Okay, so this is happening

Okay, so this is happening...

A few months ago, I emailed the Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives people with this sincere message about how my wife and I have visited a ton of the restaurants featured on the show, and how we can't get enough of Guy "The Culinary Bad Boy" Fieri, with his bold flavors and catchphrases like "Welcome to Flavortown!" and "Winner, winner, chicken dinner." Essentially, the biggest, knob-slobbingest email you'd ever want to read. The kind of thing that'd be right up Guy's alley. I finished with a request that, the next time they're in my area (Louisville, KY), it would mean the world to my wife and I if he'd meet up with a pair of superfans.

I essentially forgot about the email, figured it had gotten washed away by how many they've got to be receiving on a daily basis. But last night I received an email from the production company. They'd mentioned how much Guy loved our enthusiasm, and how much he loves meeting people that have been to a lot of the places he's visited. They gave a date that he was going to be filming in Louisville here in a few months, and said that he'd like us to be his guests and hang out/eat during the filming. Sounds great, right?

Here's the deal, though. When he goes in for the inevitable bro-hug or douche-shake, I'm just... I'm gonna fucking punch him. It's been a dream of mine for years to just lay out this smug, fat-faced caricature of a human, and it's going to finally come to fruition. I'm going to lay him out, knock those stupid fucking sunglasses off of his stupid fucking head, then I'm going to stand over his limp body and shout "Welcome to Flavortown, bitch!"

I'm so fucking erect for this, guys...

Welcome to Lawsuits, bitch.

I don't give one, teeny tiny fuck. I'm not what you'd call a pillar of the community, or anyone that really contributes to the greater good. I don't have a lot going for me, but this is too good of an opportunity to pass up. I've been to jail before. It's not that bad. The small amount of time I'm going to spend in there for doing this is completely worth it.

Plus my wife has instructions to set up a Go Fund Me afterwards. You really don't think people out there are willing to pay to help me out after I level that self-serving asshole?

Ignore that guy.

This is a brilliant idea, and yes, people will give you a fucking ton of money for doing this.

Just make sure bourdain gets a whiff of where to give you money and I guarantee you this will not be something you regret.

I think you're dwelling on this too much. He legitimately has helped bring people into the small businesses featured on the show. If he wasn't a flame shirted douche, the show would've failed a long time ago. Leave him alone. If you slip him a couple bottles of Jack and you frost your hair, you might make the ranks of the Kulinary Krew and travel the country with Guy Fieri. Getting piss drunk and nailing truck stop prostitutes. Which I can almost guarantee is better than what you're doing now.

No he needs punched in the face.
I wouldn't say this is he didn't stick his fingers into all the food and then suck the juices off on TV.

He's also forced numerous businesses to close their doors because they can't handle the influx of people that feel the need to "OMG I ATE THERE AND IT WAS ON TV" to their friends.

But that has no bearing on why I'm doing this. Great, he's doing some things for small business, but it doesn't stop me from wanting to bust him across the chops. Big picture, me knocking him out may be the best thing for all parties involved. I, the fans, and the community at large, get what everyone wants.

He, on the other hand, will get even more coverage and publicity after this. Ratings will go up, and those small businesses will continue to see their new customers.

Make sure you have some other people taping it because the production company is not going to release that video

No one cares if his ratings go up.
People don't even watch TV any more.

He needs punched. For reasons.

Oh yeah, I don't give a damn about his ratings. I'd honestly like to see him flip his Camaro about 5 times without a seatbelt on, but what can ya do?

That's the plan. Wife's going to be filming.

>what can you do
You can punch him about 5 times.
This delivery will be the greatest in years, don't pull your punch.
Also don't reveal your plot to your wife because she'll fuck it up.

Nah, she knows and she's fully onboard with what's going to go down. She's going to feign ignorance about the whole thing so she's not implicated in it, too. She's a pretty good actress when she needs to be. She actually makes me think I'm good in bed.

>Wife's going to be filming
You better have more than just one person, dumb dumb

Please tell me you're posting all this shit from a vpn connection that doesn't keep logs

I could get in line with your wife's ideals.

Everyone knows this guy needs punched. Maybe she's just smart.

Pls no bully Guy Fierri. He's a good man and I unironically enjoy all of his programs and he does wonderful things for small business and restaurant. Like the other guy said it it weren't for his goofy persona and style the show would have tanked years ago.

Too late for that, hombre. Things are set in motion.

I already sent him an email, prepare to have your ass kicked.

I wouldnt worry, some Veeky Forums geek would get his ass handed to him by fieri

Might look a little suspicious if I show up with my own camera crew, yeah?

>camera crew
Everyone carries a cell phone

Regardless of whether you dislike his persona, sucker punching the guy under the guise of being a super fan is a bitch move. Makes sense though because you sound like a bitch made Internet tough guy

NO FUCKING BALLS! I bet you bitch out like a little pussy.

can someone email this to food network's corporate?

Lol no. That tub of cholesterol wouldn't stand a chance even if he knew it was coming.

Love how you guys are making your hero out to be some sort of accomplished athlete. The dude's claim to fame is stuffing his face with fried trash food.

>Fieri is the predator

and hell still hand you your ass on a platter, wimp

But think about gunner and hawk fieri

> Acting like this human grease trap deserves even a modicum of respect.

This is the type of guy who keys another man's car. In other words a completely spineless pussy.

>mfw OP is a tub of shit too and it's a Battle Royale of gasping for air

I already said above that I'm not a good person.

And yes, I'll absolutely key his car if I get the opportunity! Good idea, friend!

nice copy pasta OP, write it yourself?

Don't forget to fill the keyholes with superglue.

Do it, faggot.

/trash/

DONT KEY THAT BEAUTIFUL CAMERO, AS AN Veeky Forums FAG I CANNOT ALLOW THIS. KEY SOMETHING LESS VALUABLE THAN THAT I LOVE THE CAMERO.

use wall insulation spray instead

If you truly loved it, you'd spell it right.

>Camero

You've sentenced it to a long, deep scar. Hope you're happy with yourself.

moving too fast on ophone does things like this, it fucking autocorrects and pisses me off.

Kek I love the rude dude of food but I have no doubt he has done plenty to deserve this

I can't wait for this to happen and then watch Jaboody dubs dub their own version of it.

Your dubs won't save it, either. If the opportunity presents itself, I'm carving my initials into the side.

I guess the only thing left to do is kill myself as i have dishonored the GM Gods.

He deserves everything OP gives him and more imo

To bad this is a troll thread and op won't deliver. Just same old bullshit

Even if troll its still at least amusing

What's going on in this thread?

wut

Youre going to throw a weak punch and he's just going to take it.

What the fuck? Jesus, now I'm going to hit him even harder. What a perfectly punchable face. Holy shit. He looks like a tired high school math teacher.

...

hairline is too low, makes him look weird

This. It's a total fantasy, but it's funny as fuck.

it only looks weird because he's not very handsome. Look at Taylor laughtner or Joey from friends

Itt: guy justifies seriously fucking his life up for a meme.

Bro, my life isn't great. I'm a personal trainer at a shitty gym. One of the other guys here had a rape conviction. Me sending Guy to catch some Z's at the Flavortown Motel is not going to change my life at all. I'll get locked up for a little bit, but so what? Like I said earlier, I've been to jail before. It's not a big deal.

please please please buy a gopro

That being said I honestly feel bad for him.

About 2 years ago I went backstage with some whore to talk to Anthony Bordain, and I talked to him about Guy, and he said this "I hate what he's made and what he's done to food network, but it's not like it's his choice. We signed similar contracts, when you're on TV your contract generally states that you're not allowed to change your appearance more than ten percent. He's not allowed to lose weight, he's not allowed to stop dying his hair, he has to keep wearing shorts and button-ups, if he stops what he's doing, he loses all of his money."

Just keep that in mind,

but still nail him for me

Aw, why bother?
Sure, he's a douche, but he's a harmless douche.
Also, I've been to several restaurants he's featured and they're better off for it.
Why waste all that time and energy to be a bigger douche?

I'm guessing you won't deliver but if you do the lulz will be legendary
I have nothing against Fieri, but I wish you good luck on this quest

>sending Guy to catch some Z's at the Flavortown Motel

Good on you brother.

Please save our dad OP
This food is killing him

Bump

I thought this would be some kind of cuck pasta until the final paragraph had me laughing

Fuck this made me laugh harder than it should've

let me guess op, you think this limp wristed beta cuck is entertaining don't you. guy shits on all food review shows. kys and sage

What day is he coming to town I want to see it happen.

Don't be a faggot OP, when is this. I wanna come watch

Guy is going to kick your ass, that or his camera crew will. Either way, also you dont have the guts.
Im sure hes a total bro when not doing the show. Go fuck yourself, OP.

I also need to know were so I can eat a burger while the hope leaves his face

...

just do it

please

get him to hug you and do the afterhug elbow blow.
please.
get some friends to film it, one person's not enough

>no proof posted
>no one asked for screenshot of email
You're all a bunch of spineless fags blindly feeding a weak troll

10/10 post, user
My sides fucking exploded

This is the best pasta I've ever seen. If original, kudos OP

>Truck stop prostitues
You mean lot lizards?

Bring me with you fellow Louisvillian. I have a go pro. Are you meeting him at 4th St?

Not on 4th Street. Not shit worth shit down there.

Then you'll be on film committing assault and battery! That's how you end up in jail with a cuddly new roommate named Tink!

Right, which is why his restaurant is there across from sport and social club.

It's not going to be at HIS restaurant. It's at a place he's filming a spot for DDD.

I stand by my statement of nothing being worth a shit down there.

I hope he lays you out fagit

except his hairline isn't that low, and did the photoshop the neck? it was purposefully done to make him look bad

Someone hasn't read the thread... I've been to jail. Don't give a lonesome fuck about it.

You homos get real defensive over your food god. Get better taste.

I could see you getting pissed if I said I was going to fuck up Alton Brown or Gordon Ramsay or something, but Jesus, kids. This guy is the worst.

tryin to get your poo pushed again? Weird that your wife is into it too

You're awful hung up on the whole man-on-man thing. I guess that's your fantasy, and to each their own, but.... Hate to bust your bubble, but jail's not like that. Lot of watching tv, lot of playing cards. Really just bored.

I honestly won't do but maybe a week for this. I figure the Go Fund Me will reach my bail within a few days. Another day or so for processing. I'll plead out. I'll get time served and probation.

Bourdain is an even bigger faggot than Fieri.

If it was anyone other than that smug fat piece of shit I'd advise you against it, but fuck that guy. I hope you take him to flavortown OP

This is aggravated assault and I hope based fieri files a restraining order before you can get your baby manlet hands near him

I know when and where he's going to be that day. Good luck stopping me.

This is the greatest thing I've ever seen, OP.

Has anyone tweeted the screencap to Fieri?

>Be Guy Fieri
>Oh man I really love to connect with my fans. These guys seem great and enthusiastic. I'm gonna invite them out to be guests on the show! I really hope they like the filming.
>Show up to set
>Go in for a brohug with my fan
>Get punched in the face
But why? This feels like being a dick for no reason.

>He's also forced numerous businesses to close their doors because they can't handle the influx of people that feel the need to "OMG I ATE THERE AND IT WAS ON TV" to their friends.
Actually is this true? If so links?

I work in hospitality and have worked with many ppl whose met/done projects with him and they all seem to say positive things. Apparently he is super kind and down-to-earth and turns on the character for the show. He is great for restaurants because he actually likes to promote good places, and he has said that he will never put a negative review out there unlike other tv food review shows because he couldnt stand the possibility of causing a place to shut down. I hated the idea of him but ive stopped since hearing about him

i'm screen capping this so that if it does happen i can send it to your local authorities and get your cunt wife arrested right along with your hillbilly faggot ass for conspiracy or what ever thing louisville ky calls it.
you really think it's okay to go around being a violent nigger, nigger?
go fuck yourself.

I hope you get sued into 3rd world poverty.

really i oughta just send it to them now so you can both go for conspiracy instead of you hitting him. i think i'll do that, you violent piece of shit.

>Being this buttpained from pasta