Culinary confessions thread

i prepare food at chipotle and i never, and when i say never i mean absolutely never, wash my hands after shitting

Because of my love of stilton I now scrape out the white dead skin under my toes and smell it since they smell similar.

i wouldn't know. i didn't participate but i saw it happen. good try though

I've never washed my hands ever, unless they were visibly dirty or actually sticky or something

ask your mom

...

I've never had crab.

I did not eat cheesecake until I was 26

I'm 19 and I've literally never eaten a hamburger.

Ill bet you have a powerful jaw.

what? What do you eat at cookouts/fast food?

hot dogs and tendies and nuggies

...

i drink vodka out of the bottle then chase it with mountain dew code red. been doing it for years.

I do the same, but I only start chasing after I drink half the bottle and feel like I'm going to throw up with each additional swig.

kill yourself

good chocolate milk is ambrosia; it's fat, salt, sugar, every single thing your body craves like crack all packed into a single drink.

Don't worry user, keep trying and sooner or later you will find EVERY pokemon.

I endorse this post 100%. I can't buy instant chocolate powder for drinks anymore because I can't control myself when it is in the house. I'd eat an 800g box in three day, with 2,5 or 3 liters of milk per day. It IS like ambrosia.

Wow President Trump I didn't know you browsed Veeky Forums!

Also,
>ur a faget

I can't properly sauté or brown food because I'm paranoid that the microscopic amount of smoke I produce will set off the fire alarm and piss off the people living in my apartment complex.

Before the McChicken meme I was already eating them 4-5 times a week.
Just cheap, convenient and delicious, usually paired with a large fries and blue Powerade.

pull a small plastic bag over the alarm. secure it with any kind of elastic loop.

I'm too impatient while boiling potatoes for mash that I always end up with shit mash.

But the sign says that employees have to wash their hands

I think chicken tastes better than duck

Cut potatoes in half, set alarm clock (egg timer) to 25 minutes when the eggs are boiling, do other shit meanwhile.

Wa la.

NO

damn bro talk about skeletons in your closet

[spoiler]I'm 22 and still don't like onions.[/spoiler]

I can't stand any dressing containing vinegar. It just makes me gag.

I'm 19 and I've eaten my own snot since i can remember

incidentally i never really get ill

>making a thread about it instead of trying chocolate milk now

People are mixing flavours and textures way too much.

Im 24 and hate raw tomatoes. I grow them for others and think theyre very pretty but once you slice one open I gag.

Metallic and grainy store bought is the worst. (Romas esp)

>didn't stop it from happening
>didn't inform the customer
You're an accomplice. Not much difference.

Are you non-white?

Nobody cares about your miserable existence

I'm not even lactose intolerant and I've avoided drinking milk for sixteen years.

Why?

of course you dont. its good for your immune system.

I like to pretend trump is personally responsible for every "for me its the mcchicken" shitpost.

pls be a girl

Thanks, I needed to hear that today

>michelin star

A tire company knowing anything about food quality

A deep one

I wonder how stupid you must be to sit at home and post things like this

I hate avocados because they have the taste and texture of vomit

especially when a quick google search will show the significance

Michelin is a company that makes tires. He was making a joke, you diddle.

They have also since forever published a travel guide that is pretty much the end-all of restaurant ratings. People like him need to be tossed bound into a river.

We're anxiety brothers

>oh no he made a joke about a well known restaurant guide
>NOT SERIOUS ENOUGH FOR MY UZBEK KUMISS DRINKING FORUM
This might not be the site for you

I don't think the McChicken is the best fast food sandwich. That title belongs to Arby's brisket burger

>come home drunk one night
>hungry as shit so put a party pizza in the microwave
>lay down on the couch waiting for it to cook
>fall asleep
>wake up 20 minutes later to the sound of my fire alarm blaring and my 80 year old neighbor slamming her fist against the door

I only eat these vegetables
>broccoli (and i only eat the tops)
>green beans (with the ends trimmed)

My fiancé
>doesn't eat raw fish ever

Food can't catch on fire in the microwave
youtube.com/watch?v=hQqbwSipqyU

i never said it caught on fire
but the pizza was a round black disk at the end and my apartment was filled with smoke

What? The video clearly shows a vegetable sparking, what's to stop something from catching fire in a micuckwave?

This is why I cook 99% of my own food now.

1% still contains traces of paco's poop