Roommate makes himself some scrambled eggs

that's what the butter is there for

My old roommate used to give herself food poisoning all the time because she would leave meat out on the counter for hours and hours to "defrost" it, but would forget about it and cook it up anyway. I would hear her throwing up in the bathroom all the time.

It doesn't matter when you put pull in the pan. You just have autism.

No, I have a system that works. I experimented with adding the oil at different times, and found that waiting for the pan to get hot helps it spread evenly across the pan.

That's ocd.
I'm autism and I cook eggs no problem.
What gave you the idea that someone that lives alone and cooks all their food can't make an egg?

>friends gf trying to teach him how to cook
>making lime chicken
>she hands him a juices, see pic
>he looks at it for a solid 10 seconds
>says "WTF is this"

Is your friend white? Most white Americans don't have these in their kitchens. We generally don't use enough lime juice to warrant the cost.

However the use of the thing is pretty damn obvious so that's still retarded.

Sure she wasn't just bulimic?

>mfw someone puts the lime half in upside down

He is the whitest american Indian you will ever see

Kill your family and cook them according to your tastes,

this dumbass thinks you need to wait for the pan to heat up to add fats to it, point and laugh!

faggot

>new cook hired
>women obviously
>ask her to cut green onions, just to see what her technique is
>of course she holds the blade as far back on the handle as possible, weakly tries to chop straight down into the green onions, then pushes away with the force of a thousand suns to get the green onions away
>calmly explain to her the proper way, hold the knife gripping the blade with thumb and forefinger, show a slow slice chop motion
>she literally goes back to exactly what she was doing before, this time not even cutting all the way through a fucking green onion (like seriously how can you not handle chopping through that). because she doesn't speak a fucking lick of english, the boss speaks japanese, and other people who can speak her language don't give a shit about the world outside of them
what a mess of a kitchen

Not him but I do the same because one the pan is hot you throw in your nob of butter and you can coat the pan really easily as the butter melts instantly and you can just swirl it around to get an even layer. Then when I put in the eggs I'll periodically take it off and on the heat so I don't overcook them.

Only time mine ever get overcooked is if my toast pops and it's not brown so I have to let the eggs sit there in the hot pan until my toast is sufficiently brown.

>High school
>Raid cabinets, find Kraft Mac n Cheese
>fuck yeah, ezpz
>boil water
>put in two boxes of macaroni
>friend puts 3 FUCKING CUPS OF BUTTER INTO THE WATER
>NOT THE PASTA
>THE FUCKING WATER

It's p unlikely she got food poisoning that regularly dude

Please never cook for anyone but yourself without warning them that you can't into standards for what makes a meal properly prepared.

Ding ding ding.

but user-kun. if you put the lime in cut-side down you get more juice and extract more oils from the peel. It's objectively superior.

>friend makes food
>I don't know how he went about it because I don't supervise people doing menial activities like an autist

>gf wants to make breakfast
>scrambled eggs cooked on high in a nonstick pan, stirred constantly of course
>hot sauce for garnish

>th-thanks hun.

>roommate decides he has had enough of his usual dinner of Tyson anytizers and is going to make tendies himself, from scratch
>go into my room to study for a while
>come out to a peculiar smell
>he is proudly showing of his creation
>it looks like baseball halves caked in curdled yogurt
>it's actually baked chicken coated in mayo and crushed tortilla chips
>he ate it for the next 3 days

same guy
>wants to make pancakes
>this is a college apartment, we obviously are missing 75% of pancake ingredients
>undeterred, he has his own recipe
>mixes together flour, water, cinnamon sugar and puts it in a pan
>wa la
>(they actually weren't gross, just spectacularly flavorless)

>butter on pasta

People have died of that.

>Wants to make breakfast
>Puts oil in a pan and throws some mushrooms and whole fucking tomatoes in it and leaves it to cook
>Cuts big mc largehuge pieces of bread off a solid loaf and throws it in the toaster
>salts the shit out of it
>takes out a pot and puts it on a flame
>begins cracking eggs into it
at this point I feel like I should intervene, but I don't because I'm more curious than anything else
>throws butter in it and begins stirring furiously, looks like he's making some kind of custard
>dumps a bunch of heavy whipping cream into it
>something smells burnt
>smoke billowing out of toaster
>he goes "oops"
>throws it in the trashcan and shoves more bread in it
>thankfully this reminded him to unfuck his vegetables
>keeps stirring his not-custard and throws in seasoning at the end
>it looks like pudding.
>takes out the inch-thick bread toast and puts it on a plate
>dumps the egg pudding onto it
>takes the vegetables that are now burnt on the bottoms and throws them on the plates, never flipped or rotated
>"wa la"
>[spoiler]somehow got fucking michelin stars for this shitshow.[/spoiler]

>not liking hot sauce on eggs

faggot

You're a retard. You're supposed to keep stirring the eggs. I bet you beat the eggs before putting them in the pan as well,don't you?

>I'm autism

not him but i do this sometimes

is the marbled texture you get from breaking the egg into the pan for scrambling that much better? i mean it's good but it's not THAT good

Are you frying the eggs? No. Then you do not need hot butter.

does Veeky Forums have any good cannibal recipes?

Har Har. I see what you did there

I mix my eggs before adding them to the pan. I also pre salt and put my butter in the egg mixture. Come at me

>I mix my eggs before adding them to the pan
nothing wrong with that. if you're making them for multiple persons, it is probably even the better choice
>I also pre salt
now this is a problem, since the salt will fuck with the natural water content. it really is better to use seasonings after you've plated the eggs
>put my butter in the egg mixture
wait, does your butter even dissolve if you just put it in the mixture?

>be me
>cooking crayfish risotto
>have to split my attention between frying pan and rice which must have the right amount of water and heat and must not be left long enough to stick to the saucepan
>roommate decides now is a good time to start cooking around me using the other two burners
>other roommate comes in to make tea and put his laundry in the washing machine
Fucking forehead vein was popping. Turned out alright through, I just get stressed easily which is why I couldn't work in a commercial kitchen.

>wa la

im havin a fuckin giggle over here mate

Presalting increases moisture retention for eggs. My butter melts into my egg mixture on the pan

And if you start them cold they will catch, unless your pan is drenched in oil
Unless the ambient temperature was over 30 degrees and she was eating things on the very rare side, this is likely bullshit
With the exception of butter and other lipidic substances unstable at scrambring temps, it matters not when you add your oil, provided you get an even coat.
You poor soul. The struggles of being a CDP or Sous who is the only one seeing errors is familiar to me. Try a sharper knife and explaining proper technique, as well as demonstrating difference in results and efficiency.
>natural water content
Jesusfuckingchrist son, what do you think happens when you season eggs? It is not like the salt is going to cause mass evapouration of water content you halfwitted buffoon. Seasoning and whisking thoroughly beforehand is essential and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. As for adding butter to the mix, it is not necessary unless your pan has a massive propensity for catching and you are hopeless. A touch of cream and chives are pretty much all that you could need to add beyond salt and pepper

My fucking roommates do this shit, too. I never see them outside their rooms unless I'm doing something in the kitchen/living room. That is when they decide it is time to do laundry or cook alongside me.

It's fucking annoying

From On Food and Cooking

Technically, yes.

No, you're just the autist who comes to tell the other autists they're doing things wrong

>Go to store to get some salmon.
>Pick out fish and ask the guy to filet it.
>My laziness will soon come to bite me.
>Watch his body language, he clearly doesn't know how to do this, even says he hardly filets fish.
>You work in seafood, the fuck?
>He grabs the fuckhuge knife used to cut steaks, the correct knife sitting next to it.
>He gets halfway through the first fish and grabs the steel.
>I see chunks of meat flying off the blade as he "sharpens" the knife.
>He is sawing at this thing like an ISIS video.
>I can only watch and internally pic related as my fish is fucking butchered.

>non-professional cooking
>complaining about standards

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... dude what?

Take any pork recipe and substitute pork for human. Obviously you'll want to use similar-as-possible cuts.

But now you're the autist telling that other autist what he's doing wrong.

If you're frying in something like vegetable/canola oil it doesn't really matter if the pan is hot or not when you add the oil. Butter should go in when the pan is hot enough though.

It's like a mantrain of autism

that's a pretty autistic analogy

>missing 75% of pancake ingredients
What? Pancakes use only the most basic of ingredients. You didn't have flour, milk, eggs and butter?

At that point I'd just wordlessly walk away.

>MON roommates
>buy the expensive boxes of bag tea at Walmart
>pros: they preheat the questionable iron pot, use water fresh from the tap
>but after preheating they pour 190 degrees on every ftype of boxed tea bags Walmart offers

>brew it for a minute

They toss out the "tea" and then drink the second pot of tea.
I'm familiar with gong fu, gaiwan, and other clay pot styles, but

They say this technique of theirs, sacrosanct as it was, was... "the Chinese way"

The male one would wait till it was below room temp even though he prepared their tea?

Pic related, it's what I was casually brewing in a pot as their parents and them were helping them move out.

I have never had a tea party, but after dusk had them collecting their final things I warmed some cups and offered it around with honey,

I won't mention the other roommate who's wife asked for some tea a few days later beyond a quote "add water or something"
Lesson learned: for a few twinkling months of graceful consuetudes comingling, they drank their homeopathic discharge and I occasionally gleaned that yummy yummy light infusion. I hope they can find peace, inshallah

You're a funny user

I always wait till the pan is super hot so they cook really fast, and I like to brown my eggs too

also i use coconut oil for the pan

You're supposed to put it cut side down you idiot.

t. mexican

>Serves shit on a plate
>"uhh, user, what is this?"
>"Fuck you. Pay me."

>scrambled
Hard boiled or nothing

Canola oil in a nonstick pan is the best way to get over easy.

How can people not clean things as they cook?
I make soups all the time and by the time it's done the only dish to do is the pot and ladle

Except you don't get the pan hot first unless you're frying eggs.

Looks like you don't know how to fucking cook either.

>Are you frying the eggs? No.

wew lad

Try Orzo instead, it's just as good as Risotto rice but you don't have to fanny about with it, just dump in the stock, stir occasionally and in 5-6 minutes it's done.

Please be my friend

>greek roommate
>uses olive oil for everything he cooks
>even things that dont need them at all
>bacon,eggs, hot dogs

Jesus he was a walking stereotype. His family would roast a lamb on a spit for thanksgiving.

>olive oil as an all purpose frying oil
My dad does this and I copied him for years thinking there was nothing wrong with it
I expect it's more common than you'd imagine

no you wouldn't

I'm white and I use lime juice like a motherfucker. cocktails, chicken, rice, anything. lime is based

Assuming you're talking about normal olive oil (Aka refined, or "light") there's nothing wrong with that.

It's only Extra-virgin that you shouldn't be frying things in. Normal olive oil is fine.

>hard boiled
Shit tier taste