Last Meals

Hey Veeky Forums, tonight is my last night as a free man for the next two years. Tomorrow afternoon I will be required to show up at the Culberson County, TX sheriff's office, at which point I will be transferred into the custody of the El Paso correctional department, to spend two years in prison. I told my friends, family, and girlfriend that I would be leaving today, so that I could spend today alone doing things I want for a minute before having no alone time for two years.

So far that has entailed an early game of golf with my little brother (only one who knows that I'm still here), a breakfast of home fries, two eggs, toast, sausage, yogurt, strawberries, coffee, and OJ; a drive in the mountains; a nostalgia visit to the record shop I've been going to since middle school; a lunch of nuts, a turkey sandwich, carrots, and hummus; a trip through the art museum and the natural history museum; a dinner of twice-baked potato, salad, and pork chile verde; and now some whiskey, beer, and snacks, along with my favorite movie (In Bruges) and a pack of cheap cigs.

I don't plan on sleeping before my flight to Texas in the morning, and I want to spend the last of my free time with you lovely folks, who have provided me more conversation and laughs than most people I have met in my life. With that in mind, what would you eat if it were your last day of freedom? Would it look anything like mine?

Pic was going to be the makeshift poverty station where I will be spending my final hours of liberty, but since that exceeds file limit, here is my girls butt. xoxoxox

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Just go get some pussy dude

Yeah, like ten hookers at once.

I'd gorge myself on a country meal for kings.

eggs on eggs, a nice helping of some taters, bacon and sausage, a country fried steak with biscuits and cream gravy smothered all over the steak and biscuits, then some french toast and a stack of flapjacks


Oh ho hoho... bless you my dear

Tossed salad, might as well get used to the taste knowwhatImsaying?

What are you getting put away for? This is a humbling post because Veeky Forums is also my favorite board. Commissary food isn't that great user sorry, I spent time in the fed and the best thing I ever ate was pb and j and tuna fish sandwiches/ramen so thats what id recommend.

2 years, that sucks, shame you'll be leaving that ass behind for probably the last time

Wow. That's really sad, it would be hard for me to really enjoy those things with the anticipation of prison the next day. I hope you can make it out of there alright.

Why are you going to prison?

I knew a guy who just last week was supposed to show up to court, but now he's in the wind. All the pieces really fell into place, because I had been rerouting his mail for him since he could not collect it himself, but it started coming back, which I thought was odd, but it all made sense when he didn't appear to enter his plea. He got a good head start at least, something you've squandered, but you could always still go for it.

I wonder if he'll get away with it. I don't know if it'd be better than prison, but some people can live 50 years on the lam.

Hmm probably a bunch of pastries and ice cream. Though not really sure I'd be able to eat.

Got any other pics of your girl? How is she taking it?

we will be here waiting for you to come back. dont be worried about missing anything. we will still be talking about mcdonalds and beer when you come back. dont forget about us. and act with kindness while in prison/jail. dont let it get to you. just think of all the good times and yummy food you will be able to have when you are back here. we love you user (unless it was a violent crime)

think my last meal would be shitty chinese food from the place in my home town. been going there for 20 years. its not the best around but its my fav

this desu

Possession of a controlled substance with intent to distribute. I did have an unreasonable amount of cargo, but didn't have any intent to distribute. I got off lucky, though, considering that Texas' mandatory minimum sentencing laws could have gotten me 20 years were it not for me being a first offender and a white guy (not a dig at all, just that most of the drug crime in West Texas is cartel related so they hate Mexicans there).

Tell me about it. I already told her to move on, to avoid myself feeling bummed out when she inevitably moves on

are you going to jail for stupidity? you can resize images, and why type all that shit out by not say what you did, faggot?

this is the plot of orange is the new black

No visits?

I'm not familiar with the whole prison/jail system.

More pics of girlfriend?

Go have french onion soup with warm baguette bread, a nice medium rare beef fillet, garlic mashed potatoes, sauteed mushrooms, asparagus, pesto cream fettuccine and garlic bread. At least this would be my last meal.

I'm halfway to drunk, friend, how do I resize images on a profanity-filled? I'd love to share my present squalor with you

*on a phone


why do people keep ruining their lives over this crap. not even tasty.

a burger and fries with a milkshake or two.

best of luck to you user

You just randomly got pulled over or something? How did they catch you?

I have visitation privileges, but we live in Colorado and I wouldn't ask anyone to suspend two years of their romantic life on my behalf.

And no, sadly, I don't have any more pics of her other than a couple candids. That butt shot is from a larger collection of images that I had on my old phone, only salvaged that one because she had re-sent it on FB messenger for reasons I can't remember

It is a trivial pleasure that only does harm if taken to excess (just like most things do when taken to excess)
Addiction is a stupid meme. "addicts" are people with broken personalities to begin with, no self control or forethought. They'd fuck their lives up just the same whether they had access to crack or not.

I agree that it was stupid, but in my 24 years drugs have never had a negative impact on my life (college grad, good career, good friends, happy relationship etc) before I got arrested for it. Seems like a problem that wouldn't have existed if people had a more reasonable view on personal liberties. But I did know the risk, and stupidly took it, so it is 100% my fault

I was pulled over for "speeding" although I had cruise control on. The arresting officers subsequently searched my car without permission, which apparently is fine in Texas if they are in a state of "heightened alert" for drug trafficking. Basically, don't go to Texas if you have Colorado plates

Yeah, it was the plates that did you in.

>Basically, don't go to Texas if you have Colorado plates

and stay out.

Thanks user, I hope you're here when I return!

Nobody wants to be in your shit state in the first place, but you take up such a large amount of space that you have to travel through it to get anywhere worth going. The only ones who live outside of the hill country are the ones that ran out of gas trying to leave

A-are you gonna get raped user? Have you done any kind of butthole stretching exercises to prepare?

Did they have probable cause to search your car? Were you at all high or otherwise intoxicated, or did any smells come out of the vehicle? If you hid them well then they had no reason to search you regardless of the state you are in. But I digress, its obviously over and done with, but it sounds like they intimidated and tricked you into the search.

that is one delectable tush

Sounds like OP was trafficking drugs to or from Colorado.

enjoy jail, druggie.

Thanks man, it was a conquest well worth the effort. One of my biggest regrets about this whole thing is how I had to let her go for both our sake. Hopefully I'll still be able to get my dick sucked inside, but I guess 24 months isn't that long.

that's fake, mostly exaggerated stuff to scare people straight. I don't expect to have any non-consensual sex in the can -- uhh in prison that is.

>still hasn't learned his lesson.

It's funny, cause you said that it was your fault, but every other word you type is reasons why it isn't.

>before it ruined my life it had never ruined my life before


It was neither intimidation nor trickery, they just straight-up did it while I was handcuffed and standing by the side of the road. This was the entire basis of my defense--that the evidence was unlawfully obtained--but the judge pretty much laughed at that and said that the state of Texas defines "probable cause" post-facto. I'd take it to an appellate court if I had the money, but honestly I'm just ready to get done with it and move on. I'm lucky enough to own 49 percent of the business I work for, so even if I don't have a job when I get out I'll have the resources to get something going for myself

Even if he was, unless it was just in the back seat visible, they had no right to search him. This situation happened to a friend of mine, she wasn't speeding or anything, they just did a "routine stop" on the back country road to her house, where there are never any cops otherwise. She managed to get her sentence to 9 months but wound up leaving our home state to move to Colorado a year later. Southern states are complete shit.

Good bye

For the record, this faggot is not me

That is bullshit, man. I wish you the best during your time. Hope those faggot cops pull over a nigger and get shot.

Actually from what I know, cops don't need a a warrant to search your car right then and there.

Unless that law varies by state.

They generally do. It's in the 4th amendment. You can be frisked, but unless they state they have probable cause to search, all you have to say is, "Officer, I do not consent to the search. Am I under arrest?"

If you are not, they cannot push the issue further. In OP's case I guess they did already detain him for whatever, so they were by that allowed to search his belongings.

What I'm saying, pretty clearly, is that drugs themselves have never had a negative impact on my life. The "life-ruining" effects of them are because there are a lot of people who find it to serve the best interest of society to hand severe penalties to otherwise peaceful, law-abiding citizens who enjoy consuming drugs. I am no victim, nor have I tried to portray myself as such, but at no point in my long career of drug consumption has anything bad happened to me other than people getting pissed about the drugs themselves.

Try shooting heroin for a week and then tell me addiction is a meme.

>other than the one law I broke, I'm a law abiding citizen

Yeesh, I don't care what you do personally, I'm friends with all sorts of crooks, but you are sure doing a lot of gymnastics to blame anyone but yourself.

>prove me wrong by doing hard drugs

>crack isn't a hard drug

does this mean you have to join a white supremacist gang in prison now? :(

lol nopers, only dumbasses do drugs.

If I had only one more day of freedom, I would eat a breakfast of fresh banana, blueberries, and strawberries with a yogurt drink; lunch of salmon and cream cheese dip with carrots and bagel; dinner of steak, lightly steamed broccoli, and mashed potatoes with cheese. Finish it all out with a fantastic brownie sundae.

Okay, so addiction is a meme, except if it's "hard drugs", which doesn't include crack, but only dumbasses do drugs? Seems like pretty sound logic.

You strung words together from multiple anons at random and still couldn't even make it seem illogical.

Addiction to drugs below hard ones is a meme, and people who do drugs are dumbasses.

Super Simple Stuff.

Two pints of mint chocolate chip ice cream

I'm not trying to argue or defend myself, user, just to clarify my point. I know that it was illegal. Solely because I want this to be a comfy thread, and because I want you to perhaps have a glimpse into the rationale that millions of people exercise daily, I'll do my best once more to explain myself:

1) I have consumed many variety of drugs from the age of 13 to now, eleven years later
2) Said drugs have never prohibited me from having an active, healthy, successful life in any measure, whether social, emotional, career, or physical. I'm not a millionaire or anything, but am debt-free and earn a decent salary, better than can be said than 90 percent of my contemporaries
3) Other than drug consumption, I have never (wittingly) broken the law. I pay my taxes and serve on the advisory committee to my local city council as a "Youth Advocate"
4) Some parts of the US have made drugs a very serious criminal offense
5) I was found guilty of violating those laws
6) My life is somewhat ruined (more that I'll have two years taken away with nothing to show for it, I'll be OK when I get out overall) as a result of that transgression
7) Drugs ruin lives because we insist on ruining the lives of people who use drugs, not the other way around

Don't get me wrong, some drugs, and some people who use them, are absolutely devastating. But laying blanket sentences on anyone who uses any sort of psychoactive substance is myopic and self-defeating

that sounds lovely user, thanks for actually contributing. all home-cooked?

I'm just going to go ahead and change it all to rape to show how that's a foolish justification.

1) I have raped many women from the age of 13 to now, eleven years later
2) Said rapes have never prohibited me from having an active, healthy, successful life in any measure, whether social, emotional, career, or physical. I'm not a millionaire or anything, but am debt-free and earn a decent salary, better than can be said than 90 percent of my contemporaries
3) Other than raping, I have never (wittingly) broken the law. I pay my taxes and serve on the advisory committee to my local city council as a "Youth Advocate"
4) Some parts of the US have made rape a very serious criminal offense
5) I was found guilty of violating those laws
6) My life is somewhat ruined (more that I'll have two years taken away with nothing to show for it, I'll be OK when I get out overall) as a result of that transgression
7) Rapes ruin lives because we insist on ruining the lives of people who use rape, not the other way around

I agree. Weed is different from meth. Meth completely changes who you are and convinces you that you are invincible, weed makes you hungry and chill.

I mean I even take aderall to make me work more efficiently. Am I a junkie because I want to be a better worker? I don't need it or get withdrawals, it just helps.

Jesus Christ, this guy...

What was the substance?

You seem like a chill dude, so I'll give you my honest opinion. What is your favorite dish to make? Go for that. It's an ideal comfort in such a looming situation. If you are a drinker, go for a glass of your favorite booze. Not to get shitty drunk, but just to savor the memory.

I had fortunately avoided jailtime a few months ago on charges that would have been at least 6 years, so it has been a thought I had several times before the final court date. Food can range from survival (which you will find the sole reason for your meals the next few years, look up the rapper Prodigy if you have some time for some prison cooking ideas) to comfort (which right now I highly fucking recommend).

Good luck to you user.


OP here to say you are totally right, violent crime that has the potential to permanently damage the psyche/body of the victim is definitely comparable to consuming drugs that do zero damage to anyone but the user.

Point taken, now can we get back to the thread?

You'll find that you can't eat away your sorrows and it just tastes empty. The meal on release will be better.

BTW did you learn how to make prison hooch yet? Remember, Yeast+sugar+time.

Marijuana concentrate (bubble hash), 16 lbs. I was moving it to the east to give to my parents, who run a commune in ME. I wanted to see Texas because I had never been, and man was I disappointed. I really liked Austin and San Antonio, though, the street tacos in both were obscenely cheap and way too good for the price

You just can't admit it to yourself, can you? Not really. Like I said, I could care less, but I see right through your elaborately constructed justifications. I wonder why people find it so difficult...

Not even a funny shitpost.

I've never made my own bagels before, or really baked too much either, but I have made pretty much everything else in a competent enough way to want to risk blowing my last day on miscooked food. That being said, I would likely be too lazy or otherwise busy on my last day of freedom to do so and would settle for restaurants near me for at the very least the steak dinner and sundae.

I have lots of friends that have moved to Austin over the years, and I don't get it. At least with the other meme cities like Oakland and Portland, the rest of the state is cool. Texas just seems like a terrible place to live.

How did you meet your girlfriend?

>that whole post

>not having affluenza whilst breaking a law in Texas

Anyway, I dare you to eat the most gas-inducing foods possible for when you check in to the resort.

Thanks homie, what tracks from Prodigy? For some reason I already have his discography. And what we're your charges?

Unfortuately I've got nothing to suggest since I'm too young to have ever done a good amount of eating for a purpose beyond nutrition, but I'll lurk and shed a tear or two for you. Cheers user, be safe.

Fire Starter

You should spend your time in the hole getting Jacked, OP
carbohydrates will be your friend

Met her at work, I co-run a cafe and she dropped her number in the tip jar
lol indeed

I'll spend my time in your butthole while getting jacked off by your mom.

Christ I haven't heard that song in at least a decade

nice blog, where can i subscribe?

A lot of the dudes I work with are still stuck on 90s rock, so I hear it semi-frequently.

Just give OP your address and you guys can be pen pals!


Don't worry, I'll be gone soon. Then you can get back to your fast food/cola/eceleb threads

Have you considered just not going? Hire a better lawyer and fight it. You're gonna waste 2 of the best years in your life, lose your job, lose your gf, and start saying poor people phrases like "thanks homie"

Sorry, I should have specified his cookbook. He also has a few videos of doing stuff on Youtube. Dunno what kind of prison you will be in but this could prove useful.

I would rather not say what my charges are but I am a pretty straight-laced dude who got fucked over from being painfully naive. Shit's rough.

It's pretty set in stone, and I don't feel like wasting any more money or effort on trying to get past it, I'm resigned to my fate.

But is "homie" not common parlance where you live? Everyone here uses homie as an affectionate, genderless form of address. And northern colorado is about as far from poor as you can get, outside of Connecticut/Maryland

... What happened to you?

Are you retarded?

going to try and keep this thread board relevant

what type of snacks are you going to buy with your slave labor money in jail?
Remember not to let anyone know you have money because you'll be locked up in there with people who habitually take advantage of folks

I was just gonna put a couple thousand in my account and not go wild with it, probably ramen as the other user suggested and some snacks. I'm sure as shit not going to be doing any labor for the state while I'm in, that shit seems miserable

No I live in the South and only hear it on TV. If you are wealthy then why would you not get a scumbag lawyer to pull you out of the fire with some probable cause or violation of rights bullshit?

You can re-read the thread, but the gist of it is that courts in Texas are funny about their definition of "unreasonable search and seizure," and that I already waived my right to appeal in an effort to get this over with

Lawyers can't just magically make criminal offenses go away unless you are really famous and wealthy. And then it's a lot of shady shit that involves paying everyone involved hush money.

chicken parmesan, meatball sub, pho, mac and cheese, and ice cream. just go to a buffet and eat everything.

Breads and cheeses and wines and meats and fruits would be my choice. Simple, nostalgic, and uplifting.

Don't waste your time in there, that is the worst option. Also, don't rely on things being there for you afterwards. So, you must use this time to increase your value.

I believe in you!

You are adamant on leaving her. Were you not that into the relationship or what?


get fucked, degenerate.

Korean/Vietnam Vets used to shoot heroine all the time while on duty, but when they came back something like 97% of them stopped.

Addiction is a meme