If you're going to post, critique at least one work. That way, everyone wins. Enough of this no-response free-for-all; it's not a gallery.
How sweet it is to like. How profound, pathetic, to abase yourself in love, forget decay and cry for life that comes. Your tears decompose the dead with vigour. Worms writhe in skulls and lichen coats their bones. You are their antithesis. Their epigone. Even so, there is no precedent for this, the thing you feel. Imitations gone before, timid ghosts, stumbled in their tracks and died unnamed. You never reach their heights or lows, but on your night the perfect circle closes. With birthday candle wax your fate is sealed.
"Every stool was looser than the one before, and smelled fouler. By the time the moon came up she was shitting brown water. The more she drank the more she shat but the more she shat, the thirstier she grew"
Robert Hernandez
hey like not to get ahead of myself but that seems like it could be on a hbo show :>)
Leo Hill
Doesn't rhyme and I don't really feel a rhythm from the words. It's also structurally disjointed and truthfully thematically weak.
Caleb Wood
Grey stood at attention among the sparse crowd of downcast eyes. A breeze cooled by the morning dew prickled the back of his neck. It wasn't often he found the time to enjoy Elysian weather. Today was no exception.
The hollow words of the local holy man were of disinterest to Grey and to the family of Scott, he presumed. His friend had once explained his dislike of organized religion during one of their late night philosophy sessions. The memories of relaxing on Scott's bed while his crewmate leaned on his workstation and rambled away suddenly returned the massive knot to Grey's throat.
He blinked the memories away and studied the family's faces. The father had darker hair and grim face; signs of growing up in the Outer Rim. Scott's mother had kind features, ones of familiarity. She lifted her eyes from her son's casket and met Grey's, causing him to hastily cast his glance elsewhere.
As the parents approached to give their last goodbyes, he noticed Scott's brother was absent. He pondered the reason until visitors started clearing out, then made his way across the site to where he'd last seen Madeline.
He was suddenly hailed from his back left. It was Scott's father, his wife not far behind. Up close he noticed the softness in the man's eyes. An exchange of condolences led to a handshake.
The mother approached, her tears still fresh. She thanked him for his service then for being a friend to Scott. It surprised Grey how much the woman knew of their time together. A tinge of guilt settled in and he made to excuse himself.
The mother unexpectedly embraced Grey, her warmth soothing the knot. Tears encroached and he held her close, swearing that she was nuzzling against him.
Grey was suddenly hyperaware of every curvature of the woman's body. Her rhythmic breathing and warm, almost hot now, center roused him. he blinked away the images and excused himself, unable to meet the eyes of either parent before half-jogging away.
>Every stool was looser than the one before, and smelled fouler I actually really liked this line although most pseuds here would probably find it cliche or "cringe". I didn't like the fecal material tho
David Richardson
>>Every stool was looser than the one before, and smelled fouler I actually really liked this line although most pseuds here would probably find it cliche or "cringe". I didn't like the fecal material tho
He didn't write it , it's from GOT
Dominic Ward
>He didn't write it , it's from GOT the form has been done many a time
Jace Collins
I'm assuming this is sci-fi or something along those lines ? In which cause it's really far too verbose for the genre
Nathan Price
>In which cause it's really far too verbose for the genre Yes its sci-fi. Is being verbose a bad thing? Like, I should scale back the details?
Gabriel Morales
Not excactly overall it's good like
>The father had darker hair and grim face; signs of growing up in the Outer Rim. Scott's mother had kind features, ones of familiarity. She lifted her eyes from her son's casket and met Grey's, causing him to hastily cast his glance elsewhere.
