Can someone help me like Coffee?

I do need caffeine to function. I work a boring office job and have been falling asleep at my desk for the past few weeks.

I'll try the independent coffee stuff, I watched a documentary on how to brew and stuff which is why I'm interested. A nice nutty coffee seems way better than the piss and kerosene I've had in the past. Doesn't help being Canadian everyone just tells me to man up and get a double double from tim Hortons

>Everything I've tried tastes like ground up dirt and sewage, but I've only ever tried fast food chains and instant stuff at home.
So go to a decent coffee place, did that really not occur to you?

I've tried that too, but even some cafés around here just serve instant maxwell shit.

You're probably averse to spending $60 on coffee making equipment, but I'd buy a kettle, a grinder, a french press and the most expensive whole bean coffee bag you can get for $12 in your area.
If you don't like black coffee, try it with half and half and slowly wean yourself off it until you can acquire a taste for unsweetened coffee.

A lot of the fun in coffee is simply experimenting with grind size, brew times, water temperature, etc.
Play with all the variables, try different coffees from different sources and see what you like the most.
I get my coffee from costco, and they've had the most consistent quality in coffee, supermarket coffee brands are trash and microroaster stuff like happymug is not to be trusted.

I find that hard to believe

>parents remember me mentioning something about wanting an electric bean grinder
>they give me one for my birthday
>it's a blade grinder
Guess I'm stuck with my manual burr grinder. What can I do with this blade one? Can I use it to grind almonds or something?

use it for coffee you dumb elitist shitstain

I found a good, small cafe nearby that sources all the coffee so you know where it came from(it's also fair-trade/bio/buzzwords that i give 0 shits about) and they roast it themselves every morning. Imho that's the best way to get good coffee, you can go in, smell the coffee, try it out, then buy the one you like. The downside is that it can be 2-3 times more expensive than supermarket coffee.

Also, if you do want to drink good coffee, get a grinder. When ground, coffee goes stale very fast, and when it's good coffee you can actually taste the difference, so you only want to grind it before you make it.

I like to use a moka pot to make coffee because it's practical and fast. French press works just as well and makes a bit milder coffee which is probably what you want. Both are cheap.

Just drink loose leaf tea. There are more kinds of tea then there are coffee. The caffeine is more subtle as well and doesnt hit you over the head. True patrician status.

Grind whole spices as needed.

butter

I'll take your bait. Tea has caffein in it, some have close to as much as coffee dumbfuck

go to peets coffee and get a plan cup of whatever is not frenh roast. add a little half and half, just enough to cut the sour/bitter a bit. thats it. thats coffee. all else is garbage.

I have tried almost every mate blend of tea you can find at Davids tea. It's just not enough to keep me awake.

Got a kettle
Got a French press
I know I can get a grinder for pretty cheap, and if I don't like coffee I can clean it for spices.

I will try this.

How about going to fucking bed earlier.

I get 10 hours sleep already.

Start with the pussy shit, like sweet espresso drinks, then go to cafe au lait, then to coffee.

Use for your weed.

There might be something wrong with you.

Where the fuck do you live? Alaska?

St John's, Newfoundland.
Almost like Alaska since we are on an island frozen for most of the year.

try exercising or having sex or getting a decent hobby or something

your average cup of coffee has 2-3 times the caffeine content of your average cup of black tea

find a good local coffee shop and start with lattes, ask your coworkers they might have a suggestion - or they might tell you to go to tim horton's like you said, idk I'm australian

Making good coffee can be pretty tricky, you can get a whole range of bad flavours from burnt and bitter to super acid, almost like lemon rind. Old shitty equipment or a grind too fine can leave bits of ground in the shot after extraction which makes it feel and taste kinda muddy. So keep trying different places until you find a good one, there's a lot of garbage out there.

If you want to make it at home there's heaps of equipment you can get depending on what you want your setup to be. Good fresh beans are essential though. I drink shitty instant nescafe blend 43 at home because it's cheap and I grew up with it.

t. barista

Grinders are for tards. Stop putting seeds and stems in the things and fucking up the weed, guys.

10 hrs may be too much. oversleeping can be as bad as undersleeping. may have some good points.

But this is a coffee thread, so fuck those guys

Well, just order a drip brewer and some filters, some peets ground coffee and make it. If it's too strong, cut with sugar and milk. If that's too much for you still, just ice the coffee and add milk. The ice will water it down. Use whole milk. It might seem like a lot to buy a coffee maker, but instant coffee is pretty much absolute trash. If you drink coffee that is even remotely good a few times you will probably start to like it even if you don't at first.

I find black tea to be far stronger than any coffee I've had. Orange pekoe and black is a little easier but still strong. Maybe it's just the brands I buy, which are not brands at all.

Tea caffeine absolutely works differently, probably more easily absorbed.

Are you a mong? Grinding the bud with a hand grinder doesn't break stems, so what you get is finer bud that burns more completely. You pick the stems out after. I guess using a bladed coffee grinder would probably pulverize the stems though.

you might brew it in a certain way, I was referring to a study I saw a while back about the actual caffeine content

I totally agree with you on them working differently though. Tea is calming, coffee is not

No I just have fucking stupid friends with metal grinders that literally get confused when their weed tastes like shit and gives them a migraine that lasts for 12 hours.
I'll use my hands, thanks.

Yup coffee has more. I have symptom reversal so it works differently here, coffee calms me down but also makes me hypertense. Tea gets me on edge, tightened up and overcaffeinated. Both make me extremely nauseous if drunk unsweetened.
I'm out of sugar and suffering through drip brew tea with ice in it, have to stave off withdraw for a couple days yet.

you sound pretty messed up user. stay safe baby girl
>mfw thinking about you hurting

It's lupus. Everything is weird to me.

When you first start making it, drown it in cream/sugar. Get some french vanilla coffee mate or something like that and an artificial sweetener. If you add enough, it will taste like french vanilla cream with a mild coffee flavor. Then start cutting back on the cream, but leave the sweetener. If it takes 5 tablespoons of cream and two sugars, make your next cup 4 tablespoons and two sugars. Do that for three or four days. Then do 3 tablespoons. Then two. Then just a splash. Then a splash but only one sugar.

You get the idea. I had to go through that whole process because I fell for the starbucks mocha meme and had to ween myself into black coffee.

PS Coffee mate is obviously loaded with fat/sugar, so know you're drinking a ton of liquid calories until you cut it down to a reasonable level.

>buying mate from davids tea
you probably prepared it like tea too, huh?
no wonder it didn't keep you awake

How was I supposed to prepare it then?

1. buy yerba mate from a packaged south-american brand (much cheaper than davids tea and probably better quality)
2. buy bombilla (drinking staw, usually made from stainless steel)
3. fill a teacup to half (yes, you heard me right) with yerba mate
4. apply 70-80 degrees celsius water
5. steep multiple times like you would gong-fu (generally up to 10)
If this doesn't stimulate I don't know what will

How the fuck do you steep multiple times? Just throw it out and put in more?

no, you steep the same stuff you steeped last time
how do you not know this? you know green tea can be steeped several times too? with some varieties the second steeping is actually even better than the first
visit the tea general sometime

You can reuse the leaves multiple times for multiple cups of tea?

yes, though it doesn't work too well with shitty tea

find a local cafe, they should have recently-roasted (within a week hopefully) beans labeled by country/farm, and have them offered freshly brewed as a pourover
ask the barista what their favorite of the beans is, and get one of those

Force yourself to drink black until you no longer find it completely disgusting and then you can actually tell if a cup of coffee tastes good or not. I had to drink straight instant coffee for almost a year due to time reasons and I couldn't go back to cream and sugar afterwards.

Of course you're tired then, retard. I bet you're fat too.

REEEEEEEEEEE
>buy those small packets of instant coffee
>they never have instructions

how much am i supposed to put into one cup?
all of it? half? one third?
there's no instructions like:
100% for 500ml cup
50% for 250ml cup or shit like that
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

>Can someone help me like Coffee?
If you like to have ugly yellow teeth go ahead and start drinking coffee.
I just give up that shit and feel much better,and no more yellow teeth.
FUCK COFFEE!
OVERRATED CRAP

wat
Add sugar or you'll get nauseous. And "forcing" yourself to drink black is not a thing, it's how normal people drink their coffee, black with sugar.
And why the fuck did you drink unsweetened instant coffee? You're not in jail, sugar is not money, you can get ground coffee in the real world.

>due to time reasons
>You're not in jail,
of course he was

I thought he might be.
People only drink Keefe without sugar in jail anyways.

>People only drink Keefe without sugar in jail anyways.
or if they are poor and have no money to buy sugar