Al/ck/ Chub Edition

DUDE ALCOHOL LMAO

hey frick off

More like swallowing a tennis ball sized lump of burning coal. I'm gonna try again when I'm drunk

So is this al/ck/ general, or al/ck/-food?
Sup user. Who are you?

Fuck this shit I am officially done drinking mother fuckers. I was blacked out and woke up naked in my neighbors backyard. I hope he doesn't have cameras set up or I am going to jail.

Damn user. Any idea what you did? Does he have hot daughters per chance?

I feel like if he didn't angrily wake you up or call the cops immediately then you are probably in the clear

Yah, the neighbor has a couple daughters both in high school. I fantasize about fucking one of them all the time. I am so fucking worried that some one saw me senpai. Thinking about killing myself

Your probably right. I am still fucking paranoid right now and filled with shame that I am that much of a pervert.

I got a question for you guys. So beer belly... that's like you're actual stomach is distended right? And it pokes out? Because I don't have that much body fat but I'm definitely getting a beer gut. Just trying to figure out what's causing it. It seems like my stomach is just too large and it's creating the gut effect. I notice too after I eat it does the same thing. Anyone else have this?

I wish this was me. I get wasted and can eat whole pizza. When not drinking I have a normal diet.

What's your question? You drank too much and now you're fat, yes

Holy shit.

No that's the thing. My fat percentage really isn't that high, but my belly kind of sticks out sometimes. Maybe a tummy tuck procedure would fix it.

Post a picture

>I am going to jail.
For what? Having a small cock? It's not illegal to be naked, user.

Thoughts?

As mid range blends go it's one of the better ones. Very similar to famous grouse.

>famous grouse
thats the only scotch i drink.

In america it is highly illegal to be naked.
Church zone, school zone, kids within a thousand feet. You'll end up in jail for 10 years with 5 years of house arrest afterwards and you'll be considered a convicted child molester, becoming unemployable for life.

It is a good idea to wear clothes here. No, I am not making this up. You get felony sex crime charges if there are children anywhere nearby.

>When not drinking
Well there's you're problem.

Another 2.5 weeks on IV, possibly all in hospital. Fuck.

What's wrong user?

I've been in hosp 4 times in the last 12 months. All for detox. I'm that time I've seen such revolting shit that I've developed a phobia of diseases. Good Christ I've seen some repugnant shit. I can't even go on /b/ any more because they sometimes post images of disease, and if I see it I'll be vomiting for literally months thinking about it. Last time I woke up in hosp, I almost jumped out of a window to escape, but was restrained and put in my own room. I had to pretend to be going to the gift shop, and fucking ran while their guard was down. Left all my shit, my phone, wallet, even my clothes. I just ran in my hospital gown out of the main entrance, walked 6 miles home and gulped Smirnoff like fucking never before. I hid under my duvet and got drunk, then hid in my shed when I thought they were gonna raid me under the mental health act.
Still to this day can't seek pro med help because of that shit. Wouldn't want it anyway. Ever seen an old man have pus drained from his lungs, then a fucking moron doctor trip over the drainage container and spray it all over the ward? Or watched a young dude come in fucking CRUSHED after a RTA and die in the middle of the night 10 feet away from you? How about seeing a leg so infected it was three times it's normal size and literally seeping yellow shit?

Ever experience this shot while in withdrawal, with a nervous system on fucking afterburner mode?

I do not do hospitals.

>chug

my sister once had to go to the hospital, they gave her like 4 bags but was only in for the day
what the hell did you do?

Ugh, typos. Sorry, Siri is a cunt.

Found a free bottle of booze yesterday, drank it down. There goes my ten days, gonna start over tomorrow.

Damn. Hope you don't end up there again.

What is it exactly about hospitals that makes them think they have the right to forcibly detain you to your bed against your will?

Doctors skeeve me the fuck out because they have no regard for personal autonomy.

mssa infection they give me IV antibiotics for four weeks after my blood cultures come back negative
Been here since the eighth

yo man hope youre doing well youre still my drinking idol
drinking some smirnoff in your honor

Thank you user. I'm doing pretty well as things go. I hope you are too and I hope that one day the survivors among us will hook up for a pint of something innocent. Be careful out there bruh.

Is there anyway to pour from a new liquor bottle without getting the GLUG GLUG GLUG sound? Need to do a stealth pour right now but it's loud as fuck

take off that white thing on the top

regretting not buying gin with my last £20, beer and cider don't cut it any more

all I want to eat when i'm shitfaced is rice, fried eggs, and rare steak.

there wasn't one to begin with. I think it's just some weird bottle geometry that makes the noise unavoidable.

Was 3 days sober. Went to a ready last night but didn't over do it. Had 3 shots and a vodka with cranberry. Happy that i didn't drink a lot and remember the night but I feel disappointed. Gonna go buy me a 4 loko probably and start drinking. For the rest of the day. Always tomorrow right?

its like the boot in beerfest
always gonna be that bubble

Tip the glass a lot and pour very slowly.

As liquid exits, air goes in. It's simple physics. Unless you poor e x t r e m e l y slowly, you can't avoid it

>take al/ pic
>load into Illustrator
>show vectors
>expand chubb

well done user.
captcha: keramiken gayland

Going to be making chili for dinner and want to use beer in the recipe. Not really sure what kind of beer to use, any help?

Going fine until i got a free sample of bud light with my shopping. I then got some nastro followed by 18 cans of Stella and went back and got 10 more and a bottle of wine.

Wasn't a problem with weight but I'm on light duties and packing a little gut now.

I

rolling rock

Girls are so lovely.

Would any girl on here like to cuddle me?
:(
I would enjoy it very much.

Thought not.

Girls are still lovely.

You might be able to use a straw or something stuck in the bottle to equalize the air pressure

Stop being so cringy user.

If ale and women are your thing just go to a bar/pub and latch onto a mess. I have fucked so many women this way.

t. a married guy with 4 kids.

Gotta start doing some cardio my dude

This is nothing; I once got kicked out of a nightclub for running on stage during a wet T-shirt competition and got my little dick out in front of hundreds. Once outside I went to a chippy (I’m a Brit) and climbed onto the till area and tried to piss on the customers.

I don't remember any of it but my Girlfriend at the time told me and dumped me for this
.

I have a hernia. I work on mobile/small drilling rigs and some of that shit is heavy.

I'm having an operation soon so after a month or two i should be back in action and losing weight like a vegan.

wish i could get a job like that

What country you from?

I poured some rum into a glass then topped it off with porter. I drank it, but it was honestly pretty gross.

I don't know why, but I get the worst drunk munchies when I am smashed. I'll black out and wake up to a bunch of plates of half eaten shit I made in a drunk stupor.

canada

Exploratory Drilling has been at a low in recent years but in 2-3 years it’s going to pick back up.

Australia, Canada, Central Asia, West Africa and China are the places to be.

If you have any beans a 2 year degree in geology or civil engineering (a wider field) will set you for the future.

If you're a mong, drilling technician will earn you at least £70,000, that's at least a billion Canadian $.

How did you get the infection?

Who gets picked up by some married guy with baggage?

Well this is Veeky Forums so post that shit alki user.

I don't do it anymore as family but when i was single i'd just go into a pub and talk to any woman drinking.

You just listen to her and her friends and agree with everything, as long as have some decent clothes and a good hair-doo you will get something even if you're ugly.

fix your posture, fix your pelvic tilt

Maybe a bit of training.

>be me
>be american
>gut
>have plastic surgery
>that's how you lose weight, son.

Really?

>dave letterman flirted with sandra bernhard
fuck I'm so hard right now

>Two 17yo and 18yo kids were sexting. Their parents knew about the relationship and were OK with it.
>17yo was sent 15 years in jail for production and distribution of child pornography. The 18yo only 2 or 3 years for sending porn to a minor.
>When asked why, the judge said it was to protect them

I'm sure kids will like being protected in jail with Bob the child molester and his friend Jamal the cannibal.

Pissing in a bush after making sure there are nobody nearby gets you on the list of sex criminals too.

Try pouring while holding a straw in the neck, to have a way for air to go in as liquid flows out.

Probably why it's not already a known cocktail.

Is this a joke?

In Euroland the concent is 14-16 depending on the country, not saying you have to fuck a child.

Knobbed my first at 14 and she was 15, am i a pedo in america?

Impossible to tell, possibly something to do with my left nut swelling up to the size of a golf ball

>not having golf sized balls anyway

Micro genitals.

>gf dumped me for exposing yourself on stage at wet t-shirt contest and later trying to pee on customers at a ship shop

fuck that cunt. you don't need her lad.

They were allowed to fuck when both 16-17. 17-18 was borderline (I think it's tolerated since not apparently abuse, but the judge can decide to be an asshole. Depends on state for details.)
Pornography production is different from fucking. There is no age of consent nor any excuses. Child porn is the worst crime ever for many.

Also, depends on state for 14-15.

pour it straight into your mouth of course

The fuck are you on about, really what the fuck are you talking about. 16 to 17 dodgy but 17 to 18 illegal. Something about cheese pizza and then it's ok to fuck at 14.

What fucking country is this and have you been taking LSD

Right there with you mang.

1 month and 2 days sober. when does the anxiety go away? never? haha ok kill me

Mine really dropped after 3 months. A year and it's 10x better. Sleep also went to normal after a few months

oh. kinda just feel like drinking again then honestly

Well, you know where that road leads

To Fucking Awesome places, ignore that faggot.

anyone else feel like their body is shutting down?

The world is on the brink of nuclear war and your bothered how you behave. Punch your mother in the face, shit on a cat and spit on your neighbours before it's to late.

youtube.com/watch?v=LYhR8P_dyXg

meant for

Im surfing the wave. Most of my time I only drink a bottle of wine a night but on nights like tonight I just get into a 'fuckit' mood. Seeing my ex for the first time in two months tomorrow. Nothing makes sense. I'm enjoying myself right now. Fuck it.

you're not over her though.

of course I'm not, I know that. I think about her every day.

are you not over someone too?

>tfw name is Brian
>all I ate today was beer and a potato
>I'm literally a potato nigger
Fuck. Oh well.

I drive....

Thanks for the water.

fuck you brian ya wee betch

No. I only stay with her because i love my children.

youtube.com/watch?v=pN-GZLVA-z0

>i luv her

the girl I'm in love with doesn't want kids but kids is the one thing (after her) that I want

feels conflicted bro

Leave then, the longer you stay the harder it gets. If she don't want kids she's a selfish cunt and humanity is happy she ended her pool.

youtube.com/watch?v=uvntuZzXcAM