What should I order at an independent coffee shop to show the barista that i'm a true coffee aficionado and not some...

This accurately portrayed 90% of the local coffee spots in my area.
I hate mccafe as much as the next coffeefag, but dam that hit close to home.

Lost it at the deconstructed latte.

...

that's not sanitary

How? She's only making coffee, not performing open heart surgery.

Americano

On the contrary, so sanitary I want to stick my face right up in there

Dry out a shit. Grind it. Pull shot of shitspresso.

Or just order what you like as the person serving you will give literally zero fucks as they are employed to deal with autists like you all day

McDonald's coffee is actually not bad for what it is. At least in the UK anyway

actually pic related is how you come off

>open at 11 am
lost

>it's unsanitary because she's not wearing pants

if you actually believe this then you have issues

you actually think pubes are gonna fall out and flavor your fruity mochachino? you dumb, hopeful bastard

former high-end barista here. your barista probably doesn't care what you order or how you take it.

pour-overs were always my favorite to prepare, but not all shops do it. they're fun because they're pretty showy and make for great coffee. if you do that, make sure the store isn't busy though.

That's a really great ad

ask for a venti pumpkin spice latte

I hate these fucking places. Once I accidentally walked in one, the nosering on the girl should have tipped me off. Asked for a black coffee, ok what beans and how strong, like I don't fucking know, just whatever and strong. And she's like yeah but how strong so I said strong enough to kill a small child and she looked at me weirdly so I left.

Love the 3 beakers bit, can totally see that happening.

Should have stood there blank faced user, top notch answer.

The fact that you're asking this means that you can't impress them no matter what you ask for.

Pffft, I pay with a hundred and accidentally drop a magnum condom on the counter when pulling out my sweet cash

If I need cheap coffee I stop at greggs now, it's not terrible and I prefer supporting them than Starbucks. £2 for a pastry and a flat white lass

You probably have autism, user.
I only ever order black coffee and when they ask me questions I just respond "Surprise me" and then they do.

yea that's the fucking joke

Stop posting this whore

>flat white
What coffee lover doesn't like foam? It's a cafe con leche renamed by aussies. The only reason it ever became popular is that it required no barista skill.

Yeah but it was a proper shit day and I was half paying attention to her and half using my phone and wondering how to get fucking home so I just snapped a little bit. She was probably a nice girl but she was being a twat.

No you probably have autism
How do I know?
You're trying to justify your shitty behavior towards a minimum-wage employee to a stranger on a pakistani salt miner forum

nah, you're probably a psychopath
how do I know?
you're telling people not to feel remorse for their shitty actions on a ghanese goat farmer forum

youtu.be/DcQFBdLNvZU

A Frappuccino with extra caramel sauce and whipped cream. She'll be throwing her panties at you boy! Swinging from your crunchy jockstrap!

What do you think her butthole smells like?

My priapism just subsided since you last posted this cumshot kumquat, but here you go again and post an even finer image of this true jism prism.

Triple black espresso

If you were looking for an actual answer: If you just want coffee, order an americano. If you want milk order a gibraltar or a macchiato depending on how much milk you want (gibraltar is 3 parts milk, 2 parts espresso; macchiato is a shot of espresso with just a touch--mark-- of milk). Then, this is the important part, say nevermind, ask her which drink is her favorite and start a lighthearted conversation with her

Black coffee, to-go, bring your own thermos. You will drown in pussy.

Who is this salami tsunami?

Foam sucks. And you'd be surprised how much skill it takes because every second flat white I order has half an inch of the shit on top.

0:17

>ping pong table

what the fuck man

Kek

Her panties after she's masturbated vigorously.

Disgusting, straightfags should be purged, vaginas are horrid
a literal prostitute. she's had more cock than you've had thoughts and will leave you diseased even with a condom

Black coffee

Wow, how mature.

London fog with minimal shot

>high-end barista
kek

I feel like this add was made to tell Melbourne to fuck off

based mickey dees

Don't care, that ass is worth it. Gib name.

I'd order an earl grey just to show her I'm different, then we'd get married and have a heap of kids

I'd pull an old reversey-preggo trick. I'd cum inside her and impregnate her, making her stuck with ME. Then we'd have 4 kids and I'd make her go to the gym 6 days a week to keep that figure.

No, she'd just leave and sue you for child support.

>implying I'm above having sex with professionals

Giggling hard throughout but lost it at the wifi password

how common are bikini barista places outside of california, oregon and washington?

cause they are every on the best coast baby

are there any places where they dress slutty but not like trailer trash prostitutes?

get a Gibraltar. Or just ask for straight up coffee.

there are so many different bikini baristas in washington its insane. we have ones that only wear candy underwear, ones that have themes like burlesque, some that only wear swimsuits, etc.

Honestly would rather have any one of the "pretentious" drinks than a mccafe shitdick coffee made with burnt ass grounds and 207 degree water. I live in BK and drink pretentious coffee all the time and have never paid more than $3.50 for my drink, in fact most of the time I pay 2$ or 2.50, and it's for a real coffee made by a local business and not shit ass butt ass international conglomerate fuckdonalds

>be a talentless slag in a city full of talentless slags
>decide to get a shitty barista job to complete the picture
>instead of working a normal job like a normal person dress like a whore
>desperate neets give you big tips because they want female interaction
>sweaty old men give you big tips because they are thirsty
>self-styled activists give you big tips because "you go girl"
It's really the perfect crime.

Someone sounds a little defensive

more like

>seattle 2005
>coffee booths fucking everywhere
>bikini barista booth opens and makes an assload of money
>other coffee places see this
>fast foward 10 years
>regular coffee booths barely even exist anymore
>bikini barista booths fucking everywhere
>get my coffee just like always except now all the baristas are hot young girls with pasties on their tits

thanks capitalism

i think they mostly put them in areas with bikers

so...

they also show up in high asian areas

>Be a baguette
>Ordering un café gets you an espresso. The only real coffee.
I've been to restaurants that would deconstruct their dishes, but they wouldn't fuck with the espresso. There is enough to do with a café gourmand (a coffee with an assortment of small portions of desserts. Quite common in restaurants.)

No, they literally are hookers. I live in Oregon these shops get shut down for prostitution pretty frequently. Then they open again a week later and its business as usual.

So you can order coffee and then fuck them after their shift.?

They`re in the middle of fucking nowhere there isn`t exactly a line of cars around the block. Often two "baristas" are working it at once as well for no apparent reason . So its more just pull over on the other side of the empty lot this shack is inexplicably put on.

>I live in BK
You live in Burger King?

Americano is literal trash. Watered down espresso for watered down American taste buds.

>*A portly fellow in a flame shirt waddles to the counter of a Starbucks*
>"What would you like sir?"
>*The atheist squints around the coffee bar, his hands at the sides of his khaki shorts like he had two holsters. With one hand he expertly pulls out his wallet and with the other, he brings the tip of his hat down before placing his order*
>"Coffee. Black."
>*A hush falls over the patrons and staff. Women gush in their panties as whispers from men can't believe what's transpiring. The barista looks like he's about to faint, his grip on the cup furiously shaking as he slides it over the counter to our hero. If this order is taking place in the ghetto, several black people go DAAAAAAAAAAAMN*
>*The cheetoh avenger slaps down a sticky five and a quarter with his hamhock fist before mumbling to no one that they should "keep the change", knowing he's a far more euphoric human being than people that put sugar or milk in their coffee*

Does anyone besides snobs even drink espresso straight? By your logic, lattes are just milked down espressos. Admit it, you just wanted another stupid excuse to jab Americans.

>Does anyone besides snobs even drink espresso straight?

Yes, coffee tastes good.

>Does anyone besides snobs even drink espresso straight?
seriously?

>flyhighwithyourdreams

I want to eat her asshole like birthday cake

Just get a long black ffs

10/10

and if they ask for strength just say stronger and blacker than michelle obama*

It doesn't taste good tho.

Inverted satanic trips knows what's best

Who is the chick?

e-earl grey or black tea
t-th-thanks

stop objectifying her

D-D-D-DOPPIO??

Is this supposed to be funny?

They ain't going to sleep with you, why does it matter? All they want is your money.

>woman doing her job is being a twat

What an utter cunt you are. This is why you never get your dick wet.

My cum

single espresso and a water when you are leaving
maybe a pastry too but nothing too sweet

>why does it matter?
it matters because her positive reaction to you keeps you engaged in the game of impressing women, impress one, impress them all (past highschool obv) and that ensures the one you're with is always worried you'll upgrade, (what YOU're single?) so she stays in line. Flirt with your barista boys.