Al/ck

One of my many non-talents is that I can puke on command. A few years ago, I was cooking at Ruby Tuesday and, as per usual, perpetually drunk. I despised myself for how my life had gone but was all too glad to take it out on others. As a result, Iwas always looking for the next awful thing to make me happier for a second.

One busy night, an argument in the kitchen with the GM finally pushed me into full martyr. I pounded vodka and ate as much as I could while keeping it down. Before leaving the restaurant in the middle of my shift and blacking out, I grabbed the sweetest, most unassuming server we had and puked a geyser of booze-laced sludge all over her face. I never got my last check deposited and I never went back to ask for it. Still feel awful for doing that to the innocent server to this day.

Talking

My mouth opens before my brain has a chance to think things through, and usually I'm so drunk I completely forget any trace of what I said so I wake up the next morning wondering why nobody is talking to me.

ruby Tuesday nearest to my place shut down with many others to follow. maybe this is why, I don't know.

normie stuff.

Slept with my friend's wife except whoops no I didn't because I couldn't get it up and ended up with no sex and no friend

You sound like a dick

green text stories are welcome here too.

I vomited on the city street in daylight on St Paddy's. I'm that guy.

You have no idea. I was fucking scum, that's why I quit drinking. I couldn't figure out how to be a person because I was drunk all the time, and I couldn't NOT be drunk all the time. And that one puking incident is an after-school special compared to most of the other shit.

>2013
>stepdad and mom try to intervene because they are afraid drinking is eventually going to kill me
>I drunkenly try to convince them I have cancer and don't want treatment
>tried to convince my own mother that I had cancer just so I could keep drinking

I had a tendency to steal shit when drunk, mostly not from other people; shot glasses, beer mugs, road cones, signs, both safety and decorative, I have some bowling pins.

One time I was blacked out, and apparently I went up to some guy, accused him of stealing his drink, to facilitate my stealing HIS drink. Not TOO embarrassing, my friends found it funny, but I was embarrassed when they told me.

The worst was when I stole this guy's keys. He was in the band that was playing at the bar, and they were on tour. I had to ship them back to him, I felt shitty about that.

And then a husband of a friend, a real piece of shit who I couldn't stand, I guess he knew I didn't like him. So we were all at the bar, and I was pretty drunk and he kept telling me to "be honest" and tell him how I really felt about him. I told him he was a piece of human shit, and the only reason he had a hot wife was that he kept her self esteem low, and treated her like shit, and that as soon as she was away from him for any length of time she would see that she is an 8 and that he was a 2 and he would die alone because of the way he treats people. The bartender stood there slack jawed. He acted like it didn't bother him, but we never hung out after that. And I felt bad because he took it out on his wife, he thought she had told me the things I knew, but I had found out elsewhere.

And I was right. She left that Bobby Hill looking whore mongering Alabama racist... And married a black dude. Oh man. What gold.

youre still an arsehole but that is fucking glorious

Oops.
I accused a guy of stealing MY drink, so then I took his. I gues I did this two or three times that night. Pretty brilliant scam, though.

nerd raging over petty shit and trashing my own shit.

broke several moniters, tv's, pairs of headphones, and other various electronic shit. lots of holes in my drywall.

you and me both, user

sober I have a hard time even asking people politely to share things but when I'm drunk I'll straight up grab beers out of people's hands to get out of paying for drinks or try to barter for things with cigarettes

one time I walked off with an entire bottle of vodka and the bathroom lightbulb fully convinced I was protesting capitalist corruption because I didn't feel like paying four dollars per shot at some shitty co-op party

I used to bring my coffee thermos along with me on nights out, empty an entire bottle of the strongest shit I could find into it, then casually wander off into the night until I lost the damn thing last Halloween

I must have been either a seagull or a gypsy in a past life

Not drinking enough water.

Setting a 2L bottle on the table doesn't work, I just forget it once I start drinking. And since I'm drinking cheap crap, the hangover is awful.

This made me lol, the whole capitalism thing. I was at a hotel in Venice Italy with a friend of mine, and I was drunk. I noticed when I went to the bathroom at the lobby that they had a little bar that was closed, but it wasn't behind lock and key or anything. I stole a bottle of wine and my friend flipped her absolute shit, talking about how we would be sent to an Italian prison for 20 years.

I told her I would put it back, but I DIDNT!! and it was some of the best wine I have ever had.

Hey I was pretty much the same way so can't really judge you. The compulsive lying and everything. Quit benzos/weed and moderated my booze consumption quite a bit over the past few years so now I can fully regret all the stupid spiteful shit I did to other people....pretty much just pure envious malice. They felt happier than me and they were sober...for some reason that would just piss me off.

>ITT: things you regret while drinking
making a fool of myself in front of acquaintances

every fucking time

Vomiting on carpet.
I don't own a vacuum cleaner.

Once while day drinking I texted my grandmother... it all went downhill from there...

having sex with people i would never want to have sex with while sober :(

my entire life

i'm 24 with no work experience, i dropped out of univ, i have no future

im basically waiting until my parents die before i kms probably

don't know what to do, feels like its too late for me, its been so long i don't remember stuff from high school, i realized recently i don't even know how add up fractions

I can see it now...
>user:Hey babe, you want some fuck?

i got fucking lost last night going home on my skateboard and crashed and scraped my face

No, I talked to her about Harry Potter, then she asked me to help her fix her computer and my drunk brain thought she was wanting me to set up a tribute website about my grandpa who had died just a couple weeks prior..

I didn't, am glad I didn't.

>Friend had a family part for his birthday
>I was invited
>Feel awkward being surrounded by his grandparents/uncles/aunts/cousins/parents
>Start crushing cans
>Hit up the rum
>Called his parents by wrong names the entire night
>Fell and pulled his shower off the wall
>Held onto the bathroom door for stability
>Pulled that off it's hinges
>Got chewing gum in my hair off the floor
>Got a knife and cut a bald spot in the back of my hair to remove the gum
>Starting saying to his family that i would suck a dick for a bag of weed
>In front of his very christian Nan
>Was kicked out
>Party started at 8
>I was kicked out by 11

>while drinking?

NOTHING

>after drinking?

EVERYTHING

I was stupid drunk one night and went to my friend's dorm room and talked about how hot her roommate was. But in reality I thought she was more attractive. I just wanted those titties...

You were in her dorm alone? And you couldn't hit that?

I wasn't alone, one of my friends was there.

Couple years ago in college I fell off my skateboard drunk on my way to my "lady-friend's" apt and broke my goddamn collar bone.

Sucked because we had just recently started fucking and a boner isn't happening with a freshly cracked clavicle...

Was meant for:
Jesus. I'm sorry.

32 uear old here. Staying at a resort recently got a blowjob from a highschool girl for a bunch of xanax and vodka. Dont really regret it, but its a recipe for disaster and Im still nervous.

So you got a david blowie from a high school whore. Amazing.

How embarrassing

Yeah... I tend to forget that everyone else my age is probably married with kids at this point.

I'm paranoid as fuck about being this guy, so I stay off facebook and as soon as something like that crosses my mind, I just drink more until I pass out

Grandmas 70 birthday, having a uge party. Me being about 15. Had a bunch to drink while hanging out with cousins.
Feeling sick, stumble around. The goodlooking auntie tries to comfort me, I vommit all over her nice dress.she didnt even get mad. I love her to this day.

If I am royally fucked, it's probably a shorter list to ask me the things I don't regret.
>tfw almost 30 and still ignorant towards my limit

Being alive

Guinness Pasta Sauce thickened with a lard and wholemeal roux, sweetened and served as a dipping sauce for corndogs

Sucking dick for money.

Anyone else depressed atm?
I'm feeling very sad right now.
And sick

Me and another cunt were at a cocaine party at some cunts house, and we were all drunk at about 3 in the morning, so we decided to take the cunts whose house it was van for a spin.

We managed to drive about 4 feet before hitting something, then when we reversed back, we crashed into his fencepost and into his garden.

We had to tidy the house up sharpish, cos the rozzers were on their way round and there was drugs and stuff lying everywhere.

>And sick

That's just the stomach AIDS, don't worry

Australia: The Shitpost

She'll be right mate

> That last drink
> Standing up
> Trying to drink water to sober up a little (never the fuck again)
> Not drinking while standing up (Stand up, everything goes wobbly, fall over)
> Pitching my tent on a slope
> Trying to walk anywhere
> Mixing my own drinks

Last time I was at a festival, I was drinking rum and cider for most of the evening, after a day in the sun listening to metal so loud it was shaking the ground. Then I had a super bright idea after a few of those; I had about the same proportion of rum left in the bottle that I'd been mixing into cups to drink cider with. So why not just mix up a BIG drink for the rest of the night?
Did so. A few more slugs of that, and wandering off to find food and entertainment and bother random drunk people was a great idea. Found pizza to soak up the booze, ate a fairly big one all to myself because I'm a hungry drunk. Then found amusement for a few hours. That's kinda blurry, not sure what I did. When that finished, I staggered back to my campsite to find people still up, so I drank some more with them and shot the shit for a while. Then I had to be helped back to my tent so I wouldn't trip over anything and fall into anyone else's. Slept like a fucking baby.
Next morning, I had a massive hangover, woke up early due to it. Basically chugged a 500ml bottle of water, followed it with a greasy sausage baguette, everything was okay again.

Dude, threesome!

Using remote communication like emails and texts. Biggest one probably. I'm fine when I get drunk and talk to people in person though.

damn nigga i been there...

The other day I was about to get some drunk head but the second I leaned back I started puking. She was not happy and neither was I.

Tried, with completely unironic seriousness, to get my dad into pic related

I was getting frustrated with my printer, and I stomped on it, not knowing that the clear part where you things to scan them is glass and not plastic. It sliced my foot all to fuck, but luckily no big shards got stuck in me. I was bleeding really heavily and eventually got worried and rode my bike to the ER.

They stitched me up and discharged me with a scrip for 10 percocet, which I promptly went to Walgreens to fill, and then took all of them. Didn't do a whole lot because I already had a high opiate tolerance, but I'm sure my liver wasn't happy.

My tinnitus I got one New Years eve when firing off a gun way too close to my ear, it's been ten years with that fucking noise in my ears now. Also while working out today I once again got reminded of what a giant health risk I was for myself back when I was still drinking, I got major wrist pain because I broke my left wrist twice while falling down drunk in winters on icy streets, my right wrist once.

Not to mention I also managed to crack my tailbone slipping blind drunk on the subway stairs, was in pain for half a year.

I hope it worked user, unironically a great album. For some reason I feel like throwing up when I listen to it.

went drink for drink with the alcoholic at work on an empty stomach, threw up on a crowded subway train and then passed out on my overground train for four hours as it went back and forth on the line

I was lucky to wake up with my personal possessions, it scared me into giving up drinking outside my own house

It truly is a masterpiece, I just didn't really expect to have to buy so many pairs of boxers after getting into it.
But we should all rejoice that the brown note has finally been found and put on tape.
10/10 Masterpiece

went to the bar with a coworker last week, drank too much, didnt open a tab, said id pay cash, then walked out without paying. didnt give a fuck at the time but the next day i felt bad so i went back and paid for my drinks like an asshole

this girl ive been hooking up with texted me that night saying she was right around my place but i was at the bar so i missed out on some pussy

what a dummy i am

I make convincing cassette bootlegs and sell them for ten bucks each at local music bars, hipsters will cough up for literally anything if it's on tape

Texting people, getting into fights with friends, family, unknown people, etc. I had unprotected sex with a woman once. A year later i found out she was preggo and engaged, so i missed that bullet luckily.

I've concluded that i cannot drink anymore. When i was younger everything was so much better, all love. As the years went by and my life became more miserable, i became oversensitive and alcohol fucks me up now.

Now i just drink at home alone. Its so much better.

I'm 25 never had a job. I am constantly tormented by the idea of my parents dying, but I know it's inevitable. They have the most fucked up habits. Nevertheless I'm determined to graduate, get a job, buy a pound of cocaine and ruin my life

Go on an autistic rant to my friends over discord talking about how much better the blacks and society would be as a whole if the philosophy of Booker T. Washington had been the one that won over the marxist W. E. B. Du Bois

I stalk my old high school girlfriend on social media. Thank goodness I've never sent her a message.

>tfw u know ur limit
>tfw you toe it every time you drink
>tfw you drink specifically to hit whatever chemical balance eliminates your anxiety and try to maintain that exact balance through the rest of the night
>tfw you're just prolonging your absence from salvation
>but not the AA kind of salvation, just from being stricken with anxiety regarding everything

>tfw just finished your booze, about the time you *should* go to bed but don't

I still have a glass worth of wine left that was emergency reserve. I think I'm going to kill that before bed.

excellent trips

wish i had an emergency reserve

I always have a little wine in reserve. I find the wine that has the highest mark-down for the week's sale at my grocery store that is in the style I need for cooking. I buy it, cook with it, then tuck the rest away for nights I'm out of booze.

One of my superpowers back in my wild days was that I always knew exactly when to go home. I only ever blacked out in the cab, or on the walk home, and I only ever puked at home.
Felt gud mang

I do the same thing, except with cheap bottles of vodka. And I drink it during the day and after everyone goes to sleep.

Happened a week ago. I blacked out. Called all my friends Jewish friends kikes and niggers. Called my wife and said I need help. She came, I sped off. Followed me to in n out, where I proceeded to order and eat food. Mind u I have no recollection of any of this. Drove down a two way highway going over the line many times. Wife behind me honked when I drifted into oncoming lane. This happened several times. Drove on sidewalks and went off roading. Stopped several times in the middle of the street, cars honking. In the 4 runner v-8 2003 I bought 2 days prior. Her and my daughter are my angels. They prayed. I have a second chance at life. But I don't think I should.

Get some help man
Everyone deserves a second chance and if not for yourself at least for your daughters sake

Calling one of my female friends a whore (several times) because she flirted and danced with other men in front of her boyfriend and my best friend.

I have some terrible lemon vodka I won in a basket, it's called svedka citron. It's disgusting to drink straight. Would it be good for gummy bears? Or would the horrible taste persist? Was thinking maybe the taste could be dampened at least with the gummy bears.

Reminds me of that Mindtrap riddle where the one guy puts a bowl over the other guys double scotch and bets him a dollar he can drink it without lifting the bowl.

If you get mad when your 15 year old nephew/younger cousin/grandchild does something like that, you're pretty shit.

>maintain that exact balance
The worst shit is when you fuck it up
>drink a fair amount
>wait a few minutes for the buzz to come in
>by the time I realize it's not enough it's too late to fix it
>just have to try again

>sliced my foot all to fuck
>rode my bike
You sound like my grandfather.

Fuck bro it sounds like theyre giving you a second chance. Dont fuck it up

Sounds like you could mix it with Fanta. Maybe lemon Fanta.

>drink a fair amount
>get the buzz
>gf gets the buzz
>realise you got the buzz and it's all good
>just keep going

just learn what concentration leads to you getting the buzz, you lose a day or two of being drunk but you gain a day or two of bliss

t. not quite alcoholic but far-gone-enough that you know what differentiates it and you know that a pair of days off is worth 3 days drunk

I MUST KNOW THE ANSWER.

He lifts the bowl, drinks the double scotch, and gives the guy a dollar.

>stupid drunk while underage at 16
>me and my buddies at my dad's farm
>always gets munchies when shit face drunk so had a brilliant idea to go to local cubs at 11 pm
>literally drunk as a skunk
>buys meat and goodies to cook
>drives back, 45 mph goes to 55 mph past city streets, perfect cop spot
>1 car in front of me
>I speed up prematurely, forcing car to speed up before the 55 mph mark
>cop shines his light I proceed to pull over but the cop was after that first car
>Thank God

AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
I'm an idiot.
But next time I see someone order a good scotch or bourbon neat, I will give it a shot.

/thread

Well she is

about a month ago I got a 1&1/2 inch long jagged cut right above my eyebrow. Didn't even know it happened until somebody at work asked me about it. I just said it was a cat. All I remember is drinking a pint of taaka and going to sleep like normal but when I woke up there was soda spilled, like more than one, all over my room. But no evidence of cups or cans.
The cut formed a scar and it's still there a month later so I guess I'm just a Bond villain for a while.

Another one I've posted before but just a quick summary I projectile vomited all over my bathroom and drunk as hell cleaned it up with paper towels and "flushed" them, continued drinking and noticed the toilet overflowing so I ran back in there and slipped in the vomit water cracked a couple ribs on the toilet and bounced my head of the ground. I just laid there for a while contemplating life in a puddle of vomit toilet water

taaka is cheap grain vodka lol what did you expect from it

All the time. I don't even pay any attention to sudden appearance of scars any more. I have no scars that I know the origin of.

Previous thread 404ed before I could post

I add to this and similar advices :

If you fuck up somewhen in your life and end up on the slippery slope doing these things, the sooner you stop the better. So don't wait until you have physical withdrawals to see a doctor.