Its the waiter wants to be your friend episode

Global Rule #13
Do not use avatars or attach signatures to your posts.

why does she have garbage all over her face? is she a prostitute?

>oh, youre here by yourself? Are you on your lunch break?

I enjoy eating alone, but damn why do some of them have to point out that im eating lunch alone? Yes. Obviously im here alone, why do you care? Like what does she expect to hear?
>no im not actually here alone, im with the fat girl that just went to the bathroom, do you know her?

She's a pop star.

So yes.

Nobody is ever as nice to me as waiters
So what if they are fishing for a tip? It's nice for a change

Might as well suck the waiters dick while you're at it

I used to wait tables.
I no longer eat at restaurants.
>why?
EVERYTHING, from the oily water glass to the never washed pepper shaker to the hairs and dust in the fryer oil to the unwashed hands / reused gloves / dropped silverware / thumb on the plate etc...

Sounds like you only at at shit restaurants, user.

>waitress sits down and starts talking like she isn't supposed to be doing shit and isn't ruining your meal

How presumptive, get back to work roastie

I worked in casual dining, fine dining, and private club. Sorry to inform you, it's all the same. If a worker drops a utensil and they're more than 10 feet away from the dish pit, you are either getting that utensil or that utensil is preparing your steak.

>apron
That's the busboy dude. Also stop trying to order food off us we aren't paidhalf of what servers get we don't wanna do their work for them REEEEEEEE

>when they sit down next to you in the booth

REEEEEEEEEEEE

worked as a kitchen assisstant, if it looks clean its clean. I don't know many BOH that casually ate out.

>gives shitty negligent service for entire meal
>comes to your table with bill and makes small talk to try to comp tip

>Oh hey you are X Ethnicity? Do you know Y who is also the same Ethnicity? i went with him to school

Yes i know him we meet up every week at the local Ethnicity Club

Humans have literally evolved and survived for hundreds of thousands of years because we ate bugs and shit we found on the ground. Someone touching your food or a glass with a smudge on it isnt going to fucking kill you.

>when they squat down so their eye is at table level
>when they think I'm impressed by their ability to remember my order without writing it down
>when its a guy

It's a Veeky Forums is triggered by human interaction episode.

I tell wait staff at the beginning of every meal that I tip 100%. I tell them not to bother me, ever. Bring a pitcher of ice water and leave the bottle of wine, absolutely no excuse to come back to the table. No dessert, ever. I tell them to go do something important, like cleaning or catching up on refilling condiment containers.

Telling people exactly what you want and to be left the fuck alone isn't hard. If you're still hungry after eating a large meal and want dessert, you're a massive fat fuck and need to waddle your disgusting ass back to your vehicle and drive home to gorge yourself on sweets.

Leaving 100% ensures they kiss your ass the entire time you're there and making demands as I do also pays for a free show of an employee either getting chewed out for standing around doing nothing, just watching from afar...or watching an anxious server hover from a distance, awkwardly making eye contact with you then gazing off...pretending they weren't looking to begin with.

Worth every fucking cent, 10/10 dining experience.

a man can take quite a beating without dying either, so I don't really understand your point

Global rule #62
fart on my dick

t. autist

>goes out in public
>pays extra money to be left alone

lol that must suck dude

I hope you aren't being serious.

>enters service industry based business
>expects to be left alone by default

Hmm...

Why not?

All autismos should do this.
Explain all your shit on a piece of paper and hand it to the waiter with the tip in advance.
Everyone wins.

>expects to be left alone by default
I expect to not waste twenty dollars trying to avoid human contact because I don't have Aspergers you fucking hominoid.

but if you tip in advance how are you going to guarantee you get good service?

disrespect is the best way to get the best service

they neeever tamper with your food if you're rude!

ITT: faggots who are so intimidared by human contact that they're afraid of the waiter

lawl

I'm assuming this is some good bait/pasta, but if you're actually serious and do this IRL I implore you to kill yourself, you autistic fuck. I'm so sorry people like you exist.

>tell them you tip 100%
>don't tip
The perfect crime.

If the waitress is an attractive female I don't mind if she hangs around a bit.

>that one faggot who claps when the plane lands

That is the americlap

>"Oh man, I can't wait for a nice quiet meal out"
>It's a birthday party and they decided to invite their entire overly loud extended family episode
>food is late to arrive because the kitchen staff are busy with the family of 20+ people's orders.
>wait staff try to coerce everyone into singing happy birthday as they wheel out some shitty cake in the middle of your meal

Fuck you.

the same one who laughs obnoxiously to some shitty joke the pilot made over the intercom

EXCUSE ME, but when the plane lands with me in it, EVERYONE CLAPS.

At the local diner, there's this one waitress who always recognizes me and my family. Last time we ate there, she said my uncle looked like her father who just had an accident and was in the hospital. Apparently her father is a federal judge. She wouldn't stop crying.

That bitch looks stupid. I hate her fucking face. That stupid line next to her nose and mouth, her wig-ass looking hair, her missing tooth, her chapped lips, and her tiny ape looking eyes.

>checking out at grocery store
>cashier asks me if I did anything fun last weekend

FPBP

Assuming user is white, that was probably his internal monologue.

>stupid line
It's called a smile line, and it's because she's either a dimwit or she's a two-faced cunt that forces a smile all the time.
Resting bitch face keeps you looking young. Fact.

Just the tip.

I fucking hate this.

you know perfectly well they don't care about your weekend, but they're probably forced to do it by corporate even though it's pointless because no customer under the age of 80 wants to talk about their weekend with a supermarket cashier.