Sup Veeky Forums

no, you have to buy the juicer, then you're allowed to order bags (seriously)

youtube.com/watch?v=5lutHF5HhVA

Just squeeze

why does it have wifi?

They tried to learn from the Nespresso mistake where other companies can make cheaper capsules that are compatible with the machine. So they put a qr code on each bag, the machine has to scan it and then authentic it with the company servers, confirming it's an authentic company-issued packet, for it to work.

Btw that's not a theory, they confirmed it in a letter to investors.

why would any reasonable human bring go through all of this hassle, money and corporate overhead just for some fucking juice

Richfags, man. Us rural and suburban plebian retards will never understand their superior ways.

Why the fuck does a $400 glorified straw need fucking wifi and a qr code reader?

Gawd, at first I thought it's a hoax. A really elaborate april fools prank. But it seems like there are real people who really bought and use this. The stupidity is astounding.

youtube.com/watch?v=fWaL1u9VYP8

>reasonable

Your assumption is invalid.

so that you can only use it with authorized $7-$10 juice packets and nothing else.

This story has given me so much delicious schadenfreude juice I love it.

First Bloomberg reports that squeezing their juice bags by hand is literally more efficient than buying their $400 (formerly $700) juicer:
bloomberg.com/news/features/2017-04-19/silicon-valley-s-400-juicer-may-be-feeling-the-squeeze

Then the CEO and marketing arm of the company fail so miserably to justify their product's existence it almost makes you feel bad for them (but instead you laugh even harder):
gizmodo.com/juicero-ceo-begs-you-do-not-open-our-juice-bags-1794507811

No one that invested in this or bought it should be allowed to procreate.

I can't wait till the bombs fall and all the trendy tech startup bobbleheads fucking starve to death because they can't gain authentication with their iPantry because the internet is down and they can't get their fair trade non GMO organic food out of it

cyberpunk af

hahahahahahahahahahahaha

lol I was pronouncing it juice-er-row.

I was like damn that's a stupid name!

Just hold on! Listen to Rich Roll and his views on the Juicero! Did you know he is an athlete?!

youtube.com/watch?v=5I6Y79-yXtw

...

I think the machine was trying to hint to her she's a massive fucking idiot for wasting money on it, and the flashing light is its way of laughing.

>Press: $399* + Free Shipping

>Packs: Starting at $29.99 per weekly 5-Pack bundle

>*Tax not included

Well it's absurdly expensive, and ALSO is exceptionally more wasteful.

Those are benefits, right?

>make juice
>when all it does is squeeze a bag full of juice.

this is fucking retarded. juicing is garbage in the first place, you're getting rid of the fiber. Just buy a blender and some green vegetables and make your own smoothies that aren't just excuses to drink vegetable colored sugar packs for 5x the price.

just because its a luxury item for you doesn't mean its the same for everyone

The comments are disabled because they know that thousands of people are going to say its fucking retarded. Cause it is.

>coffee capsules
>soylent
>fruit and vegetables in a bag

fuck it let's just go straight to chickpea and soybean mush through a tube

I still don't understand why these health nuts, with all their piety, decide that juice is the best way of consuming fruits and vegetables. Is there some benefit to the elimination of fibre I'm not aware of? If not, why not at least drink smoothies? It's less wasteful and better for you.

At that point it's cheaper and easier to buy a bunch if fruit, put them a in a strainer over a bowl and start smashing them with a tenderizer

>LOOKS LIKE IT WAS DESIGNED BY APPLE

>overpriced, useless garbage

Can't say he's wrong!

>Is there some benefit to the elimination of fibre I'm not aware of?

Nope. But smoothies made with a cheap shitty blender have a very unpleasant texture. Not everyone has a blendtec or vitamix (though IMHO they should).

OMG LIKE DUH YOU HAVE TO FIRST GO TO A LOCALLY SOURCED FARMER MARKET TO BUY $50 WORTH OF GREENS AND YOU DIDN'T BRING YOUR TOTE BAG AND WOW BEING A FUNCTIONAL HUMAN BEING IS SO HARD

> $120 million in venture capital funding
Money well spent for a lesson in stupidity aye?

>$400 machine that squeezes a plastic bag
fucking kikes

>I just bought a new juicer
prove it shitposter

Why the fuck is the point of this machine
can't you just go to the market, buy fresh fruits and make juice of them

If you expressive a political opinion online different than the company's, the company will shut it down preventing you from having juice. In the future with smart fridges, stoves, ovens, and cabinets, we will be able to not tolerate intolerant Nazis and starve the to death which is totally ethical according to MSM.

Dr Oz loves it, Gwyneth Paltrow's site named it invention of the year in 2016, A-Trak is a fan, Oprah handed it out and Katy Perry enjoyed it at Coachella, why aren't you juicing with #Juicero?

hilarious, that must be why they want to recycle the packs themselves

its obvious this $100 juicer has $450 worth of security measurements

the coffee maker will live on because other companies can make coffee for it, it just so happens the coffee itself wont be a part of the company's revenue. this thing will flop hard, if they would at least sell the juice itself it would work.

Yeah but this comes in 5 juice pouches delivered to your door for only $30 each week.

And you connect it to wifi so they can police you.

And it can't squeeze the juice if you have no internet connection.

What a great deal.

What a fucking abomination. Hope the company crashes and burns

Is this satire? Seems like on of those adult swim infomercials.

Nope totally legit, company raised $120M and one of the investors was google

My god

Why is it always the jews

Even that smart oven was a better concept

This is exceedingly stupid, but why do keurig machines get a pass?

It's basically just as wasteful and stupid, the only difference is you're allowed to buy coffee capsules without owning the machine.

this has to be a money laundering scheme. No one is this fucking incompetent

This is in no way shape or form luxury. I think whoever are the people buying this junk have more money than common sense.

I hate keurig machines I want to destroy all of them.

Because there not paying me anything like they paid all of those people too like it.

you are the one who fell for a meme my friend

its the hipster tax

Keurigs actually brew coffee and shit. This thing is a glorified vice grip that squeezes a packet and requires an internet connection. And if your packet is one day older than the expiration date, the stupid thing will just refuse to squeeze it.

>And if your packet is one day older than the expiration date, the stupid thing will just refuse to squeeze it.

This just keeps getting more hilarious.

The entire thing is hilarious, and just gets funnier every time. The producers of _Silicon Valley_ are probably kicking themselves that they didn't think of it first.

>luxury

It isn't. It's precisely the sort of thing that people think is luxury, but is not. Anyone with any money just buys their cold press juice at their local juice bar, because what's $10 for a juice every day anyway?

>And if your packet is one day older than the expiration date, the stupid thing will just refuse to squeeze it.
As if that entire shitshow wasn't already comedy enough.

>next video
>"I had to order more packs and set up their app"
Literally DRM juice.

>originally SIX HUNDRED AND NINETY NINE US DOLLARS, now available for the low low price of $399
>comes in a super pretentious Apple-style box
>requires you to download an app, register an account, and scan a QR code from your phone
>you're not even allowed to purchase packets until they can verify you actually own a Juicero
>every packet comes with its own unique QR code and the app tells you exactly which farms all the ingredients came from
>takes up to 2 minutes to fill a glass when you can do it in 20 seconds by hand
>the company expects you to clean out used packets and send them back
The whole thing is mind-boggling. I'm convinced this is some sort of scam to rip off the investors.

How did this get funded? I thought the startup market was very competetive and you needed an amazing concept to get any kind of funding.

>I thought the startup market was very competetive and you needed an amazing concept to get any kind of funding.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Tech bubble + investor's with more money than sense + investor's desperate to invest next unicorn company that blows up + con artists

+ tax writeoffs

I know your post is ironic but all of those you mentioned are subhumans and humanity would be better off with all of them dead.

obviously a money laundering scheme, pol already debunked it

youtube.com/watch?v=CQRTcWQiyGk
>CEO of JEW-a-cero

BUY MY JUICER GOY

youtube.com/watch?v=SXfPL63ayjU
youtube.com/watch?v=Q7r9m-mlIBw

Lmao "it looks like it was designed by apple"

Honestly, it seems like a fine thing for the foodservice industry (upscale convenience stores, hotel breakfast stations, etc) but it's incredibly stupid for home use.

The always-online bullshit is still a dealbreaker. Plus, I'm pretty sure when this thing enters sleep mode or whatever, somebody with the app has to go and re-authorize it. Not to mention $7 per packet is gonna add up quickly if you leave this thing sitting in a hotel breakfast buffet or whatever.

>5$ for a half full glass of juice

You'd think places that provide upscale food service would have better, more efficient means of making juice.

Jew a cero lmao, mfw someone makes a cheaper drm and wifi free machine and sells the packets for $2.50 at Walmart

This is surprisingly somehow worse than that fucking machine that makes one shitty little tortilla at a time from a one-use tortilla pod.

damn that's actually a pretty good deal...

>the issue is that i needed to set up the app and order more packs
its a tragedy when you drag the joke for too long

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO

>literally DRM for your juice

Imagine being btfo by Bloomberg magazine. Like someone at Bloomberg was so incensed by this machine they had to get a bunch of people together and make a video over how inconceivably stupid this machine is.

>make retarded appliance that doesn't need to exist for the juice packets to be used
>this is a luxury
No, motherfucker, a nickel plated Single Action Army with a lavish scroll work and ivory grips is a luxury, this thing can't even justify it's own existence to it's target audience.

Well to put a notch in the column for the shitty tortilla pod thing, they just delayed their orders a full year

I think even a retard can look at this situation and laugh at the Juicero.

Well at least a bunch of warehouse workers, truck drivers and shipping workers got paid for their labor.

And some rich idiots separated from some of their money.

>And if your packet is one day older than the expiration date, the stupid thing will just refuse to squeeze it.

I love that this thing can be undercut by the Chinese for like $50 and produce the exact same results (but faster).

What's the value proposition here? It squeezes a pouch full of juice, saving me the trouble of opening it?

Sometimes you can just get enough hype going with idiots that your shitty idea can take off.

It's when this happens that you get to behold the spectacular crash, and we can all take solace in the fact that, no matter how we fuck up, at least we didn't fund the Juicero.

uuuh it's like cool and web 2.0 and stuff
it's good for the environment brooo

Obviously nobody can chop vegetables and put them in a real juicer without having an autism attack and covering their entire neighborhood in beet juice and carrot peels.

Except those places would have more efficient and economical ways to provide juice for customers.

>$7 per packet
Jesus christ, how much juice do you get for that?

kek but yeah QED this is what I mean. It truly is a useless thing to own given the monotask nature.