What are your secrets to cooking a perfect turkey?

This, dumbass.

>how do I wah wah wah wah wah
Seriously.

Brining is a PITA but it does help. Don't stuff the turkey with stuffing (loosely stuff w onions/celery/shallots). Use a real roasting pan with a real rack. Don't bother basting. It's hard to screw up a roast turkey. Rub it with olive oil, sprinkle it with kosher salt, cook it @ maybe 325 until it's done... that's about it.

This makes far too much sense.

Buy fresh turkey, brine it, cut out the back and breast bone, season, then smoke and grill it to finish.

Frying is also accessable, but a bit bland.

Himitsu da

Brine it for as long as you possibly can, up to 3 days (changing the brining water every day).

Also, herbed butter.
>Melt down a fuckton of butter, like 2 sticks, in a saucepan with all your herbs and spices that you will use on your turkey, excluding salt and black pepper (I use thyme, rosemary, sage, smoked paprika, and garlic)
>cook melted butter with herbs/spices for about 5-10 minutes on very low heat, don't boil it or brown it, stir constantly
>pour the melted herby butter into a plastic zip bag and put in the fridge, it will harden into a stick of butter again
>when you're ready with the turkey, push pats of herbed butter up under the skin all over the turkey - especially loads of it under the skin of the breasts

After all this
>rub turkey in salt + black pepper, generously
>roast turkey breast side down and covered in foil for the first 1/3 of the roasting time
>flip turkey over and roast breast side up and covered in foil for the middle 1/3 of roasting time
>remove foil and roast turkey last 1/3 of time uncovered

Crispy skin, juicy flavorful meat. I make cranberry whole grain mustard stuffing with red wine and mushrooms and stuff the turkey with that, carrots, onions, and celery.

Butter under the skin, cover the breast in bacon.
Sounds dry

>Butter under the skin, cover the breast in bacon.
M-Mom????? Is that y-y-you????

YOu've got to debone that son of a bitch and then tie it up. Extra points for brining beforehand.

I remember Gordon Ramsey saying you should always rest the turkey for the same amount of time you cook it

Spatchcock that bitch.

Brine it.

Smoke it.

>a baby turkey
you mean an egg?
do turkeys lay eggs?

Turkey's are mammals.

So... 6+ hours?

No! Put it in a clay pot and put it in the sun for 8 hours. Pour salt in the pot and leave it covered with damp towels I'm your cellar for minimum 1 month. Open the pot, pour out any liquid. Lay out the turkey in the sun uncovered and out of the pot for 2 hours.

>Butter under the skin, cover the breast in bacon

This. I ain't no cook, but I watched a Gordon Ramsay video where he does this. Made my turkeys like this ever since. Usually do a bacon lattice over the top of the bird. Ends up beautiful. A lemon inside the cavity is good too, steams it inside.

i ate at one of ramseys joints. once.
will never ever go back. he is a total fraud

brine, inject with cajun butter and cover in chachere's cajun bullshit and deep fry in peanut oil
Pic related

That looks like a headless dog begging for a treat.

Barding it.

The butter just fucks off fairly early, imo. Bacon (or lardon) under the skin of the breast stays put, and gives the most reliable slow-release fat baste.

You know, it really does

Turkey going in.

What? No way

>tfw fell for his meme