch/soda is retarded because they won't rise as well.
blog.kingarthurflour.com/2014/01/10/the-a-b-cs-of-cocoa/

CONTINUED
Some tips:
1. When you are making any kind of chocolate-based baked good it is a good idea to bloom the cocoa powder in some hot water before adding it to the batter which wakes up the flavor compounds in the chocolate in much the same way that as when brew coffee via hot water extraction of the ground coffee beans. This is why the step is always included in the better recipes (those that give weight measurements (g) along with or instead of volume).

2. Speaking of coffee, adding about 1-1½ tsp of instant coffee or espresso powder per recipe to the hot water actually potentiates the chocolate's flavor just as adding a pinch of salt & vanilla extract will, without adding any mocha undertones (add 2-3 tsps if that's what you are going for).

3. I also always add the about 80-130g (~¾ to 1 cup) of melted chocolate to the batter in addition to the cocoa, whether the recipe says to or not, to reinforce the chocolate flavor. You can use any variety you like as long you compensate for the sugar content in the recipe by adding more in the case of a high-cocoa % bittersweet/unsweetened type or reducing some in the case of semisweet or milk kinds.

4. Lastly, try to avoid recipes that call for lots of dairy like milk, heavy cream as the wet ingredient or lots of butter as the fat since both tend to dull and mask the flavor of chocolate.
Look for ones that either avoid it altogether such as the the Great Depression/Crazy Cake, which is my workhorse:
food52.com/recipes/23134-chocolate-depression-cake

Or ones that utilize either Buttermilk or Sour Cream instead, where the strong sour tang of each marries well with the subtle bitter sweetness of chocolate:
gretchensbakery.com/chocolate-buttermilk-cake-recipe/
tasteofhome.com/recipes/sour-cream-chocolate-cake
joyofbaking.com/RedVelvetCake.html

About the Filling/Icing:
It depends entirely on the kind of cake style you choose to make.

If you desire a lighter cake then google a Sponge variety, like a Chocolate Genoise or Chiffon recipe. where the use of vegetable oil as the fat base vs. butter means the texture will remain soft and tender at room temperature. They also normally use a foaming mix-method which means the eggs are separated, the yolks are beaten into the fat/sugar mixture until ribbon stage, then the egg whites are whisks into a firm-peak glossy meringue that gets folded gently back into the ribbon-stage batter for an extra light & airy crumb.
gretchensbakery.com/what-is-cake/

Because of it's delicate texture however, these cakes won't have the structure to stand up well to a heavy ganache spread or buttercream. A lightly flavored whipped cream, ganache glaze that was thinned out with milk until runny-consistency, fruit jams/preserves, or even a simple mixed dusting of cocoa powder & powdered sugar would all be appropriate choices here.

If instead, you are going for a Buttercake variety that is denser/fudgier such as is typically used in Blackout Cake/Devil's Food Cake/Red Velvet Cake, then using an American or Italian/Swiss buttercream can pair with it well (depending on if you like the added smoothness that European icings give from the incorporated meringue component or the added-sweetness and recipe simplicity of the US versions which typically call for extra additions of sugar). Also a thick-setting ganache or cream-cheese based frosting can be confidently used in these cases as well.
youtube.com/watch?v=P90aPa_9Ozc

>where the use of vegetable oil as the fat base vs. butter means the texture will remain soft and tender at room temperature
I meant at cold temperature such as when you keep it in the fridge for storage, sorry.