How can I read 500 pages a day, like Uncle Joe did?

How can I read 500 pages a day, like Uncle Joe did?

Step One: Get smallpox

is that a real statistic? if so....what the FUCK? is that why his country went to shit and he slowly went insane? cuz he was just spending all his time reading shit.

>stalin sir, we're running out of potatoes and vodka
>mhm, lemme finish this chapter, Levin is mowing grass, and call me crazy, but it's more entertaining than anything else in the book thus far
>b-but sir
>to the gulag.

It's easy if you're a neet and ready easy books

USSNEET

>STALIN SIR THE INFRASTRUCTURE IS COLLAPSING
>yeah well have u read ulysses u fookin plebian pseud dilettante
>Yes but sir thats just a NOVEL a book, surely you can't be basing the lives of millions of people-
>STATELY PLUMP BUCK MULLIGAN

>itt: still peddling american agitprop post-soviet archives

train to be a bishop in some village in Georgia, then spend your 20s being a hooligan and a robber.

>Lord Almighty Stalin?
>I thought I told you to stop calling me that
>I'm so-
>it's fine, only 3 months in the gulag this time, what is it that's so important?
>well, sir, it seems that famine has
>i see, so you're interrupting Pynchon's newest book to come and tell me about fucking CROPS!?
>sir-
>I'LL HAVE YOU KILLED, GUARDS

when did Veeky Forums become so dumb

cmon u fag, livalil

This is actually the best content Veeky Forums has put out in six months.

>>>reddit.com/r/iamverysmart

>Stally?
>Ugh, yes mother, I'm busy reading Women and Men!
>Well, your little friends got together and wanted you to come outside for a party!
>A fucking party? DAMMIT MOM I SAID NO-
>now Stally, don't be so rude to refuse your friends, Guys and Gals can wait
>IT'S WOMEN AND MEN MOM, AND IT'S HIGHLY RECOMMENDED, I'M ONLY ON PAGE 13 RIGHT NOW
>okay dear, come outside now
>Fine... ugh.
Stalin rolls over, releasing his valve before pulling his bedclothes with him into the foyer, gazing out of the small square window at the top of his door. He pulls it open and walks outside, and BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM
>That's what you get for saying Dostoevsky was trash, pleb.

Aw man you must have missed that godly Wittgenstein/Shakespeare/Tolstoy/Orwell thread.
That shit was cash money.

Not to mention that NSFW thread that became a total implosion of pure anarchy, given that everyone knew it was primed for deletion. 4 hours of utter madness I tell you.

By being a lazy ass fuck like all of them commies shit-heads

>500 pages a day
Silly communist.

>able to read 500 pages in an hour
>has literally absorbed the Western Canon
>didn't publish any poetry or novels but railed against the "Schools of Resentment"

Guess that Falstaffian reading style didn't give him shit.

>didn't publish any poetry or novels
Oh no, he did publish one novel. Oh boy.

It's a bad fanfic sequel to some pulpy sci fi. I guess you could also say Stalin was like a bad fanfic sequel to Lenin though. One of my favorite things about the book is the wikipedia article
>Bloom has stated that he does not like the novel and has disowned it, although it has received very positive reviews from other sources.[citation needed]

>Be me
>Be awkward peasant beta in my small Georgian village
>My step father beats me once a week, sometimes more, drinking himself into stupors every other night. I just want to wring his stupid neck in his sleep, even now my hands tremble for the act. My real dad died sometime ago, a quiet cobbler the town barely mourned.
>Sent to monastery to learn when I came of age. The clerics notice my unusual. reading comprehension and razor wit. They still hate me though, especially when I'm such a cunt to them. I spit acidic Russian remarks at them constantly, preening my fedora as I do.
>Go home everyday to see my overloving mother capitulate to step dad's inebriated rule.
>Fuckthis.docx
>Run away from home like a lil bitch
>Decide to join social revolutionaries just for the aesthetic. Mfw I've become full trenchcoat.