Recipe calls for prosciutto

>recipe calls for ingredients
>go to fast food restaurant

>dishes call for washing
>order pizza and let dishes fester for another day

>recipes calls for water
>use my own saliva

>recipe calls for shaoxing wine
>use franzia

>recipe calls for flour
>use flowers
>ends up smelling flowery as fuck

>recipe calls for limes and coriander leaves
>use sweet oranges and parsley
THE ABSOLUTE COOKMAN

>recipe calls for kosher salt
>use bacon

>recipe calls for bacon
>use turkey bacon

>recipe calls for bacon
>use bacon

>recipe calls for tomato ketchup
>use banana ketchup

Not with a pound cake it didn't.

>recipe calls
>don't reply

Top kek

There is nothing wrong with this

>recipe calls for sugar
>use honey

>recipe calls for 425f for 20 minutes
>throw it in the microwave

>tank calls for regular unleaded
>pour diesel

This is like reading allrecipes.com reviews

Recipe calls for cream of tartar
Use tartare sauce

Someone pls post the screencap

>Recipe calls for frozen vegetables
>use fresh, homegrown ones instead

>recipe calls for baking soda
>use corn starch and tartar sauce instead

>recipe calls for 2 1/4 cups of flour
>use 1/2 cup of flour instead

I laughed harder at this than I should have

>American cake recipe calls for a shitton of sugar.
>Use half as much.
>It's still too sweet.

>recipe calls for swiss cheese
>poke holes in some cheddar instead

>recipe calls for salt
>use semen instead

>recipe calls for 7oz of liquid
>use 200ml instead

>recipe calls for sour cream
>use crème fraîche instead

>recipe calls for butter
>use margarine instead

>recipe calls for olive oil
>use sunflower instead

>recipe calls for doing things
>go to bed hungry instead

>Want to make BLT sandwich
>Use prosciutto

>recipe calls for experienced cook
>be ja/ck/ instead

>Recipe calls for baking soda
>Use Grape soda instead.

>mom calls for help
>continue playing videogames in a darkened room

>recipe calls for chopped onion
>use diced onion

that's perfectly fine

>toothbrush calls for toothpaste
>use bacon soap instead, that is, soap for cleaning bacon, not made from bacon fat or scented to smell like bacon

You're not very good at this, user.

kek

shut up, pig, stop policing my posts

You'll do what your told, son.

>recipe calls for milk
>use chocolate milk

>recipe calls for frogs
>use pepes instead

>recipe calls for supporting father figure
>use hormone therapy

Even my toddler ate some!

>recipe calls for 2 cups of flour separated
>use two cups of flour combined

This kills the man.

>recipe calls for sodium chloride.
>Dump some chlorine tablets in.
>Starts to get harder to breath.
>Dump some sodium in.
>House explodes.

>
THE ABSOLUTE MADMAN

>90% 1 Star reviews saying too much of y
>2% 3 star reviews saying this recipe calls for x of y but its best if there's more or less x or y is dropped or substituted
>8% 4/5Star reviews saying the recipe is good if you do what the 3 star reviews suggest
Why not just post a new recipe at that point?

>recipe calls for nestle brand chocolate chips
>use generic off brand chocolate chips

>recipe calls for shallots
>use onion

>recipe calls for M&Ms
>use the bit in the middle of a dishwasher tablet instead

I read that as "balloon"

>recipe calls for a half ladle of pasta water for the sauce
>use cornstarch and water instead

>recipe calls for cilantro
>use parsley instead

>recipe calls for cilantro
>use coriander instead

>recipe calls for big mac
>use mcchicken instead

>recipe calls for leeks
>use green onions instead

>recipe calls for olive oil
>use leftover bacon grease and butter instead
WAKE ME UP

Literally what everyone did before sugar was popularized

>use banana ketchup

Is there such a thing?

'no'
Literally what everyone did was not have any sweetener

>recipe calls for boiling sausages in water
>boil my shit in my piss

>making minute rice
>cook it for 61 seconds

>making morning coffee
>pour it out and snort meth instead

Not only honey. Molasses and maple syrup were often used. It's only recently that our love of "refined" aka, processed to all fuck, has usurped the role of more robust and flavorful sweeteners, through shrewd marketing aimed at gullible women who coincidentally, spend fortunes on fad diets and chemical makeup products.

>recipe calls for pepper
>use chili pepper flakes

>Buy giant bag of sugar for $5
>Lasts months and months and months
>Can be used in everything from baking to regular cooking of any conceivable meal
>or
>Buy small bottle of honey for $8
>Lasts two weeks at most
>Leaves every dish and baked good with overly high tones of the honey itself instead of letting the other ingredients come through
Wah wah go back to the medieval ages, faggot.

you're using too much honey

MODS

And the Oscar for "Most Reptilian Smile" goes to Anna Kendrick!

Feckin' kek

YOU'RE NOT MY REAL DAD YOU KEK FAGGIT

>"""processing""" is inherently bad

>recipe calls for human feces
>use a shredded print of Ja/ck/'s face instead

Apparently yes

pepperexplosion.com/baron-banana-ketchup/?gclid=Cj0KEQjwwoLHBRDD0beVheu3lt0BEiQAvU4CKpY_mNVfUepywVBnYWWKfola7Ok-31OwVIFjYXySlrgaAliY8P8HAQ

...

>recipe says to grease a pan
>don't

>recipe calls for me to kill myself
>go on to live a productive, happy life instead

>recipe calls for olive oil
>Use motor oil.

>recipe calls for a good looking person
>use me instead

>recipe calls for penis
>use spaghetti instead

casual
>recipe calls for 425f for 20 minutes
>microwave for 5 minutes
>slap on frying pan for 1 minute each side

fully cooked, still got that crunchy and slightly burnt outside like it was actually baked

>recipe calls
>ring ring, progresso!

>recipe calls for "best quality stock"
>chef uses regular quality stock instead

>recipe calls for oven
>you dont control me
>halp my stomach hurts

...