Dumb shit you've seen

A guy my parent's friend knew in college tried making grilled cheese by grilling a slice of cheese then sliding it onto bread

not as depressing as being 30 with a roommate

>roommate roleplays on the internet as a crab cooking shrimp

NO

oh my lord

top lel

HIP HIP HOORAY!

ebin, truly ebin

wew

Heh

shouldn't it be a shrimp cooking crab?

>roomate
Nice try I know you are really crab user

audible kek

Aw yy grandma calls the fillet-o-fish that because shes losing her memory. I love her. She used to be a caterer before granddad died. Best food ive ever had

My brother in law hates leftovers and is picky af. Then he complains that food is expensive. They spend $800 a month on food for two

Friend of mine is kinda disgusting. I only ever see him eat out or takeaway. Seen him make food twice in like 2 years. Has dishes in his sink that are 4+ months old. Literally has mold growing on them, refuses to clean. House smells like rotting food, but he denies it because of nose blind...

Feel bad for him, so I always make extra and make him a plate, or bring him something I've made. He always says it's delicious, but eats it without taking a breath...

Made chocolate pudding and brought him some. He ate half in two bites within 2 seconds of me handing it to him. He's eats like a dog that hasn't eaten in a week. Holds his soon/fork steam shovel style.

I said "hey man, slow down, enjoy it". He gets pissy at me because he wants to eat the way he wants to. Yah ok, that's legit. But I'll be fucked if im bringing him any more of my food.

If I spend 4 hours making something, it's disrespectful af to shovel it down without breathing...

>Be me
>have a degree in food production management
>decide to cook something for a friend who hangs out at my place
>made risotto with a proper method
>taste good
>served it on the table
>that dumbass immeadiately pour hot sauce all over the dish and shovel it down like a pig.

I never cook for him again.

Dude, you're a nice person.

Sounds like you know my strife.

He's a good guy, but he's a 14 year old in a 24 year olds body... Plus I don't like smoking in my apartment, and his is a block over. So I'll go over his house and use it to get blasted. The smell of weed is an improvement for the normal smell...

is he depressed?

not that guy but yeah hes depressed as fuck

Yah, very. It's why I try to help him out so much. It's hard, because I've been there. But im getting at the end of my rope.

I try my best to help him, and give him a hand. The reason I know it's been 4 months since doing his dishes, is because I did them last for him.

He knows my rule though, if he wants me over, my spot on the couch and that coffee table needs to be clean and trash free. It works most of the time.

He's also going to grad school.

i wish him the best. thanks for being a good friend

He's kinda in a circle of depression atm.

He's depressed because his house is a mess, and because he's failing at his grades, and none of his friends want to come over any more (even had a friend over that literally said "it smells in here, can we go somewhere else?")

Which makes him depressed. So hes too depressed to clean, or study, which then perpetuates the issue. He usually just watches tv, plays video games, and smokes weed.

I used to help clean his apartment, but stopped when he made no effort to help, or to help keep it clean.

I try to offer to help him study, but hes too self conscious about it.

I try my best to give him a pep talk, when I see he's really down.

He's lucky to have a friend like you user

added salt is the number one cause of heart disease in our diets

your dad is doing you a favor

>roommate's girlfriend uses a metal fork and knife to cut food while it's cooking in a skillet
>asked her once why she doesn't just cut the food before she puts it in the skillet, try to explain that she's ruining all the pans (which are hers anyway, I keep mine in storage)
>she says if you cut food on a cutting board then try to transfer it to a pan, you lose all the flavor
>she starts leaving passive aggressive notes all over the house criticizing my cooking
>every dish she makes is just some meat with bacon, cheese, and ranch all cooked together

I post about her on Veeky Forums a lot.

This shit is why I'm grateful that I live by myself. I only make enough for the meal I'm cooking or for a future meal that I've planned ahead for. Nothing is worse than old food.

To be fair. All food is just a vessel to get ranch into your body

> (OP)
>>roommate roleplays on the internet as a crab cooking shrimp
WEWLAD

just start leaving notes back

My dad has the opposite problem
>onions and garlic go in everything even if they shouldn't.
>if a recipe calls for one onion it gets 3
>if a recipe wants half a clove of garlic it gets 2 cloves and 3 heaping tablespoons of minced garlic
>everything also needs to be browned
>everything
>overcooks things to brown them and they get dried out or overdone

His most recent mistake was making jambalaya, and after cooking down the meats in the pot he wanted to brown them. Instead of removing them from the pot to keep the juice they made for the stock and the rice to absorb and browning them in another pan, he decided to boil out all the juice first and then "brown" the meat. Even he didnt like that pot because it was so dry

As a fatass I can tell you that a heaping mouthful of food feels much better to eat than proper portions sometimes. I don't do my whole meals like that, but usually the first and last bites are huge and satisfying. Also gushing a giant spoonful of cold pudding in your mouth is pure bliss but I wouldn't do that more than once in a moon since I like to savor pudding and eat every fucking bit of it.

and then user ends up stealing roommate's girl.

I have read this in a previous thread. What do the notes say?

>roommate

Why was the hotsauce on the table when you were having risotto?

My friend put raw mince beef on a rice bed in an oven pan and covered it in beef stock

I dunno how it tasted but he said it turned out decent

simply ebin

I honestly rather eat well tasting food and die early than the other way around. Fuck, I love salt.

>mfw

>onions and garlic go in everything even if they shouldn't
>implying there's anything wrong with this
The dish that's not improved by adding onion in some way is not yet invented.

...

You're probably just the dude from the cap, but I'll post anyway.

The problem, is he's kinda an asshole desu. He's very much a "nice guy". I figured it was just due to stress from grad school, but the longer I know him, often the less I care to.

that would only be right if you said shrimp-cooking crab

Epicc

you described someone i know.
lazy as hell, never ever cleans anything including his own clothes, never cooks, only eats fast food, smokes weed literally every waking hour. The habit is so serious he probably spends 500 a month on weed. Doesnt have any friends left, his room is an episode of Hoarders, he smells, fucked up teeth because I guess he didnt think you have to brush your teeth, never had a girlfriend, in fact ive never seen him with a girl at all. It just goes on. His car is an episode of Hoarders too, like any possible way to be a fuck up, he does it.
Its made me see how this level of depression is so hard to break, there is no amount of shaming or pep talks that could make him fix himself at all, it would take a major intervention and a no fucking around, actual inpatient rehab to get these extreme high level losers to do anything besides smoke weed and sit there.

I have a small tray on the dining table where I put different kind of sauce from Reggae Reggea Sauce to sweet soy sauce

Unfortunately, him to a T.

>French onion soup
>Boils an onion in water

File names user.
Same cam.

we b-both have androids

EBIN THREAD

b8

thanks but then he should've written a shrimp, cooking crab. (with the comma)

am I right?

fukkin saved

Not even joking its what he told me before asking for help on how to make soup. Nigga is hopeless.

whoa

making scrambled eggs like this

How's the screencap?

Its good m8

>05/08/17

Why do amerilards think this is the correct format for the date?

Why does every faggot outside of the U.S. think that their opinions matter on anonymous imageboards?

Go to craft brewery/bar with dad

>can I get a half amber half IPA (in the same glass) and a pint glass of room temperature water from the tap

I'm not even a /craftbeerfag/ but god dammit dad, you fucking embarrassing faggot

>mom is cooking meat
>watching her because i love learning how she makes that good good food
>mom takes the cooked meat out
>puts the fucking cooked meat right on the same plate as the raw

>that one guy that salts his food before even tasting it

fuck them

>05/08/17
May 8th
>08/05/2017
8th of May

Both are fine and read well. What a stupid thing to shitpost about.

Don't you understand that to you it reads
>May 8th
But to normal people it reads
>5th of august

That's why day/month/year should be a standard, to avoid confusion. Shit, almost every other civilized country uses d/m/y. Then again America still uses brain dead units for weight, length, volume etc.

This picture always makes me mad.

The original are snow crab legs, like fucking obviously, then he's using a kind crab leg in the next photo.

It's bullshit and my autism will not have it.

Steam them you fucking shitbag REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Well, if it eases your autism, the reply is obviously someone else demonstrating to OP that you can use a crab leg to cook food, not actually OP doing it.

>Ask Dad to try recipe
>Follows every direction wrong. Overcooks, cuts large chunks when small is needed, undercooks, doesn't marinate, omits ingredients, doesn't add seasonings, doubles cook time, etc.
>"user, this dish sucks, I knew we shouldn't have tried it!"
>Meat can never be seared in a hot pan. It must be dumped in cold and let it slowly warm up in the pan, leading it to just being boiled pretty much
>Dad goes on about some "It's the customers choice user! You should learn how to cook for other people's taste" which is just code to make everything bland and boring
>Er, let's make some fried rice I guess with some teriyaki chicken.
>No marinating user! No sauces user! Just plain rice! user, don't heat up that pan! Low heat only.
>Dad cuts chicken open and it's perfectly white, he get's up and throws it back in the pan because it had just the smallest amount of juice left when he pushed down on it with his finger
>Presses it down until it's almost burnt then puts it back on his plate

>Beefstew is my brother's "Signature Dish" that my parents love to make during holidays
>It's just cut pieces of cheap beef boiled in water with random vegatables cut up in a "Fuck it" fashion

Salmonella is delicious

...

...

its 2 different people you moron. like what said.

the second picture is in reply to the snow crab legs. did you not read the text in the second picture? its a dead giveaway.

I dont think you have autism, youre just retarded and cant read

I'll give you that. I hadn't thought of it that way. But I imagine context would help you out with that in many situations.

As far as imperial/metric, I do think that metric holds more weight but in the context of cooking you can make shit just fine using cups. It just depends on what you're trying to accomplish.

>tfw my family is full of great cooks
I've learned so much from them.

ppl like this should honestly just off themselves.

Someone had been shit posting with that generic snow crab image off google. Pretty sure that was thinly veiled /tv/ shit.

>The dish that's not improved by adding onion in some way is not yet invented.

rice pudding

>Sunray

What kind of brand is that even....the cheapest shit I've seen is Hotpoint

It's good for your immune system

Moms know

> Not eating rice pudding with sugary caramelized onions

idk it's pretty fucking shitty and not level which is incredibly annoying but it gets the job done.

>ordered a medium rare steak at the age of 7
>mother's friend tells them well done
>i saw on a cooking show that it was better
>steak tasted like the skin of a shark

Top kek

>mom's idea of cooking is to take some meat and put it in the oven, no prep work
>when it comes out of the oven you eat it as is with a dipping sauce from the fridge
>and deep fry frozen french fries for a side

kekaroni and cheese

it's a little sad how obsessed you are

im a grill btw